Homecoming

– Chapter 3 –

Kiss It Better

Man, fuck yo pride
Just take it on back, boy, take it on back, boy
Take it back all night
Just take it on back, take it on back
Mmm, do what cha gotta do, keep me up all night
Hurtin' vibe, man, it hurts inside when I look you in yo eye

Sakura watched the ANBU guards with the monkey, dog, and cat masks randomly searched through her pack. She didn't know what she had expected when she went to visit Sasuke after Naruto told her Sasuke wanted her help with something, but she wasn't expecting this.

"Teach me how to heal," he practically demanded of her. She gave him a blank look of confusion. "Please," he added belatedly, thinking that she may have been offended by his previous statement.

After another ten seconds of staring at him, she finally responded. "Heal…as in you want me to teach you medical ninjutsu?"

He nodded. "Okay," she told him, "but it's not as simple as I show you and you whip out your Sharingan. There's a lot of basics to cover: evolutionary biology, genetics, chemistry, physics, biochemistry, anatomy, common diseases and syndromes, first aid, chakra control…"

He nodded again. "It's not like I'm going anywhere, and I have plenty of time."

She gave him a look. "To study on my own," he amended. "Until you have time to demonstrate and provide more guidance."

And now, here she was. Why was she humoring her ex-teammate's request? Who knew, but she was. At moments like this, she cursed her weak heart. She was skeptical of his intentions, yet here she was, bending over backwards to fulfil the first request he made of her. Then again, he'd asked (well, more like demanded) for her help, so maybe he really was changing. Maybe she should give him the benefit of the doubt the way Naruto had?

She sighed to herself. Her life should be about her: her needs, her wants, her sense of fulfilment. Not Naruto's, not Sasuke's, not any man's. If he was changing, she'd be open to that, but she was not going to reach for straws. Sakura shook her head in disappointment at herself. While her self-esteem has improved vastly since she was a genin, she clearly had a long ways to go.

Monkey-face paused on a page of her anatomy textbook describing how one out of every 10,000 people had their organs mirror-reversed from the typical arrangement and the common complications that arose out of this difference. Dog-face was rummaging through her pack and inspecting the pillows, needles, and thread in it. Cat-face was facing her, though she couldn't see where his eyes were looking. The other two stopped inspecting her things after a few more minutes and, satisfied with what they had or had not seen, gave him a nod. He then nodded at her, and she gathered her belongings.

Sasuke watched his ex-teammate with his usual stoicism as she slammed a dozen or so thick textbooks on the table. With a huff, she straightened her back and puffed her chest out to stretch. She may have learned to punch through concrete walls, but carrying so many heavy textbooks hadn't been easy. "Okay so, to start off you're going to need to understand and memorize these," she said, motioning to the books. "There's more, but these are the foundations to everything else."

Sasuke eyed the stack of textbooks. Grey's Anatomy, Introduction to Genetics, and Biochemistry 4th Edition were some of the titles. When he asked her to teach him how to heal, he had thought that she would show him a few basic techniques that he could copy with his Sharingan. He didn't realize it would be this complicated and involved. A part of him scoffed at his arrogance and lack of faith in her capabilities. He'd seen Kabuto at work, and Orochimaru's right-hand man was some combination of doctor and mad scientist. While Sakura's ethics and morals were very different to Kabuto's, she would've had the same basic training. Among the three original members of Team 7, Sakura was the book smart one, scoring the highest of anyone on the written portion of their first chuunin exams, beating out even that Nara genius. Sasuke was smart, but not quite at her level. "How long did this take you?" he asked.

"For these textbooks? A little under three months; I covered about one a week. I was also working at the hospital, training with Tsunade-shishou, and doing missions at the same time. You should be able to get through them a bit faster. If you think this is bad, wait until you see the Nara Clan Medical Encyclopedia," she answered, a sly smile on her face as though she knew what he was thinking. "Playing trivia games helps with memorizing all the content."

Sakura then pulled out several pillows, needles, thread, gauze, splints, and various assortment of medical tools from her pack. "Next up is basic first aid," she explained. "It's not like you zap any and all issues with chakra. Chakra conservation is important unless you have chakra reserves the size of Naruto's, which you don't, so you need to learn how to treat as many issues as possible without chakra. This ranges from CPR to setting broken bones to disinfecting wounds and sewing stitches. Most of this will require me showing you, though you can definitely start practicing sewing stitches with these pillows. I've already sewed examples of the most common stitch patterns. "

"And finally"—here she removed a couple of wide, flattened cushions from her pack—"before you start practicing any medical ninjutsu, you need to refine your concentration and chakra control, which is where we'll start today. Being able to immediately focus is incredibly important. Have you meditated before?"

"No," Sasuke answered truthfully. Orochimaru deemed it a waste of time. "The closest thing I do is katas."

