It was one minute to 8 p.m. Stepping out of her car, Sharon straightened her jacket, considered to leave again right then and there. The whole drive she had felt torn, knew she had no business being here.
You didn't have dinner with one of your subordinates on a Saturday night. If anyone saw them together...
She sighed. As good as this reason was, it wasn't an entirely valid one. She had had dinner with subordinates before, quite a few actually. There was no harm in a friendly dinner. Although if this would be a friendly affair would remain to be seen. Still, it wasn't a date, so she didn't need to worry.
She caught her reflection in a window pane. She gave herself a quick once over. With a pair of jeans, a white blouse and a pair of simple black heels she shouldn't be over- or undressed. That she had even thought about what to wear was giving her a headache. Why should she care? Why would Provenza care?
If she had felt insecure after his blurted out dinner invitation, she had felt even worse after finding his note. Again, she hadn't confronted him, again, he hadn't tried talking to her about it. They had talked a few times, always about their latest case or Rusty, just never about the elephant in the room. It was a downright insane situation, being made worse by Rusty who was teasing her about her date non-stop.
While she hadn't told Rusty about the note, they had discussed the fact she would be out for dinner on Saturday. It was seldom she thought of Rusty as truly obnoxious but he had had too much fun with this. That was when she didn't find him brooding because he worried what would happen if she dated a man. A few times she had been tempted to put up notes all over the apartment saying 'I'm not dating'.
Not that she had any idea what exactly she was doing here. Although being on neutral turf might make it easier to tell Provenza this had to be a one-time occurrence.
It might. It wasn't as if this man was in any way predictable. If he were she'd seen this whole mess coming.
"Good, you're here."
His voice from behind startled her, had her spin around. He was lucky this was not work, otherwise he would have found himself at gunpoint now.
"I was invited."
He seemed lost for words, shrugged.
"Shall we go in?"
He walked around her to open the door for her but she stopped him with a hand on his arm. Looking at her surprised, he waited for her to talk.
"Lieutenant, what are we doing here?"
"How the hell am I supposed to know?"
It almost made Sharon laugh out, but she didn't let it show. Somehow it was good to have confirmation the confusion she felt wasn't one-sided.
"As this was your idea, I thought you might be able to explain to me why the two of us should meet and have dinner together."
He shook his head, a look of annoyance flickering over his face. For once it was a comforting expression to see, as it meant something like normalcy. Whatever normalcy meant in their case.
"Do you always have to talk like a damned robot?"
As much as her way of talking in this clipped, precise tone drove him crazy, it was part of the woman. Even after years she still was an enigma to him. What made her tick? Why did she seem unable to relax? He loved solving puzzles, it was part of the reason he'd become a police officer in the first place, but he had never thought this was a riddle he'd liked to solve.
"I'm not a robot."
She shook her head. "Listen, we should forget about this."
He took a long look at her. Was she nervous? It almost looked like it. Good, it meant he wasn't the only one.
"You are here, I am here and while I don't know about you, I'm hungry and intend to eat. Feel free to join me."
Her eyes widened, her hand flew to her mouth but it was too late. Giggles escaped her, and it took her the best part of a minute to calm down. Even if he had wanted to say something, he couldn't. He was transfixed by the sight in front of him.
Not only was he sure he hadn't been funny, but also this was a new sight of her. He knew her when she was her usual self, composed, quiet but with a bite. He had seen her pissed off, throwing glares that should be labelled deadly. A few times he'd seen her close to being desperate, times when he found even he couldn't harden his heart to her.
This though... this uncontained mirth, eyes sparkling was new. He...liked it. Damn, he realised he was smiling. This woman was a wicked witch, if only because she made him feel things he never thought he would feel when it came to her.
Finally, she sobered up.
"I'm... sorry, Lieutenant. I have no excuse, really."
"An excuse to laugh? Why am I not surprised you think one needs one in the first place. But if you haven't noticed, we're beginning to attract a crowd, so how about we get this over with?"
Not only were people inside the deli looking out but there were also two couples on the other side of the road throwing them glances.
She straightened, threw a look around, was transformed into Ms Prim and Proper once more. Hell, what did it take to make her loosen up for real? A few choice idea popped into his head but he refused to entertain any of these thoughts for more than a second.
"Certainly," she said, walking up to the restaurant, holding the door open for him, throwing him a challenging look. He growled lowly under his breath. This was not how this worked. Did she think he didn't have manners? His mother had raised him the right way.
Walking past her, he spotted an empty table near the windows, held out a chair for her. She sat down, giving him a clipped smile.
"Thank you, Lieutenant."
He had just taken a seat himself when she spoke.
"Okay, I think it's time we have a talk."
"Now?" he sounded as incredulous as he felt.
