A/N: Hi everyone. A huge thanks to everyone who's read and reviewed. I really appreciate it.
Now, I did say this chapter was going to be Rosalie and Emmett's backstory but this came into my head and I just had to write it.
Hard to Say I'm Sorry
It was one of those days.
They'd slept in because the alarms didn't go off. The power to the building had been lost during the night so the clocks were all wrong. Jasper opened one eye, frowning at the amount of light in the room. Grabbing his phone from the bedside table he looked at the time and swore.
"Al, wake up," he urged, leaning over to shake her awake.
"Wha…?" groaned Alice, burying her head deeper into the pillow. Mornings had never been her strong point.
"Al, come on. It's late. The damn clock didn't go off. You've got classes in half an hour," he replied, leaping out bed and heading straight for the shower. It would have to be the quickest shower possible. He had a meeting this morning with the Head of Department and the Dean. He suspected they were going to tell him what his boss's plans were and sound him out on his interest in taking the job when he retired.
And of all the days that the alarm didn't go off, it had to be today!
Alice sat up swiftly, too swiftly, and felt her head spin as the blood rushed to her head. Clearing her head she jumped out of bed and ran to the closet to choose her clothes while she waited for Jasper to get out of the shower.
Rifling through her clothes, she picked and discarded outfits, many tumbling on the floor. In her haste, she managed to knock a few of Jasper's shirts off as well which became tangled with her discarded clothing. Finally deciding on her clothes she bent down to pick shoes from her shoe rack. It was now covered in clothes so she just grabbed the clothes and threw them out into the room. She didn't have time to sort them out this morning.
Stepping back, Alice managed to step on one her handbags which she hadn't hung up and staggered backward. Luckily she missed the floor and landed on the bed. Jasper chose that moment to walk back in the room.
"Alice! What are you still doing in bed?"
"I'm not in bed! I fell down, alright?" argued Alice, getting to her feet. She saw what she had tripped over and winced as she saw the mess she had been accumulating over the last couple of days. Her clothes were everywhere.
Since moving in with Jasper, she'd tried to curb her messy ways because she knew it irritated Jasper, who liked things in their place. She had largely succeeded but occasionally slipped. This being one of those times.
Jasper looked at the mess and just shook his head. It annoyed the hell out of him to see stuff everywhere. He was already in a foul mood because of the late start and seeing clothes, bags and shoes everywhere didn't help.
He began looking through his clothes as Alice had her shower. He generally had his clothes hung in order; his trousers were together, as were his shirts, ties, suits, generally colour coded. Even his underwear drawer was in order. Alice called it anal, he called it organised.
Looking through his shirts he was looking for a particular one that he wore with the trousers he'd picked. Frowning, he looked again. It should be here. He'd only washed and ironed it a few nights ago so he knew it wasn't in the clothes hamper. Damn, he wanted to wear this particular shirt. Where the hell was it?
Alice had finished her shower and walked into the bedroom to get dressed. She saw Jasper searching through his shirts. He was wearing only his trousers, the muscles in his back rippling as he moved. Alice just stared for a moment. Damn, he looked sexy. She licked her lips, wishing she had enough time to have her way with him this morning.
Jasper looked at her over his shoulder but he was too preoccupied to notice the lusty look in her eyes. "Alice, have you seen the light blue striped shirt that was here?"
She shook her head and continued dressing. Jasper kept muttering to himself as he began looking on the floor. He spied the bundle of clothes she'd tossed out of the wardrobe earlier and began searching through it. She watched as he found a scrap of blue material and slowly pulled it out of the pile. It was his shirt. There was silence for a couple of moments.
"What the hell is my shirt doing on the floor!" he yelled, furious.
Hackles up, Alice responded. "How the hell should I know? It's your shirt," she threw back at him.
"It was tangled in your clothes. Your clothes that are on the floor."
Alice just shrugged which made Jasper even more angry. "It didn't get there on its own and I certainly didn't put it there. Now I have to iron it and I'm going to run late for my meeting because of your laziness. Dammit Alice! This place is a pigsty. Look at it! Your stuff's everywhere."
By now Alice was steaming herself. "Don't you dare call me lazy! Just because you're a bloody neat freak, doesn't mean we all have to be," she yelled back at him, her eyes blazing.