Sakura blew a stream of air out of her mouth to move a piece of her bangs. She blew again as she thought about how to approach the problem at hand. "Katas are a moving meditation, but it's still a bit different. Having proper concentration is important for chakra control, and nothing tests and hones that like meditation." She tossed one of the cushions at him and moved to sit on the floor, her legs flat on the ground and folded like a pretzel.

He moved to sit on the floor as well and tried to mimic her seated position, except his knees were half a foot off the ground. It was not comfortable. As he shifted left and right, front and back, trying to find a sweet spot, Sakura frowned at him. She hadn't moved. "Do you not stretch?"

"Not usually."

She made a faint tutting sound. "Well, you should definitely start doing that. You often times find yourself needing to move into weird spots on yourself or others to do the healing, so flexibility is also important. It helps with taijutsu, too." He sensed that she was sighing to herself, and a part of him found the reversal in positions ironic. Not too long ago, he was the one sighing at how she slowed down Team 7. He'd never really taken Kakashi's lessons on teamwork to heart because he couldn't, not when they would've held him back. Years later, those lessons were being tossed back into his face.

"Try to get in as comfortable of a seated position as possible. We'll only be doing this for ten minutes to start," she instructed. He shifted once last time. "Hold your hands like this: grab your left thumb with your right hand, then wrap the other fingers around your right fist. Got it? Okay, close your eyes," she told him as she closed hers. Sasuke eyed the observation box, where Ibiki was as he always was when Sakura came to visit, took a deep breath, and closed his eyes.

"Let your face relax." Sasuke consciously let his face relax, and only then did he realize how much tension he carried in his face. "Breath in deeply through the nose and exhale through the mouth. Let it all go with a sigh." He heard Sakura exhale a heavy sigh, and a moment later he mimicked her. "Count your breaths backwards from ten and notice the quality of your breath: the temperature, which nostril you're breathing in through, which nostril you're exhaling, the sensation of your breath through your nose. Ten in, ten out. Nine in, nine out. Eight in, eight out. Seven in, seven out…"

Sasuke never noticed this before, but his inhales felt cold while his exhales felt warm. He also breathed through his left nostril and exhaled through his right. It was funny how he had never paid attention and noticed this simple action that he did thousands of times each day. He had somehow missed this and it had faded into the background.

"…one in, one out. Find a sensation to focus on. This might be how the air feels like blanket around you or how your hands are holding onto each other. Other thoughts may pop up, and when they do, observe them. Notice that they are there, then let them go. Return to the sensation. Over time, you may notice how the boundaries of your body blur and fade away."

Sakura's voice, like her chakra, was soothing. After their first month together as a genin team, Sasuke found her presence soothing. When she was around, the pain he felt wasn't so noticeable. The pain always made him aware of himself and what he was doing. Being with Sakura made all of that go away. He could just be in her presence and not think of anything beyond the moment. That's why when the pain of cursed seal was too much, he reached for her. He had been grateful when her response was to hug him. He never admitted this to anyone, definitely not to Naruto, but he liked her hugs, even if he never responded to them. They were comforting and eased his pain, to the point that a hug from her caused Orochimaru's cursed seal to recede.

If he concentrated hard enough, he could feel that hug. That's what the air felt like; one of her hugs. Warm, comforting, enveloping. The memory of that one hug she gave that controlled the cursed seal was one of his most intense and vivid memories. He remembered Sakura's hiccups of pain and tears of exhaustion with crystal clarity as though everything had just happened. He felt her arms squeezing him and the ways her sobs caused her to tremble. And he remembered how weary he felt in that moment.

"Slowly return your focus back to your breath. Take your time. Feel where you are in this moment. When you are ready, open your eyes." Had that been ten minutes? After another moment with the memory of that hug, Sasuke opened his eyes. He blinked half a dozen times before his eyes adjusted to the light. Sakura was smiling gently at him, looking the most relaxed he had seen her since their days as genin teammates. "You did really well for your first time!" she said to him. "You should meditate every day for at least ten minutes. Over time, you should be able to meditate more and more until you hit thirty minutes per session."

"Hn." He said nothing else as she carefully got up, stretching her legs as she did. "Are we practicing anything else today?" he inquired when she began to close the pockets of her pack. Was she leaving already? Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Ibiki looming.

She gave him another smile, this one effervescent. He hadn't seen her smile like this in a long time, and it was contagious. He felt himself wanting to return her smile. "I have to head back to the hospital now. I can probably fit in another training session with you after the weekend. In the meantime, I think I've given you plenty of reading material," she laughed, pointing to the textbooks.

He liked her laughs too. They were clear, light, and joyous like bells. That was how he noticed her depression before the chuunin exams—her customary giggles had ceased. Before he realized what he was saying, the words were out of his mouth. "Naruto mentioned another get together tomorrow evening that included my replacement."

