Dissimulation

Chapter 3

Kaege is evil, that much Anko has decided. There is no excuse, no reason (other than jealousy and hate) for her actions. Kaege is evil. She is evil, she is evil, she is evil. Anko repeats this to herself daily and tries to justify her growing contempt for the girl. Deep down, Anko knows she is being childish. Kaege is selfish, not evil. If truth be told, Anko is selfish too. Kaege however, is simply ruthless and without inclination of sympathy for others. If Kaege was a ninja, Anko thinks she would make a formidable foe. However, Kaege is not a ninja, just a girl (a simple little girl) and therefore, she is far more dangerous than any shinobi foe. Especially when she is Shizuko.

Kaege knows. What Kaege knows, Anko does not. But she knows something. She knows Anko is not a peasant girl. Nor is she a farmer's daughter from Tsuki no Kuni (if Anko was honest with herself, she knows she wouldn't be able to point this country out on a map. Why didn't Inu-sama show her these things? Where is the village of Eiji? What did she farm?) She knows Anko is a shinobi. She knows Anko is pretending to be something that she is not. Kaege knows this, and as always, Kaege is smiling.

So Anko walks around the okiya as if the floors are made of priceless porcelain plates. Every step must be walked with caution, otherwise, the poorly constructed facade she (Inu-sama) has crafted for herself will shatter. Each day is a struggle. Each day, she watches and waits, jumping in agitation every time Kaege opens her pretty, perfect mouth, sweetly telling Mother her choirs are complete, that she has weeded the garden, that she has even gone as far as helping the cook make Mother's favourite dish. Kaege is a master of deception, and Mother does not see this. Mother does not see how evil Kaege his, how horrible Kaege is, and how destructive she will be. Mother is blind.

If Anko (Shizuko) is the abused and beaten animal, caged and cowering, then Kaege is the vicious, untameable street dog whose mouth would surely bite the hand that feeds. Anko thinks Mother will regret believing Kaege one day, but again, this is a kind lie she feeds herself in order to bear her own consciousness.

On the fifth day of introverted silence (do not talk, Anko. Do not confront Kaege. Be quiet, be quiet! Do as you are told. Remember Inu-sama's teachings. Can you remember?), Anko realizes the mistakes she is making will not stop (because Kaege will not stop, never, ever, ever), and that her mission is doomed. She cannot stop Kaege, lest Kaege tells Mother what she knows. All she can do is be subservient and wait. And hope. And pray to Kami-sama that Mother makes her Kiyowara's little sister despite all of her apparent shortcomings.

But if there is one thing that Anko should know, it is that hope is a dangerous thing.

(Hoping for acceptance, hoping for respect, hoping, hoping, always hoping...have her dreams ever come true? No.)

Things keep going wrong, and Shizuko (Anko) keeps accepting the punishment from Mother.

Kaege is still smiling.

Anko is not.

"You missed a spot," Kaege coos from over Anko's shoulder. "Right. There." Her fingers, like pale, feathery worms weave their way towards the black lacquered surface of the low set tea table. She grins and presses her finger firmly against the grain of the wood, twisting her finger with violent pretenses. Then, with deliberate slowness, she makes a trailing mark with her greasy fingertips, freshly covered in palm wax. Anko's cloth quickly covers the spot, polishing the fresh imprint of Kaege's finger tips into the wood. The smudge disappears, but Anko's annoyance does not. The more Anko's cloth swishes across the black table top, the more Anko wants to snap Kaege's neck. She could do it, she contemplates. Right here, right now. Nobody is around. Natsumi and Nao are out on errands to the market place, the cook is sifting rice through a vinegar solution down by the cellars and mother is taking her afternoon nap. Yonezu is out at the tea-houses. So is Hara Mitsue. They are completely alone.

Her fingers twitch. All her problems could be ended at this very moment. But her mission is not to kill Kaege. Her mission is to kill Benjiro Bishamon. Still, Anko remains mute, unwilling to provoke Kaege into doing anything lethal and continues to polish wooden surface as instructed, waiting for Mother to wake up. Kaege on the other hand, has found herself placated with infinite boredom. This means she has nothing better to do than lounge around the tea-hall and watch as Anko does her chores.

"I hear Yonezu talk about you all the time, Shizuko," Kaege offers from her perch by the sliding panel door. Her smooth, round lips emulate a look of serenity and she smiles as she says this. Anko's heart flutters slightly, excited by the prospects of Yonezu's acknowledgement. However, her confidence is deflated with sensibility when she notices that Kaege's serenity can be easily mistaken for boredom, and without having to affirm anything, she knows that what Kaege is going to say will be lies.

"She says your hair shines like meal-worms, and that you remind her of a pet dog her mother once had...such a sweet thing for Yonezu to say about you, yes Shizuko?"

