First of all, I know I've been complaining a lot about the lack of reviews, but in the end it is about the stories and about me loving to write them and I'm thrilled each time I look at the stats and see just how many people are reading. So thank you! With a special thanks to those few precious reviewers! Keep doing that, you make my day...

It's difficult, this one. I have obviously set a kinda high standard in the first two chapters and I can only hope I can live up to the expectations that might bring along in chapters to come. Tell me should I be starting to slack off.

3. Plans and precautions

"Love?"

Sara groaned and threw one arm over her eyes as she slowly woke, pulling the dark blue satin cover up to her chin.

"Morning, Sar." Eli's soft low voice reached her ears. "I've been called in. Listen, there's half of a big omelet in the oven and the coffee is fresh. Just give me a kiss and you can go back to sleep until it's time for you, too."

Sara lowered her arms and blinked at the smiling woman that stood bent above her.

A ray of bright afternoon sunlight fell through a crack between the curtains and illuminated Eli's face from the side, casting one half of her face in shadow while the other half almost glowed, letting her else so very dark eyes shine in an almost hazel tone. She was dressed and appeared ready to leave, tight dark jeans, dress-shirt and...

"You're wearing a tie."

Eli laughed and rolled her eyes. She'd never get over just how utterly adorable Sara was when she just woke up. Even when she was grumpy, she looked cute.

She replied in a casual tone.

"Good morning to you, too, Eli. Did you get some sleep before the phone went off?- why, yes, I did, love, but not nearly enough, I wish I could've stayed wrapped around you in bed for like, forever..."

Sara scoffed, reached up, wrapped the black tie that dangled down from the collar of Eli's grey shirt in a quick motion around her hand and pulled her girlfriend into a deep and affectionate kiss.

"Good morning, sweetness. I'm sorry." Sara held on to the tie, keeping Eli close. "Wow, that thing comes in handy. Should keep that in mind."

She smirked up at Eli and tugged a bit more again, crushing her lips against her girlfriend's once more in a heated kiss.

"Aw, I just ironed that like ten minutes ago..." Eli huffed as they parted, her lower lip pushed forward.

"Oh, shush or I'll tie you to the bed with it and send Sofia a picture with a text explaining your being late."

Eli grinned devilishly.

"Bet she wouldn't mind it then at all..."

Sara glared at Eli but the subtle curving of her lips gave her amusement away.

"You and her, that's a friendship I've tried for years not to think too much about. You guys are way too close..."

Smiling, Eli sat down at the edge of the mattress and caressed her lover's face.

"I love you, Waves. I'll tell her you said hi, okay? And I'm not going to tell you what Greg suggested the other day. But I almost choked on my sandwich and Fia spluttered her coffee all over the table."

Sara sat up and leaned back against the headboard, now more than awake.

She squinted her eyes at Eli.

"What did he say with that dirty mouth of his?"

"He said that since you and Sofia get along so well for quite some time now, we should consider exploring our long hidden common desires."

Sara's eyes widened and she gasped quietly.

"He did not suggest..." she started and Eli grinned and nodded.

"Yeah, he did. Then his eyes got all glassy and I threw an apple at him. A very fresh and firm green apple. I'm quite positive it left a bump."

"That's my woman." Sara grinned at the image and pulled Eli in for another kiss.

"Sofia said the same."

"She did not!" Sara exclaimed.

"She did. Except she said 'That's my girl.' and we high fived."

Sara snickered and gently ran her hand through Eli's locks. She knew some girlfriends wouldn't like the intensity of Eli and Sofia's friendship, but she respected their closeness and was often amused by their playful banter and how much they cared about each other. And she honestly liked the blonde and her quirky sense of humour.

"Take care at work." She whispered before pecking Eli on the lips.

"Always do."

"Love you."

"I love you, too."

Eli straightened and adjusted and flattened her abused tie, then grinned goofily.

"Two months, Sara."

The brunette sank back into the cushions and sighed while smiling at her lover who beamed with excitement.

"Yes, Eli. Two months."

But she couldn't help but grin herself as she thought about the date they had set.

Eli pushed her shirt-sleeve up to take a quick look at her watch. Yeah, she could spare ten more minutes.

Much to Sara's surprise Eli lifted the covers and crawled beside her into bed, facing Sara and staring at her earnestly.

"Shouldn't you be rushing to work?" She asked half amused, half surprised.

But as Eli's hand brushed over her front and found its way to the insides of her thighs and short fingernails gently scratched along the sensitive skin, she found her bewilderment vanish into thin air.

