Once Jonathan was awake enough to remember whom he was in bed with, he was surprised that he hadn't received a more annoying wake-up the instant his bedfellow was awake and decided he wanted some attention.
Admittedly Edward was doing a crossword on his shoulder when he woke up, "Voltaire always wrote his work upon his lover's bare back," he later defended, but it hadn't been noisy or particularly rude.
Now the Master of Fear was groping around for where he thought he had left his glasses beside the bed last night whilst Edward was griping and picking up the newspaper and pen that had been cantankerously flung across the room.
"Looking for these?" Jonathan didn't even need to look when he heard that tone.
"Give them here Edward..." He held out his hand towards the ginger who was close enough to be slightly fuzzy around the edges.
But no, The Riddler wanted to try them on. "Nothing compared to my domino mask of course but- My, your eyesight is really terrible Jonathan!" He laughed as a claw-like hand groped for them, misjudging the distance by half a metre short. "How do you even function without these?"
This time, his aim wasn't quite so off when their owner went to snatch them back. "You learn to adjust, to use other senses and rational intuition." Putting them back on, Jonathan wasn't sure he wanted to be able to see that annoyingly cheerful smile more clearly. "Besides, hyperopia isn't such an inconvenience in our line of work as its opposite would be..." He got up and headed for what was probably an en suite.
After freshening up, it was coffee for Edward whilst tea for Jonathan, "Jervis must be rubbing off on me." "Not literally I hope..." "What was that?" "Nothing." And it turned out The Riddler's culinary boasting was merited when he offered to cook for them both; well it was better than if the other rogue had tried to cook for himself at least.
Jonathan was presented with two slices of toast cut up into a rather famous set of shapes.
"Why is my breakfast tangrams-?" He looked up suspiciously at the puzzle genius. "Actually, I can guess."
Placing his chin on folded hands, Edward's jade eyes attended to the toast. "I want to see what you make with them."
Great. But it was The Riddler he supposed...
Now since he'd been given no further instruction, Jonathan supposed Edward was looking for some particular shapes to sate his still-present worries about being perfect for one another.
Well... there were two pieces of toast...
Jonathan worked quickly, not wanting his breakfast to get cold in the process of this stupid game.
Before long, a rather jagged question mark and a bird were sitting on his plate.
"There. Now can I eat my breakfast?"
"What is that?" The bird was questioned.
"A crane or a crow. Can I eat?"
Edward supposed that was acceptable. He had not had a particular answer in mind but those were two of the few that would please him. It demonstrated Jonathan's mind to him well, and that this relationship was suitably at the forefront of it.
The rest of breakfast was consumed in peace, although Edward had to stop the Fear Master going into gruesome detail about how he had tortured one particular helminthophobe.
"I'm going to have a shower." Jonathan announced when he was done, heading back to the bathroom he had used earlier. Strange how at home he already seemed in this house...
But it seemed a very clever puppy wanted to follow at his heel.
"Edward, what are you doing?" Jonathan barred him from entering as the en suite well.
The genius seemed surprised. "What? I want to shower too. Really Jonathan? We made love half a dozen times last night, and you're still half-naked and delicious right now." They both looked down at the scrawny, partly clothed body and one blushed. "What's wrong with having a shower together?"
That reasoning was not accepted. "We have spent one night together. That is not enough." Edward wanted a figure on how many would be but was stopped before he could start. "Though I suppose you can't help it, with your HPD."
In an instant, another argument was started. "You think that I am perceiving this relationship as more intimate than it is?!" He took note of the slight eyebrow raise from the ex-professor. "Yes, I know! I hear them over and over in Arkham and that stupid, ironic PRAISE ME mnemonic for the symptoms."
"Edward, calm down-"
"Don't you dare tell me what to do Jonathan Crane! This is my house, you are my guest and I am not a child!" Edward was practically screaming. He hated how he couldn't control his voice when he got this emotional; his whole image was so perfectly constructed, every last detail tailored to ensure people got the best possible perception of him as he wanted to be seen and then such a simple thing had to go and let it all down.
Anyone else, and Jonathan would likely have hit them by now. He had had every intention to do it this moment before recalling the other man's past and stopping himself just in time. "Fine. It's natural that we might see things differently right now-"
"Are you really that stupid that you've forgotten last night?! You proved so perfectly that you wanted me and now you're discarding me, just like that?! Well if that's how it is, as if I ever needed you-!"
