A/N: Hello readers, *waves* thanks so much for your lovely reviews, I just love hearing from you! Hope you enjoy Chapter 3.
Clarity
High dive into frozen waves where the past comes back to life - Zedd
He saved her life? When did this miracle happen? When was her life in danger? My face clearly agrees with what my thoughts are thinking because Stefan starts speaking again, apparently finding some deep-rooted joy in being able to share his story with me. For what reason I have no fucking clue, I'm more interested in finding out what the hell happened.
"Five days ago, her parents car drove off of the Wickery Bridge, I was nearby when it happened and I dove into the water, her mom and dad were inside, and her dad demanded that I save his daughter, so I did. Turns out, daughter was Elena" Stefan says with a sly smile.
I despise the way he says her name. And yes, that's the first thing I'm focusing on okay? Deal with it. He says it as if it's common, vulgar, something that he's trying very hard to caress and failing to miserably and it makes me want to punch his teeth out. Or rip his tongue out so he can never, ever say it like that again. He says it as if he's somehow using it against me, taunting me with some hidden knowledge and I despise it.
Now that that's out of the way; five days ago? That's the very night I met her! It was, hold up, wait a second...yeah, it was five days ago. So the very night she met me, her parents also died? That's, I don't know what that is but its all kindsa fucked up is what it is. I should go to her, maybe, I should try and help her, console her, talk to her, I don't know but every part of my body wants to find her and make sure she's okay.
Of course she's not fucking okay Damon. Girl just lost her mom and dad. Girl nearly died. No wonder she was crying her little heart out the last time I saw her. Christ, and Stefan, my brother, Saint Stefan, Stefan the fucking good son, was the one to save her. He'll always have that now, he'll always own that. And he will use it to try and win her but I won't let him. He will never have her.
I process all of this in my head while trying to maintain my features in a neutral, detached mask. Thankfully, over the years, I've become well versed in that art of faking it til' you make it, and my brother doesn't seem to notice anything amiss, not that he pays enough attention to me most of the time to pick anything up anyway. I need more information.
"So what brother, you just happened to be in the vicinity? Happened to be in Mystic Falls? This is just a very good case of very fortunate timing?" you would think that the fact that I'm asking so many damn questions would be a bit of a give-away that I care more than I should for a 'switched off' vampire but Stefan either doesn't pick up on it or simply doesn't care.
Something is different about him, I haven't quite figured it out yet but he seems more detached, more aloof; normally when we meet it's all 'I'm sorry that I blamed you for turning me into a Ripper' and 'I'm sorry that I'm the guy who made you turn', basically it's normally a whole lotta half-baked apologies that never really ring quite true.
But this time? Something feels decidedly different. Oh he still has his emotions, you can see them there, lurking in his eyes, encroaching on his ever-crowded forehead, Stefan has never been the best actor in the world, but something is definitely not quite right. There's a distance there, a coldness that I've only ever seen in him when he turns all Ripper, but if he's got a handle on his emotions then he's happily chewing on bunny rabbits and deer while the human population of Mystic Falls gets to rest easy at night.
"I'm here to visit Uncle Zach, see the house Damon, nothing more than that. I usually leave the ulterior motives to you. So yes, it really is a case of fortunate timing, as I said, I happened to be nearby and I heard the crash happen.
You know, I really thought it was Katherine at first, realised pretty quick-sharp that it wasn't so I compelled her to forget me and took off when the ambulance arrived. And here we are" Stefan explains with a shrug of his shoulders.
Here. We. Are.
Here we are indeed. And where the hell do we go from here? I don't believe a word of what he says, like I said something is different and I'm damn well gonna find out what it is even if I have to read every single one of his stupid journals to find out.
He said he compelled her to forget so at least one of us brothers is capable of doing something fucking right since I clearly lost that battle the second she laid a finger on me. God that fire, just thinking about it sends a shiver of, heat, desire, longing through my entire body. I can almost feel her again when I think about it.
He says Katherine's name differently, from the way he said Elena's. He says it softly, as if it matters, as if she is precious and something to revere, basically he says it the way he should have said Elena's name; but the way I absolutely do not want him to ever say her name.
And that's what makes me think that he's really here for Katherine. I don't know how he could have found out; don't know who in their right mind would have told him, since I was sure I was the only one who knew but the way he says her name makes me think that it's got everything to do with her.
It still doesn't explain the school thing though, he said he was in school with Elena or at least, that he was going to be, but if it's Katherine he's here for then why in the hell is he going back to school?
"So why are you going back to school again? What is this, the tenth time you'll graduate high school? I thought you were better than that Stefan, last I heard you went all ivy-league" I ask him the questions running through my mind because there's no way I'll get answers out of him any other damn way. And I need answers.
It's one of my many weaknesses truth be told, I have this insane desire to know everything. It's probably something to do with my inherent trust issues, I trust no one, hell I barely even trust myself half the damn time but it's left me with this incessant need to know as much as I can about as much as I can.
