"Oh my God."
Kurt was wide-eyed and astonished, analyzing every inch of the boy in front of him. It wasn't possible for that brat from 10 years ago to have grown up into this not unattractive guy.
Sebastian's face and body, of course, were the last thing Kurt had to be thinking about that moment, because God, how was this even happening? They hadn't spoken a word since they both were eight years old. Sebastian leaving for Paris was actually a highlight of Kurt's childhood, if he remembered correctly, and having the boy back now was a tad unsettling. Who knew what Sebastian grew up to be like – besides ridiculously hot? (Dammit Hummel, stop that).
Kurt was too lost in thought to remember that he and Sebastian were both people, and people didn't just stand in front of each other without saying a word, especially in situations like this.
"I – wow, this is just," Kurt began, but Sebastian's laughter cut him off.
"Always so on edge. Relax a little, Hummel," Sebastian put his hand on the side of Kurt's arm playfully to squeeze it, but Kurt flinched away instinctively.
Sebastian looked set back for a second, eyebrows rising and smirk disappearing – but it didn't last. The cocky smile was back with no effort while Kurt was silent, staring at the boy and trying to understand what was going on. He felt like a kid again.
Sebastian didn't seem to have much to say either.
After what seemed like an eternity, Sebastian clapped his hands together, snapping both himself and Kurt out of a thoughtful trance.
"This is getting too boring to handle, so if you don't mind I'm heading back to my table," Sebastian said, making Kurt confused and even a bit angry. It must have been clear in the boy's expression because Sebastian seemed hesitant to simply walk away afterwards.
"You can't be serious," Kurt let himself say, not really thinking anymore. They haven't seen each other since they were eight, dammit, how does Sebastian not want to talk to him?
"You're clearly inarticulate at the moment so just come back when you can think of a whole sentence to say to me." Sebastian's tone rang of arrogance and that made Kurt all the more irritated.
"How about we start with what the hell you're doing here?" he snapped, feeling his face go red and hating himself for it.
The boy's smirk widened, "It's a free country Kurt, and so is France. I can come and go as I may."
"Can't you be serious for a second? Or did you develop some mental illness over the years?"
"Nope, but I might develop one right now if I have to keep staring at your face any longer."
Kurt's jaw fell in reaction to the slap he might as well have received.
He tried not to let the insult sink – it wasn't personal; how could it be? Ten whole years apart and they still hated each other, like when they were kids? That's just ridiculous. What really set Kurt off was the boy's snark – Kurt couldn't stand assholes, not after what he's been through with the ones from McKinley. The Lima Bean was safe, where he could be in peace after a day of being taunted and bullied. Sebastian Smythe would not ruin that.
"What are you waiting for then?" he said, trying to look calmer then he really was. "Turn around and leave."
"How disappointing, Hummel – I didn't think you'd give up that easy."
"This isn't a fight, Sebastian. Frankly, all this is is pathetic."
Sebastian sighed, biting the inside of his cheeks, his eyes almost glaring at Kurt.
It took a while for someone to speak again, and Kurt had had just about enough. Next thing he knew he was walking away, not daring looking back.
He didn't understand what had happened or why Sebastian had the power to make him so angry, but he really wasn't in the mood to find out at that moment.
When he sat down at his table, back turned to where Sebastian and the other boys from Dalton were, each one of the girls looked at him like he was a crazy person.
Rachel was the first to talk.
"Care to explain what just happened?"
"I wish I knew," Kurt sighed, not feeling it in him to give a real explanation, even though he knew Rachel wouldn't let him get off that easily.
"Kurt, it looked like you and that Dalton guy were just about to rip each other's heads off," Santana said, eyes deep with concern.
"I know him," Kurt started. "Well, not really – I mean, I knew him. We used to be neighbors when we were kids and we pretty much hated each other. Then he moved to Paris and that was supposed to be the end of it."
"Until now," S. added.
"Yeah… until now."
"He's still staring at you though," Brittany pointed out and Kurt controlled himself not to look back to see if it was true.
Instead he just sat there, disoriented and, honestly, a bit upset.
Kurt and the girls left the Lima Bean when they finished their coffees. Rachel decided she'd get a ride with S. and Brit, which Kurt was grateful for – being alone was a good idea right now.
He listened as his car's engine roared to life, concentrating on the driving only until it all felt like too much, and his thoughts seemed to suffocate him. Sebastian was the first thing that crossed Kurt's mind when he decided to let his guard down. Sebastian and the confusing "conversation" they had. Kurt didn't want to deal with it, nor whatever he was feeling about it. In fact, he'd avoid it for however long possible. It was just too complicated and surreal.
So Kurt decided it would be good to get distracted again. He turned on the radio and switched stations until he found one that wasn't on commercials. Some new Katy Perry song was playing and he decided that was good enough for now.
