Chapter 3: Does The Night Sky Watch Over Us?
"That's...horrible" Mito said somberly.
"Do either of you have any idea what I can do?" Mito and Shima sat quietly at the table, clearly having the same dilemma as Chika.
"I asked her to come to the clubroom tomorrow, but...I don't know if she'll go through with it."
Mito shoveled some rice into her mouth.
"Now you've got me all depressed." Mito said with her mouth full, resting her head in her hand.
"I'm sorry Chika." Shima said with a pat on the shoulder and a sympathetic smile. "If I knew how to help, I would. My best guess is to try finding her something else to bring out her passion. I don't know what else to say unfortunately." Chika and her sisters ate dinner in silence, feeling helpless I helping Chika. After dinner, Chika checked her phone. There was a new message from You.
"Hey Chika, I'm probably gonna try to show up tomorrow. I don't know how good I'll feel but I guess it couldn't hurt." Chika felt a little better, hoping You would feel better the next day. She replied back: "Ok, hope you're feeling better tomorrow!" with a little smiley face at the end. Suddenly, Chika remembered that the others didn't know about the whole problem yet. Quickly, she texted the other 7 members about the issue. She spent the next half hour regretting that decision because she kept getting a cluttered mess of texts.
The next morning, Chika and Riko walked to the bus stop together. When they arrived, they noticed You standing there with her bag. Chika called out to You, with her responding with an effortless wave and a fake smile. You gazed at Riko and Chika standing side by side longingly.
"Morning." Riko said awkwardly.
"Hey." You said without an ounce of enthusiasm.
"So Chika told me about what happened...I'm sorry for your loss."
"Thanks." She replied, although it hardly sounded genuine. The sky was mostly cloudy but there wasn't any rain.
"I heard it might rain later, but tonight it's supposed to clear up." Chika said with a bit of enthusiasm. "Do you wanna do something after practice?"
"I dunno. I'll see how I feel." It returned to silence except for the soft howling of the wind. Finally the bus came. The ride over was even more awkward; You spent the majority of the time staring out the window, completely drowning out anything going on around her. When they finally arrived You hardly noticed.
"You, we're here." You didn't reply. Chika tapped her shoulder.
"Hey, You!" You looked up, surprised.
"O-Oh, sorry I was sorta spacing out."
They headed into the studio with the tension getting only stronger as everyone came to greet You. Everyone just sorta stood there not knowing what to say.
"Crap, this isn't helping at all...at this rate she's only gonna get worse…" Chika thought to herself. Dia cleared her throat.
"Good morning, You. Would you like to set up your desk?" You nodded. They walked her over to the desks, where she set her bag under. Everyone stood there in a moment of awkward silence.
"Nobody told me I'd be working on decorating a desk." You said disappointedly. Riko gave Chika a look that spelled out "How could you forget to tell her that!?"
"S-Sorry, it spaced my mind…" Chika said hunching her shoulders with an apologetic look.
"W-Well, I think we could try some dancing! I'm sure getting your blood pumping will be just what you need." The girls went into the changing room to get on more appropriate wear, each getting their own changing room.
"This must be what's it's like to be wealthy, zura…" Hanamaru said dreamily.
"You never had your own changing rooms as kids?" Mari asked with a hint of surprise in her tone. Kanan sighed.
"I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Rich people are crazy." Most of the group laughed. Hanamaru looked back over her shoulder to see you walk with a gloomy look into her own room. Hanamaru started to trail behind, a strong sense of pity keeping her from going to her room. Just as she was about to start heading along, You left her room and walked back towards the main studio. You pulled the chair away from her empty desk and began slowly digging through her bag. All she had was a few clothes and a bento box her mother had put in there for her. There was a little note attached to the top that read 'You can do it!' boldly on top. You sighed, putting the box back in her bag and grabbed her spare clothes. She looked up and fell backwards in surprise as she saw Hanamaru standing over her.
"She's trying her best, you know." Hanamaru said coldly.
"W-What...what do you-"
"You're not the only one suffering from this whole mess. She's trying her best to cheer you up and get you back on your feet."
"What, so I'm not allowed to be sad? I lost my damn father-"
"She lost her damn husband! If you value him so much, why can't you try a little harder for her too?"
"Do you really think I don't care about her? I had my world thrown on my head, can you blame me for how I feel!? Don't act like you know how I feel!"
"I lost both my parents when I was a baby." Hanamaru said, hardening her gaze.
You's anger faded away into shock.
"Y-You...lost…"
"I never had the opportunity to know my father OR my mother! Be grateful for what you still have, and make the most out of the time you have with her. I may not be a mother, but I know how it feels to lose something precious."
"I...understand. I'm sorry for being such a downer…"
"Don't apologize. If anything, I should be the one apologizing. I know talking harshly to you while you're going through this whole mess may not be the nicest thing, but I wasn't sure how else to tell you. Besides, this is a secret I keep close to myself; I almost never want it to be brought up let alone discussed, zura." Hanamaru took a half step and turned her head back towards You.