"I'm not a neat freak. I just want to be able to find my things when I want them," he stormed, as he left the room to iron his shirt.
Fuming, Alice finished getting ready. Bastard! How dare he call her lazy? So she was untidy. Was that so bad? She hadn't meant to pull that shirt off, had she? And there were plenty more in the wardrobe. Why get in such a snit over that one?
Neither of them said anything to the other as they got their things together, both too mad to speak.
"Ready?" Jasper asked, breaking the silence. He held his car keys.
"I'll go in my own car, thanks," she replied snootily.
His face darkened even further. "Fine," he bit out. Grabbing his briefcase, he left the apartment, slamming the door behind him. He didn't even give her a kiss goodbye.
Alice's eyes watered when he left the room. Damn him! She walked back to the bedroom to get her coat and looked around her properly. It really was a mess. She bit her lip as she admitted to herself that she was at fault. Jasper wasn't really asking too much that he didn't trip over and risk breaking his neck when he came into this room. She promised herself that she would tidy up as soon as she got home today.
And she would need to apologise even though she was still angry that he'd called her lazy. Just because he'd woken in a bad mood, he didn't have to take it out on her. He hadn't even said or kissed her goodbye. A tiny voice in her head pointed out that she had made it worse by refusing to ride to work with him.
Making sure that Jingles had enough food to last the day, she left the apartment. Getting into her car, Alice decided to see if he was free for lunch. She didn't want to stay angry with him.
* * * * *
Jasper gripped the steering wheel as he drove to work. He was already regretting losing his temper and storming out of the apartment this morning. He shouldn't have shouted at her over a stupid shirt. He knew about her habit of messiness before they moved in together, so he shouldn't have got so mad about it.
He remembered her outraged face when he had the hide to call her lazy. Her green eyes flashed fire at him as she retaliated. He shouldn't have said that but finding the shirt tangled in her clothes had really ticked him off. Jasper smiled briefly as he thought how cute she looked when she was angry.
He drove into the staff car park and noticed the time. Damn, his meeting was in five minutes. He would have to wait to ring Alice and apologise. Right now, he had to run.
At the meeting Jasper was informed by his boss that he was planning to retire in another 18 months and that he and the Dean were hoping to groom Jasper to take over the position. They asked Jasper if he was interested in taking the position when the time came and Jasper had no hesitation in answering in the affirmative. They discussed a number of other things before Jasper left to teach a class.
Wait until I tell Alice, he thought as he hurried to his classroom. She'll be so excited for me. He realised he still hadn't rung her and again, there was no time now as students were coming into the classroom.
Oh well, he'd have to go and find her at lunchtime. She'd probably be in the cafeteria. He would apologise for his behaviour this morning then tell her his good news.
"Good morning guys. Let's get started, shall we?"
* * * * *
Alice didn't get to ring or text Jasper when she got to school. She was running late for her first class after sleeping in, so she made a mental note to text him between classes and suggest he meet her in the cafeteria for lunch.
She hoped he wasn't still angry with her. She wasn't angry at him any longer, she just wanted to kiss and make up. Especially the kissing bit.
Alice was now in her last class before lunch and she hadn't managed to text Jasper. She had become friendly with a couple of other students in her class and they asked if she wanted to join them in the cafeteria. Alice deliberated for a moment then decided to join them. She would message Jasper to meet her there.
Frances and Justin were a bit younger than her and had become a couple after meeting at the start of the college year. They were both friendly, open people and Alice had gotten into the habit of chatting with them before and after class. Since she either had lunch with Jasper or didn't have it at all when she finished early, this was the first time she had joined them.
They found a table in the corner of the room, Alice making sure there was a spare chair for Jasper. She reached for her phone, frowning as she rummaged in her handbag for it. Where was her phone? Damn, what if she'd lost it? She sat back in her chair, thinking back to when she'd seen it last.
"Oh!" cried Alice, rubbing her face.
"What's the matter?" asked Frances.
"I left my phone on the kitchen bench. Damn. I wanted to ring Jasper and ask if was free to join us," explained Alice. After this morning's argument, her head had been all over the place and she'd left the apartment without her phone.
"Here, use mine," offered Justin, passing his phone to her.
Smiling gratefully at him, Alice dialled Jasper's number. There was no answer and it rang out. Maybe he had it on silent if he was still in class. She sent him a message instead, telling him she was in the cafeteria for lunch.
The three of them chatted for a few moments, deciding on what to get. Alice and Frances were just about to go and order when she saw one of her professors.
"Oh, there's Professor Weinstein. I need to talk to him and he's really hard to get a hold of. Do you guys mind if go see him?" asked Frances, making sure the teacher didn't disappear.
The other two waved her off, then took it in turn to get their lunches. They talked as they ate, Justin impersonating their lecturer really accurately which had Alice in stitches.
Walking into the cafeteria, Jasper was confronted by the sight of Alice sitting with another male, leaning toward him, her face alight with laughter. Her chin was on her hand as he spoke, her green eyes alight.
Jasper felt his stomach clench. All his insecurities rushed to the fore as he watched his girlfriend flirt with another guy. His rational side tried to tell him that Alice wouldn't cheat on him, but the other irrational part brought up the old memories.
Maria, telling him she'd cheated on him. Telling him the baby she carried wasn't his. He'd thought she loved him and look what she'd done. Was history repeating itself? After their argument this morning, had Alice decided he wasn't worth loving after all?
Looking at Alice and her companion, a mixture of fear and anger rose in him, causing a knot in his stomach to grow to the point where he felt almost physically sick. With one last pain-filled glare at Alice, he turned and left, not noticing her stunned look.
Laughing at what Justin was saying, Alice didn't notice Jasper come into the room at first. It was only when she felt eyes on her that she looked up and saw him glaring at her. There was such anger in his eyes as he turned and walked off that Alice just sat there stunned.
What on earth had put that look in Jasper's eyes? What had she done that could make him that angry? Surely, he wasn't still mad about this morning, was he?
Needing to find out, Alice abruptly stood up to leave. Justin just looked at her in surprise. He hadn't seen the look Jasper had given her. "I'm sorry Justin. I've got to go. Say bye to Frances for me." Justin just nodded as he watched her hurry from the cafeteria.
Alice walked as fast as her short legs could carry her, trying to work out where Jasper had gone. She decided to try his office first.
There was no one there. At least, no one answered her knock and the door was locked. Next, she went to the classrooms, looking in a couple before finding him sitting at the desk of an empty classroom.
"Jasper?" called Alice softly.
His head turned to her and she gasped at the look in his eyes. "Jasper? What's the matter?"
"Enjoy your lunch?" he sneered.
Nonplussed, Alice could only answer truthfully. "Yes, I suppose so. I was waiting for you."
Jasper looked at her, his blue eyes stormy. "Yeah sure."
"Jasper! Tell me what's wrong. Are you still angry about this morning? Is that what this is all about?" demanded Alice, getting angry at his attitude.
"What's wrong? What's wrong? Walking in and finding my girlfriend flirting with some guy, just about all over him. That's what's wrong."
Alice just gasped in shock, not believing what her ears were hearing. "Flirting? What the hell are you talking about? I wasn't flirting with anyone?" Alice could feel her voice rising as she got more agitated.
"So I just imagined you gazing and laughing at him, did I? Who is he?"
"That was Justin. He's in my class and I having lunch with him and his girlfriend, you idiot," replied Alice, her temper rising at the injustice of Jasper's words.
"I didn't see any girlfriend."
"She had just stepped outside to talk to her professor," replied Alice. Jasper just snorted in disdain at her explanation.
Alice could hear voices getting closer, students arriving for their next class. "When, in all the time we've been together have I ever given you any cause to doubt me? When?" she demanded. Her eyes filled with tears, her mind raging at his accusation.
Without waiting for his reply, Alice turned and raced out of the room. She needed to get away before he saw her cry. Knowing he couldn't follow because he had a class to teach, Alice went back to her car. As she sat down, the tears she'd been trying to keep from falling burst forth. Leaning her head against the steering wheel, Alice began sobbing as his words kept repeating in her head.
How could he think that of her? How could he even imagine she would cheat on him? She loved him desperately, had told him so many times. She hadn't looked at another man since the day she first saw him, on the campus grounds, nearly a year ago.
Gradually her sobs subsided and she leaned back in the seat. She couldn't even think about going to the rest of her classes so she started the engine and drove home.
