Ryan and I agreed to order pizza, so while he ordered I remained on the couch to watch TV. There was a strange stench, and I was pretty sure it was coming from me. Once Ryan was off of the phone, he came back to sit down beside me, naturally slipping his hand into mine.

"Ryan, do you mind if I take a bath? I'm pretty stinky." I said in a soft whisper. Ryan abruptly looked up to me, a small smile appearing on his lips and he nodded.

"This is your home now, you don't have to ask my permission to do anything. Go ahead." He patted my thigh and let me get up. I had to wrack my brains to remember where exactly the bathroom was but I got there eventually, turning the taps of the bath on and putting in the plug. Retrieving my bag from the front of the house, I didn't forget to flash a nice smile to Ryan who had now lounged his rather long body along a rather small couch. He looked cramped but comfortable. Once in the bathroom again, I closed the door behind me and locked the door. I liked privacy. I placed my bag on the toilet seat and began getting undressed, feeling the warmth of Ryan's home and the steam from the bathtub cuddling my body. Without any delay - despite the tub not being full at all - I climbed into the bath and felt the water slither over my feet, the souls of my feet tingling from the sensation. I let out a small gasp and lowered myself into the water, the tap running hot water into the tub fast and strong.

"Just calm Jodie." I told myself, as there was nobody else around to tell me to stay calm anyway. Soon enough the bathtub was full, and with the skillful maneuvers of my toes I managed to turn each tap off. The water was hot, but due to my premature entrance into the bath it didn't scold my body. It was comforting and calming, and soon enough my heart slowed down it's rapid beating. It had been hammering since I arrived at Ryan's now, and I just wanted to feel at home for once. Like Ryan had said, this was my home now. When I went to find some shampoo, I noticed there were no bottles whatsoever in sight. Curiously I yelled, "Ryan!" from the bath to try and get his attention. Footsteps notified me he was coming towards the bathroom.

"Yeah?" His voice was clear just outside the door.

"Where's your wash stuff?" I queried.

"Crap... Their upstairs in the shower, let me just go and get them." I waited patiently for him to return from upstairs and when he did, he tapped on the wood of the door. "I'll leave them on the ground outside" He said. That meant I would have to get out of the warmth of the water, open the door to the blizzard outside and get back into the tub before I froze. As quickly as possible, I jumped out of the bath and raced to the door, using the techniques I had learned from training in the CIA to collect the bottles and get in without being traced. Before I knew it I was back into the bath, squeezing the herbal shampoo onto my hands and running it through my hair. I let it rest for a few minutes and then sunk into the water, washing it out with my hands. For a second I stopped to listen to the water, which only reminded me of the noises Aiden used to make. It reminded me he was no longer with me. My heart fell in my chest and I felt sick, so before anything else happened I clambered out of the bath and grabbed a towel.

"I thought I was through this." Instead of wrapping the towel around my body, I held it to my face. Knocking my bag from the toilet seat I sat down and sobbed into the towel. The least of my worries was Ryan hearing me cry, what I wanted was for him to hear, for somebody to hear and make sure I was alright. When there was a light tap on the door, I brought my face away from the towel and finally wrapped it around my body. I wiped my nose and eyes, preparing to speak. "Ryan?" I called.

"Are you alright in there Jodie?" He asked me. I was conflicted about whether to open the door and let him see me like this or not. If he loved me, I shouldn't worry. So I stood up on my feet and approached the door, feeling weak and sad as I did. The door knob in my fingers was cold, compared the the heat from the bath water and I unlocked the door. Reluctantly I opened the door and saw Ryan leaning against the door frame, looking concerned but sympathetic. "You okay?" He asked.

I contemplated lying, but I knew there was reason to lie with him so I shook my head. The tears came rushing out of my eyes again and I fell into Ryan, not caring whether I got his shirt wet or anything else on his body.

"Hey, hey. It's okay. Shh now." Ryan brushed his hand over my wet hair, having to fiddle with it when he wanted to threat his fingers through again because my hair had stuck to him. I made sure my towel was still firmly wrapped around me as I sobbed into his shirt. "Is this about Aiden?" He asked softly. Nodding, I felt him sigh beneath me. He managed to lead me from the bathroom, grab my bag and take me up to the bedroom. He placed me softly on the bed and knelt down in front of me again, resting his hands on my lap and playing with my fingers.

"I thought I was over it, I thought I could go on living without him again. That's why I spent so long alone, planning how I was going to return to normal life. I didn't expect it to be this hard..." I tried explaining but I fell into uncontrollable sobs again, so Ryan wrapped his arms around me and let me bend over his shoulder to cry.

"It's still so new to you, living amongst other people. You haven't done that without Aiden yet." Ryan assured me, rubbing my back soothingly. As we stayed silent, only the sounds of my sob filling the air, the doorbell downstairs rang. "That's the pizza. You get ready and I'll go get it, okay? We can stay up here if you want." I didn't want Ryan to change his plans because of me so I shook my head.

"No it's okay. I'll be down in a second." I knew by the look in his eyes that he was worried about leaving me alone, but I assured him "I'll be fine" so finally he left me to get ready. I found a pair of soft shorts in my bag and a white tee-shirt, so quickly threw them on before I left Ryan waiting too long. I went tumbling down the stairs to meet with him and when I saw him in the kitchen I felt a lot more at ease. I needed to get used to not having Aiden with me. Besides, I would have bet money on Aiden being uncomfortable living with Ryan. They had never particularly got along.

"You okay now?" He asked. "Actually, that's a dumb question, don't answer that." He snorted. The hairbrush I had remembered to bring down with me began to cause an ache in my palm, so I brushed my hair thoroughly and then washed my hands before grabbing a place and helping myself to pizza. Instead of sitting up at the table, Ryan sat down on the couch and we watched a soccer game together. My eyes glazed over now and then, not because I wasn't interested on what was happening on the screen but because I was preoccupied. For a while I didn't realise that Ryan was trying to catch my attention, his hand waving in front of my face and his constantly call of my name snapped me out of my trance. "I lost you for a second then" He said.

"Yeah...sorry. What did you want to say?" I didn't look at him, my emotions since the bath had been increased by ten and seeing his eyepatch would only make me feel worse.

"I just... I wanted to tell you how glad I am that you're here." He mentioned.

"E-even when I feel s-so alone?"

"I know it's going to take a while until you're... okay again but, I'm willing to be with you until then. I want to be with you. I love you Jodie." His hand reached for mine and I was in two minds about pulling away but I let his large hand wrap itself around mine. Finally I plucked up the courage to peer up at him, seeing his single hazel eye welled up with tears only made my stomach flutter.

"I love you too Ryan."