"Do you trust me Edward?" Jonathan cut in with a strong, harsh tone that didn't need to be loud.
It knocked the argument right off track. "...What? Trust you? What the hell are you asking now Jonathan?"
"I'm asking if you trust me." He wasn't going to lower himself to the level of unmerited insults as well. Sometimes, the doctor wondered if Edward's quick and strong irritability had been inherited from his father, through genes or upbringing, but that was a matter to address another time.
"I..." It surprised the one being questioned how uncertain he was of that. "Well of course. I have every reason to. Rationally, what reason would you have to-?"
"No, not rationally. Do you feel it?" For such a mind to have to think about it rather than give an immediate response proved the decision couldn't be made quickly as it could be if it was a held feeling.
Edward shifted his posture, really quite incredulous. "Is this right? Is Jonathan Crane, Scarecrow, God of Fear, talking about "feelings" of all things?"
He didn't get a verbal response, just a stern look to hurry up and answer.
"...I trust you a bit, more than most." Edward eventually shrugged.
"Exactly." Jonathan claimed, adjusting his slipping glasses. "Because of your condition you will rush into a situation you later find yourself uncomfortable in. I noted that much about us both last night." He was ashamed to admit that but hormones and weariness had gotten the better even of his mind for once. "Neither of us are disposed to trusting easily. Give it more time Edward." And with that, the door was shut in the ginger's face without even time to give an answer.
"...Alright..." Edward muttered bitterly, supposing that maybe, just slightly, Jonathan might have a point. He might have been slightly uncomfortable about quite how far they went last night, constantly reassuring himself with rational cognition that the other man was perfect for him, they had known each other for years plus had just lived together for two and a half months and it needn't mean anything if this relationship didn't work out, but it would, so there was no need to worry.
But still he had felt unease about it, not that either rogue would have shown any anxiety they experienced for fear of mockery. The deed was all done now, and he felt a bit of a fool for it all, but that feeling had been lessened so much by knowing Jonathan shared it.
For all Edward could convince himself with every intellectual reason possible, beyond reasonable doubt, that something was or would be all right, he could never quite erase the seed of worry lying at the heart. That seed was an emotional problem, one that couldn't be tackled with rational thought no matter how much he suppressed everything that grew from it, and that was why he needed Jonathan, someone he could put faith in.
"Faith?" Edward laughed dryly as he sat on the edge of his bed in a slight sulk. He had never been religious and hated the very idea of living by rules someone else decided for you. Marx had been right; the opium of the masses. Too stupid to think for themselves, they happily let themselves be led around like sheep. There was going to be none of that with Jonathan; this so-called "faith" would be entirely rational in base since he knew whatever his partner told him would be well-thought out and as correct as if he had reasoned it himself. It just so happened that Jonathan happened to have more knowledge in certain areas, therefore certain thinking tasks were better delegated to him.
And there would be a kind of mental hedonism to be gained by letting someone think for a genius mind such as his... Physical hedonism was one thing but mental hedonism... Only two such geniuses as them could have that.
After everything was sorted and settled, with no further fights of large proportions, just small things like the eyeliner smeared on Jonathan's pillow, they were both in agreeance over a certain someone who required a visit.
"Jervis! Jervis you devious, little creep!" Edward was knocking loud enough on the door to almost hurt his own hand. It was very lucky that the English rogue had found a house in the grounds of an old and abandoned school. The small abode had been meant for the caretaker of the school but no care of that place had been taken in decades. There had been plans to build something better on the site but considering the entire building had been rigged with traps by Edward a few years ago, an interesting game to see if the teachers and governors were as smart as the children they taught, no one had dared go near the place even to demolish it.
Jonathan forced him aside, taking out a key from a pocket.
"You-? Why-?" Edward watched him open the door with ease. "Never mind. I thought you seemed rather experienced in bed with a man last night..."
The implication of that wasn't even acknowledged as both rogues entered and called again to the house's occupant.
"Oh really Marchie!" An exasperated, English voice finally replied, drawing closer to being seen at the top of the stairs. "I'm not even dressed." Indeed, Jervis descended the stairs with an unbuttoned shirt, loose bowtie and fluffy, pink towel where his top hat usually was.
