Practicing Normality Ch. 3

Title

Lovebirds

Or: the fUCKING BIRDS AHHHHHHHHH RUN MOTHERFUCKERS RUN

Ten names. His fingers cramped with the speed of his writing. Thirteen. If he could make it to twenty, just a few more—fifteen, seventeen, nearly there—

The key scraped in his lock. He considered risking the two seconds to write another name, but he didn't take risks unnecessarily. It'd be no feat to fool Matsuda into thinking he was writing a grocery list or note to himself, but the more true honesty he could use, the easier it was on him. Not that this was hard. It was all too easy at times.

Light slipped the death note and tiny netbook into the secret compartment below his bathroom sink. One polite flush of the toilet and unnecessary wash of his hands, and he was out the door and greeting his boyfriend with a kiss.

Eighteen criminals dead, and Matsuda here to make breakfast for him; a decent morning. Still, he would have liked to have made it twenty…

Light knew he'd have to rearrange his life when he plotted out his relationship with Matsuda. The man would inevitably change things, forcing his way into his neatly arranged life.

Yes, it was for the greater good, he told himself, but he had less time to devote to his work as Kira. He found himself writing fewer names, constrained by all of his obligations. The free time by himself he was used to was now being repurposed into 'Matsuda time'—that meant less Kira time, and thus less dead criminals.

Light carefully reminded himself that it wasn't as if he hadn't anticipated the amount of time Matsuda would take. It was just that he had to get used to it, that was all. He had managed back when he was still living at home with three other people, attending school, and being watched by L. This was a cakewalk in comparison.

So, he made room for a Matsuda-shaped space in his life. Evenings after work that were usually spent relaxing and judging criminals were turned into evenings with his boyfriend. And then his lunches. And his weekends. And now even his mornings were being taken. Soon, with their relationship moving in the direction it was (the direction it was supposed to), he would be giving his nights to Matsuda as well. Nearly all his time would belong to Matsuda, he knew, in the future.

Taking a few harried minutes here and there to write down names or compose instructions for Misa was stressful. At least Ryuk was out of the picture for now, hovering around her halfway across the globe on a tour. He could only imagine what he'd have to put up with if Ryuk were with him- ogling at him while out on dates with Matsuda, teasing him about his dim-witted beau, or even watching them being intimate. Ugh.

No. He needed a specific time to himself where he could do his true job in peace and isolation. No—he needed a specific place, a location where he could slip away to without arousing any suspicion. Somewhere no one would dare to intrude apon. Someplace holy, Light thought wryly. Well, a church could possibly work.

"Light?"

Light looked up. Matsuda was looking at him concernedly from the stove, saucepan held over a cold burner. Oh. He must have misjudged how long it would take for Matsuda to need some attention again. No problem, none at all.

Light went to give Matsuda an apologetic smile, a lie ready on his lips, but—"Light… are you alright? Is this about…" Matsuda stopped himself abruptly, eyes tight with worry.

This could work. This. This would actually work even better. Now Light had to suppress a real smile. His face slowly softened into sad shapes. He dropped his eyes to the floor, "Yeah. I'm sorry, it just hits me sometimes with no warning—He's gone, but I just—"

Matsuda wordlessly left the stove. He was an expert in giving comfort, and his hug was perfectly firm and secure around his back. Light let himself sag, stooping and leaning on Matsuda to lay his head on the other's shoulder. Sometimes it was a pain being the taller one in the relationship.

"Oh Light," Matsuda sighed shakily. Of course he was near tears. His boyfriend was hurting, so he was too. "I wish I knew what to do to make everything ok."

The grip on him tightened momentarily. "I was thinking," Light started slowly, almost mouthed into Matsuda's collar, "that maybe, if I could try visiting his grave, by myself, then maybe… maybe I could finally start to deal with it, you know?"

And just like that, Light had the solution to his workflow management problem.

What a perfect way to pay his respects.

Light sat neatly in front of L's tombstone, the death note balanced on his folded knees. His laptop glowed dimly in the graveyard. He was silent, an almost-smile on his face while the stone opposite him almost seemed to glare.

… … … Line Break … … …

Sachiko patted Matsuda fondly on the cheek as he walked through the door, Light bending to receive a peck on his own—she'd do the same for Matsuda, but Light had acted a little embarrassed when she tried. Oh well. He'd have no excuse when they were married and he was family.

Yes, she told herself calmly as she gestured them through to the living room while she finished dinner, they'd only been dating 4 months. Not very long. But they'd marry. Matsuda was too good to pass up—too good for Light, too good for their little family, too good to be true. She'd hear wedding bells if she had to drag them to a justice of the peace herself. But, for now she'd settle for patting the sweet man on the cheek.

Sachiko was honest, and she had honestly begun to believe that Light might end up alone. He was young, beautiful, and smart, but he was so unique that it was hard for him to find friends, let alone someone to spend the rest of his life with. As he grew older, he grew farther from her… and the rest of humanity, it seemed at times. She was his mother; she knew that she knew him better than he thought, just as every son thought of their mother and every mother thought of their son.

Now, she saw her boy was happy. Happy, and not alone. There was no way she was letting that slip away—and she would make sure they wore matching tuxes.

Light and Matsuda sat together on the sofa, watching the local news with Soichiro as they waited for dinner. Sayu had squirmed her way between the couple on the couch, entirely too interested in their plans for the weekend. Light nearly pulled a face at her, but Matsdua eagerly chattered away about a nice restaurant they wanted to try. Her face fell, evidently realizing that it would be too high-class of a place for her to conceivably sneak into, and Light inwardly crowed. Her spying had gone from cute to annoying rather quickly. He needed to find her damn diary—she'd taken to hiding it, even planting a decoy under her mattress.

Sometimes he wondered if he really was the only genius in the family. Sayu blew a raspberry at a commercial featuring Light's favorite brand of potato chips. Light reconsidered.

A few feet away in his armchair, Soichiro looked fondly between the three on the couch. Light caught his father's eye and gave an exasperated smile, returned by way of a contented grin.

"Dinner's ready!"

"I don't think I've been this happy in a long time," Sachiko said, voice soft but full of warmth, "My family here at the dinner table, all healthy and whole…"

"Plus a cute addition," Sayu added slyly. Matusda snorted his drink up his nose, Light automatically thumping his back and pursing his lips at Sayu. Anything surprising should really wait until Matsuda had put his drink down, he had learned.

Sayu sank back into her seat, slightly chagrined at nearly drowning her brother's boyfriend. Soichiro sighed and pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. "What Sayu was trying to say," he began, Matusda having regained use of his lungs, "is that we're all very happy to have you with us, Matsuda."

Matsuda flushed and looked around the table with his shy, sweet smile. Light gave him the adoring gaze that was expected. Matsuda's eyes met his, and seemed to melt. "So am I."

His mother tittered. His father's eyes looked years younger. Sayu deadpanned, "No, I literally meant he's super cute."

Matsuda helped Light into his coat. Completely unnecessary, but very appreciated. Light grabbed his hand and nodded mindlessly at his parents as they inched out the door and onto the front porch. No, they really couldn't stay for another coffee. No, no, they really did have to go. Yes, it was a lovely dinner, yes they would come over again sometime next week. Yes, love you too, yes, alright, goodnight. Finally the door closed.

"That was nice," Matsuda commented. Light towed him away from the door before his parents could drag them back in, "I really like spending time with your family… it's like having my own."

Light stopped for a moment. Matsuda's family was few and far in between. His parents lived hours away, happily in retirement, and he had very little else in the way of relatives. Light knew how much his family meant to Matsuda—and now, he knew that he meant something to them too. It must be nice, that feeling of realizing you belong.