Three songs played afterwards, but it was when the third was finishing and Kurt had just stopped at a red light that he felt his world crashing down around him. He recognized the next song immediately – its lyrics were tattooed to his brain ever since he had to preform it for Regionals when he was at Dalton.
Preform it with Blaine.
Hey Monday's song Candles was, ironically enough, about a break-up.
Kurt felt something bubbling inside his chest, strong and tight, and he was angry. This whole situation, such utter bullshit. He wanted to scream, bang his head on the steering wheel and tell the world how fucking unfair it all was.
Before the light turned green, Kurt was already sobbing and screaming, punching the radio until it turned off.
He parked his car on the side of the street and got out. He knew there were probably people watching him, but they didn't matter. What mattered, then, was how bad he felt and how this day was supposed to be great, how this whole year was supposed to be perfect, with the Blaine that once said he loved Kurt, but now clearly didn't because, God, he didn't even say sorry today! Not that it would've changed what Kurt felt, but it would have been something!
But no, this new Blaine didn't care at all. New Blaine went off and got drunk and banged some pretty faced stranger. New Blaine was a jerk that lied, and made the worst of Kurt's insecurities bloom again, when it had been Old Blaine that got rid of them.
At the back of his mind, Kurt heard a voice screaming over and over again how he wasn't enough to keep Blaine with him, enough to love and be loved in return – how he simply wasn't good enough for someone like Blaine, that could have whoever he wanted.
And he knew he wasn't – he never was.
In his brain, though, Kurt had to create these two different Blaines. Had to because to believe that this new liar Blaine was actually the real one – the one he met at Dalton not too long ago – hurt too much. He had to be convinced that, along the way, something changed. Convinced that Blaine did one day actually love him, instead of it all being fake.
Kurt was trapped in a body that didn't know what to feel – he was lost, shaking, alone at the side of the road when all he wanted was to be cuddling with the boy he loved under a warm blanket watching one of their favorite movies, the exact thing he was planning on doing yesterday when he caught the boy cheating.
He was angry again, pacing back and forth in front of the car, kicking every rock in his way, punching air.
"This isn't how it was supposed to be!" Kurt shouted, looking at the bright sky through thick tears. He didn't know who he was talking to, just that he wanted to be heard.
"Wasn't what I wanted!" he continued, weaker. If God existed, why couldn't he make things better? "I deserve to be happy…"
His fists, once held rigidly at his sides, loosened. "…Don't I?" This time, his words were but a whisper, and Kurt fell to the ground, sobbing more than ever thought possible. His vision was blurred and his back was leaning against his car. He didn't know if there were people watching; he couldn't find it in himself to care. It was all suddenly too overwhelming and he just couldn't stand it. He couldn't trap himself in that car and listen to the world mocking him. He couldn't pretend to be strong, when that was the last thing he felt.
Strong. Thinking about it, Kurt had never been strong. Blaine was what made him stand up to the bullies. Blaine helped him be himself and not take the crap from the other kids about it. Blaine was what made Kurt okay, and now he didn't have that anymore, that protection, that anchor. All he had was a spinning reality and a really bad migraine from it.
Kurt didn't know how long he had sat there, next to his car, at the side of some street the name he couldn't remember. All he knew was that once he was home, the light of the sky was fading and his dad was heating a frozen dinner.
Kurt greeted him without much effort and stripped out of his clothes the second he arrived in his room, letting them drop carelessly on the floor. They were already dirty anyways.
He turned the hot water handle in the shower and took a good look at himself in the mirror before stepping in.
"Get a hold of yourself, you idiot."
And he did.
The shower relieved a lot of stress and he managed to put on a good face for his dad during dinner. They talked about the first day of school and Kurt decided to keep it vague, convincing himself he wasn't yet ready to talk to his dad about everything with Blaine. Finn, on the other hand, had a lot of stories to tell.
Kurt chewed his food slowly and smiled every now and then whenever he heard Finn laughing. Afterwards, when washing his dishes, he saw that it was still seven o'clock and that it wasn't acceptable to go to bed, even if that's all he really wanted to do.
In his room, he pulled out some textbooks from his messenger bag and concentrated on the homework a few of the teachers had assigned.
When the clock struck eight, Kurt decided he wouldn't wait anymore. He could feel his day weighing him down and his eyelids closing every once in a while. Sleep was the best thing he could for himself.
He had decided, after his shower, to wear one of his silk pajamas, and what a good choice, because the second he lied down on his bed after turning the lights out, he could feel every inch of his body sinking slightly into the mattress and the silk surrounding his skin in a way that felt heavenly. His head fell back deep into the cold pillow and he turned to his left, facing the only window in the room. It was opened, letting in a cool breeze and the beautiful moonlight. Kurt even felt a tiny smile creeping up on his features. It was unexpected, but for the first time today, he felt genuinely calm.
Breathing deeply, he let his mind drift away into sleep.
That night, Kurt Hummel dreamt of a little boy with shiny eyes, cheerfully playing with toy cars in a big grassy backyard – and he woke up smiling.