"Sweetness?"

"Shhh!"

Nimble fingers worked her panties down her legs and all the while Eli simply gazed into her eyes, infinite love shining in her warm dark brown orbs.

Sara held her breath and her eyes snapped shut at Eli's first touch to her center. She felt lips close around her earlobe and gentle sucking as Eli buried her fingers deep inside her, catching her a bit by surprise.

Then more whispering.

"I've come to a decision about something and I deny you the right to object."

Another strong and deep thrust punctuated the statement .

"And yes, I am really sure."

Another finger was added and Sara moaned loudly, trying to wrap her mind around what was happening, her stomach tightening with arousal and her mind trying to guess what Eli could be talking about.

"Say you will agree."

Another strong thrust. Lately Eli had rarely taken the lead in their lovemaking so Sara felt all the more turned on as Eli did it now so effortlessly. The pace increased considerably with Eli's next words.

"Say it, Sara, say you'll agree."

By now, she panted and writhed under Eli's firm and well-directed strokes.

"I don't even know what I'll be agreeing to." She ground out between groans of pleasure, the part of her mind that wondered slowly but surely overruled by pleasure.

Eli chuckled and licked over the shell of Sara's ear, making her shudder fiercely.

"That's the tricky part for you, I know."

She was close now, so damn close, so fucking fast.

"Say it. Throw caution in the wind and say it."

She felt the distinct tingle in her lower belly announcing the beginning of her release and she tightened around those amazingly talented fingers and each thrust felt tenfold.

Gasping for breath as Eli suddenly stopped all movement, she growled and her eyes flew open, drinking in the smug smile and the desire on most prominent display on her lover's face.

"Yes, yes, I agree, just let me..."

The last word got swallowed in a passionate kiss and Eli slowly fell back into rhythm while her lips wandered over Sara's skin back to her ear.

As the first massive wave of her orgasm washed over her, she heard Eli utter in the most loving and proud tone she'd ever heard her use.

"I want your name, Sara Sidle. Because I'm going to be your wife, your lover, your partner, yours to have and to hold. I want everyone to know who it is I belong with when we come back from Cali and I'll no longer be Det. Trent, but Det. Sidle. I. Adore. You."

Sara was caught in the moment, couldn't believe her ears, couldn't breathe, couldn't speak or react as Eli crouched down, brought her mouth and tongue into the game and seconds later she screamed out as wave upon wave carried her further out into that ocean of bliss than she'd ever been.

She begged and pleaded Eli to stop, that she couldn't take any more, she felt like she'd burst from the inside out of this continued just one more second, but Eli didn't relent, held her down so strongly with just one arm and drew the moment out, relishing in the loudest yell she'd ever heard being ripped from her lover's lungs and drowned in the amazing taste of Sara still coming all over her face.

As she finally slowed to a stop and Sara slumped into the sheets, still trembling but ultimately spent and convulsing in a series of aftershocks Eli just lifted her head and watched, enthralled, bewitched.

She almost didn't recognise her own voice, it was hoarse and sounded faraway and so very foreign in her own ears.

"You are amazing. You've got all this power over me that I don't even dare to describe. I've never heard or felt or seen anything so stunningly beautiful as you when you come. And this was beyond all comprehension."

With weak arms, Sara reached out and pulled Eli on top of her, grounding herself by feeling the weight of her fiancé pressing her into the mattress, burying her fingers deep in the wild locks that had grown to a length that she loved seeing on Eli.

"Wow!" She breathed out. "That was unbelievable, I didn't even know this was possible, I thought I wouldn't survive."

Eli cupped her face and kissed her so softly, so adoringly that she felt her chest constrict once again.

"I love you."

"You really want to take on my name?"

"Yeah."

"But your family, your name has a history. And mine..."

"And I don't care about any of that. My mom will understand. She'll understand because she loves me. And she loves you, too, Sar. It'll be just like we joked about. One day I'll be Captain Eli Sidle. Aw, come on, I know, somewhere well hidden, deep inside of you, you do like the thought. Fess up."

Sara wriggled out from underneath Eli and a wide, gap-toothed and utterly smug grin took possession of her features.

"I love it."

Pleased, Eli snickered at the sight.

"Waves, I really gotta go now."

"I don't want you to. I want my turn." Sara almost whined. So untypical...

