Disclaimer: I do not own the Hardy Boys or any of the canon book characters, and am making no monies from this story. Any Original Characters belong to the author(s).

Notes: This story was written around the year 2007, so technology is not as advanced as it is today. People still used landlines, and texting, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Snapchat were still in the future or in their infancy. It originally appeared on the HDA site, authors' names Aspen and Evergreen.

As always, many thanks to Jenn "Sparks" Hart, who graciously allowed us to use Bella Scarpetti in our story.

Thank you, Cherylann and Max2013, for leaving comments. They are very much appreciated.

February Flirtations

By EvergreenDreamweaver and RokiaHDA

Chapter 3

"Well," Frank mused, "I'm not sure how much help we'll be to you, Jeremy. It's kind of hard to teach someone how to talk to girls – I mean, you just DO it, it's not something we think about, you know? And if you try to plan it out ahead of time, then it comes off sounding forced – like you're reading a play script, or something."

"Hah! That's what you say!" Joe exclaimed, getting up. He went to the desk in the corner and retrieved a tablet of paper and a pen. Frank, Laura and Jeremy watched him, bemused. Sitting down next to Jeremy on the couch, he gazed solemnly into the other man's eyes, and cleared his throat impressively. "So, Mr. Isaacs, I understand you wish to engage the services of the Hardy Better Dating Service. If we are willing to accept you as a client, are you willing to try your best, Mr. Isaacs?"

Jeremy stared at him, dumbfounded. Frank stifled a laugh with difficulty. Better dating service, huh? On what planet?

"Uh…"

"Not eloquent enough, Mr. Isaacs." Joe cut in, shaking his head. "Tsk, tsk." He pretended to write something on his tablet. "Now, one would appreciate an answer to one's question. Yes or no will suffice."

"Um…yes," Jeremy managed to squeak out.

Laura made a strangled noise and rose from her seat. "Need to – excuse me," she said, and hastily left the room and hurried up the stairs. Frank stared after her, his mouth twitching as he heard her bedroom door shut with an uncharacteristic bang. He was sure that he heard muffled shrieks of laughter….

Meanwhile, Joe was forging ahead. "One must be more decisive, Mr. Isaacs," he said soberly. "Think of me as a partner. Or a perp – whichever you need. Now, try answering the question again. Decisively, if you please."

"Yes, then," Jeremy said, wondering if he'd enlisted in the Army by mistake. Hardy Better Dating Service? Good grief! "Provided, that is, that I get my money's worth. I'd hate to have to arrest you for false advertising."

At the look on Joe's face, Frank burst out laughing, clutching his ribs and trying not to roll onto the floor. He had rarely seen his brother so neatly wrapped up and tagged as he was now. "S-s-serves you right," he gasped. "You…look…" Abandoning his efforts at control, he whooped again. Jeremy was chuckling too, and didn't look quite so flummoxed and embarrassed now.

"Darn it, I had a really great oath I was going to make him say, and everything!" Joe complained. "You ruined all the fun!"

"We are not here to have fun, little brother," Frank explained, speaking very slowly and clearly. "We are here to help Jeremy. Now, enough of the nonsense; let's get back with the program."

"Fine, then," Joe huffed, and returned his tablet and pen to the escritoire. He sat back down, grinning. "Let's hear your ideas."

Put on the spot, Frank hesitated a moment, thinking. Jeremy gazed at him pleadingly. "Okay," he said at last, "do you think you could manage to ask Amber out for coffee, Jeremy? That's starting small and simple. You don't have to make it formal, just 'Hey, if you aren't busy after work, how about if we go out for a cup of coffee sometime? I get off at six' – or whenever it is you get off. That gives her a hint of your interest AND puts the ball back in her court. It's up to her to make the next move. If she's interested, she'll say 'yes, that would be fine,' and you can say 'When would be a good time?'—"

"Or, 'Great, would tonight be a good time?'" Joe interjected. "Don't let it get too vague, too much 'sometime in the future'. Pin it down."

Frank nodded agreement. "Joe's right. Anyway, assume you go out for coffee, and there you are, having a conversation."

"What if she says no?" Jeremy asked bleakly. He looked from Frank to Joe, and back again to Frank.

"Well, if she says no…then I don't know," Joe admitted. "I suppose you could ask why – or ask if there's a better day. It kind of depends on HOW she says no, ya know? Whether or not she sounds like she's sorry she can't make it and would actually like to…or not. If she says flat out no, she's not interested…well, at least then you'd know it wasn't any use to pursue it, right?"

"That's not very encouraging – but you're right," Jeremy conceded. He sighed. "I – I don't know," he said hesitantly. "I'd probably end up saying 'Can I buy your shoes?' or something equally stupid. What do I do then?"

Joe looked at Frank. Frank looked at Joe. They both grinned and looked at Jeremy, and Frank spoke for them both: "Throw yourself on the mercy of the court!"

"Oh, very funny." But Jeremy grinned in spite of himself. "Haven't either of you ever been turned down when you asked a girl out? You don't even sound like you think it's a possibility!"

"Well...sure," Frank said. "But—"

"But we always try to forget the experience as quickly as possible!" Joe quipped.

Jeremy snickered, then sighed again. "This won't be easy – and I won't see her until Monday. That's two days away! That's all of tonight and tomorrow and tomorrow night and Monday morning to work my stomach into knots and get all nervous – and what am I supposed to do with her if she DOES say yes and we go to coffee and I still can't talk to her without sounding like a babbling idiot? What then?"

Frank was biting his lips in an effort not to laugh at Jeremy's predicament. "Jer, didn't you date at all in high school or college?" he asked kindly.

The young police office shook his head dismally. "Not really. I was sorta short and scrawny – I didn't hit my growth spurt until I was about 20. And I was shy – and girls don't like redheads with freckles anyway."