She hesitated for a split second, then recovered and zipped up the last pocket of her pack. "Ah. Naruto didn't mention that to me, but thank you for letting me know." She partially turned around to give him a tentative smile. "Sasuke-kun?"

He gave her a look to let her know he was paying attention. Her shy smile grew a little bolder. "I enjoyed today," she told him softly.

When he realized she was watching him for some sort a response, he gave her nod. "See you tomorrow."

She hesitated again before responding. "See you tomorrow, Sasuke-kun!" As he watched her leave, he felt an indescribable emotion, one that made his heart feel like it was floating away and lifted his spirits for the rest of the day.

Sakura checked her watch. 9:00 pm. She was running a little late after taking an accidental afternoon, after-training nap. While she wasn't looking forward to a full Team 7 reunion (minus a squad leader-avoiding-being-Hokage), she also wasn't dreading it like she had the first one. Sai wasn't as rude as he used to be, Naruto was Naruto, and during her meditation session with Sasuke yesterday it felt like they'd reached an understanding. He'd listened to her instructions, he didn't undermine her authority, and he'd done the task she'd set for him. It felt like he was gaining respect for her—okay, maybe respect was a bit strong of a word given how he respected no one, but at least he was no longer treating her either with derision or like a glass doll—and though she often told herself she was beyond caring what other people thought of her, especially what he thought of her, his quiet approval made her chest swell with pride.

As Sakura reached the Intelligence Division and walked through the main gate, she heard Naruto jog up behind her. "Hi Naruto."

Naruto, never one to waste time, took the direct route. "Hey Sakura-chan, what were you doing with that Hyuuga?"

Sakura sighed. As they went through the doors, she felt Naruto peering over her shoulder and trying to make eye contact. Even though she had spent the better part of the last couple of days mentally preparing herself for this conversation, she wasn't quite ready. They stepped into the elevator and Sakura pressed the button for the basement. The doors shut and the gears of the elevator ground into action.

She took a deep breath and steadied herself as the display flashed a bright "B" to signal their arrival in the basement. "I told you, we were getting breakfast together to discuss a project related to planning the children's mental health clinic."

"Right, because when I asked Hinata-chan about that, she said she knew nothing about any of her clan members being involved with your clinic. So why were you getting breakfast together?" They stepped out of the elevator, and Sakura saw Sai waiting next to the entrance of Sasuke's cell, carrying a bag filled with cans of alcohol (guess having older disillusioned elite nin as former comrades had its perks, she thought with a snicker), and—was that Ino waving at her? A slightly inebriated Ino waving at her? Jesus cartwheeling Christ, what was Ino doing here?

Naruto paid Ino and Sai no attention and continued to think through the situation at hand. "People don't usually get breakfast together unless…" Naruto turned to look at her, his bright blue eyes wide. "Oh my gods!"

"What?"

"Oh my gods, are you sleeping with a Hyuuga?" Naruto's voice echoed through the hallway.

"Naruto, keep your voice down!" Sakura hissed, lightly shoving him against the wall. The ANBU guards stationed here were probably friends with Tokuma! She moved past him and towards Sai and Ino, hoping he'd take the hint that their conversation was over.

He didn't. "Oh my gods Sakura-chan, seriously? A Hyuuga?" he exclaimed as he jogged to catch up to her.

"Naruto! Shut! Up!" She couldn't let Ino hear about this unless she wanted to get hell from her. But it was too late.

Ino blinked like an owl. "What's Sakura doing with a Hyuuga?" she asked, her response slower and more laconic than usual. Dog-face moved behind her to open the barrier, letting them into Sasuke's confinement area. But she was still able to do a quick mental calculation, and "…oh my gods, Hyuuga Tokuma?"

Naruto whipped around midway through entering Sasuke's room. "Wait, you know him?!"

Sasuke, who had been lying on his bed, sat up and planted his feet on the ground. He gave them a confused look; there was at least one more person than he had been expecting, and they were all being louder than he had expected. His dark eyes met Sakura's green ones, and she groaned. Ino's aptitude for gossip was something else and Naruto's lack of discretion was going to get them all killed one day. "Naruto, can you move? Ino, what are you even doing here and why are you already drunk?"

"Caught this guy around town," Ino responded while playfully nudging Sai, who gave her one of his signature blank smiles, "when he was picking up shochu and decided that, you know, he and I should hang out," she finished while flirtatiously batting her eyelashes at Sai. As they sat down around the table (and somehow there was the right number of seats), Ino jockeyed to sit next to Sai, who gave her another blank smile. Satisfied, she immediately turned her attention back to Sakura. "Also, I'm not drunk, I'm tipsy, as I should be since it's Saturday night, so don't be so rude. But what was I saying? Oh right, Forehead, you grave robbing gold digger. The youngest he's supposed to go for is twenty, and the oldest you're supposed to go for is twenty-two. Rules like that exist for a reason, you know. The deadbeat dads to half of all teen pregnancies—"

"—are men twenty-five and over and don't trust older men. I know. It's nothing serious between me and him," Sakura replied quickly, hoping to put an end to the conversation. Why was it that each time she was here with other people, her sex life was always the topic of conversation? That was the last thing she wanted to discuss with Naruto and Sasuke present, and from the vague look on Sasuke's face as he moved to sit next to her, it was also the last thing about which he wanted to hear. "Here Sai, I can help pass out the shochu. Who wants the lime Chu-Hi?"

"Ooo, gimme! And really Sakura, another Hyuuga? You must really have a thing for that clan."

Sakura glared at Ino while she passed her the drink across the table. "Should you really be drinking more? You're sloshed enough as is."

Naruto gave Ino a confused look as he grabbed a random flavour from the bag. "Where are you getting those numbers from? And what do you mean by another Hyuuga?" he asked as he popped his can open.

"Gay math. Half your age plus seven is the lowest you can go, and for good reason. Do you know how easy it is for older men to manipulate you into doing what they want? You can't trust them," Ino informed the table as though she were the great sage of relationships.

"Ino…" Sakura sighed while handing Sasuke a yuzu-flavored one, "it was just a fling. It's already mostly over. Can we please talk about something else?"

"What do you mean another Hyuuga?" Naruto asked again, looking first at Sakura, then at Ino, then at Sakura again, then at Sai and Sasuke as though asking them for backup.

Sakura paused, trying to think of a way to steer the conversation away from her love life. She looked up at the observation box. Ibiki's ominous figure was looming there as usual. Frowning, Sakura turned back to answer Naruto, but Ino beat her to the punch. "Oh my gods, Sakura hasn't told you? Sakura's had the who's who of Konoha after her!" With a groan, Sakura remembered that this was why she didn't drink with Ino more often. Anytime they were together and Ino had a little too much to drink, she would start telling anyone and everyone who would listen about who was in Sakura's "body count." She felt Naruto's confusion, Sai's curiosity, and Sasuke's tenseness.

"I've only had one bad relationship and a couple of flings. I haven't even had a one-night stand yet. Besides," she said, whipping her head to stare Ino down, "it's nothing compared to your body count. You've slept with more men and women than the rest of us combined!"

"Don't sound so jealous, Sakura," Ino retorted with a laugh.

"I'm not. I'm just saying my body count's very normal," Sakura grumbled, staring at her can strawberry-flavored alcohol. With unnecessary concentration and force, she popped her can open and drank half of it in one go. She then turned her head up to look at the spider on the ceiling, which was suspended on a new web. Maybe if she stared at the ceiling hard enough and ignored everyone else, this topic conversation would end and a new one would begin.

Naruto was still stuck on Ino's earlier statements about Sakura's love life. "Sakura's had the who's who? Like who, other than the Hyuuga I saw her with today? What does this have to do with her sleeping with another Hyuuga?" Naruto asked. Sakura kicked his chair, causing him to wobble and spill some of his shochu. So much for ignoring everyone else. "Hey! What was that for?"

Sakura was ready to bite Naruto's head off and tell Ino to shut up, but Ino responded first again. "She and Neji had it bad for one another for a couple weeks there—I couldn't get any time in with her because they were too busy fucking each other," she informed the others before taking a swig of her drink.

Sakura tensed up, and she felt Sasuke do the same next to her. He also paused his action of running a thumb up and down the side of his shochu can. Trust Ino to never let secrets be secrets. Naruto, who had been licking shochu drops off his hand and chugging the rest of his drink, choked mid-chug. Like the previous time Sakura drank with him down here in Sasuke's cell, he doubled over in loud, hacking coughs, causing the ANBU guards to shift from their normal positions to inspect the five merry occupants of the cell. "What?!"

Sai looked confused, or rather, a perfect imitation of confused. "Dickless, did you not know this?"

"NO? WHY WOULD I KNOW? Did she tell you too?" Naruto snapped.

"Did you not notice how last year, Sakura was 'really busy' at the hospital for a couple weeks at the same time Neji was 'really busy' despite not having any missions?"

"Yeah, but I just thought, you know, she was really busy at the hospital! Because she's always really busy at the hospital!" he exclaimed as he stood up, his chair pushed back with an ear-splitting screech as its feet scraped along the concrete floor. The ANBU guards shifted again, their uneasiness clear in their body language. "And why would I keep track of Neji's schedule?"

Before Sai or Naruto—or Sasuke—could get a word in, Ino continued her drunken word vomit. "Hey, so how did that even start between you and Neji? Why did it end? You never told me!" Ino demanded, her eyes lighting up at the thought of more gossip. She held up her can of shochu as though she were making a toast.

A toast to the end of her social life, Sakura thought bitterly. She did not need those details shared with the whole world, not to the ANBU guards who looked like they were peering in with interest ; not to Naruto, who would have the kyuubi egging him on; and especially not to Sasuke, because he was Sasuke. Why was her love life under interrogation? This was a room reserved for extracting game-changing secrets from S-class missing nin, like Sasuke, not mundane details of the love life of an ordinary person.