"Yes," Anko replies, with wise insight into Kaege's attempts at humiliating her again. Conservations like this have happened many times between them before, and Anko has learned it is better to remain silent than to attempt to ward off any of Kaege's verbal advances. "How kind."

Kaege seems to think Anko takes these compliments seriously, and her smooth smile turns sharp. She flounces back across the room, kneeling next to Anko and without hesitation, grabs a handful of Anko's straight, limp hair and runs her fingers through it. Since coming to the Miwa, Mother has forbid any sort of elaborate hair styling, so her normal pony-tail is not allowed. Day in and day out, her hair remains flat and falling to her shoulders, reminding Anko of why she always wore it up to begin with. It's troublesome and as Kaege likes to point out, rather flat.

"Yes, Yonezu is most certainly right!" she chides in excitement. Further inspection reveals more and more delight. "Your hair does shine like meal-worms! So pretty! The men will die for it."

Anko knows Kaege is mocking her, but Anko is nothing but Shizuko, a simple peasant girl who knows nothing of subtle forms of sarcasm. She also knows Kaege is trying to provoke her into doing something she might regret. Which is why she is chanting a mantra, over and over again, inside her head. Kaege is evil. Kaege is evil. She must be like a Noh-mask, emotionless and frozen. She mustn't let Kaege beat her. When Anko lowers her head (to hide her frustration and growing agitation, to focus her attention back on the surface of the ebony table top) Kaege squeals with girlish glee, flapping her arms straight to her side.

"You're blushing, aren't you?"

More mockery. More sarcasm. This idea seems to delight Kaege in ways unfathomable. Anko's frustration does nothing but please Kaege and Anko can't help think what a cruel girl she is.

"Do not tease me, Kaege-chan," Anko mutters. Her annoyance plays off nicely and Kaege smiles, settling back down beside Anko with an ethereal smugness permeating from her off-coloured brown eyes. Anko wants nothing more than to hit this girl, but continues to rub her cloth on the table-top, polishing the same spot for the thousandth time. Where is Mother? Never more has she desired for her presence with such longing...

"I hear Mother is planning on selling Hara Mitsue to another okiya..."

Kaege prattles on, and Anko begins to go over the steps of taijutsu in her head, one by one, step by step. Be calm. Ignore Kaege. Remember the mission.

"...the maids have been whispering about it for days. Yesterday, Hara cried the whole evening and even left a tea-house early, telling her patrons she was ill with stomach pains. Nobody believed her of course...they all know what's going on...she's depressed...she hates it here..."

Such a cruel girl, Anko thinks again. Perhaps she will die, perhaps...

"...if Hara Mitsue is sold, then Yonezu will need a new sister. And who do you think that will be, hmm, Shizuko?"

With more force than necessary, Kaege pokes Anko in the ribs, forcing her to look up from the table. It seems Kaege is fishing for compliments, and perhaps fanciful answers that will help her sleep at night (because Kami knows her conscious isn't clear...)

"I said, and who do you think that will be, hmm,Shizuko?"

"Certainly not I," she tells Kaege. "My worm-meal hair is nothing compared to that of Yonezu's."

Her answer confuses Kaege, as if she can't determine whether she has just insulted herself or the great Yonezu. Her face contorts into a brazen look, and she shrugs.

"Mother thinks it's time I made my debut," Kaege says. "I think I'd make a perfect sister for Yonezu, don't you?"

Anko says nothing, mutely biting her tongue and wishing Kaege to be gone from her sight.

"Well," says Kaege when she realizes Anko is refusing to comment on the subject. She lowers her voice to a sharp whisper. "You certainly won't be chosen to debut with Yonezu, will you?"

Anko stops polishing the wood table and listens to the pleasurable malice in Kaege's voice.

"Or, more likely...you won't be chosen to debut with Kiyowara."

Silence.

"Tell me, Shizuko," Kaege continues to say. "What's it like knowing that mother thinks you actually are a stupid farm girl? A drunk, stupid farm girl who is uncoordinated and a big mess?"

She examines her nails as if they fascinate her, before she grins and looks back at Anko.

"I'll tell you a secret, Shizuko...you won't be made into Kiyowara's little sister," she smiles. "You won't even be made into a geisha."

Anko doesn't ask why or how Kaege knows this, but it seems the girl can't stop herself. She continues and goes on.

"I'll tell you what I've really heard. Hara Mitsue is a terrible geisha, but you, Shizuko, are a terrible investment. You keep breaking things. You destroy Mother's property. You talk back. Mother wouldn't dare try and introduce you to any of her clients. You'd scare them all away with your big mouth and stubborn tendencies. It isn't Hara Mitsue who Mother will be selling first; it's you."