Edward looked away to Jonathan who seemed utterly unphased by the sight. "Sorry. We assumed you'd be up by now." The tallest one apologised to the shortest.
""It's always tea-time, and we've no time to wash the things between whiles."" Finishing with the drying of his messy, blonde hair, Jervis tossed the towel aside and buttoned his shirt. "I am up, as you can see, in the standard vertical position humans assume when awake, and have been since 6, "It's always 6 o'clock now."" He sighed, tying his oversized bowtie as well and not finding the words he said contradicting or strange in the slightest.
Jonathan also seemed not to mind, or heaven forbid he might understand them. "About last night."
"Ah." The Mad Hatter grinned very mischievously and toothily. "It went well, I see." He looked to Edward for a moment who felt very much like some mere accessory by now.
"Jervis," Jonathan dealt with him easily almost like a parent with a child, "not that we didn't appreciate it-"
"Lovely to hear so my dear March Hare-"
"Or enjoy it." Edward chipped in, simply to feel a part of the conversation still.
Jervis grinned at him. "Oh really Dormouse?" He taunted as if he knew. There was always a fear the mini mind-controller might develop a way to read thoughts as well. ""Come, let's hear some of your adventures.""
"Just tell us why." For once, Edward didn't say any more than necessary. He knew he didn't deal well with the short rogue.
"Very well." Jervis smoothed down his shirt and hair, wondering where his dear hat had gotten to. ""Have some wine," the March Hare said in an encouraging tone." He gestured to a doorway.
Knowing the shortest genius also didn't imbibe alcohol for the sake of his precious brain, Edward felt confused but said nothing. Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it and prove them all right.
"Yes, we'll have tea." Thankfully, Jonathan seemed to recognise a quote whenever there was one.
While Jervis went to find his beloved hat first, it seemed a good time to ask. "How do you understand everything he says Jonathan? All of those stupid quotes."
"They're not stupid. It's just how he expresses himself, like your riddles." Jonathan knew where the kitchen was as well. It wasn't a surprise by now. Edward did want to object about comparing his riddles to Jervis' quotes however, but he wasn't allowed. "And I understand them because I have taken the time to read the books a few times each."
The one that felt as if he was the single remaining sanity in this house scoffed. "Why on Earth would you waste your time like that?" They sat at the table, hearing small, descending footsteps.
"It wasn't." That was all Jonathan could reply before the Mad hatter busied back in and made some tea.
The three soon all got to discussing it properly over tea, the issue of why the set-up date last night.
"I thought I'd rather like to give you two some time alone in which your friendship," He stressed it terribly suggestively, "could blossom. I always seemed to be coming between you before..." Jervis sipped and stared into his tea dreamily. "Though normally it is the Dormouse sleeping between the Mad Hatter and his March Hare..."
Edward did not want to dwell on how those words could be interpreted in relation to the three of them. "Why all of the deception?"
Jervis stared at him with some degree of criticism. His eyes were a softer and darker blue than Jonathan's but had a similar feel strangely. ""At least I mean what I say." Are you telling me you would have accepted had the invitation had been honest from the start?"
"Well, no-"
"Precisely." Jervis waved an ungloved hand casually. "I had to deceive, you see?"
Edward didn't seem convinced.
Jonathan sighed, deriving an exasperated bemusement from watching the other two bicker. "Just don't do it again."
""At any rate I'll never go there again."" The little one agreed to that.
Scoffing, "An exceedingly upmarket restaurant; you really thought that Jonathan would be comfortable on a date there?" The Riddler moved onto the offensive against their devious cupid.
"No, that was for you dear Dormouse. I know-" The muted sound of crows cawing filled the air around them.
While the other two were looking for the source, Jonathan got up and took his phone from his pocket, "Contact. New chemical delivery," and made for the door.
"Ah." The two left at the table watched him go.
When they were alone, Jervis continued. "I know that Italian is your favourite and of course-"
"Why me?" Edward cut straight in.
"Hm?" The madder man sipped at his tea, unphased by random and nonsensical subject changes.
After a glance to check they would be alone long enough, not that you could really tell such things with vision, he elucidated. "Why are you giving him to me?" Jervis gave him a slightly lidded, condescending look. "It's obvious that Jonathan and you love one another. You've slept together, haven't you?" It wasn't a very heartening thought, after last night, but really there had been an inkling in Edward's mind for years.