"Ino…"

"What? Oh come on, it was last year. You can't possibly still be hung up. Spill!"

"Neji? I mean, I liked him and all, and I'm grateful he saved Hinata-chan, but like—"

Sakura let out an exasperated sigh and held her can with both hands as though she were wringing her friends' necks. Oh, how she wished she could actually throttle them right now! Too bad Naruto was slated to be the next next Hokage and Ino was her best friend and close collaborator. She felt the alcohol loosening her tongue. "You two! You're impossible! Ugh! Fine! It started out as us blowing off some steam after a mission—"

"The Tonika mission?" Ino interrupted, the sly smile across her face spreading wider and wider. She looked like the cat that got the cream. Naruto's face paled. "You were sleeping with him when he was working with us?"

"Yes! I was, okay? And the sex was great so we kept at it for a couple of weeks! But then we both got busy and then he died protecting you! Happy?" she exclaimed while jabbing a finger in Naruto's direction. That shut Naruto up real quick, who sat down and nodded. She turned to stare Ino down. "And don't you dare make some shitty joke about how he and Tokuma are from the same clan!"

The ANBU guards returned to their original positions, either satisfied or bored by what they had heard. Or they were judging her. Sai put on his fake smile, the one he always used. He was probably judging her too. Sasuke was watching her intently, and Sakura's stomach hit the floor when she saw the look on his face. Ino and Naruto's judgment, she could handle. Sai's too, and she hoped that the ANBU guards didn't report any of the conversation back to Ibiki or Tsunade-shishou. But Sasuke judging her—for crossing professional boundaries that shouldn't be crossed, for again being the emotional one on Team 7 who did the irrational, emotional things like crying all the time—make her stomach clench. He was judging her for fucking one of their peers in the heat of the moment and then fucking one of his relatives. Team 7 was truly fucked up, and it wasn't only because of the boys. She'd had a hand in that too. "Can we move to another topic? Something less depressing?" Sakura snapped.

"If we wanted to talk about depressing, we could talk about that abusive relationship you were in for six months with what's his face? Mako? Mokoto? Ma—"

"Makoto," Sakura muttered bitterly. That wound still stung, and some part of her resented Ino for bringing it up. Ino was the closest person Sakura would ever have to a sister, and like a relationship with a sister, it came with all of the bickering, the sharing of clothes and shoes, the sharing of secrets, the spilling of secrets, and judgment. She could take Ino's judgment sometimes in small doses, but now she was open to judgment from not one but three of the closest people in her life, and another person who was supposed to be the love of her life. Sometimes she regretted telling Ino anything about her flings and relationships, until Ino made up for it with stellar advice.

"I can't believe you kept going back to him each time after he was a massive douche and made you cry. I get that his family is loaded, but really Sakura."

What was with this dogpile from Ino? Did she have a "kick me" sign taped to her back? "Well, he kept saying he'd change—"

"Don't they always promise to change?" Ino asked while rolling her eyes. The boys were silent, looking at Sakura and Ino with their individual renditions of deer-in-the-headlights look. Naruto's was borderline comical, Sai's was akin to an alien that had read about awkward shock in a book without understanding what it meant, and Sasuke's was barely different from his typical blasé expression except for the slight straining around his mouth. Men rarely knew how to respond or what to say in conversations like this. "My gods, you're such a sucker for men's bullshit."

What now rose in Sakura and rushed through her veins red-hot wasn't petulance but anger. Deep, deep anger. Sakura knew that this well of anger, rooted in resentment, existed, but she did her best to bury it. But sometimes, it boiled over and then she could not control it. "Because he was there! He was always there! He didn't randomly leave to seek revenge or to train for years away from Konoha or disappear on missions! So when it was time to kiss and make up, it was easy!" She paused to take a couple deep breaths to calm herself, but failed. "Ugh you guys are ones to judge! You," she excalimed while pointing to Sai, "can't even show emotions. You," and she pointed at Naruto, "took over five years to notice Hinata was in love with you because you're always running around trying to save the world, and you," now it was Ino's turn, "can't even admit out loud who you really like!" She didn't bother with Sasuke because that would be too awkward.

"We're judging," Ino responded calmly, "because you either shit where you eat, get into shitty relationships, or both. If I didn't know any better I'd say you enjoy toxic, dysfunctional relationships."

That hit a little too close to home. She didn't enjoy her relationship with Makoto per se, but somehow it controlled her. The lows were low, but they made the moments when he was tender and loving all the more potent. It made her feel needed and wanted. Same with the way she clung onto Sasuke when she was a child; the moments when he acknowledged her or even tried to cheer her up tasted so, so sweet in comparison to the usual bitterness that was left in her mouth from their interactions. That's what happens when you have low self-esteem, she told herself countless times, you get trapped in this bullshit that shreds your self-esteem even more.