Matsuda's hand squeezed his, questioning. Light looked up and gifted him with a smile. Ah, to hell with it, he was in a charitable mood right now. He turned and wrapped his free arm around his shoulders, pulling him into a kiss. A very nice kiss. A very nice, getting very warm kiss-

The porch light flared to life above them like a spotlight. "Sorry boys, purely accident!" his father called from inside.

In the background could be heard his mother scolding, "You let them be!"

Sachiko was still irritated. Soichiro was nearly pouting, but had apologized. She stirred her coffee briskly enough to chip the rim. "You," she declared, "are going to let them slobber all over each other if they so please."

"Yes, dear."

… … … Line Break … … …

Dear Secret Diary,

Nothing much to report. Bro still has a hickie on his neck, I'm sure of it, but he's been wearing those dumb turtlenecks. That's like the most obvious sign you have a hickie. Ever. Pretty sure even Mom and Dad used that trick that when they were young and ew ew EWWWW no never mind I'm not thinking about that! Brain bleach, where are you when I need you!

My brother needs to get laid so bad. I'm pretty sure he hasn't yet. I mean, he's such a dweeb, he'd probably call a press conference to announce it all seriously 'I gather you here today to proclaim that I… Light Yagami… have bumped uglies.' What a nerd! He's such an open book, there's no way he could hide it if he lost his V-pin.

And Matsuda's such a gossip, he'd totally spill the beans five minutes after they did the deed, still pants-less and all. He's really a cool guy. Everyone thinks he's the lucky one to have snagged Light. Ha! Try that in reverse. Light's lucky to have gotten such a good guy, the massive dork he is.

But I love that dork, and I'm so happy for him. He better not royally screw this up or, I swear, I'll whoop him.

… … … Line Break … … …

Matsuda opened his eyes. Light's breathing had evened out minutes ago, surely deeply sleep by now. He shifted slightly, just enough to reposition Light's head more comfortably on his bicep. Brown lashes barely fluttered.

He liked to watch Light sleep. He liked to watch him awake too, but there was something special to see in his unwaking moments. Yes, he was beautiful. So, so beautiful, so much so that he still lost his breath at the sight of him sometimes, even after half a year. He looked at Light's face, at the peace there and the absence of any mask.

Matsuda was a fool. He knew it, as did everyone. But he wasn't quite as big of a fool as most assumed. Being with someone so smart, so damn smart, he had to adapt. He liked to think that he got a little smarter just by association with Light. And one of the most important intellectual jumps he made was the realization that Light was not always Light.

He was so intelligent, so responsible for everything that he had to play a lot of roles—Matsuda watched him change continuously from a boss to a friend to a detective to a son to a lover… He seemed very concerned with fulfilling each of those roles perfectly, but also separately. When he had to combine them, Matsuda could almost see the stress in his eyes.

But, when they were alone… When they were alone together, more and more, Light looked more like he did when he was asleep. More relaxed, less stressed. More there. And Matsuda had the privilege to interact with Light—not the second L, not his boss, not a coworker or any other mask- just Light. His Light.

For someone so brilliant, he was rather fragile. He had nightmares sometimes, most of which he would never tell him about, others he did. Confinement. The mock execution. The shinigami Rem. L. He was more human than people tended to believe.

Perhaps that was why he needed the masks. To be himself all the time would be rather scary for him, Matsuda reasoned, and so he didn't feel bad when Light would hide inside himself and give Matsuda a smile that wasn't really there.

He let his hand slide slowly, reverently down the slope of Light's hip. He had stopped questioning how or why he had somehow fallen for him. It was just fate. Simple as that.

… … … … … … ~~

A/N: I. Yeah. Uh, I've had a really, really hard time writing. This was supposed to be much longer, but, well, this is all I could do. ;-; I'm sorry, ahh. I really want to finish this, but it may take me a long time. Anyway, I hope you like it. Sorry about no smut, but it will come. One day. In the far off future. When we have abandoned our limbs an welded metal spider legs onto our fleshbodies. I'm sorry I'm going to bed now ok bye