To Be A Villian

Chapter 2:

Mother, Fucker

"I need you to watch Steve tonight."

Dave slammed his locker shut. If it hadn't been bad enough with Chris popping up every second of the day with "some" question on baby care, he had gone ahead and named the baby something so stupid as "Steve". He swore Chris was dauler than a hammer.

"I cant' take care of it. I have things to do tonight."

"And you think I don't?" Chris scoffed trying to shove the child at Dave.

"I'm sure you can handle staying in tonight." Dave growled, and he meant it. At least it would mean the orange menace was outta his hair for a night and he could do some actual crime fighting.

"You can't be serious!" Chris huffed, like a child throwing a tantrum. "You can handle not going to the comic book store for like- one day!" He threw his free hand up to emphasize. "I on the other hand have real business!"

Dave was a tad confused on how the other knew his usual comic book ritual, he'd only seen him there thrice, but regardless- "I have real business too." Kick-ass didn't take a night off. It was part of why him and Katie had fallen out.

Chris gritted his teeth, trying to shove the doll at Dave, but the other just slung his bookbag over his back, actually managing to smack the doll with it. Earning a wounded cry from "mother".

"You smacked him!" Chris declared, earning an eye-roll from Dave in return.

"Well good thing it doesn't feel pain, then." Dave shot back as he left the other stranded in the middle of the hall cradling the child.

It wasn't like he was trying to be an asshole. It was just that between Orange menace and now this project, Dave was REALLY starting to get tired of Chris D'Amico.

Luckily, however, he figured that with Christ stuck with the child, Kick-Ass would get a break from the Orange Menace for a night. He had been more then satisfied with the outcome of course, with two hours of patrols going incident free. That was until a loud band sounded from behind him as two boot clad feet slammed onto the giant dumpster behind him in the alley he was making his way through. He spun around, wide eyed as he came face to face with a complete stranger. A new Villian.

He was bound up and down in leather, zippers, fur encircled the base of his neck and his hair stuck up through the mask he wore in tuffs that seemed to match, making Kick ass unsure whether or not it was actually his hair or not. But the most distinctive thing about this villian was the baby carrier he had strapped around his chest, and sitting snuggly inside sat a baby doll with an almost identical outfit.

"You can call me MOTHER FUCKER!" Chris's voice boomed at him and Kick-ass found himself inwardly cringing.

"Chr-" Dave sighed. "Mother fucker? You have got to be kidding me, what was wrong with Orange Menace?" At least that outfit hadn't made him look like a dominator...it was really the last thing Dave wanted to be picturing Chris D'Amico as.

"I'm a mother, fucker!" He pointed down at the child in his carrier.

"So...you're a mother who fucks mothers..." Kick ass made a face, which apparently wasn't hidden to well by his mask because Chris was suddenly flying into a rage.

"I don't have to explain myself to you!" He jumped down, something that despite having now attempted a good 50 dumpster jumps in the past year he STILL was no good at. He let out a yelp as his boots hit pavement and he went rolling, the baby doll being squashed beneath him as he practically landed on his face.

Kick-ass felt himself reach out, almost in an attempt to catch the other, but mostly only for the sake of saving their "project", but by the time he had moved one foot forward it was already over and he straightened himself up. The night air being filled with the fake cries of a recording somewhere within the fake baby.

"Why in the hell did you bring that damn thing out? You're gonna break it." The words slipped past Dave's lips before he realized it. "Will you go return it before you break some innocent little girls toy?" He huffed.

Chris pushed himself up, re-straightening the mask on his head, the mask on the baby doll as well had moved, been pulled down over it's face, not allowing Dave to gauge if there was truly any damage to the doll. Hopefully with all that leather there was none.

Dave watched as Chris tried to hush the child, bouncing up and down and shushing it as he straightened it's own costume. "Mommy's sorry, Mommy's sorry." Emitting from his lips in coo's.

For God's sake it was a doll.

Dave sighed, turning on his heels and started to head back towards the street.

"Hey, hey-!" Chris called after him. "Where do you think you're goin?!"

Kick-Ass sighed as he turned to look back at "Mother Fucker". "No offense, but I think it'd be better for both of us if you just went back home and took care of the... "kid"." He justered towards the baby.

"What?"

"Look...if it makes you feel any better. You win. Congratulation on the kid. Go home." Dave shook his head as he left the other standing there still cradling a crying baby-doll.