The Mad Hatter swilled his tea for a second and finally finished his cup. "Mmm... "You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question," added the Gryphon." He grinned with deep and slightly sadistic delight. "You do know why hares go mad in March, don't you Dormouse?"
Edward should have been put out by the insult but his mind was full of an image of a tea party gone awry, Jonathan in nothing but large, bunny ears apologising, "But it was the best butter I used, I assure you Hatter!" while Jervis bent him over the table and...
"...Dormouse?" The Mad Hatter had been looking into the looking glass a few times whilst fantasising to know what was wrong but couldn't fathom what the other man might be imagining up.
"Y-Yes of course... I do..." Edward snapped back with a blush. "A-Anyway, why are you surrendering him to me?"
Jervis grinned his obnoxious grin again. "My, what's this? A question The Riddler doesn't know the answer to?" The other two really were insufferable about him asking and answering questions.
Since he was put out, Edward gave a riddle. "I am a key but I have no door-"
""Do you mean that you think you can find the answer to it?" the March Hare said."
Damn it. He was always underestimating the daydreaming Mad Hatter but Jervis was a genius, as good at guessing his riddles as Jonathan if he kept his head in this world long enough to hear them. He would even try and answer them with one of his obsessive quotes if he could.
"Of course I know we are much more fitting for one another than you and he ever would be," Edward stressed it meanly, in vengeance for trying to make a fool of him, "but I doubt that you would ever see rational reason like that Jervis, so I want to know your reasons."
It really wasn't well received. ""If you're going to turn into a pig, my dear," said Alice seriously," Whilst Jervis pointed a finger accusingly in real life, ""I'll have nothing more to do with you. Mind now!"" He turned his distinguished nose up and away.
"...What?"
The Mad Hatter sneered, trying to look down upon Edward despite being nearly a foot shorter when standing. "Be polite or I won't entertain your questioning Dormouse."
Anything else and Edward could have gone away and worked it out himself but not this madness. There was no way that he could leave such a thing unanswered either. "Fine. Will you please tell me why you know you are not good enough for Jonathan?"
The particular phrasing didn't go unnoticed and Jervis took his time stirring a little more milk into his tea before answering.
Jonathan hadn't returned yet, and therefore was probably in some argument with his suppliers due to his avaricious nature. Just because he now had so much money, it wouldn't change his habits.
"Very well, if you want your answer Edward," He lingered on the name with some ill will. They always fought like this, though got along somewhat beneath it, "Jonathan is too comfortable with me. That is my main reasoning why."
Even though his utter insanity was obvious, Edward hadn't been expecting that. ""Too comfortable"? And that is a bad thing?"
Jervis merely stared at his tea rather than drink it. Something sombre had overtaken him. "...You provide a challenge for dear Jonathan that I never can. He and I... make too much sense to one another. I find just as much comfort in him, you see?" The Englishman looked up with an appealing smile and almost a self-deprecating chuckle. "He never has a problem conversing with me and most peculiarly, we can both find mental stability in one another's company." When the cup of tea was sipped at, Jervis realised he had added too much milk before. "But that is not what Jonathan needs; he is too good for such an existence. I stop him from realising his full potential, attending to his wonderful fear research just as it detracts from my own science. It is, strangely, better for us both not to be happy." To counteract the excess milk, more tea was added from the pot.
"You seemed to have no problem being maliciously mad these past few months with him." During the planning and execution of their work together he hadn't noticed either of them acting in any way that could be described as domestic or relaxed- Though actually, Jervis always had been encouraging the doctor away from work for food and tea breaks... and a couple of times he could have sworn Jonathan was the one that actually proposed their little tea parties...
"Ah yes, but you were there between us Dormouse. A Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking over its head." A tea spoon was pointed across the table at Edward. "You challenge me as well, you know?" A deeper purpose for all of them to pursue their respective interests to impress and aid one another. It had been a remarkably good motivator being together.
"I see... A challenge..." Well Edward had worked that much out for himself last night when looking at Jonathan's motivations but to think Jervis understood it as well...
For no particular reason, the Mad Hatter suddenly became somewhat peeved. "Any other life and he would be mine for certain, you see? You are a lucky mouse and I expect you to make dear Jonathan exceedingly happy for me, without, mind," He waved that teaspoon with mild threat, "changing him from the wonderful person he currently is." The small, silver spoon was dropped into the teacup with a clatter and splash. Jervis drunk from it without poking himself in the eye before issuing a final warning. "Treat him well, or I shall be reclaiming my dear partner in tea."