So if I feel like someone is hiding something from me then I'll usually stop at nothing to get to the bottom of whatever it is. I'll take it however far I need to to find out the truth of the matter, and when the truth of the matter somehow relates to Elena? Well there's nothing I won't do in this situation. I'm not even above begging, if it comes to that. Which, thankfully it won't because honestly me begging is a sight that no one wants to see. Take my word for it.
"Well I would have thought it obvious Damon" Stefan pushes himself off of the tree he's been resting against and walks towards me. There's more predator than man in his walk and again I have that disturbing feeling that something is very wrong with my brother.
He comes to a stop inches from my face and looks me dead in the eyes before speaking again.
"I have to know her"
He has to what now? Oh no. Hey, hold on there brother. Dammit all to hell he's gone. Just drops that sweet bombshell and then disappears in a rush of fucking wind.
He has to fucking know her? Are you fucking kidding me right now? How did all this shit happen? Oh I know I know, because of a damn dream. I feel like swearing in sixty languages right now everything inside of me is a tangled mess and I have no fucking clue what to do.
Living in the moment isn't really, workin' out all that well for me is it? I mean yes, I found out what happened to Elena. Yes I found out sort-of, I think, why my brother is here. That's two things and only one of them I'm actually confident about. So really, it's one thing and a half, or something. And now I'm left wondering what the hell to do about it all.
I still don't know what to do about Katherine. I don't know what to do about Elena. I definitely don't know what to do about my brother. I don't know what the dreams meant. I don't know why I had them. Let's face it, I don't know very fucking much do I?
Which is just great, for a man that needs to know things. Fuckin' fabulous. Think if I go take a nap I'll go back to dreamland; we can restart from the beginning? Try and make sense of this damned circle of half truths and pretty lies and dreams of girls that burn you alive?
No? Well it was worth a shot. Little tip, always ask for the things you want most, because the worst thing anyone can do is say no. And if they do then you're no worse off than you were before, so suck it up and just do it.
What's the worst that could happen? Actually, it's probably best not to answer that question; sometimes the worst that can happen is a lot worse than someone just saying 'no'. But I don't take it back you should still ask, every time it's totally worth the risk. You might just get something fucking amazing out of it, depending on what it is you're really asking for.
Me? I'm asking for a little fucking clarity. But I'm not gonna get any standing in the damn woods all day. My brother knows I'm back in town now so I may as well go and make myself comfortable in my own damn bedroom in my own damn house 'cause it's not gonna change anything now.
He has to know her; the fuck does that even mean? Yeah I'm back to that; I need to figure out my brother's angle here. I have to keep her safe, I don't know why exactly, I'm not usually one for protecting the humans, but it's Elena she's the girl in my dreams and she's in them for a reason, I'm not clear on that reason, but there is definitely a reason and as such, she needs to be safe. She needs to be protected, she needs a whole lot more than that actually but right now it's the best I can offer.
So I need to try and work out my brother's angle, game, whatever the fuck it is he's doing because there are a couple of things I know for sure now, I know that what he wants with Elena has nothing to do with her personally and has everything to do with Katherine.
And I know that he's not been having the dreams. Those are mine. They belong to me. I know because if he was having the dreams then he would have spoken of her differently. I've had those dreams for over 60 fucking years and there's not a chance that if he had been having them too then he would have talked about her the way he did. Callous, casual, as if she weren't the most important thing in the fucking world right now. Maybe always. I don't know.
But that's why I didn't talk of her much; that's why I tried not to say her name, because I knew if I did then he would understand, he would be able to figure out that my switch isn't off, that I have my humanity and I'm not ready for him to know that. I'm not ready for him to know that I fell in love with a fucking dream.
And there's the truth. That's what it comes down to, really. I'm in love with a dream. I don't know why, when, where or how, but it happened on one of those endless nights of dreaming, I fell in love with that girl in my dream, fell in love with the voice and the way it felt as it caressed my skin in the cool nights breeze, fell in love with every precious second of a dream that never lasted longer than five fucking minutes.
Why the hell do you think I lay down on every damn road in America for 12 years? Wasn't looking for divine fucking intervention was I? No. I wasn't. I was looking for the dream girl. For the girl I fell in love with. No, I'm sorry, for the voice I fell in love with, because it was the voice I fell in love with first.
I feel awkwardly like that guy from the Little Mermaid only this is kinda, backwards. All I got for 60 years was a voice and all he got was a face. But I didn't need the face to fall; I fell harder than it should be possible to fall for a fucking voice in a dream. But I did, and the night we met, five nights ago, when I finally came face to face with the girl in my dream, I fell even harder. I fell for her eyes. I fell into her eyes. And I think I'm only gonna keep falling.
So my brother? My brother can get fucked if he thinks for one second, that I'll allow him to take her from me, because I don't know how I know, but I do, I feel it in every bone, in every molecule in my body, in every tiny part of me I know that she is mine. I am hers and she is mine.
And maybe that's all I really need to know right this second. And maybe I got the clarity I needed after all.