"You can have me-" Eli brought her wrists together watching Sara's eyes go wide. "-any way you see fit in the morning. Tie me up, spank me, tease me, cover me with candle wax, make me beg and scream, mark me with your teeth, your nails, anything you want to use on me and then fuck me, Sara. Fuck me hard and thorough, fuck me senseless, my love. I'm yours."

The heat in Sara's gaze and the hitch in her breath made Eli's skin tingle in anticipation.

They had long stopped worrying about the way their sexual relationship had developed, yet still every time Eli used words to show Sara that fairly submissive side of herself, she knew Sara's mind spun and it turned her on beyond belief. Every time Eli said 'I'm yours' it almost made her girlfriend lose her mind. Every time they pushed each other further towards certain limits, it was spectacular.

Then she felt a sharp sting on her backside.

"God, Eli! You cannot say things like that and then leave! Have you gone completely insane?"

She paused and eyed Eli mischievously.

"Well, since you have to change anyway, I wouldn't suggest you go to work with the smell of sex all over you, strip!"

Eli looked at her staggered.

As Sara practically growled the last word again, Eli jumped off the bed and started loosening her tie and pulled it over her head, unbuttoned her shirt und took it off, then unbuckled her belt, ripped it out of the loops before popping the buttons of her jeans open one by one and shimmied out of them, every action supervised by Sara never digressing eyes.

"Everything but the bra and socks!" Sara demanded in a tone that was strictly reserved for the bedroom. Or at least for bedroom activities, wherever they took place sometimes.

Eli acquiesced and was seconds away from picking up the phone and calling Sofia that she'd be late, very late as Sara stood up, pulled her panties back up and sauntered over to her.

Sara let her gaze wander over Eli's body, then her hand slowly followed the path of her eyes.

It was a fleeting touch, she knew she couldn't keep Eli away from work for as long as she wanted, but she could make it a work-day to remember for Eli.

So she kissed her lover softly and went over to the dresser, sorting through Eli's clothes. She picked out a dark blue shirt and threw it in Eli's direction.

"Really, Sara? That is one of my best shirts." She remarked, glancing over at Sara.

"I know. It's actually my favourite. I'll be looking forward to undress you even more in the morning knowing you're wearing it. It looks so damn good on you."

Eli grinned and slipped into the shirt that hugged her once again well trained frame almost like a second skin, leaving the top two buttons open.

Sara gave her a very appreciative once over.

"Now get back into those jeans."

Eli stared back at Sara in shock.

"What?" She shrieked. "You're going to make me go commando today? After- after what just happened? Do you have any idea how-"

With three quick steps Sara stood in front of her and without any warning two of her digits found their way between Eli's legs.

"Oh, I do have a very vivid idea."

And as sudden as they'd appeared, they were gone again.

"You'll think about me all evening and all night, sweetness."

"You're evil!"

"And you're so horny right now."

Eli reluctantly lifted her jeans up from the floor and put them on again, throwing Sara a defiant look.

"The things I do for you..."

"The things I'm going to do to you if you behave."

"Tease!"

"Get dressed, you're late."

"You go and explain to my Lieutenant why I'll be so uncomfortable sitting down tonight."

"It'll be my pleasure." Sara snickered, knowing no one would ever gain knowlegde about this little inconvinience she was determined to out Eli through. Not even Sofia.

Eli retrieved her shoes and groaned as she crouched down to tie the laces. Too much friction, those jeans were new and tight.

"I really can't wait to undress you again."

The leering look Sara threw her wasn't making the longing Eli felt any better.

"You're a bit of a bitch sometimes." Eli growled.

Sara smirked and licked her lips, hoping that Eli wasn't really angry with her for that move.

"You're so sexy when you're angry with me."

"I'll show you angry!"

"Kiss me, Lilith."

With another deep growl, Eli picked Sara up and took full possession of her mouth and kissed her with fervor and all the lust she would have to suppress for roughly the next 14 hours.

"Tell me again why I'm doing these things for you?"

"Because you love me bossy, sweetness."

"Sofia?"

Without looking up, Sofia sighed.

"Took you long enough. I called you, what, like one and a half hours ago."

Eli stepped into the Lieutenant's office.

"I'm sorry. I- I had a little announcement to make. It took longer than I'd anticipated.

Guessing what kind of longer Eli was talking about, Sofia shook her head.

"And that announcement couldn't have waited til after shift?"

Finally lifting her gaze off the stack of paperwork in front of her, Sofia had to blink twice as she took in Eli's appearance.

"Holy shit! What-"

Eli held up a hand to stop her friend.