Sakura flushed (from the alcohol, she told herself) and looked at the observational box again to help steady her emotions. Ibiki was watching them like a hawk. She frowned again; what was going on? Did he watch all visits Sasuke had? Sasuke followed her line of sight to the observation box, and he too frowned.

"But hey, maybe it'll be different with this Hyuuga Tokuma guy, though I doubt it given he's an elite nin," Ino commented as she drained the last of her can. "Can you pass me another?"

"No, I'm cutting you off. You talk too much when you're drunk," Sakura grumbled.

Naruto, who was in the middle of opening a second can, perked up again. "Ino, what did you mean by you 'doubt it given he's an elite nin'? What's wrong with elite nin?" he asked in a sincere, Naruto sort of way.

Ino laughed, a deep, throaty laugh, and Sakura despaired. Sasuke tilted his head slightly her way, which she tried to ignore. It wasn't hard to when she was tipsy like this. Sasuke, on the other hand, had barely drank. "Sakura, ball's in your court. You have first-hand experience with this, after all," Ino called out to her in between giggles.

Oh gods, to answer this kind of question under the influence of alcohol. Sakura barely processed Ino's backhanded compliment. Tonight was not her night. She sighed again and massaged her temples before she asked, "Naruto, do you know why most of the male elite nin are single, with no girlfriends or wives in the picture?"

"Err…cuz they're married to their work?"

"That's what men would rather believe. Being married to their work isn't great, but at least then there's a stable income. No, that's just a convenient excuse. The main reason is because they all have horrible personalities that make them literally the worst people to be in relationships with and they tend to die young. So you don't have to get all nosy about me and Tokuma. It's already mostly over."

"I don't get it, Sakura-chan," Naruto whined into his can of alcohol. "If you think Tokuma is 'the worst' then why did you sleep with him? Why do you think he and other elite nin are 'the worst'?"

She sighed. She hoped she wasn't saying anything she would regret tomorrow. "Because everyone gets lonely. Sometimes it's just nice to have someone else there next to you. And have you ever met an elite nin who wasn't completely full of himself and expected that people who are 'below him' to rearrange everything about their lives to suit him? I'm tired of being treated like trash by men." She gave him a pointed look. "No offense, I like you plenty as a friend, but if I ever had to be in a relationship with you…I'd hate you pretty quick."

Sai smiled—another blank smile, but not a fake one—as Naruto's jaw hit the floor in shock. "Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, you run off and take the most dangerous missions to 'save the world' and it feeds your need to be 'great'. You spend most of your time building up your 'greatness' instead of doing other things, like having normal human relationships. You go off to do 'great things' without thinking about how your loved ones might be impacted should you not have time for them or return."

Naruto visibly wilted. "But it's for the greater good!" he protested, shoving his can in Sakura's direction and spilling some of his alcohol on the table. "And if that's what you really think of us, why do you even date men and why are you even friends with us?"

"Sakura dates men because she's a straight woman, and straight women are always happy with what they find in the trash," Ino commented. Sakura interjected with an indignant "hey!" but Ino ignored her and plowed on. "I date men because Konoha's a tiny fucking place and there's not that many of us. And we're friends with you guys because we've never dated you." The duh was left off as Ino stopped talking to concentrate on finding the bag of unopened shochu cans.

"You're so fucking rude," Sakura grumbled with an eye roll. Naruto, based on his hearty nodding, concurred. She leaned back into her chair and tilted her head upwards. She closed her eyes and tried again to ignore the feeling of Sasuke watching her.

"So…what do women want in a guy?" Sai interjected. "You've mentioned in detail what you don't want in men, so what do you want?"

Sai's earnest question took Sakura by surprise and caused her to sit back up in a quick motion, which startled both Ino and Naruto. Both blondes squealed as they wobbled in their seats and tried not to look not guilty about how they were reaching for the bag of canned shochu under the table. For a moment Sakura gaped at Sai like a pufferfish inflating itself. She thought about his question but was drawing a blank, which forced her to say the first thing that came to mind. "Honestly? There's this joke Ino and I have about men…"

"Yeah?" Naruto piped up.

"There's three things women want in men," Ino chirped, her eyes glazed as she wrangled the bag of alcohol . "Big heart, big dick, big money. But! You have to pick two of the three at most. Incredible lucky women end up with men with two of the three; most women end up with men who have one or none."

Sai and Sasuke were silent at Ino's admission. Naruto balked. "Oh, uhh…" he hedged, not sure how he was supposed to respond. "That's…uhh…interesting...?"

"I'd go for big dick and money," Ino offered, swaying slightly as she passed Naruto another can of alcohol.

