ANGRY MARINES

ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTE, FUCKNUGGET.

It was a peaceful day on an Eldar maiden world with no name, when from the direction of the crusade camp, a wave of pure RAGE annihilated any lifeform smaller than a human being within a 500 meter radius.

"FUCKING DICK!" 2nd Company Captain Getoffmylawn screamed. "THAT FUCKING DICK!"
Scout Captain Muchdickery stuck his head around the corner, grinning. "You called?"
"NOT YOU, THE OTHER FUCKING DICK!" Getoffmylawn roared. "FUCKING ELDAR CUNT DICK!"
"Oh…Eldrad…" Muchdickery realized. "What'd he do this time?"
"FUCKING PIECE OF CUNT SHIT STOLE MY FUCKING ANGRY BAZOOKA!"
"Angry…Bazooka?"
"YES! PUT ANGRY MARINE IN TOP, ARM TO MAXIMUM FUCK, AND SHOOT THE FUCKING ANGRY MARINE AT THE ENEMY." Getoffmylawn screamed (A/N: There's only so many ways to describe how an Angry Marine talks…). "BUT NO! THESE FUCKING ELDAR TODAY WITH THEIR FARSEERS AND THEIR WRAITHBONE AND THEIR FUCKING WITCHCRAFT JUST HAD TO FUCKING RUIN EVERYTHING!"

"…what did he do?"
"HE FUCKING STOLE THE ANGRY BAZOOKA!"
"It's in your hand."
Getoffmylawn stared at the Angry Bazooka in his hand.

"WELL…HE KILLED SERGEANT RAGEQUIT AND HID THE BODY!"
"I'M IN THE FUCKING BAZOOKA!" Ragequit screamed. "FIRE ME AT SOMETHING ALREADY!"
Getoffmylawn fired Ragequit at a passing hawk, which didn't quite know what hit it as Ragequit ripped its guts out to beat another one to death with them.

"WELL…I feel quite stupid now." Getoffmylawn muttered, in a rare state of a non-screaming Angry Marine.

Well, uncommon if you weren't in the Scout Company and therefore the cause of most RAGE.

"So now you know Eldrad isn't here and behind all of this." Muchdickery said quietly. "So go and lie down."
"Yeah…yeah I'll do that." The ancient Angry Marine captain muttered, wandering off. Muchdickery smirked and stuck out a fist, only for a note to fall into it instead of the expected wad of credits.

Nice try, but no-one out-dicks me, especially with money and reputation on the line.

Yours sincerely, Eldrad Ulthran

Muchdickery looked up in confusion, just as Getoffmylawn screamed out loud.

"OH MY EMPRAH, THE METAL BOXSES! THEY ARE DESTROYED! WHO THE FUCK MESSED WITH OUR RHINOS! WITH…IS THIS PISS? WHO THE FUCK DESTROYS RHINOS WITH PISS?"

Muchdickery crushed the note with his fist, growling.

"One day, you fucking dick…one day."