Hakurei Shrine
"Bad day, bad day, bad day!" Abe screamed as the shrine's torri(1) was getting closer and closer, but suddenly he stopped moving; instead, he was hovering.
Thump, thump, thump.
Unfortunately, the poor guy passed out from all of the excitement.
Reimu had caught up with Abe and mumbled, "Outsiders these days.", as she dragged him into one of the guest rooms in the shrine.
By the time Abe woke up, it was already morning. He noticed that the room he was in was a bit run-down, the door slid open and he turned around saw Reimu.
"Oh good, you're awake." She said.
Abe jumped out of his bed and said, "You're that lady who threw me into that plant!"
She smacked him with her gohei and shouted, "It was the fastest way for you to learn to fly!"
"Well, that explains why I was hovering last night." He thought.
Reimu continued, "And now that you know how to fly, you'll be learning danmaku."
"Wait, danmaku? Whoa, whoa, whoa, I came here because I wanted to become a tank again!" He shouted.
Reimu tossed him a broom and said, "Whatever, the first part of your training is to sweep the front of the shrine."
"Yes master." He said as he walked out of the shrine.
Moriya Shrine
Somewhere inside the shrine, Sanae, Kanako, and Suwako were watching a certain American movie that had giant robots transforming into cars fighting against evil giant robots that transformed into military vehicles(2). Sanae wore a blue and white shrine maiden outfit and a snake-like accessory wrapped around one side of her green hair. Kanako wore a red dress with a mirror on the center of her chest and Suwako wore a short purple dress and a gigantic light brown hat with 2 eyes on top.
Knock knock
"Sanae, be a good girl and get the door." Kanako Said.
"But, but, it's getting to the good part! Oh never mind." Sanae said as she walked over and opened the door revealing Marisa.
"What's up? ~ze"
"Marisa! What are you doing here?" Sanae asked.
"Did you hear? Reimu got herself another youkai ~daze" Marisa told Sanae as she dragged her out.
"W-w-wait! The movie! I need to finish the movie! I'm missing out on all the action!" Sanae yelled.
"Action? In there?" Asked Marisa.
"Yes, I'll show you!" Said Sanae as she pulled Marisa into the shrine to watch the movie.
Hakurei Shrine
Back at the shrine, Reimu had set up empty bottles as targets to train Abe in danmaku.
"Say Reimu, what's danmaku?" Abe asked.
Reimu simply responded by shooting a barrage of bullets at a random fairy and the poor thing blew up.
"That's danmaku. It's used in a spellcard battle, and it's impossible for anyone to get killed or maimed even with melee attacks. At most, they'll get knock unconscious." She stated.
"But that fairy blew up!" He yelled.
"So? Fairys will just respawn."
She pointed at the closest bottle and said, "Now I want you to hit that target without your firearm."
"Wait, you didn't teach me to shoot danmaku yet!"
She stated, "Relax, take it easy, youkai like you pick up danmaku naturally."
"Ok, relax and take it easy right? That's easy for her to say." He thought.
Abe pointed his right hand at the bottle and imagined himself holding a pistol. He felt his hand recoil back and saw a orange bullet coming out, but it missed the bottle. He decided to fire off more shots and they all missed by five to twenty feet; in fact, one of them actually went backwards and nearly hit Reimu.
"He's a really bad shot, even worse than me as a little kid", She thought and then told him, "Now try hitting the target with your firearm."
Abe took aim at the bottle and fired, instead of an orange bullet, this time it was a orange laser. The laser hit the bottle right in middle and destroyed it. After that, he went for the remaining bottles and all of his shots hit the middle.
"Reimu, think I can hit that fairy over there?" He pointed towards a fairy about two miles away from the torri.
"You could try, but don't come crying to me if you miss." She said.
Without hesitation, he aimed his rifle at the fairy and fired, hitting it in the head.
"What kind of youkai is he?", Reimu thought and said, "Alright, lets take a break."
"Finally." He thought, he started to make his way towards the poach in front of the shrine when he stepped on something. He looked down and saw a sword bayonet (3).
He yelled, "Hey Reimu, it's dangerous to leave sharp pointy objects here!"
"Objects from the outside world tend to pop up here, you can keep it." Reimu said.
Abe inserted his newly found bayonet into the rifle's lug(4). "Since I'm on a break at the moment, I should check what's in my backpack." He thought and opened his backpack. Inside was a key with a note:
This key will unlock your tank form.
From,
You-Know-Who
"Why didn't I look in my backpack earlier?" Abe thought, and then another sentence magically appeared on the note:
PS: If you looked in it earlier, nothing would have been in there, and tell Reimu that her donation box is back.
On cue, a box dropped out of the sky and landed in front of the shrine. Reimu sat there in shock because Yukari kept her word.
"My donation box!" She yelled and ran towards it like a kid who had received a Christmas present. She opened the box and found 10,000 yen.
A girl ran out because of the commotion, she wore a pink blouse and a purple skirt, and she was also holding a purple gourd. "Oi, Reimu whats with all the commotion?" She staggered a bit.
Reimu ran towards her and gave her all the money. "Suika, go to the Human Village and buy as much sake as you can!" Reimu yelled.
Abe watched Suika divide herself into a bunch of smaller Suikas, and then they ran towards the village.
"Someone pinch me, that couldn't be real." He muttered.
Seizing the moment, Reimu flew up to him and whacked him with her gohei.