"Who says?" Joe demanded.

"They do," Jeremy informed him glumly. "My sister and her friends went out of their way to inform me of that little detail."

Joe made a scoffing noise. "No way. Chet Morton has freckles and kinda reddish hair, and he gets dates. And he's not exactly tall and buff, either."

"Guys like girls with red hair and freckles," Frank observed with a smile, thinking of Megan, "so why wouldn't it work both ways? I think your sister and her friends were putting you on, Jeremy."

"Especially as you are no longer short OR scrawny," Joe interposed. "The shy part we'll just have to work on harder."

"So what do I do if she says yes?" Jeremy reiterated.

"Have a place picked out ahead of time," Joe advised him wisely. "Don't get out on the sidewalk and then try to figure out where to go. Although you could ask her if she has a favorite place, too – keep that in mind."

Jeremy nodded. "Give me back that pen and paper," he requested. "I want to make notes." To the Hardys' amusement, he carefully jotted down Joe's suggestion, then waited for more ideas.

"Start thinking of things to talk about," Frank said. "And for sanity's sweet sake, do NOT bring up marriage or children, on a first date. Not unless she brings it up first. That's a sure way to scare her off."

"MARRIAGE! CHILDREN!" Jeremy looked so horrified and turned so red both Hardys burst out laughing again. "Er...um...um...I wouldn't. I mean, uh..."

"Do you say 'Er' to Amber a lot?" Frank inquired, when he got his breath back.

"What, you mean like 'Er, Amber, could I have case number 1972?'" Jeremy chuckled a little. "Yeah, I guess I do. But you can't tell me you guys never—"

"Shhhh!" Joe cautioned. "You aren't supposed to know that. We're the ones giving out the advice, remember?"

"Right, right."

"Ask her what she likes to do in her free time," Frank suggested. "If it's something you are interested in too, or at least know about, then you have that in common. If it's not, you can ask her what she enjoys about it, and maybe she'll talk about it. It's called an exchange of information, Jeremy," he smiled. "You've heard of that, haven't you? Anyway, let's assume that eventually she reciprocates and asks you what you're interested in. Maybe it's something she likes too. It gives you both a chance to see if you have enough in common to keep on seeing each other."

"What if we don't have any interests in common?"

Joe rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "MAKE some!" he cried. "Suggest doing something new to both of you!"

"Do you two do this?" Jeremy asked curiously. "Is this how you started out with Vanessa and Megan?"

"Well...no," Frank admitted. "I didn't make the first move with Megan – she did! I hadn't even noticed her before she stopped me in the hall at school, I'm ashamed to say. And then she called me the next morning and asked me to meet her for coffee. But she just wanted to ask me to help find out if someone had murdered her father." He turned a little pink. "It sort of developed from there."

"And now they're so ga-ga it's kinda nauseating," Joe offered, and ducked as Frank lobbed a sofa pillow at his head. "I met Vanessa when someone slashed her car tires in the school parking lot," he continued. "We gave her a ride home, and then it turned out that someone was trying to ruin her mom's business, and it turned into a case..." He thought about it a moment. "I guess maybe both of us are sort of atypical when it comes to our girlfriends."

Jeremy eyed him. "Maybe I came to the wrong people," he teased. "Unless it turns out Amber is interested in me for my police skills."

"Who knows, maybe she is!"

"What about Tony and Bella?" Jeremy was obviously still seeking a role model. "Does he – did he ask her things like that when they first met?"

Joe snorted. "He didn't need to ask about her hobbies. From the minute he laid eyes on her, it was 'Bellisima Bella cara mia, come wiz me to zee Kasbah!' Now it's mostly 'Yes dear, whatever you say, dear,' and a whole lot of Italian endearments!"

Frank was nearly rolling off the couch again, he was laughing so hard at Joe's pointed observations about Tony's relationship with their spirited young cousin.

"I can't speak Italian!" Jeremy objected, sounding panicked.

"Neither can Amber, can she?"

"Well, no, I don't think so, but—"

"Then what good would it do you? Joe demanded practically.

"None, I guess," Jeremy admitted. He drew in a deep breath. "Okay, so I need to make a list of things to ask Amber. Hobbies, interests, family..."

"Don't you dare bring along a list of questions to ask," Joe warned him. "It'll look like a police interrogation! Be natural, Jer – be yourself!"

"Being myself is usually what gets me into trouble on these things," Jeremy mumbled darkly.

"Hey, it can't be that bad," Frank tried to console him. "Joe's right. Just relax and try to enjoy it. You LIKE this girl – remember?"

Jeremy was looking slightly green. "Fine," he muttered. "I guess all I can do is try, huh? I came to you for advice – and you gave me some – and...God, this is awful! I think I'm gonna throw up!"

The Hardys exchanged glances over Jeremy's bowed head. "Well," Frank said, "the bathroom's just across the hall, if you really feel that bad... But really, it'll be okay! You'll be fine. You'll be just fine!"

Jeremy got up, muttering under his breath. "Music. Free time. TV shows. Hobbies. Family." He looked up. "Should I ask her if she likes to shoot guns?"

#####

After Jeremy had taken his leave, still muttering lists of possible conversation topics, Joe and Frank sat down in the family room again and looked at each other. Frank was the first to speak.

"WHAT have we gotten ourselves into?" he asked, and began to laugh again.

Joe joined in. "Advice to the lovelorn!"

"The 'Hardy Better Dating Service'?"

"Hey, it was just an idea!"

Frank shuddered. "One of your less-stellar ones!" He stretched out his long legs and stared at his shoes. "Whaddya think? Will he take our so-called advice? And will it help? And what if he comes back for more?"

Joe considered it. "Yes..." he said at last, "maybe, and...and let's cross that bridge when we get to it!"