Alex goes home with Casey after the dinner. She doesn't want to go sit at home alone.

Casey gives her a baggy t-shirt to wear to sleep. She doesn't have a guest room in her apartment but there's no way she is going to let Alex sleep on the couch. She walks her to her bedroom, as if Alex doesn't know the way.

Alex smiles when she sees a bowl of popcorn on the bed next to Casey's remote. She really had been having a date with Netflix and her bed when Alex texted her.

Alex climbs into bed and Casey tucks her in like she's a child. Normally Alex would object to being coddled, but with Casey she gives in and accepts it.

Alex is tired; she doesn't know how tired until Casey turns the light out and leaves the room. Alex is asleep before her head even hits the pillow.

Alex's relaxation is short lived, however. She's awakened not more than a couple hours later from a terrible nightmare. She sits upright in bed, drenched in sweat and trembling. She looks around desperately, not knowing where she is at first.

She only relaxes when the door opens and Casey is beside her.

She must have screamed. Or maybe she called out for Casey. She isn't sure. All she knows is that she's crying and Casey is sitting next to her with her arm around her shaking shoulders, trying to comfort her.

"Shhhh, Alex it's okay," she says soothingly. "It's Casey. I won't let anything happen to you."

It takes Alex several minutes to calm down. Once she is sufficiently calm, she moves into embarrassment for her behavior.

This is hardly the first time Casey has seen her break down. She's one of the only people Alex will let herself be human around. Casey has calmed her through nightmares before, has comforted her after tough cases, has provided a shoulder to cry on when Alex and Olivia had a fight.

Once Alex's breathing has returned to normal, she apologizes to Casey. Casey squeezes her shoulder. "Don't apologize, Alex. Want to talk about it?"

Alex shakes her head. "It's stupid."

"No, it isn't. Anything that upsets you is not stupid, Alex. Tell me about it."

They aren't just words said meant to give Alex comfort. Casey means them. She really wants to know what demons Alex fights at night, so she can help her fight them.

Alex sighs and easily gives in. "It's been eleven years...I've had therapy. I can't understand why I'm still so scared. But I always dream about being shot. And it's always more a memory than anything else. I wake up in the hospital. I'm alone and scared and they tell me I can't go home, that I can't be Alex anymore. I start crying and no one will help me...no one."

Casey's heart breaks for Alex and she pulls her close to her, hugging her tightly. She wishes it meant to Alex what it does to her but she knows that it comforts Alex nonetheless.

"I can't imagine what that must have been like," Casey says softly, her voice breaking and almost betraying her. "And you're still so scared because you're human; even though you think you aren't, you are. You're a mere mortal like me. You had something tramautic happen to you. Do you know what I used to do after I was censured? The day after the hearing, when I found out I was losing my license for three years, do you know what I did?"

Alex shakes her head. She knows how hard that time was for Casey. She wasn't around when it happened, but Casey has talked about it a lot and Alex knows it's the worst thing that has ever happened to Casey.

"I drove to this little beach off Coney Island. I felt really sorry for myself and went there to cry, more than anything else. It was relatively deserted and I sat in my car in the parking lot and cried for what must have been three hours. I was so angry and disappointed in myself. Then I got out of my car and walked down to the water. I walked along the shore and let the cold lap over my feet. I watched other people laying on blankets in the sand, and laughing and having a good time in the water. I remember envying them; their lives weren't over like mine was. I walked for awhile and it was like the water was washing away all my sadness. Then I came upon a group of seagulls. There was a little crab on the beach and they were trying to eat him. I chased them away and went to pick up the crab, but he was already crawling towards the water. His shell was broken but he wasn't. I watched him walk purposefully into the water. And it filled me with hope. If a little crab could pull himself together and move on, I could too. All it took was someone to chase away the seagulls."

Alex closes her eyes and when she opens them again she lets a tear fall. She knows why Casey told her that story. She's the crab and the nightmares are the seagulls.