"Don't even ask."

"What the hell did you to that she made you wear that shirt to work?"

"I said don't ask."

Sofia grinned and motioned zipping her mouth close and Eli glared at her sourly.

"So where do you want me, Fia?"

"Close the door, lock it and draw the blinds."

"What?"

Sofia tried to suppress her laughter but failed miserably. She cocked her head to the side and tried to sound as serious as she could manage.

"You asked where I wanted you. I want you sprawled on my desk, Eli Trent, you look hot as hell. But not with the door wide open and the blinds up, silly."

Eli rolled her eyes at her now smugly grinning friend.

"In your dreams, Curtis. Stop mocking me."

Sofia feigned a huge pout.

"Awww..."

"When is this teasing ever gonna end, Fia?"

"When I'm in a relationship again."

"Yeah, like that did stop you last time around. I vividly remember Amber turning all shades of green when you called me honey, patted my backside and 'danced' with me the one time we went out together."

She raised her eyebrows at her widely grinning superior.

"That was a great dance."

Eli bent over Sofia's desk and braced herself with her palms resting flat on the surface, offering Sofia quite a nice look right down her shirt. Just as she'd suspected, her friend's eyes darted into the anticipated direction before jumping back up to meet her victorious and amused grin.

"That wasn't a dance, I'd have called it foreplay if we'd been together."

"I didn't hear any obligations coming from you. And by the way, I can't deny that since you've just proven your point very impressively, I can acknowledge that you're a striking woman, stunning some days-" Smugly grinning, she pretended eyeing the expanse of cleavage Eli was showing off once again. "-and can still be your best friend."

Eli straightened up again and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"If you weren't I'd have slapped you for that last glance..."

Pushing her office chair back, Sofia smiled.

"Thank goodness I am."

"Yeah, you are indeed."

A moment of silence followed until Eli let her arms fall down at her sides and sighed.

"I told her I was going to take on her name."

Sofia stopped mid-motion on her way around the desk.

"So you've decided."

"There was no decision to be made. I wouldn't want it any other way."

"There's gonna be a lot of talk in the Department when you come back and everyone will have to call you Detective Sidle."

She weighed her head from side to side while she scrutinized Eli, who nodded, but beamed with glee.

"Wow, that actually sounds quite nice. Detective Sidle."

"It does, doesn't it? God, Sofia, I can't wait. When did I become so sentimental? Marriage!"

Sofia looked up at the ceiling and shook her head vigorously, murmuring to herself.

'Gosh, how can one person be so whipped.'

Then, louder.

"Because you're so much in love with Sara, you'd do anything. And I'm afraid marriage is going to suit you. Both. Weird as it seems. Sara. You. Married. God, give me a hug, woman. Am I going to be your, what, 'best woman'? I'm so not calling it maid of honour, I want the rings, not the bouquet."

Eli embraced Sofia and laughed.

"The hardest decision yet. Leonard or you. I want you both. We'll see, Sophie."

"I understand. I love you anyways. Now let go of me, we've got work to do."

Eli tried to push the memories aside, taking large gulps from a beer bottle. She'd been so very, very happy. So happy.

But it was over.

She'd never get to go to California to get married on a warm September day in the backyard of her mother's mansion. She'd never get to see Sara walking down the aisle to Eva Cassidy's version of 'Songbird'. She'd never get to say 'Yes, I do.'. She'd never get that first kiss, that first dance as a married woman. Married to the love of her life. She'd never get to sign those official papers with a different surname.

For as long as we both shall live...

Forever cut short by five bullets.

Forever cut short by an Officer who'd done a devastatingly crappy job clearing a scene, too nervous and distracted to even think straight because his girlfriend was in labour and he had to work through the arrival of his firstborn.

Now he lay on a gurney, too. For having made a fucking Rookie mistake.

Forever cut short by an automatic weapon that spit death at the rate of 120 bullets per minute.

She'd seen Catherine cry helplessly, had seen the desperate look in Grissom's eyes as he was being wheeled into the ER, crushed by the weight of the knowledge that he'd come out of the shooting with almost minimal injuries while Sara had already been on that operating table and two people had already died. Had felt Sofia's lingering presence beside her outside the swing doors that led to the ER's, had seen just how much the smaller woman tried to keep it together, to be there for her. Had seen it in the blonde's eyes that she'd cast her own pain away, that she'd catch her, that she'd do anything and everything to get Eli through this. Had felt her arms around her as the Doctor had stepped out into the much too bright hallway and told her that there had been nothing they could do to save Sara's life. That the injuries had been too severe. Then her leg's had given out. She had pushed Sofia away, needing the solace, needing to get away from the abundance of grief and pity that had felt like another slap in the face as everyone laid eyes on her.

