Romance of the Three Kingdoms the New Story

Summary: This is the story about the many heroes of Ancient China and their adventures. Rated T for Humor and some Jokes.

The history is based on some Dynasty Warriors games and Romance of the Three Kingdoms. This is my first story, I hope you like it! If you like the story, or feel something is wrong and/or can be better, don't feel shy about it and Review! Your feedback is greatly appreciated.

I changed some parts of the story, to make it more funny than the original Romance of the Three Kingdoms.

Ryujin Mei: Thanks for your support :) Yes, in this chapter Zhang Jiao will release his powahss and do crazy stuff. Hope you enjoy it and everyone else too!

Chapter 3: The Yellow Turban Rebellion End

Before going in the battle, the three Brothers went to a blacksmith to forge special weapons for each one of them.

Blacksmith: For you Mr. Long Beard err I mean Guan Yu, I did this saber.

Guan Yu: Thank you very much; I will call it Blue Dragon

Blacksmith: Good name! For you Mr. Zhang Fei I did this spear that resembles a snake.

Zhang Fei: I will call it Serpent Spear

Blacksmith: For you Mr. Virtue err Liu Bei I did this pair of swords.

Liu Bei: I won't call them with any name. It is childish…

Zhang Fei and Guan Yu: WHAAT?

Liu Bei: Nothing, just ignore what I said.

Then the brothers were very grateful with the blacksmith and payed him a significant amount of gold. Then they proceeded to where the Imperial Forces were and they signed as volunteer members with Liu Bei their leaders. But at first, the Imperial Forces belittled him and his men.

Liu Bei: I am a descendant of the Prince of Zhongshan, Liu Sheng. My name is Liu Bei

Commander He Jin: So you say you are a descendant of the Prince of Zhongshan, hmm…? And yet without someone who can verify your bloodline, well…

Liu Bei: Please let me join you, the land is in need of the people and my love for the people will not allow me to ignore that need! Please, may I join? There is a strength that resides not in a man's arms… We must overcome the chaos of our land!

Commander He Jin: ALL RIGHT I GET YOUR POINT! I'm gonna place you in command of one of the volunteer units.

Liu Bei: Thank you for your generosity! I shall do all in my power to repay your trust!

Commander He Jin: Yeah whatever. Just do what you need to do. Yolo, right?

Liu Bei: Excuse me but, what the hell does that mean?

Commander He Jin: Look in a dictionary. Also, do you know that the Prince of Shongshan had 120 sons and that in his tomb are sexual tools? (Search Wikipedia if you don't believe this)

Liu Bei: WTF? REALLY? OH MY!

Then, a messenger arrived.

Messenger: I bring news! Cao Cao and his men have slayed the brothers of Zhang Jiao! Yellow Turban morale is very low! Now is the chance to attack them!

Commander He Jin: Excellent! Advance! We shall end this rebellion in the name of the emperor! This peasants do not stand a chance against us! Run them through!

Then He Jin left the place to fight the Yellow Turbans. Liu Bei made the necessary preparations but, many people were angered with He Jin.

Liu Bei: That man, Cao Cao. He is an impressive fighter. I imagine him to be what the people refer to as a true hero...

Guan Yu: Brother! That He Jin is a imbecile! He thinks he is the best out there! Arrogant Fool! He doesn't know how to command an army! Should we slay him when the battle is over?

Liu Bei: Never! We could get in serious trouble for that. He is the Commander of the Imperial Forces after all. For now we must fight the Yellow Turbans.

Zhang Fei: But the Imperial Forces left us behind! We must catch up with them! Let's go!

After that, Liu Bei and his men went to quell the central part of the rebellion, were Zhang Jiao and his men were waiting for them. Liu Bei struggling with soldiers, until Zhang Fei and Guan Yu rescued him.

Liu Bei: Urghh... Blasted soldiers...

Zhang Fei: (Kills the soldiers) COME ON! You can do better than that!

Liu Bei: But, they are mere peasants! Driven to this by starvation, pain and suffering... How can we just...?

Zhang Fei: Well... If you are that soft, you won't be able to keep the vow you just made.

Guan Yu: Indeed... Now that we are sworn brothers, you need greater strength of spirit.

Liu Bei: Yes, you are right. We are unified, in intent and in life!

Zhang Fei: With our might!

Guan Yu: And our honor, we shall end this chaos!

Liu Bei: Let us end this rebellion! First, help any ministers that are engaged in battle and kill all the Yellow Turban officers you encounter. Then, attack Zhang Jiao.

They helped most of the ministers that were in the rebellion and that were isolated from He Jin. Most of them belittled Liu Bei and his forces because they were volunteers. Until they crossed their paths with one that looked like a human pig. His name was Dong Zhuo

Dong Zhuo: I pity the fool who angers me! His lot will not be a pleasant one!

Then Liu Bei and his men rescued Dong Zhuo and his forces.

Dong Zhuo: Where is your post in office? I will make sure you are handsomely rewarded!

Liu Bei: We don't have one… We are volunteer forces.

Dong Zhuo: WHAT? You commoners! Leave right now! Fight the enemy!

Zhang Fei: WHAT DID YOU SAY? You'd be dead if we didn't rescue you!

Dong Zhuo: HOW DARE YOU!