The Riddler frowned, pulling an unpleasant sneer. The little pipsqueak thought he could boss him around! "Oh? Just like you took Miss Pleasance for your own as well?" That was what Edward had wanted to say but found he didn't. It was not like him to care for someone's feelings when he could prove his superiority though... He went for something less likely to upset but still rather hostile. "I'm frankly surprised you even like Jonathan. He's not really blonde enough for your tastes," And the coup de grace, "or young enough."
Oh how frumious the short blonde grew then! "I am not...!" He hissed, too angry to even complete his defence.
The victor grinned with cruel delight.
It took a heavy exhale for Jervis to calm himself. ""Maybe it's always pepper that makes people hot-tempered..."" He still glared at Edward while he answered in a tone very laced with spite. "A lowly and despised wretch he may be but Jervis Tetch still has a human heart you see." Referring to himself in the third person? That was strange even for him. "The Mad Hatter is a mere looking glass reflection of me, but a mirror can only show so much!" Jervis wagged a finger there for emphasis. ""I can see all of it when I get upon a chair – all but the bit behind the fireplace." There is far more to me than that slightly caricatured persona Edward. I am still capable of having friends and loves." Here he became saddened and glum into his tea. "Though yes, very few I will grant you..."
So some sanity did still remain in that tea-addled mind. And once again, if he gave it some thought, Edward realised it was Jonathan that brought about most of the saner moment he had seen.
But he was in no mood for examination of the other rogue's mental disturbances right now. "Do you think he gets bored of you Jervis, since you actually act in some resemblance of normal with him?" The instant he mentioned the idea of boring Jonathan it had once again engendered some anger in the other conversationalist.
"Rather than having a fragile and easily manipulated mind like yourself?" The Mad Hatter guessed at. "Oh perhaps, but I do hold my own, other intrigues for our dear Fear God." The conversation moved on before Edward could ask or think of them himself. "Do be careful he doesn't start abusing you Dormouse. I'm afraid this March Hare isn't quite the sweet thing Alice once met."
Leaning on an elbow, The Riddler arrogantly replied, "Do you really think I'm that stupid as to not realise Jonathan wants to practically torture me? Hm?" Jervis made no comment on the matter which was the most annoying response possible. He just sipped his tea, almost as if he knew how much it would anger the one talking. "I'll ensure that I have the control really, that he wouldn't do a thing without my say." That might still take a while sadly. "And I certainly wouldn't stick around if he ever did go too far." Edward rubbed unconsciously at where an old scar lay beneath his shirt upon his upper arm. Never again would he live like that.
"You say that," The mad Englishman was holding up a teaspoon in one hand and a butter knife in the other, comparing his reflection casually in both, "but Jonathan is addictive, you know?"
"You'd know how exactly?"
Jervis' gaze was far too piercing for him not be very lucid right now. Any nonsensical madness was entirely of his choosing. "I nearly ended up leaving Wonderland for him."
"Wh-What?!" Edward's mind couldn't comprehend that. "You're lying." He spat.
Quite seriously, Jervis shook his head. "No, no. You may ask Jonathan; he nearly gave up on his research for me-"
"He would never-"
"He nearly did." There was silence as both men glared. "We were prepared to go straight for one another, let ourselves be cured." That was no idle thing to say here amongst rogues. How the media would talk; trying to fit back into society; what a source of amusement they would become for the public... Giving up crime was barely an option for any of Arkham's gallery now. "It's such a temptation with him... Jonathan..." His voice strained, eyes closed and breath a deep shudder. "That is why I know we cannot be together..." Jervis was all but ready to cry.
After all he had seen in these years of crime and Arkham, Edward couldn't help but find this more disturbing.
True human sentiments... They weren't something the rogues were permitted anymore.
"...Just how much do you love him?"
Jervis had his face covered by his hands and when he opened his mouth, only a cracked noise emerged at first.
In the quiet of the house, they could just about hear Jonathan arguing rather irately a few rooms away.
"E-Enough..." The shorter man gulped a deep breath and said the rest at speed. "Enough to know that we must be with other people, even if we could be oh-so happy together!" He made a single sob and rubbed at his cheek before facing Edward again without the hint of a tear in his beaming face. "My Alice is waiting after all!" He laughed madly.
It was so well-known how mad they all were but only when they were at their saddest did you realise just how desperately they relied upon their insanity to keep going. If that applied to The Joker, the outcome was almost unthinkable.
Edward had never given enough thought to just why Jervis needed his Wonderland so much. Too self-absorbed in his own riddles. "...Jervis, Alice..." Was it right to try and bring him back? Maybe it was kinder to let him fall. "Alice is-"
"I know..." His buck-toothed grin frayed at the edges. "I-I know..." With no other comfort left, the Mad Hatter drowned his problems in tea.
Could he really leave him all alone?
Before he must have relied on Jonathan a bit, at times at least.
"...Are you sure about this Jervis?" Edward didn't know what he was doing, why he was bothering to ask. Maybe just in case the mad, little blonde flipped one day and wanted his March Hare back. "You look like you need him more than I do."
"It isn't about me!" Jervis cried, unable to really control his emotions anymore. That was a fault of his own mental disorders. "This is about Jonathan!" He slammed his teacup down into his saucer far too hard, upsetting a little tea out of it.
"But he's so happy with you!" What was Edward saying? This wasn't like him.
"Happy yes, but from what time has happiness been the most important thing?!"
Another silence descended. Jonathan must be able to hear them arguing even whilst in his own quarrel on the phone.
Indeed, if happiness of that kind had been at all important to any of them they would have given this all up before it even started.
"Besides," Jervis continued less emotionally, "you must be a consideration as well Dormouse. He is the only one for you, the only one with enough intelligence to be worthy of your time."
"That is true." Edward was talking to himself, since the Mad Hatter was giving some stupid quote about Time being male not gender neutral. "After all this, I suppose you aren't that bad either..."
"Oh aren't I now?" It seemed even when quoting, Jervis was attentive to reality. He was snickering.
If only that stupid, aloud musing could be taken back. "That wasn't an invitation." Edward stressed, finally attending to his tea only to find it had long grown cold.
In the same movement, Jervis managed to shrug and gesture to the teapot if his ingenious mouse friend wanted a fresher cup. "My Alice is waiting for me somewhere, someday. As much as I love darling Jonathan, it need not be him I spend every tea time with. You may have that pleasure now."
There was still the worry that the Mad Hatter might not accept all this sensible reasoning when his lucid phase passed but perhaps precautionary placation was in order then. "...And you want nothing in return?"
Oh that toothy grin meant there certainly was something he was expecting. "I do hope you will continue to come to tea Dormouse..." Singing under his breath about clean cups, Jervis took his cup to the sink and tidied a small pile of dirty crockery once there, "with the March Hare of course." So he still wanted to spend some time with Jonathan? That made sense if they really did get along so well. "It wouldn't do for us to become too far estranged and with you being such a small fellow," He must be thinking of Edward as a Dormouse when he looked at him with such spiteful arrogance, "I doubt you will be able to protect Jonathan if the Boojum comes to haunt."
He may not know much but Edward knew enough Tetch-speak to know Batman was the Jabberwocky. So who or what was the Boojum?
"And you can protect him?"
"Oh I already did. Terrible incident." In spite of the sorry tone he used, Jervis was making himself a snack during all this. "How close we were to never seeing our dear friend again! "But oh, beamish nephew, beware of the day, If your Snark be a Boojum! For then You will softly and suddenly vanish away, And never be met with again." Hmm... Hardly softly. There was ever so much screaming..."
Edward really was at a loss for this puzzle, though had a hypothesis for whom it might be.
He couldn't ask though. Jonathan returned to the kitchen then.
"Problem. I have to go sort a little disagreement out." The Master of Fear wore a dangerous smirk as he collected the jacket left over one of the Mad Hatter's kitchen chairs. Four chairs; one for each member of his merry tea party to attend.
"So soon?!" Jervis exclaimed in quite some displeasure. "But you haven't even had any tea yet Marchie! "Take some more tea."" His cup was barely touched.
"Sorry." Noting how crestfallen his Munchkin looked, ""I've had nothing yet," replied Alice in an offended tone, "so I can't take more."" Jonathan rolled his eyes and gave a treat only he could.
Jervis squeaked with delight, bouncing and clapping and laughing on the spot.