"Does Sai have either?" Sakura snorted. Ino snapped her head up, her face bright red, even redder than she had been from the alcohol, to give Sakura a glare reminiscent of a certain torture specialist's usual demeanor, one that he had on his face right now as he was observing them. "Shut the fuck up!"

Naruto looked confused for the gazillionth time that night and looked like he wanted to ask what that was about, but couldn't formulate the question. He popped open his third can of shochu instead. Sai gave Sakura a blank and fake smile. "Hag, what is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. I'd prefer a big heart and a big dick. And that he be civilian," Sakura answered, recovering the moment. Sasuke, who still hadn't joined the conversation at this point, was still looking at her. And again, she couldn't really tell what the expression was on his face—the alcohol was really messing with her perception—though it looked like the tiniest frown.

"So is that why you date tall men with deep voices?" Ino asked with a lecherous grin.

"Ino!"

"What's the connection there?" Naruto asked, his face bunched up in concentration as he tried to keep up with the conversation. Sakura could see that the alcohol was starting to hit him.

"Why a civilian?" Sai asked. Though his voice and face were as blank as ever, Sakura sensed more genuine curiosity. Tonight's conversation would probably be one to remember for Sai, given his propensity to observe human nature in an effort to replicate it. "Civilians aren't likely to understand the pressures of our profession."

"That's true, but it'd be nice to be with someone normal who will live past the age of fifty-five."

Ino chortled, her delight filling the space. "Touché. Good luck though on the big heart front. You know what my grandma always said, a ma—"

"—n's gotta love you twice as much for him to meet you halfway. I know, I know." Sakura held the cool can up to her forehead before taking a sip. The drink was fizzy and sweet and she could barely taste the alcohol, which reminded her that she always forgot how potent Chu-Hi was. No wonder she was talking so freely.

"Although, if it's big heart and a long lifespan you're looking for, Iruka-sensei would fit the bill. I can't say anything about his dick size though."

Naruto snorted at the ridiculousness Ino's suggestion, Sasuke narrowed his eyes at Ino, and Sakura spluttered on her drink and turned bright red. "Ino!"

"What? I'm just saying, if the shoe fits…and given how sensitive of a man he is, even if he wasn't well-hung he'd probably still be great in the—"

"Pig, that's not funny," Sakura ground out. "Can we talk about something else?"

"Sure. How about…would you ever date a younger man? You've only ever dated older guys," Ino asked with a smirk. She looked around the room; Sai was observing the dynamics with interest, Naruto was barely containing his next round of laughter, and Sasuke was most certainly glaring at her.

Sakura heaved an annoyed sigh. Running a hand through her hair, she weighed her options. She chewed the ridge of her can for good measure. "If I answer this, can we move onto another topic of conversation?"

"Sure thing babe. So: would you ever date a younger man?" Ino repeated as sweetly and innocently as she could. Sasuke maintained his glare on her, which she ignored. Naruto, seeing Sasuke's response, began to giggle, and Sai, seeing Naruto's reaction, gave all of them a confused look.

Sakura was too absorbed in thinking of her answer to notice the tension. "Well…when I'm a bit older, sure. But I don't think right now," Sakura answered truthfully. Alcohol was a powerful tool of disorientation and truth serum. "From what you've said, younger guys are all premature ejaculations and needing a mother, which is not my cup of tea."

"So basically, what you're saying is that once they learn to be self-sufficient, cater to other people's needs and wants, and hold back on nutting within the first two minutes, you'd date them?" Ino asked. After Sakura nodded, Ino leaned back into her chair triumphantly. "Sounds like you need to ask Iruka-sensei on a date," she repeated with a laugh, earning her a glare from Sakura and Sasuke. "Oh come one, lighten up. He's cute and think about all the teacher-student roleplays you could—"

"I-n-o!"

"Given how you're sleeping with Tokuma, who's about the same age as Iruka-sensei and looks way too much like Neji for it to be a coincidence on your part, I didn't think you'd be so uptight about this."

Sakura's head hit the table as she groaned, causing Ino to laugh uproariously and Naruto's giggling to grow louder. She was never going to live this down. "Someone kill me now," she moaned into the table. After a few more high-pitched snorts from Ino and the sound of Naruto and Ino collapsing on top of each other in laughter, she felt a hand rubbing her shoulder to comfort her. She turned a cheek to the table, confused as to who would be comforting her right now, to see Sasuke nonchalantly patting her. She frowned out of drunken confusion. What was going on? It was probably Sai but with her drunken vision she mistook him for Sasuke. But wait, why would Sai be comforting her? She groaned as she turned her forehead back onto the cool, hard surface. Nothing made sense right now.