"I said pinch, not hit me with a stick!" He yelled.
"Are we going to continue your training or not?" Reimu asked.
"She was acting like a kid before." He thought and said, "Ready and able, sir!"
Reimu gave him the "evil face". Realizing his mistake, he said, "I mean ma'am!"
She smiled and said "Good boy, you're now going to learn how to cast spellcards. During a battle, spellcards are used in order to either quickly defeat the enemy, or getting out of a tight spot. The fastest and most efficient way to learn to cast and make spellcards is in an actual battle!"
"Does this mean I have to fight you?" He asked.
"No, I'm sure someone will come here and challenge you for a stupid reason." She answered.
"So there was no point in this lesson." He said.
"Yes, now if you need me, I'll be sitting by the porch drinking tea." She said and flew towards the shrine.
"Wow, she's lazy; didn't even bother walking." He thought, "Oh yeah, that key!"
He grabbed the key out of his backpack and said, "Reimu, prepare to be amazed by the power of the tank!"
Uninterested, she said, "Whatever."
"I got this! It's just like in that anime those American soldiers showed me!" He thought.
Flashback, Unknown Middle Eastern Country, April 2011
At the motorpool, a group of US soldiers and their European allies gathered around a TV set next to Abe.
"Sergeant Higgins, are you sure about this?" Abe Asked.
Higgins replied, "Don't worry, if Captain Jones comes in, we'll handle it."
One of the German soldiers spoke in a thick accent, "Higgins. What and why are we showing this to the AI?"
"An anime about magical girls fighting for jewel shards(5), and I'm showing it to the AI because he might learn something new!" Higgins stated.
Lance Corporal Morgan of the British Royal Army spoke up, "Higgins' actually a pedophile, there's a reason why we're watching a cartoon about magical under-aged girls!"
This caused everyone to laugh and Higgins responded, "Ha, ha, very funny"
After hearing some laughter nearby, Captain Jones barged in, "What's with all the ruckus?"
Higgins said with a smile, "Captain, we're going to watch an anime with magical girls!"
Everyone stopped talking and their faces turned pale, believing that they've gotten themselves in an embarrassing situation. Unexpectedly to everyone except for Higgins, the Captain smiled and said, "Did you say magical girls? Count me in!"
Higgins turned towards Morgan and whispered, "Now he's the pedophile, not me." Morgan silently shook his head.
During the show, one of the soldiers asked, "How can such little girls fire off such huge-ass laser beams?"
Hakurei Shrine
Abe held the key above his head and shut his eyes. Immediately, a bright coffee colored light engulfed his entire body. About thirty seconds later, the light faded and Reimu stood there, trying not to laugh since Abe was now wearing a white dress with white hair ribbons.
"Wait, something feels wrong, there's a really nice breeze coming under me..." He thought and looked down to discovered that he was indeed wearing a dress. A note slipped off his dress and he picked it up.
My, my, I was wondering where my dress went. I must admit, you look really manly wearing it. Oh, and try inserting that key somewhere on your rifle for better results.
~Yukari
Reimu yelled, "You're right, that was interesting!" Unable to contain her laughter any longer, she fell and laughed her ass off.
He looked around his rifle and saw a small lock on the butt of the rifle. He inserted the key, and then he glowed in a bright coffee colored light. After the light faded, Abe was now a M1A2 Abrams. Reimu stopped laughing and looked in awe at the tank.
She walked up to Abe's left side and asked, "Is that really you?"
He turned one of the many cameras on his turret towards her and said, "Milady, your knight in shining armor has arrived, of course it's me!"
Before she can say anything, she heard Marisa's and Sanae's voice off in the distance. She turn around and saw them landing in front of the torri.
Marisa said, "Hey Reimu, I heard another youkai was living with you so I bought her along daze~!" She pointed at Sanae, who was staring at Abe.
Sanae pointed at Abe and yelled, "Reimu, where did you got that tank?"
Reimu answered, "Tank? That's a youkai."
"That's the youkai? I never seen a youkai this inanimate, ze~."
Sanae exclaimed, "A tank youkai? That's impossible!"
Abe pointed his turret at Sanae and Marisa and said, "Reimu's speaking the truth."
Sanae stood there, petrified in fear, then she yelled, "That's not youkai! Reimu, Marisa, stand back! It's the leader of those evil robots hellbent on taking over the world!"
Marisa said, "I think that movie is getting to your head."
Sanae replied, "Nonsense, now stay back!"
She pointed at Abe and yelled "Evil robot, your reign of terror ends here! The Wind Priestess of the Moriya Shrine shall defeat you!"
Abe said, "Wait, you got it all wrong! I'm a youkai!"
All Touhou characters and places belong to ZUN
All OC and minor OCs belong to me, DonnyDonster
Credits to jcarreau (Formerly known as xm0123) for being my beta reader
Stay tune for chapter 4, coming out whenever I finish it.
A/N:
Abe's first battle is against a shrine maiden, this should be interesting. The next chapters will come at a snail's pace because college starts in about a week, so I have to get ready.
Note 1: Torri is a gate usually found in front of a Shinto shrine.
Note 2: Sanae, Kanako, and Suwake were watching Transformers.
Note 3: Sword Bayonets do exist, unlike knife bayonets and spiked bayonets, they have a longer reach and they can be use for slashing and thrusting.
Note 4: A rifle lug is a place where you can attach a bayonet, it's located near the front of the barrel.
Note 5: They're watching Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha.