Woeful Wizards Order of the Phoenix Episode Three
Scene 1:
[Harry, the Weasleys, Hermione and the Order of the Phoenix are having dinner at 12 Grimmauld Place.]
Harry: My! These sprouts are (s) delicious!
Ginny: As are your eyes, Harry.
Molly: (ignores Ginny) Thanks, Harry.
[Harry stares at Ginny, who flutters her eyelashes in return. Harry looks uncomfortable.]
Harry: S-so, what have you guys been up to?
Sirius: (stands up) He has a (s) right to know, Molly.
Molly: How (s) dare you! In front of children as well! Everyone except Harry leave!
Fred: We're over seventeen.
George: So we're no longer teen.
Hermione: He'll tell (s) me and Ron anyway.
[Everyone looks at Ginny and waits. She scowls back at all of them.]
Ginny: Fine then. I'll just (s) be in my room, all alone, waiting. (She winks slowly at Harry.)
[Ginny exits and Harry sighs.]
Sirius: What would you like to (s) know, Harry?
Harry: Just, you know, a recount of your holidays I guess.
Sirius: (places hands on Harry's shoulder and stares deep into his eyes) Are you ready for this responsibility, Harry? Because this is top secret-
Molly: (stands up) STOP! He's not James!
Sirius: And you're not (s) his mother!
Molly: (whispers) I might as well be.
[Dramatic music. Harry swivels to Molly and looks shocked.]
Harry: (eyes shining with tears) I had no idea.
Scene 2:
[Draco and the gang are at Malfoy Manor.]
Crabbe: We haven't been doing much lately.
Goyle: That's because there hasn't been anyone to interact with besides ourselves.
Draco: Hey, guess what I (s) just found!
Crabbe: What?
Draco: (s) Pottermore!
[Dramatic music.]
Scene 3:
[At dinner at Grimmauld Place.]
Sirius: … basically, we've been trying to stop Voldemort or something.
Harry: (gasps) I'm shocked!
Molly: Don't tell him anything else otherwise… this gets personal.
[Everyone starts to clear their plates away.]
Ron: So, Mum, do you think of me in the same way that you consider Harry?
Molly: Of course I do, Charlie.
Ron: It's Ron.
Molly: Whatever.
Sirius: Harry, I need to (s) show you something.
Harry: (s) … okay.
[Sirius takes Harry to the living room.]
Sirius: This is the (s) Black tapestry.
Harry: (whistles) That's quite something.
[Covering an entire wall is a whiteboard, with a family tree on it.]
Sirius: Let's see, that was me but my mother rubbed me out…
Harry: Wow, magic.
Sirius: … yes, quite. And there was Tonks's mother but again, rubbed out… oh and there's Bellatrix Lestrange…
[Harry twitches at the sound of her name. Sirius doesn't notice.]
Sirius: … and there was Arthur… and Molly was there…
Harry: Hang on, they're (s) related?
Sirius: What?
Harry: Molly and Arthur are… related?
Sirius: I don't- I don't, um (scratches head) What was I- ah yes! And there's the Malfoys…
[Sirius continues to ramble on. Harry looks at him disgustedly. Dramatic music.]
Scene 4:
[Draco and the gang are in Draco's bedroom, on the internet together.]
Crabbe: It's like (s) virtual school!
Goyle: Wow! We're making potions!
Draco: Okay, now I just have to wave my wand…
Crabbe: QUICKLY! You only have (s) six seconds left!
Draco: AHHH…. And got it!
[They all cheer and high five each other.]
Goyle: How long 'til it's ready?
Crabbe: Uh, an hour and twenty three minutes.
Draco: (s) WHAT.
[Dramatic music.]
Scene 5:
[Harry, the gang, Fred, George, Ginny, Molly and Sirius are doing some cleaning.]
Sirius: OH MY GOD I AM SO BORED.
Hermione: Sirius, you're (s) hand!
[Sirius's hand is covered in a crust.]
Sirius: (taps hand with wand) Huh, must be Wartcap powder. (s) I AM SO BORED.
Molly: Let's clean out this cupboard, shall we?
[Everyone nods and begin to clean out the cupboard.]
Ron: Hey, what's (s) this?
[Ron holds up a locket.]
Hermione: Open (s) it!
Ron: (tries to open it) I- I can't.
[Dramatic music.]
Sirius: Oh, let me. (snatches the locket off of Ron) Hang on, neither can I.
[One by one, everyone tries to open the locket but to no avail.]
Fred: This thing is obviously useless.
George: It makes me toothless.
Hedwig: (swoops in) FORESHADOWING.
Harry: How did (s) you get out of your cage?
Hermione: Obviously let us forget this ever happened.
Ginny: Good idea.
[They through the locket away. Dramatic music.]
Scene 6:
[Draco and the gang are still at the computer, staring at the screen.]
Draco: Why can't I (s) duel anyone?
Crabbe: How much (s) longer on the potion?
Draco: Uh… it's finished brewing now!
Goyle: Cool! Click on it!
Draco: (clicks) Wait, I have to do more stuff? (s) I JUST WAITED FOR A BLOODY HOUR AND A HALF FOR THIS TO BREW.
Crabbe: Technically an hour and twenty three minutes.
Draco: (s) SHUT UP.
[Draco moodily clicks on the screen. Crabbe and Goyle watch him, bored.]
Draco: It's (s) done.
Goyle: Now what?
Draco: I- I don't know.
Crabbe: Maybe we click on it and get a (s) badge or something?
[Draco clicks.]
Goyle: Nope, nothing. But you did get (s) five house points.
Crabbe: Can you (s) do anything with it?
Goyle: I guess not, huh, Draco?
[Draco does not respond, but instead stares intensely at his computer screen.]
Goyle: … Draco?
Draco: NOT EVEN A BLOODY MINI GAME!
[Draco stands up, picks up his computer, and throws it on the ground. He then lights it on fire.]
Crabbe: Woah.
Draco: (s) Let us never speak of this again.
[Dramatic music.]
Scene 7:
[Harry and Ron are in their jim-jams, getting ready for bed in their bedroom.]
Harry: I'm so (s) nervous about tomorrow.
Ron: What's (s) happening tomorrow?
Harry: (s) My trial.
[Dramatic music. Molly comes into the room.]
Molly: Oh, and by the way Arthur's taking you. And Dumbledore was here.
[Molly exits, taking a sock with her.]
Harry: (whispers) Dumbledore… how (s) could you?
Ron: (cheerily) 'night, Harry!
[Ron turns off the light and goes to bed. Harry remains sitting up in bed.]
Harry: (whispers) Dumbledore…
[Harry falls asleep. A figure comes to the window and peers in.]
Figure: Harry… tomorrow we (s) shall meet.
[Very dramatic music.]
END OF EPISODE THREE