Casey adjusts her position so she's sitting with her arm around Alex's shoulder. "I'll always chase the seagulls away, Alex. Always." She squeezes her. "You deserve the moon and stars. You deserve the universe. Everything I can't give you. But I can chase away seagulls for you. Anytime you need."

Alex loves Casey more than she has every loved another person at this moment. She rests her head against Casey's and wishes things were different.

"I'm so tired," Alex says softly. "But I can't go back to sleep."

"Yes you can. I'll stay here. And if the seagulls come back, they will regret it."

Casey crawls into bed next to Alex. She has no ill thoughts in her mind. As much as she would love to have a passionate night with Alex, it's the furthest thing from her mind. All she is thinking about is Alex's comfort.

Once Alex lies back down, her instincts take over. She immeaditely reaches for Casey and lies with her head on her chest. Casey wraps her arms around her protectively.

"I love you, Casey."

The words escape Alex's lips without her permission. They are hanging there in the air but yet Alex doesn't regret saying them.

"I love you too, Alex."

Alex can't remember the last time she felt this safe and loved. She sighs in contentment. Olivia used to hold her like this every night. She used to talk soothingly to her and Alex would fall asleep knowing she was loved. She never used to have trouble sleeping before.

And tonight she doesn't either. Within minutes she is asleep safe in Casey's arms, and the seagulls don't return.

.2

Casey stops the car outside of Alex's house. They both look out and see Olivia's car in the driveway. Alex has several missed calls from her. Today is her day off, and Alex has already decided she isn't going to let her off easily for missing the dinner the night before.

"You don't have to go," Casey suddenly says. Alex turns and looks at her. They both know Casey isn't speaking of just walking into the house; it's deeper than that.

"Casey, Olivia is my girlfriend. I have to go with her."

The words sound wrong even to Alex. Every word she says is a dagger in Casey's heart and she knows it.

Casey has tears in her eyes. "She doesn't deserve you."

Alex is completely torn apart. She loves Olivia and Olivia has vowed to work on their relationship. Alex wants it to work; she wants things to be how they used to be with them. They used to be so blissfully happy. Alex knows they can be again.

But she loves Casey too. She can't deny her developing feelings for her, and she knows Casey has feelings for her too. It makes this so much harder.

Alex closes her eyes and touches Casey's cheek. "I love you, Casey. I always will. But I have to try and repair things with Olivia. I have to."

Casey doesn't even try and hide it; she starts to cry and it breaks Alex's heart even more. She shakes her head. "It's the wrong choice, Alex. I would treat you like a princess. I would tell you I love you every single day, because that's what you deserve."

A tear slides down her cheek. Alex knows she means every word, and it's killing her. She wishes she didn't have a heart right now. Then this wouldn't be so hard.

"I'm sorry," she says again, wiping away her tears. "But I love Olivia too and I have to give her another chance."

She quickly turns away so Casey can't see the new waves of tears in her eyes, and so she doesn't lose her resolve and throw herself into Casey's arms.

Alex opens the passenger side door.

"You know I will be there to pick you up when Olivia breaks your heart again."

Alex stops, Casey's words breaking her. "I will always be there, Alex."

Her words only make this worse.

Infinitely worse.

Alex gets out of the car after a moment's hesitation. She waves goodbye to Casey, and Casey gives her a sad smile before she pulls away.

Alex feels completely gutted. The walk into her house is the longest walk of her life.

Alex tells herself that she isn't going to forgive Olivia for missing the dinner easily. She has let her off too easily lately and Alex knows she has to let her know that this is not okay.

It's almost noon when she makes herself go in the house. She is completely rested, for the first time in a long time. When she awakened, Casey was already up making breakfast. Alex had sat at her table watching cook and thinking that she could used to waking up this way every morning.

Casey. She smiles as she thinks about her the night before. She had looked so beautiful. She didn't have much time to get ready but somehow still managed to make Alex's heart flutter with her beauty. Alex recalls how her heart had swelled and she had almost cried when she saw that Casey had come, just for her.