"Please don't tell the other members about this, I don't want anyone to bring anything about this up as you might imagine." You nodded still partially in shock. She gathered her thoughts as Hanamaru walked back to the dressing rooms.
"I know I have to be there for my mother, but...how? How can I just be strong again? I...I don't understand...Chika...please help me…"
"Break Time!" Called Kanan after a little while of practice. You had forgotten to get herself something to drink so Chika shared some of her water.
"You sure I can have this?"
"Of course!" She said reaching into her bag to grab a mikan. "These are packed with juice so they're like a food and a drink in one!" Chika bit into one and squirted juice onto her face.
"Bleh!" Chika said, falling backward in surprise. You couldn't help but giggle a bit.
"You're finally smiling again." Chika said with a smile, wiping the juice off with a napkin.
"I guess I am." You said with a hint of relief. "I guess you were right, Chika."
"She's finally feeling better! Now let's hope I can keep her that way!" Chika thought hopefully to herself. Break had gone well too, despite a strange look on You's face for most of it. Chika also could swear she saw You glance at her and Hanamaru from time to time. "I must be imagining things...at least I hope I am." Soon, breaktime was over and everyone headed into the big office. Mari stood up with a piece of paper in her hand.
"We need to get a new song out, pronto! Of course, our shiny volunteer writer was none other than you, You!" She said enthusiastically tossing the paper into the air. The paper fluttered down to the ground as Mari maintained her pose.
"I...meant to do that!" She said before picking it up off the floor. With a bright smile she put it out in front of You on the desk.
"Bon Appetiteu!~"
"Mari, will you sit down already?"
"Awww, Dia you're no fun!" Mari sat down as everyone had their eyes locked on You. You looked awkwardly around the room.
"Isn't it a bit awkward to be writing the song here with everyone staring at me?" You said nervously.
"This is more of a...one time thing." Dia said. "We're planning to do this in groups to write several songs at once, but since you volunteered we figured the first song should be written by you. You came up with the idea for the song after all, what was it about?"
"It was about setting sail, right?" Ruby chimed in. She noticed You's smile start to fade. "PIGII! I-I'm sorry, I didn't-"
"No, it's fine! I'm just gotta write this and do my best! I just need to clear my head is all!" You put her pencil close to the paper and stared at it. Silence. Uneasiness spread through the room like wildfire. Finally, You's hand holding the pencil started to quiver. The pencil didn't put any graphite on the paper, instead it was dotted by falling tears.
"I...I want to do my best...I want to try hard...but I...but I…" You sobbed. Then she looked up and stared Hanamaru dead in the eyes.
"I JUST CAN'T!" She screamed before running full force out of the room. Chika stood up briefly reaching her arm out. She stood a moment before slumping back into her chair with a defeated look.
"Dammit…" Dia said under her breath.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything." Ruby said sadly. "This was my fault."
"No it wasn't!" Hanamaru blurted out suddenly. Everyone turned to her with surprised looks. "I'm the reason she got so upset."
"Come to think of it Zuramaru, her gaze was right on you when she exploded." Yoshiko added skeptically. "Did you tell her something?" Hanamaru nodded. She explained everything about her parents and what she said to You about trying for her mother.
"...Something just snapped inside me when I saw her brush it off. I let my anger get the best of me, and now I probably just made things worse." Everyone was completely out of it, all this chaos had taken a toll on their emotions. The room was silent save for the sounds of falling rain outside. Finally, Dia stood up with a sigh.
"Come Ruby, practice is over for today." Not even Mari wanted to argue it. Dia patted Hanamaru on the shoulder.
"Don't blame yourself for all this. We all have our own issues, and with all the mayhem happening right now I can't blame you for snapping. We'll work this out in time, so for the time being don't be so hard on yourself ok?" Hanamaru nodded sadly. As she was leaving, Riko put a hand on Chika's shoulder.
"What are you going to do Chika?" She asked nervously.
"...I wish I knew...I think I'm the person she needs right now but...what do I do?"
The rain fell and mixed in with the tears running down You's face. She forgot to bring an umbrella so every part of her was being soaked to the bone. She ran and ran until her legs felt like they were burning, eventually making her way to an old shipyard. She stood idle, staring at the large ships docked at the pier. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she made her way to a small bench by a rock wall. She sat down and stared at her feet. She sat there shivering in the rain for what seemed like hours before a strange figure approached her. It was an old man in a big yellow raincoat. He carried an umbrella with a plain blue design, seeming to observe her as he approached. Normally if some old man came up to her out of the blue she'd be uncomfortable and more than likely run for it, but she could recognize his ashen beard anywhere.
"Captain Smokey…"
He responded with a sad smile before taking a seat next to her. Smokey had been the captain of the vessel You's father had sailed on. You didn't see him often, but she remembered him from a few encounters when her father had come home at the end of a season. He was one of her father's closest acquaintances, so she trusted him immensely.