They should have talked when he had asked her to dinner the first time. They should have talked when he slipped the note into her office. But now? When they actually were doing what they shouldn't have been contemplating at all?
"Yes, now."
No more games. She was too tired to play any games. The situation had gotten out of hand. Not only was there a real risk Provenza 's and her working relationship could take a turn for the worse again, but Rusty thought she was dating which she wasn't. Her life was complicated enough without any further problems arising.
A waitress came over, handed them menus, asked what they would like to drink. Sharon ordered water, and strangely enough Provenza did the same. It seemed they both wanted to be at their sharpest when dealing with each other.
"Why are we here? You are in no way responsible for what Jack did ages ago."
" I know."
"So?"
"So what?"
"Why, Lieutenant, why?"
For a second he seemed to deflate in front of her eyes.
"I don't know. I really don't. If I did, I would have made it go away and this would never have happened."
She understood, felt the same way, yet... Something inside her relaxed, and she acknowledged that this would end in an awkward dinner if she didn't leave or accepted the fact the two of them were indeed here.
"Okay, I was worried you could begin to like me," she said in a neutral tone while still trying for levity.
He smirked, his eyes lighting up, although only a moment later he cleared his throat, his expression guarded once more.
"Don't get your hopes up."
She smiled. "I'll try my best."
He smiled back. She liked the fact she could make him smile.
Deciding not to push her luck, Sharon took up her menu, perused its content. Provenza took her lead, took up his own.
While she still had no idea where this would lead, she had to admit Provenza wasn't that bad when he didn't try to apply for the obnoxious male of the year award. He had a keen mind, was a skilled investigator. He didn't take crap from anyone, and tried hiding a compassionate heart. Only when she had joined Major Crimes had she seen this sight of him. When Rusty ran off, Provenza was the first to offer to stay at the office until they had found Rusty. It was only one of quite a few examples.
Never judge a book by its cover. It was something she had wished more people would have done when it came to her, still, she hadn't been inclined to grant him the benefit of doubt for way too long.
God, so far this man had always treated her better than her own husband had most of the time. To think she was here right now because Jack had invited himself into her life once more...
"It's not that interesting, is it?"
Provenza's voice had her look up, making her realise she had drifted off.
"I'm sorry?"
"You're looking at this menu for about five minutes now. Not only did your eyes not move once , but I also tried addressing you twice. You okay?"
It was an impulse to deny anything was wrong, the words already on the tip of her tongue, but she swallowed them.
"I'm not sure. I... thought about the fact it was my husband who brought me here today."
"I already told you it has nothing to do with the fact..."
When Provenza was annoyed, he didn't try to hide it.
"I know," she said, knowing she was interrupting him. "But if he hadn't stirred that particular memory, you wouldn't have thought about proposing... this."
" Do you have to question everything in your life? Don't you ever just live?"
The question hit her unexpectedly, hurt in a way that was hard to define. There had been times in her life, she had just lived. It was before she became a mother, before she had to cover for Jack and his shortcomings, had to replace a too often absent father. That was without thinking about the debts she had to pay for years. If it hadn't been for her family...
"I found it's better to enter situations as well prepared as possible. It always pays off to consider the ramifications of one's actions before everything falls apart in front of one's eyes."
Provenza threw up his hands.
"Good god, woman, this might be good advice for the office, but this is not the office. Just enjoy this evening, some of the best food L.A had to offer and the company."
In spite of yourself she had to smile.
"You're right. It's not often I find myself in such charming company."
The waitress came to take her orders, and she was about to send her away when Provenza spoke.
"Do you trust me?"
While she had never contemplated the question before, her answer came instinctively.
"Yes."
"Good."
Quickly he placed their order. She was surprised to find him ordering smoked salmon. If she had had to guess she'd thought he'd go for burgers.
"So how's the kid?" he asked when the waitress left.
"He's good. A bit nervous because he thinks I'm dating." She rolled her eyes.
"He wants you to be happy but he's afraid what it might mean for him."
An astute observation.
"Well, he doesn't need to worry, does he?"
"That we're dating? Of course not."
"He even printed out something he found on the net. He called it the five rules of dating."
"Geez, what happened to people just going out and be merry? But humour me, what do the rules say anyway?"
"They're rules for women. So you'll be safe. Anyway: Never order the most expensive items on the menu, do not display your voracious appetite, never bring up marriage on the first date, never flirt with other men while on a date, do not bed him after the first date."
Amused she watched his eyes widening.
"I knew that Rusty has a lively fantasy, but... "
"As I said, he found these online."
"Good. Because I'm sorry to tell you, Captain, proposing marriage wasn't on my list of things to do tonight."
Several responses flickered through her mind, and she spoke before she was even sure what she wanted to say.
"Sharon. Tonight I'm Sharon."