Casey is an amazing person. Alex can't stop thinking about her. The sincerity and love in Casey's eyes when she dropped Alex off in front of her house and told her she would be there for her.

Alex walks to the kitchen, the aroma of bacon filling her nostrils and making her salivate. Bacon is also one of Alex Cabot's weaknesses.

Olivia is standing over the stove, wearing boxer shorts and her bathrobe. She has her back to Alex, not yet aware of her presence.

Normally Alex would smile and walk up to her. She would put her arms on her waist and sneak a surprise kiss to the back of her neck and Olivia would turn around and give her the best good morning kiss ever.

That's what used to happen, anyway.

Right now Alex isn't the mood for touching or kissing. She's deeply disappointed in Olivia and it's going to take more than bacon to fix it.

Alex clears her throat and moves around Olivia to get herself a cup of coffee. She doesn't acknowledge Olivia at all as she pours coffee into her mug.

"Good morning sweetheart," Olivia beams. Her smile fades when she notices that Alex isn't smiling and is glaring angrily at her.

Alex slams the lid of the coffee pot closed and turns away from Olivia. Olivia is about to get the ice queen, and she knows it.

Olivia sighs. "Alex, I know you are upset with me. You have every right to be."

Alex sits down at the table and sips her coffee. "Damn right I do."

"I shouldn't have missed the dinner last night," Olivia states the obvious.

Alex nods. "You're right. You shouldn't have."

Olivia presents a plate of bacon on the table and sits down across the table from me. "Baby, I was planning on coming. But I had this witness that I couldn't leave. She was only opening up to me. She was in rough shape, Alex, and if you had been there you would have done the same thing."

Alex appreciates Olivia's commitment to those who can't speak or fight for themselves. She has never seen anyone so full of compassion for others and anyone able to reach nearly anyone the way Olivia can. It's one of the things that Alex loves about her.

But there's a line between personal and professional life that Olivia no longer pays attention to. Everything revolves around her job and she will always put it first. Alex has come to accept this.

Alex looks at Olivia and then looks away quickly when she sees the guilt that is apparent in her eyes. "I already had breakfast. Casey cooked for me. And as for the dinner, Casey showed up. We had a great time."

She neglects to tell her how beautiful Casey was, and leaves out the fact that everyone thought they were on a date.

"I know. She texted me to tell me you were staying over so I wouldn't worry."

"Why would you worry, anyway? It's not like I'm your first priority any more."

Alex doesn't want to start an argument. She also doesn't want to make Olivia feel bad, but how else can she get through to her?

Olivia feels stung by Alex's tossed out words. "You know you still are my top priority, Alex."

Alex shrugs. "You could have fooled me. This dinner was really, really important to me. I wanted you there. If it had been something important to you, I wouldn't have missed it, Liv." She's getting emotional, despite all her efforts not to. "It really hurts me that you are constantly putting your job before me. I used to matter. You used to love me."

Olivia let's a tear slide down her cheek. "I do still love you. So, so much. I know I haven't been showing it. But don't give up on me. We have been through so much...I promised my heart to you long ago, Alex. I don't do that easily." She reaches across the table and takes Alex's hand. "I promise I will never put work before you again. I promise I will make this right. I love you."

Alex knows she means it, and she loves her too. But she can't help but feel those feelings for Casey creeping back in and threatening to overtake her heart.

Alex let's Olivia squeeze her hand and she looks into her eyes, seeing sincerity. She makes herself smile and nod.

Olivia reaches down by her feet and presents Alex with another wrapped box. Another gift, to ease her guilt, like the earrings had been.

"I've had this for awhile. I wanted to be all romantic and this wasn't where I wanted to do it, but...I don't think it can wait any longer. I think I've waited long enough as it is."

Olivia takes the box and pops it open. Alex's eyes go wide as she realizes she is looking at an engagement ring. Her eyes go to Olivia immeaditely. "Liv?"

Olivia smiles. "I love you, Alex Cabot, and went to dedicate the rest of my life to you. Will you marry me?"

What will Alex do? Whatever she chooses, you know it's far from over!