"You're Watanabe's girl, aren't you?" You nodded slowly. He put the umbrella over the two of them. "You'll get a cold in this rain you know. What are you doing out here on your own? Ran away from home?"
"Something to that effect."
Smokey paused before letting out a raspy sigh.
"It hit us all hard too. Nobody wants to lose a member of the crew, especially someone as passionate as him."
"..."
"If something's bothering you lass, old Smokey's ready to lend an ear. You'll have to speak up though, my hearing isn't what it used to be!" He mused with a hearty laugh.
"Well...I feel like I'm...not loving the ocean as much as I used to."
"Bah! That's a load of rubbish! Once a captain's girl, always a captain's girl I say. Your father used to have that same look whenever he told himself a lie, so I know there's something else bothering you. Your love of the ocean is tied with your father, ain't it?"
"...Whenever I try thinking about boats and stuff, all I can think of is my father. It's always been that way and that won't ever change as long as I live. But now...whenever I try thinking about that stuff, all I can think of is him. Thinking about him now makes me feel like every ounce of passion in my body is being drained away. I've never been passionate about being anything else other than an idol, but even then it just feels...empty. I don't even know what I'm working towards, how or even why anymore."
"If that's the case, trying to let go isn't gonna do you any good. I wish I could help you more, but this old sea dog is out of tricks. If I had to take a guess, I'd say try to make a goal for yourself to work towards or something that can give you a sense of belonging and worth. Something that would've made your daddy proud."
"But...how? How do I know what that is?"
"I'm sorry lass, but that's just something you'll have to find for yourself. I gotta head home now, but if you need some more advice feel free to ask ol' Smokey!" You nodded with a smile beginning to creep over her face.
"Thanks Smokey, I needed something to cheer me up." Smokey nodded with an encouraging grin. He held his hand out and looked up as a raindrop fell on his hand.
"Looks like the rain's clearing up."
You walked alone along the seaside, serenaded by the sound of crickets. Her clothes had dried in the warm air, now only touched by the gentle seabreeze. She stopped at a small section of beach she could've recognized anywhere. It was the beachside where Aqours had trained, shared laughs, sadness and an array of other emotions. You leaned on the fence and looked out at the water with a sigh.
"I thought you might be here."
You looked to the side and saw Chika standing there with a smile on her face.
"Chika...how did you-" Chika giggled.
"Just a feeling."
You drummed her fingers on the railing, staring down at her own hands.
"I just don't know where to go. It feels like my very soul gets drained away every time I try to do something. I feel so lost...I just wish there was something I could do...something...anything…" You began to choke up and fell into silence. They stood there for a moment in silence, but then Chika spoke up.
"Hey You...do you think the stars in the night sky watch over us?" You looked up at her with a confused look. "I like to imagine that the stars are looking down on us and making sure we're all ok. Don't you think so?"
You stood there for a moment before looking up at the night sky. It was a clear night, and all the stars shone brightly in a large array.
"It's...so beautiful…" You said with a creeping smile.
"I think the night sky is clear tonight to help us out, don't you think?"
Then a miracle happened. You looked up at the starry sky, and she swore the stars started to move. Her eyes widened as she saw her father's smiling face up in the stars. He gave her a salute with the encouraging eyes that had stirred up You's passion so many times before. She stood there shocked for a moment before returning the salute. Tears fell down her face, for the first time in ages of joy.
"I'M NOT GOING TO SIT AND CRY ANY MORE! I'M READY TO SET OUT ON MY OWN! THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING DADDY! I'M READY TO SET SAIL FOR MYSELF!"
You took in a deep breath before yelling a cry across the entire bay.
"YOUSOROOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Chika let a few tears run with a satisfied smile. You stood there looking up at the sky with a proud determined smile.
That night, You stood on her balcony looking up at the stars. Although she didn't see her father's face anymore, she knew deep down he was still up there watching over her. She began to speak in a soft voice.
"Hey, daddy? I talked with Smokey earlier. He gave me some advice I had been pondering over. He told me I should find something that stirred my passion, but I didn't know what it was. I think I get it now though; it was right in front of me. Being an idol...making people happy...growing by Chika's side...I know I can do it now. Knowing you're watching over me while I grow is all I could ever ask for. I'll do my best for everyone rooting for me...Chika...Aqours...my fans...Mom...and most importantly, you. Thank you for helping me back on my feet, I promise I'll make you proud."
You walked back into her room and began to write a text. With a click, she sent the message. With a satisfied smile, she fell asleep with her head on her beloved anchor pillow. Chika picked up her phone at the sound of it buzzing. She opened it up and found the sender was You. It read: "Hey Chika, I'm ready to go back to practice tomorrow. I know what I wanna write for the song too! I'm thinking about calling it 'Yozora wa Nandemo Shitteru no?', how does that sound?"