She threw another empty beer bottle across the wide open space of desert in front of her that was bathed in the light of the early morning's orange sunlight. It rotated in the air and glistening drops flew into every direction, refracting the light like small crystals. The thud with which it landed in the sand was utterly dissatisfying. The next one she would smash against a rock, let the green glass burst into a thousand tiny pieces. Scattered all over the ground.

Fragmented, just like her heart. Impossible to put back together.

She laughed despite a renewed overflow of her tears when a line from one of her favourite Travis songs came to mind. Words slightly varying a nursery rhyme. Humpty Dumpty. She sung them out with a strangled and hoarse voice,sung them loud into the empty vast landscape, her words caught by the baffle winds and carried away.

"All of the king's horses and all of the king's men couldn't pull my heart back together again."

How did it go on?

'Yeah...' She thought cynically.

' 'Cos all I need is you, I just need you, yeah you got the glue, so I'm gonna give my heart to you.'

But gone was the glue.

She flexed the finger's of her right hand, staring at her bruised and bleeding knuckles that were now covered with dirt and sand from sitting too long on the hard ground somewhere in the middle of nowhere. She couldn't even remember what she'd hit, but she must've have hit it hard.

Sara would have called her a fool for that. Hurting herself.

She wondered about just how easy it would be to walk over to her car, get the spare revolver that always sat in her glove compartment, hold it to her head and just pull the trigger. To end the pain she was only just beginning to feel.

But there was no way even in the hell her life had and would become that she'd ever seriously consider committing suicide.

She'd been many things in her life, but a coward had never been one of them. And to her, suicide was the ultimate act of cowardice.

And after all, she couldn't do that to all of them.

More than enough people had died tonight.

She twisted the cap off of the fifth bottle and emptied it in one go, yet more memories came rushing in.

"I don't want to talk about that. Nothing's going to happen to either of us any time soon, so I don't want to even think about it."

Eli paced the living room, trying to keep her emotions in check, though her voice had grown significantly louder over the last ten minutes.

Sara sat on the sofa and eyed her, wringing her hands in her lap.

"Eli, sit down. We are going to talk about it. It's not just about the job, I mean I could get us a container of milk in the morning and get run over by a truck or I could fall off the ladder when changing a light bulb. So could you. There's some things I thought you should know and I want to know about you, too. You must have thought about it at one point of your life or another."

With her back towards her girlfriend, Eli stood, shaking her head.

"I just don't want to even think about losing you..." She husked.

Sara swallowed.

"Me neither. But sweetness, if you really don't want to talk to me, write it down somewhere. I mean, I guess you do have a will."

Eli cringed. Another reason she didn't want to talk about that subject.

"Just write some notes on what I or your mom are supposed to do if... In the worst case scenario."

"You know my lawyer, Sar. It's all there, I've just been at his office some weeks ago, the last time we've been to Frisco. I took precautions, I do of course have a will and there's also some thoughts on what I would have like to have done with my body, my other belongings and about the ceremony. It's all there. I just don't want to talk about it, goddammit, Sara."

"Okay, okay... I get it. My will and notes are in that grey folder, you know which one. I guess that's settled then. Sorry I asked."

Slightly hurt by Eli's defensiveness, Sara got up from her place on the couch and headed upstairs without even looking at her agitated girlfriend who just mumbled.

"Yeah, sure."

Eli hadn't been willing to speak about what would happen if one of them died. And she'd been even less willing to tell Sara that she'd changed her will and had instated her as sole heir. She wouldn't want it, wouldn't understand it.

Oh God...

She wouldn't have wanted it. Past tense.

Now it didn't matter anymore.

She took her cell out of her pocket and typed in a message. There was no way avoiding the next step. Even though she had no idea how to get through those next couple of days.

Hell, she had no idea how to go on with life at all.

Ah, I'm taking the creative freedom to have marriage for same sex couples still be legal in California in this story, just so you know.

The next chapter might take some time. I have a plan, I do, but it's not so easy to get it right. I know I've only scratched the surface of what happened to Sara, and Grissom and those officers, but that's not what it's about. I'm also aware that there are a lot of unanswered question and I will get to it, bit by bit. Okay?