As she kept going over and over his words, Alice began getting angrier and angrier. How dare he think that about her? Did he have so little faith in her that just the sight of her talking to another man caused this reaction?
Jingles rushed up to meet her, rubbing herself along Alice's legs, demanding to be picked up. Alice bent down and picked up the little cat, hugging her close. She remembered the night Jasper had given her the kitten and the tears started again.
The kitten rubbed her head against Alice's chin, purring loudly. "You still love me, don't you sweetheart?" murmured Alice as she sat down. She stayed like that for a while, Jingles quite content to fall asleep in her arms.
After a while, Alice put the kitten down and went to the bedroom. Wanting to take her mind off things, she began clearing up, putting her clothes and accessories away. What will he accuse me of now? Thought Alice. I'm lazy and unfaithful, what else can he come up with?
It was after four when she heard the lock turn and braced herself for more of Jasper's accusations. She was sitting on the armchair, facing away from the door and she refused to look around.
Jasper opened the door, not knowing what he would be facing as he walked in. He was fully expecting Alice's anger. He deserved it.
He'd seen the bewildered hurt in Alice's eyes as she threw her question at him before stalking out of the room. Then the doubts came flooding in. When the red flames of jealousy had cooled, Jasper began thinking logically again. Her question resonated over and over. When had she ever given him cause to doubt her?
Never.
She'd never done anything but love him. More than he deserved. And he'd accused her of betrayal, scorned her explaination and hurt her.
The rest of the day had dragged as he became desperate to get home and beg her forgiveness. A part of him, a large part, was terrified that she wouldn't be there when he got home.
He saw her as he walked into the lounge and he sighed an internal sigh of relief. She was still here. For the moment.
"Alice?" He saw her back stiffen as he spoke and grimaced. This was going to be as hard as he'd imagined.
"Alice. I'm sorry."
"You're sorry. About what? The fact you called me a cheat? Or maybe lazy? Or maybe that you met me?" She still hadn't looked at him.
Jasper swallowed and walked around to face her. She was furious, her tight face and pinched cheeks speaking volumes. Her eyes were reddened, obviously from tears he'd caused.
"I'll never be sorry I met you, Alice," he said softly, looking at her even though she wouldn't meet his eyes. "I'm sorry about what I accused you of. And you're not lazy. I was just annoyed."
"Justin is in my class, as is Frances, his girlfriend. I sent you a message to join us. I used his phone because I left mine here this morning," said Alice tightly, her voice hoarse.
Jasper got his phone out and saw a new message and a missed call, both from the same number. His shoulders slumped as he realised that if he'd only answered his phone, he could have saved themselves a whole lot of trouble.
"Are you going to do this whenever I speak to another man? Are you going to accuse me of all sorts of things for just being friendly with someone?"
"Alice...I..." he couldn't finish.
"Well? Why did you react like that? We were in a cafeteria, for goodness sake! Do you really think, if I was going to cheat on you, I would do it in the college cafeteria?" she asked, her voice rising in agitation as her anger reared. "Do I carry on when I see girls drooling over you?"
Jasper shook his head. "I've heard girls gossiping about you. 'Professor Whitlock. OMG he's so hot!' and even things they'd like to do to you and with you. It's not pleasant for me but I haven't come and accused you of cheating, have I?"
"I'm sorry if you've heard those things," said Jasper.
"It's not your fault. My point is, why did you react like that? You looked like you hated me," cried Alice. "What have I ever done to deserve that?"
"Maria."
He said it so quietly, Alice had to ask him to repeat himself.
"Maria. Seeing you with him brought back her betrayal," he whispered.
"Maria!" she spat. "You're making me pay for something she did, aren't you?" yelled Alice, incensed.
"No! It's not like that. It just happened."
Suddenly, Alice had had enough. "I can't stay here." She got up and got her purse and keys and walked to the door.
"Where are you going?" asked Jasper anxiously.
"Out."
"When will you be back?"
"I don't know," she replied as she left the apartment.
Jasper just flopped in the chair and put his head in his hands, despairing of how to make things right again.
* * * * *
Alice got in the car and drove automatically to the place where she could find solace. Bella's place.
"Alice?" greeted Bella as she opened the door to her unexpected visitor.
"Hi Bella. You busy?" asked Alice. She was no longer crying but she needed somewhere to get her jumbled thoughts and feelings in order.