It bemused Jonathan however, "Ahem." Edward couldn't help but feel left out and jealous. "May I come?"
"We came in your car. How else would I get there?" Why wasn't Jonathan as nice to his new lover, the one he had proved so perfect for him? What did the snivelling, wretched, juvenile dwarf have that he didn't?
Edward could see that very blonde gloating wordlessly across the kitchen at him now, munching on a biscuit and making sure to grin very smugly. All that could be done then was to keep Jonathan's rapt attention upon him and no one else. "And I wasn't going to be so nice as to offer to come with you?"
"I'd steal your car." Hah! Now Jonathan was joking with him!
...Hopefully.
The couple took everything and made to lead, the house owner following them to the door with snack on a plate in hand. "You'll come for tea again soon?"
"Yes..." They agreed exasperatedly.
"Only, I get terribly lonely down this hole. "I am so very tired of being all alone here!""
"Yes Jervis, we will!"
"Frabjous!" He waited in the doorway and gave them some parting directions. ""Speak in French when you can't think of the English for a thing – turn out your toes when you walk – and remember who you- Mmh!" The Mad Hatter's quoted advice was interrupted by a swift and chaste kiss from Jonathan. Really, it was just to shut him up, or so the defence went later.
"Thanks." Jonathan gestured towards his new lover with gratitude that had the slightest hint of melancholy.
Edward put up with because he had to, as much as he hated that. But he had won now, as he always did. He had proved he was better without any cheating at all; Jonathan knew only the truth about him and still wanted him. That was all he wanted.
Jervis chuckled, camply flopping a hand and dropping his head in abashment. He opened his eyes to see his plate sans one biscuit and he looked up to see someone walking off plus one biscuit. "Ooh! You Bandersnatch!" He yelled in frumious consternation.
The last thing he heard was Jonathan's happy laughter before they drove off, leaving him all by his lonesome.
""The Lion and the Unicorn were fighting for the crown;
The Lion beat the Unicorn all round the town.
Some gave them white bread, some gave them brown;
Some gave them plum-cake and drummed them out of town.""
Jervis sighed as he was done singing the little rhyme, and found himself sat back at his desk sucking on a shortbread finger until all the sugar had come off. "Now whom next?" He crossed through one item upon his list. "Dear Miss Quinn and Ms. Isley? Or perhaps the Cheshire Cat and his bat?" He tapped his pen thoughtfully back and forth between the two lines. ""Do cats eat bats?" and sometimes, "Do bats eat cats?" for, you see, as she couldn't answer either question, it didn't much matter which way she put it.""
He paused his pen upon the latter.
"How near they are. If only the silly Batman had enough sense to see the merry dance they have been dancing all these years. He only has one partner." Everyone has only one partner for the dance. "Thesis... Antithesis... They would make such a beautiful synthesis together..." Jervis mused dreamily."Ah yes!" He suddenly seized upon it, jumping in his chair. "And if The Joker finally does take his rightful place in those caped arms," Not that he much fancied The Joker fighting alongside Batman when it came to stopping his crimes, "it might bring his dear, misguided hench girl to sense and she will break free to her flowery friend!" Jervis laughed ever so madly with glee, nearly slipping out of his small, wooden chair. "Yes! Oh yes! Frabjous planning by me!"
He began to draw arrows, with hearts for heads, upon the page, making his clever, busy notes and plans.
"Tweedledum has Tweedledee; they're really quite sorted already..." He murmured distantly. "And the Duchess is very pleased with her cat for now. No need to tame such a beamish spirit... Mm... Mm, certainly..."
He began to talk at random as he planned; bits of quotes sprang in here and there, making no sense even to him. Mainly he was singing the Mock Turtle's song for the Lobster Quadrille.
"Oh how frabjous a day it will be when all of Gotham is in love!"
Outside of his window, all around, the city took no notice of this one demented man's planning. Children learnt and adults worked but soon all would be well for everyone.
"And when everyone has taken their partner for the Lobster Quadrille, the only ones left over will be dear, sweet Alice and I! She shall see we simply must be together!"
He laughed with sheer and utter delight, nearly upsetting all of his precious planning with his exuberance.
""Oh, 'tis love, 'tis love, that makes the world go round!""
And at his desk, all alone, Jervis Tetch broke down into tears and cried.