As he gave Sakura what he hoped was some comfort, Sasuke reflected on his peers' antics. For one thing, Naruto's alcohol tolerance was lower than he thought it would be. For another, the Yamanaka girl really hadn't changed much other than the fact that she'd swapped her crush on him for a crush on his replacement, and his replacement on Team 7 was tolerable. As for Sakura…

Sasuke watched the pink-haired girl with careful nonchalance. With Ibiki watching them, he needed to be careful. She was still face-down on the table, ignoring whatever latest squabble was going on between Ino, Naruto, and Sai. Ibiki showed up for observation when Sakura came to visit him, and he wasn't sure what that meant. Nothing good, he was fairly certain, though Ibiki's reputation was based on direct interrogation and not third-party observation.

He watched as she sighed heavily into the table. No, she wasn't a girl anymore and he shouldn't infantilize her; as he had learned over the last half year, she was a capable young woman with her own agenda and life, one that didn't revolve around him or really even include him.

She'd changed in ways he hadn't predicted. Though she still cared for him, she hadn't come to visit him outside of her formal duties and Naruto forcing her. Now he knew why, thanks to Yamanaka's very informative drunken questioning. When had women, ones who were boy-crazy as children, get so jaded? Yamanaka revealed that Sakura had been in a series of failed relationships, including one with another prodigy that had ended with a funeral and a second that seemed to have had left a significant impression on her. Upon hearing that, a cold, heavy feeling, like the one he felt when he saw Sakura in danger during the chuunin exam, gripped Sasuke's stomach. Had he really missed out on that much?

Sasuke frowned. Life goes on, but had it really changed that much in the time he had been gone? He had been doing his best tonight to listen to the conversation and learn about everything he had missed, but he was beginning to realize just how much life and a certain woman, who had declared her unmoving devotion to him several times, had moved on. Had he been arrogant in thinking that once forgiveness was granted, life would go back to the way it was? Naruto would be that bright ball of eternal optimism, Kakashi would be that sanctimonious lecturer on the important things of life, and Sakura would be that sweet spot of comfort who he could protect. Naruto was still eternally optimistic given how he had forgiven Sasuke in the blink of an eye, and Kakashi was still happy to lecture given how he'd read Sasuke the riot act on the battlefield about Sakura, but Sakura. So much had changed and he felt left behind. What did he have to take back? Would his pride allow it?

"I hate you all," Sakura moaned again. "I'm going to let all of you die next time." She paused, then turned her face in the direction of the Yamanaka girl. "Ino, if you mention anything that's been said tonight to anyone outside of this room, I swear on my ancestors' graves…"

Yamanaka laughed harder yet as she moved to hug Sakura but ended up collapsing on her pink-haired best friend. Sasuke pulled his hand away. He looked up at the clock. 9:45pm. This was the first time he'd ever socialized with his peers like this; alcohol was one of the shinobi vices that he'd meticulously avoided prior to his imprisonment, and he was reminded why. It was going to be a long night.

The sun was unfairly bright, but then again it wasn't like she had a real hangover. Ino shaded her eyes with her right hand and continued powerwalking. A certain someone was kind of a scary superior, and because she'd forgotten to remove her makeup before bed and had to do her full face cleansing routine this morning on top of her usual morning beauty routine, she was running a little late. She smirked as she thought of the previous night. Not that she'd ever tell any of them, but Team 7 were much better drinking buddies than her own team.

Ino jogged up to the Intelligence Division and gave the ANBU guards out front a smile and a wave. They nodded at her, and with a clunk the gate opened. She ran up to the doors and entered the building to see Morino Ibiki waiting for her.

"Good day Morino-sempai!"

Ibiki nodded in greeting and grumbled, "You did well last night. You gave us a lot to work with and to report back to Hokage-sama. Now, from your perspective, what is your assessment?"

"I can confirm all of your suspicions; Uchiha Sasuke displays a significant attachment to his former teammate, Haruno Sakura. I would go as far as to assert that she is his primary person of concern. Though sir, may I ask a question?"

Ibiki looked at her expectantly. Ino took that as a yes. "If I may, why does Uchiha Sasuke's romantic interests concern the Intelligence Division?"

Ibiki smirked, which was a rather disconcerting sight as there was nothing warm or friendly about his demeanor. His facial scars puckered in a way that made him look more haggard. "Why wouldn't it? With both the Sharingan and Rinnegan, Uchiha Sasuke is one of the most powerful living shinobi and probably one of the most powerful ever. Whether or not he will remain loyal to Konoha, because of romantic entanglements or otherwise, is important. Whether or not he will procreate, and with whom, is a matter of Konoha's security."

Ino raised her eyebrows. She hoped Sakura realized what she was getting herself into and whether or not Sasuke was worth it.

"And Yamanaka?"

"Yes sir?"

Ibiki gave her a long side eye. "If that's what you really think of men, you're going to end up an old maid."

Ino barely suppressed an eye roll and her retorts of did you not hear that I bat for more than one team and studies have shown unmarried single women live the longest and happiest and how would you know, you humorless and loveless old fart. "Yes sir, I'll keep that in mind."

"You're dismissed."

"Thank you sir."

Next chapter: Work