So sorry I have been gone for such a long time, I have had so much to do lately! I don't own twilight or any of the characters. Or The lyrics below.

I never really had a problem
Because of leaving
But everything reminds me of her
This evening
So if I seem a little out of it
Sorry
Why should I lie?
Everything reminds me of her
The spin of the earth impaled the silhouette of the sun on the steeple
And I've gotta hear the same sermon all the time now from you people
Why are you staring into outer space
Crying
Just because you came across it
And lost it?
Everything reminds me of her
Everything reminds me of her
Everything reminds me of her

-Everything reminds me of her, Elliott Smith

I found myself here again, curled up into a ball like a pathetic child, staring at the wall. Esme, Alice, Carlisle, Rosalie, Jasper, and Emmett were all in the other room of our hotel suite. I was in the bedroom portion while they all worried over me on the other side of the thin wall.

Her face whirled in my head, her voice ringing in my ears, the taste of her mouth moving against mine lingered on my dry tongue, and the memories of her smell made my nose burn and my throat flame. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror on the bedside table, disgusted by the paleness of my skin, the flat black of my eyes, my face set with a crazy pained expression. Flames rushed through my throat because I hadn't hunted in almost two weeks. I was weak, pitiful by the way I was letting the misery crumble me so easily. I was stronger than this…Or was I? My head snapped up at hearing a light knock on the door. I growled under my breath.

Alice didn't speak to me as she sat down next to me on the unmade bed, leaning back on her elbows. I only looked at her for a second, then I fell to my side and stretched across the bedspread, rolling onto my back I stared at the ceiling and tried to ignore the look she was giving me.

"Why the hell are you putting yourself through this, Edward, I mean is it so hard to just go back to Bella and explain everything? It's only logical, she's in a lot of pain, you're in a lot of pain, it's pretty much the only thing you can do." She stopped short on her lecture when I rolled onto my stomach and fought back the urge to scream into the pillow, she crawled onto the pillows at the top of the bed and perched about a foot away from my head, she smoothed her hand through my extremely messy hair, straightening it up a little. An agony ripped through me so powerful that I shook. A little at first, but it built up to something completely frightening. My fingers ripped through the thin fabric on the pillows, I dry sobbed into the pillow, letting more excruciating flames rip up and down my throat. I calmed myself, but not quick enough to prevent another scream. I rolled onto my back with quick moment so I could breath air that wasn't being pushed back by a pillow. Alice was sitting calmly, staring at me, waiting for me to calm down. Eventually my little panic attack was reduced to nothing but irregular breathing.

"It's not that simple, please, just leave me alone and in agony like I deserve to be." I panted.

"Shut up," She was literally annoyed, " One day I am just going to go back and tell her everything, I don't know if I can take it much longer…"

I snarled through my teeth "And risked her life like that? Put her through that much senseless and avoidable danger? I swear, Alice, if you even think about—"

"Calm down! It's not like you would know…"

Now I was really mad, I jumped off the bed and recoiled back, growls rumbling through my chest, Alice only looked at me bewildered, then stood, heading for the door.

"Look, I'm really sorry for you, but honestly, use your head. Everyone else is suffering too. I love you but sometimes you can just be such an idiot. And stop getting mad at me when I get visions of her, it's not my fault I'm so tuned in…If anything it's yours for making me watch her when you weren't around to pull her out of harm's way," She clutched the handle with anger and yanked the door open, breaking it off of its hinges, she uttered a low obscene word while I walked into the bathroom looked at myself, "Jasper! The door is broken, come help me fix it, please." The annoyance in Alice's voice made me even angrier at my reflection and I watched as my nostrils flared in the mirror.

I couldn't take it any longer, I growled and snarled as I recoiled my arm back in fury at myself and punched through the glass, holding myself back only slightly so I didn't knock over the wall, making the mirror shatter all over the smooth marble counter, then I sat on the floor, panting and watched as the door creaked open. Everyone stood in the doorway, eyes darting from the shattered glass and to my face, no one seemed surprised, everyone looked sad, and then finally Emmett let out a long, slow whistle and opened his mouth to speak.

"Now that I don't think I will be able to fix."

Okay, I just want to stress something really quick…

This is NOT my perception of what Edward was like all the time when he was away in New Moon.

I don't think he goes around punching mirrors and having random anxiety/panic attacks.

This is just an outburst he has while checking in with his family.

PLEASEEEEEE PLEASEEEEE PLEASEEEEEE REVIEW!!!! I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!!!!

Thnx !