Anko sits up straight and looks Kaege in the eyes. She isn't lying. Her face is perfectly calm and her lips poised into a delightful grin.

"And do you know where Mother sells her bad investments to?"

"Shut up, Kaege."

"She sells them to—,"

"I said shut up."

Kaege smirks, her eyes wandering to both Anko and the archway beyond the room. Someone is shuffling down the hallway.

"Don't worry," she coos, her voice back to being serene and fooling. Mother has woken up from her nap and Kaege wouldn't dare bear her fangs in front of her. "You'll find out soon enough. You're only one big mistake away from Mother sending you away. The walls speak, Shizuko, and if you listen hard enough you can hear them whispering about your future. It isn't very nice."

Like Kaege says, Anko is not made into Kiyowara's little sister. No. Hara Mitsue is not sold either, and so it is Kaege who takes the honor of debuting into the world of patron arts of geisha under the wing of Kiyowara Ishida. And so while Kaege wears elaborate robes of silk and gold, her hair coiffed with wax and bundled into elaborate patterns atop her head, with cheeks white as the moon and lips red like bleeding cherries, Anko remains in the okiya, washing walls and floors and pots and pans.

With Kaege preoccupied with so many engagements, the mistakes Anko make are reduced to a minimal. But her reputation is irreversibly damaged. Mother does not trust her to do anything but remain servile and clean her dirty laundry. Her classes at the Patron Arts school are reduced to a few hours a week, and even then, messages are sent to the school from the okiya requesting her to return early in favour of more chores.

Anko is slowly seeing that what Kaege said is true. She will not be made into a geisha. Mother is taking steps to remove all efforts made into her investment. Within two weeks' time, Anko is not attending any classes at all and Mother announces that Anko, in order to pay back her failed schooling, will be working off her debt as a maid to the okiya. Not a geisha. A maid. Nao and Natsumi looked pleased with this prospect. They tell Anko life as a maid isn't all that bad. It's enjoyable. Working for someone as esteemed as Mother is a privilege. But Anko was never meant to be a maid and finds little condolence in their words.

She is getting desperate and needs to think of a new plan.

Nothing strikes her as the intelligent thing to do. The only option in order to escape this servitude would be to run away, and even then, she is left with nothing to go on. She still doesn't know where Benjiro is. Mother might even come looking for her. But sitting around the okiya and scrubbing stone walkways is a waste of time, and so, it is decided, against her better judgement, that she is must escape.

It is only her and Hara Mitsue who sleep in the loft now, and on a quiet evening with the whole of the okiya sleeping, Anko creeps from her tatami mat and descends from the staircase. From behind her a body stirs.

A bleary, tired voice whispers out to her in the dark.

"Shizuko...where...where are you going?"

She knows Hara Mitsue is not a threat. The poor girl can barely look at mother without crying. Her life has become miserable here at the okiya, and in the past few weeks of sharing the loft with her alone, Anko almost thinks of her as an ally.

"Away." Poor Hara Mitsue. Poor girl. But if she tries to stop her, Anko will silence her, by death or other means. "Please don't tell, Hara... "

"Mother..." Her voices shakes. "Mother will be angry. But I wish I had your courage..."

Anko is almost tempted to let the older girl come with her, to say 'Come with me', but this isn't real life and she isn't really running away. So she says nothing and descends the staircase in silence, whispering her silent goodbyes.

She is sure to be quiet; her whole life she has been practised in the art of stealth and deception, and so running away should be easy. But the okiya is too silent, and the floorboards too loud and after months of heavy footfalls and pretending to be meek and stupid Shizuko, she realizes her stealth is all but almost gone. Regardless, she moves on and tries her hardest not to be heard.

She grabs a cloth bag filled with supplies stolen earlier in the day that she stashed in floral vase, and in her last moments of fleeting escape, quickly slides her feet into a pair of straw sandals in the entry hall. She is glad to be rid of this place. Of Mother. Of Kaege. Of Nao and Natsumi. All of them are horrible and none of them have helped her whatsoever on her mission.

The front gateway is locked, like it always is, and from her bag, Anko quickly pulls a dulled shearing blade taken from the kitchen. She jams the knife into the lock, intent on destroying the inner workings of the mechanisms, and twists. The inner mechanics of the lock grind, but the lock does not open. She turns the blade again.

A voice seeks her out in the darkness.

"I thought ninja were supposed to be the epitome of stealth."

There is no mistaking the taunting drawl, and Anko tenses. Freeze. Kaege.

Anko turns and—

A knife. Kaege is holding a knife to her back. How did she not notice her? How... she reaches for the shears jammed in the lock, but the blade poised to kill comes closer.

"Move and I'll scream," Kaege whispers. "Move, and I'll hurt you. Don't touch anything. You've done it this time, Shizuko. Mother will sell you for sure. "

So Anko does not move. She thinks.