Liu Bei: Let him go, Zhang Fei. We are merely here to help the people and end this rebellion.

Zhang Fei: Humph...

Dong Zhuo: I'll kill you, commoner! Not a hair of yours will be left! Bla bla bla bla bla bla

Then Liu Bei and his men leaved with a very sour expression of Dong Zhuo.

Dong Zhuo: Humph… To be rescued by mere commoners…

After that, Liu Bei and his forces continued to fight the Yellow Turbans.

Liu Bei: What an arrogant man, that Dong Zhuo…

Zhang Fei: And he's very ugly! He looks like a pig!

Troops: HA HA HA HA HA

Dong Zhuo: I heard that you know!

Troops: We didn't say anything, sir

Dong Zhuo: Humph…

Then Liu Bei and his forces went on to fight Zhang Mancheng, a relative of Zhang Jiao

Zhang Jiao: ZHANG MANCHENG! RECEIVE THE POWAHHH!

Zhang Mancheng: AHHH I FEEL THE POWERRR!

Zhang Mancheng: Listen my brothers! We must have vengeance! We must make them feel Lord Zhang Bao's and Lord Zhang Liang's pain!

Then tornadoes went to the Imperial Forces and the Volunteer Forces, halting their march.

Liu Bei: Troops! Destroy those black cauldrons! They are the source of their magic!

Then the troops destroyed the ceremonial implements and killed Zhang Mancheng.

He Jin: Forward! Zhang Jiao must've punished for causing this rebellion!

Zhang Jiao: Unleash your rageeee! My chosen children! Unleash your rage upon the Han and bring forth the age of the Way of Peace!

Then when they approached Zhang Jiao, their suffered almost the same thing as the Cousins in last chapter

Zhang Jiao: I WILL HAVE REVENGEEE FOR MY CHILDREN AND BROTHERRSSS! TASTE THE HEAVENS WRATHHHH!

Then Geysers of Fire activated and Rocks went down.

Liu Bei: AHH! Troops choose other paths and advance carefully! Use those rocks that are near us to cover!

Liu Bei arrived first, without his brothers and faced off against Zhang Jiao.

Zhang Jiao: Our teachings are the ones that will lead the world to peace! We cannot allow you to stop us!

Liu Bei: Those teachings only spread the chaos! This isn't a world in peace! I shall make you pay for your crimes!

Zhang Jiao: You poor, naive fool… You cannot understand the ideals of the Yellow Turbans! In that case, I shall make use of my sorcery! let me say this, the Han has already burned out… Fools who will defy Heavens will! FEEL ITS FIERY FURY!

Then the geysers went even hotter than before! Fire was everywhere!

Liu Bei: You are the only one responsible for this! I shall put an end to you!

Zhang Jiao: The HEAVENSSSS are with me! A poor, deluded fool like yourself cannot stop me! The Heavens are angry! Retreat, and save your life!

Liu Bei: For the people, I cannot retreat!

Then they fought and Liu Bei slayed Zhang Jiao (Yes, he alone did it without help of his brothers)

Zhang Jiao: You poor, naïve fool… What is it that you want by defeating me…?

Liu Bei: I want to end the chaos of our land.

Zhang Jiao: The Han has already burned out… Defeating me will not mean anything…

Zhang Jiao: That naivety of yours and those brothers… Will be the ones that will end you

Liu Bei: WHAT?

Then Zhang Jiao died…

Zhang Fei and Guan Yu: Brother! Are you alright?

Liu Bei: Yes, thanks.

Some peasants arrived after that. They were scared of the forces of Liu Bei.

Peasant 1: And I thought the Yellow Turbans were bad!

Peasant 2: If we get in their way, those monsters would have killed us!

Peasant 3: RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

Liu Bei: But I...

Guan Yu: Brother, do no lose heart... Your decision to support the Han was the correct one.

Zhang Fei: Yeah! Surely those peasants are starving and are beginning to see weird things!

Liu Bei: Right...

Then Liu Bei and His Brothers were highly rewarded. Liu Bei was rewarded with a post in office in his hometown, Zhou and worked there along his brothers.

Liu Bei: (What did that Taoist mean? My end will be caused by my naivety and my brothers…?)

Zhang Fei: Hey what are you thinking? We have work to do!

Liu Bei: Ohh yeah I forgot

Around this time, Liu Bei married a childhood friend of his, her name was Lady Gan. She was his first wife and the one he loved the most (historically)

Messenger: I BRING URGENT NEWS! The Han Emperor Ling has died and there is a severe corruption in the Imperial Court and a internal fight between the Ministers and the castrated Eunuchs! (Yes they were castrated in real life and Cao Cao was a descendant of one of them)

Liu Bei: Oh No! What should we do?

Lady Gan: Perhaps we should stay here; someone will take advantage of this chaos and seize the court. It is too dangerous!

Guan Yu: I agree with sister in law, we should stay here. Ministers are corrupt and the Han court is not what it was lot of years ago...

End of Chapter 3.

Wheww, this one was a long one…

So as you can see, Chapter 4 will be about crazy nobleman's (Yuan Shao, Cao Cao and He Jin) vs. the heinous Dong Zhuo

Who will win? You know about that if you have readed the book.

Hope you have enjoyed it