"No. What's happened Alice? You look like you've been crying," asked Bella, looking at her friend with worried eyes.
Alice just nodded and accepted Bella's offer of a coffee. As they drank, Alice told Bella what had happened. She got it all off her chest and felt much better at the end.
"Alice, I know what he did was wrong but you need to see it from his side. He was so badly hurt by that bitch that there's bound to be times when all that hurt comes back. It was probably a reflex action and he probably wouldn't have given it another thought on another day. You said you'd had an argument earlier, so he was probably still a bit raw."
Alice sighed at Bella's words. "I don't want to be compared to her. I don't want what she did to impinge on our relationship."
"And she won't. But you need to talk to Jasper. Tell him this. Let him know how you feel and let him tell you how he feels. You can't let things like this come between you. You two love each other so much. It's so obvious. So you need to work through this. I love you and I love your company, but you need to start by going home."
Alice knew Bella was right and took her leave. On the way home Alice decided they were going to sort this out tonight. She was going to follow the advice of never going to bed angry with your partner.
Entering the house, she heard the television on. Jasper was sitting on the couch, his drawn face just staring at the screen. He looked unhappy too.
All her anger evaporated as she looked at her beloved Jasper. He must have heard her because he turned around and saw her, his eyes lighting up at the sight of her.
Running across to him, Alice leapt into his lap and pulled his head down for her kiss. Their mouths met, lips and tongue seeking and finding forgiveness, their arms tightly wound around each other. They kissed for several minutes, needing closeness after their awful day.
Finally, they drew apart but Jasper leaned his forehead against hers. "I'm so sorry baby. I was an idiot and a fool and I don't deserve you but I love you. Forgive me?"
Alice nodded, smiling. "I'm sorry too. And yes, I forgive you and I love you too."
They just held each other close for a while, neither saying a word. After a long while, Alice sat up and prepared to have the talk they needed to have.
"Jasper? Why did you react like that? I know she hurt you but you were so angry."
Jasper tightened his arms around her and sighed. "It's hard to explain. I never think about her or what she did but when I saw you, enjoying another man's company, it was like all reason left me. I was angry and scared at the same time."
"What were you scared about?" she asked gently, stroking his cheek.
"Losing you. I'm terrified of losing you. I know it's irrational but I still don't feel like I deserve you. I didn't realise how strong that fear was until today," he admitted.
"Oh darling. You won't lose me," she replied, hugging him close. "We deserve each other. But you need to trust me, to trust us."
"I know. And I do trust you. I really do. Today was like a brain explosion and I regret that deeply because I hurt you and I never want to hurt you. You're everything to me."
"And you're everything to me. I'm not whole without you. But you need to talk to me next time you feel like that. I wish I could wipe away all those memories but I can't. And I can't be scared to talk to people because of how you might react. You just have to trust that I would never hurt you like that," said Alice, looking into his eyes, wanting him to see how sincere she was.
"I promise I'll never carry on like that again. I don't know if I'll ever totally feel like I deserve you, though."
"Maybe when we're in our 80s you might accept that fact," teased Alice gently, kissing him lightly.
"Maybe. I just know I'll still love you madly even when I'm in my 80s."
"And I you. Jazz, I'm sorry too."
"What do you have to be sorry for?" asked Jasper.
"For this morning. I know how much it annoys you and I promise I don't do it on purpose, but I promise to try to be neater from now on. If it's really getting to you, tell me. I just sometimes need a push."
"Ok. How about we put this day behind us and start again?"
"Well, we'll put the bad parts behind us, but we'll keep the lessons, ok?"
Jasper nodded and took her lips again. In no time at all, the passion between them rose, as it always did when they were together. Jasper moved Alice so she straddled his lap where she wiggled against his growing bulge.
Lips never leaving each other, their hands wandered over each other's bodies, Alice shivering with pleasure as his hands reached under her top and rolled her breasts in his hands, his thumbs rubbing her nipples. As clothing came off, their pulses and breathing increased as their pleasure grew.
Jasper bent Alice back so that her tight nipples were within reach. Bending his head, he gently blew on it, watching as it hardened even further. With the tip of his tongue, he circled each nipple before taking them fully in his mouth, enjoying Alice's purr of pleasure as he sucked and nibbled on her.
Pleasure coursing through her, Alice let her head fall back, letting herself feel every sensation. She speared her hands into his hair, holding him against her breasts. She could feel the ache between her legs and rolled her hips against him, bringing herself up against his erection, trying to soothe the throbbing.
His heart racing, Jasper moaned softly as she rubbed against him. He bucked up at the same time and heard her quiet moan as her hips picked up speed.
"Baby. Let's get the rest of these clothes off," he said urgently, his lips still against her breasts.
"Yes," she breathed.
Lifting her to her feet, Jasper helped her out of her jeans, kissing and caressing her bare skin as it emerged. When she was standing naked in front of him, he groaned in excitement at the sight of her smooth, silky skin. Pulling her forward, he ran his tongue over the skin of her hip, caressing her stomach.
Nuzzling the hair at the junction of her thighs, he reached out a finger to test her readiness. She mindlessly opened her legs, allowing him free access. With the heel of his palm, he rubbed her clit, his fingers inserted inside her, massaging her inner walls.
"Oh Jazz! Mmm..." she moaned, bucking her hips against his busy fingers.
With his free hand, Jasper fumbled with his trousers, pulling them off as quickly as possible. He was so hard, his penis lay against his stomach, quivering in anticipation of being joined with the woman he loved.
Alice looked down and saw how ready he was for her. Smiling, she pulled his hand away, lifting it to her mouth and kissing it, tasting herself. Jasper's mouth opened in a silent moan as he watched her.
Moving his hips down the lounge, he grabbed her hips and positioned her over him, her knees on either side of his hips. Alice reached down and took him in her hand, gently stroking him up and down, listening to his strangled moans.
"Oh baby. Take me inside you," he pleaded, his voice hoarse.
While she kissed him she lifted herself up, positioned him at her entrance and slowly lowered herself down, taking his whole length into her body. Their moans of pleasure were lost in each other's mouths as they remained joined by their mouths and their loins.
Alice began moving her hips back and forth, building friction between them. Their lovemaking was unhurried as they both enjoyed the closeness of this position where they could kiss and hug while the tension built.
They continued like this for a long time, Alice moving just enough to keep him hard inside her. Eventually though, the tension built enough that they needed to ease the ache.
Jasper let Alice take control, letting her set the pace of their lovemaking. When she began bouncing up and down on him, he bucked his hips in time, his grunts and moans proof of his pleasure. He could feel himself growing even harder inside her.
"Oh god baby. Thats...ah!" he groaned as she lifted herself up, teased her entrance and then impaled herself again. Her breathing was coming in short pants as the excitement built.
Without saying a word, Alice shifted her legs so that she was no longer on her knees but rather was seated fully on him, her legs wrapped around him. This position made him penetrate her even further, so that there wasn't a breath of space between them.
Jasper threw his head back, his mouth open, moaning continuously, as she bucked up and down over him, the friction between their bodies intense. His fingers came up to pinch her nipples, pulling and tugging on the hard nubs.
"Jazz! Unngghh..." she groaned as he bucked into her. The twin stimuli of his fingers on her nipples and his cock inside her was her undoing. Pulling his mouth to hers, they were seemingly fused from lips to hips.
With a final roll of her hips, she came, her body shattering around his, her lips never leaving his, her cries of pleasure lost in his mouth.
Her inner muscles clenched tightly with the force of her orgasm and Jasper lost all control. He felt himself come apart as he came, his whole body shaking in reaction to such intense pleasure.
Slowly, very slowly, they came down from their own private nirvana, their bodies quivering as aftershocks from their orgasms rocked through them.
"Wow, that was intense," panted Alice, her eyes heavy from satisfaction.
"That's for sure."
Alice giggled, the motion felt by both of them since they were so tightly bound and Jasper, to his astonishment felt himself stirring again. "Mmm, maybe we should fight more often. Make up sex is pretty damn good."
Jasper growled and bent to nip at her throat. "No. How about we just keep having amazing sex without the fight first, hmm?"
"Ok, whatever."
Getting up off the lounge, still impaled inside Alice, he carried her to their bedroom where they continued making up.
It was one of those days.
* * * * *
A/N: Hope you enjoyed that. I love hearing from you so let me know by reviewing.
The next chapter WILL be Emmett and Rosalie's backstory, then there'll be more of our favourite couple!