"You are so stupid," Kaege whispers. "Did you think no one would notice you sneaking around the okiya, stealing Mother's belongings? I did. I saw you hide the sack in the vase in the entrance hallway. I knew you were going to run away."

And still, Anko does not speak. The mission. The mission. Kaege. She exhales.

"I thought for sure that you were a shinobi," Kaege tells her. "That dance you were doing in the courtyard; your willingness to fight back whenever Mother beats you." Kaege laughs. "But you're so loud that even a deaf man could hear you. If you are a ninja, than you are a poor one. Perhaps I was wrong...perhaps you're just a stubborn little girl who can't control her temper. You get so angry...I can feel it. You're angry right now, aren't you? Step back, away from the gate. Move."

And so Anko moves and does what Kaege asks. But she is still thinking. Her teeth grate. The blade against her back is sharp, but Anko doubts Kaege's willingness to use it.

"We're going to Mother," Kaege tells her. So smug. So sure of herself. "We are—"

No, we're not.

Anko is done thinking. She moves forward, away from Kaege, away from knife.

"Stop." It is a command. "You can't leave."

Kaege quickly presses the knife forward more quickly than intended and it jabs Anko's back, causing her to suck in a breath of air.

Regardless, she keeps walking. Back towards the gate. Behind her, Kaege is sputtering. She is livid. She will not be ignored. She violently grabs her arm and pulls her back.

"What do you think you're doing? You're not leaving!"

Anko remains calm. Stupid girl. Stupid Kaege. She lets out another breath. Exhale.

"I am leaving this okiya," she tells Kaege. She is motionless and her breathing has come to standstill. If Kaege really knew that Anko was a ninja, then she should have prepared herself for moments like these. "And you, Kaege, are not going to stop me."

She moves faster than Kaege ever could imagine.

Don't touch me.

Twist and turn and grab and –snap—

She holds her hand close to Kaege's mouth. Do not scream. Do not scream. Squirm. Broken bones. A wrist is hanging limp. The knife clatters to the ground. Good. You deserve this. You're lucky this isn't you're neck. Her mission was never to kill Kaege, but she wants to. Teeth dig into Anko's fingers. There is blood. Anko chokes on her own screams. It hurts. It hurts! Kaege will bite off Anko's fingers if it means letting out a well deserved cry. Anko shoves Kaege down, her head cracking against the walkway, but it's not enough. Anko quickly scrambles to silence Kaege'sopen mouth, but she is too slow.

Scream.

"MOTHER!"

Above them, in the lofts and bedrooms, there is movement.

The okiya is awake. Lights flash on. Kaege is still screaming.

"MOTHER! MOTHER! MOTHER! HELP!"

Footsteps, coming closer. Anko kicks Kaege and the girls screams are muffled but not silenced. These next few seconds are critical. She's fucked up. One, two, three-

A door is opening from behind them. A screen sliding back. She ignores Kaege, and runs to the gate. This is it. This is her escape.

With bloody fingers she twists the blade back in the lock. Open. Open! But the lock does not break and Anko is becoming irrational. The knife breaks off inside the lock and Anko's eyes widen.

-Four, five, six,-

Her fingers make loose hand signs. She will blow open this gate, even if it means blowing her cover. Snake, ram, boar, monkey, horse, tige—

"Shizuko!"

Mother.

-Seven, eight, nine,-

"Mother, oh Mother!"

"Kaege?"

She's interrupted. Her chakra is like a floodgate, but it can't get out.

"You."'

Mother is seething. The first strike Anko dodges, but the second she is not so lucky.

Twack. Her body lurches forward under the sudden onslaught of the rod striking her backside.

-Ten, eleven, twelve,-

There is no time. She's run out. Mother is here. She's fucked up. She grabs the lock. She twists it in her hand as if to will the metal apart in her fist. She's too weak. No.

Twack!

"What have you done!"

"Mother, she tried to kill me! My wrist! She's trying to run away! Mother!"

The gate...the gate...open... the lock...no. She slams her fist against the iron shafting. It rattles, but nothing comes of her desperate plea for freedom. Turn, her inner self screams. Fight back. You have to fight back. Turn NOW!

-Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen,-

The rod strikes her one more time, and crack-

Sharp, unrelenting pain. She is fast (but far too slow. Far too nervous, far too desperate. She's not thinking straight. She's not-,)

Then, there is blackness.

"Don't worry Kaege. I will take care of things."

This is her escape and it is not happening.

-Sixteen, seventen, eighteen-,

At twenty, she can no longer think (that this mission is a good thing.)

At twenty, she can barely breathe.

2 months. 0 days

B/N: ...I editted this as soon as Deviant Nation had it completed. Half an hour ago. God, her grammar sucks.