Longing to Breathe

By Lara

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight. However I do like to borrow Stephenie's imaginary friends and play with them too. (especially Jasper)

A.N. - This is an AU fic where all characters are human. I'm giving fair warning now that in later chapters this story will contain language and mature themes: sexual situations, suicide, drug use, violence and some major angst in specific scenes. Despite that this isn't going to be a total depression trip but you should read at your own discretion.

I try to shake off the silly reaction that I have to Edward Cullen getting slightly miffed with myself. So what if he's only the cutest guy I've ever laid eyes on. I can retain my dignity. I will retain my dignity.

I step forward and nearly trip over my own foot. My hips pulls and I wince. My cheeks flame scarlet and Edward's lips quirk higher, a smidgen closer to an actual smile as he released Mike's hand and turns to me.

"Hello Bella."

My heart kicks into overdrive as the sound of my name rolls of his tongue like velvet. That's the first time he's ever said my name, I'm certain.

"Uh… hey."

Smooth. Real smooth.

Mike saves me from making a further fool of myself by talking to Edward again.

"You know Bella?"

Edward is still looking at me as he answers. "Yeah. She's my new housemate."

Did I just imagine a note of superiority in his tone? Okay, this is Edward so yes I probably did.

Mike frowns slightly. "Sure is a small world."

Did I imagine a note of disappointment in Mike's?

I break eye contact with Edward before my lungs explode. Its one thing to ogle green eyes. Its totally another to faint dead away. If I think Edward has an insufferable ego now…

"So dude did my CD come in?" Mike asks.

"Give me second and I'll check." Edward replies, moving behind the counter a few feet away.

I pause at that. I didn't know Edward worked here. I tuck that little bit of information away for later as I look around once more. On the class counter to the left is an entire array of incense. Curiously I walk over to investigate and Mike follows.

"You like incense Bella?"

I shrug. "I don't know. I've never used the stuff."

Mike's arm brushes against mine as leans over and reaches for a stick from the dozen open canisters resting on a makeshift wooden display.

"This one is strawberry." He says, giving a sniff before running it under my nose.

The scent is pungent smelling faintly of strawberry but more heavily of resin. Its exotic and not all together unpleasant. I grin. "Nice."

Mike chuckles. "Sorry, I smudged your cheek." Before I can reach up to brush at it he raises his fingers to do it himself.

Just before his fingers make contact Edward says to Mike, "Here's your CD."

Edward's voice startles me almost as much as Mike's unexpected play. I take a quick step away from Mike. My cheeks are not flaming, they are scorched. So I brush at my face hoping I got the smudge and focus on the incense. I read the label Dragon's Blood and experimentally give it a sniff. No too musky. I try another one, Jasmine. Not bad.

"They're twenty sticks for a dollar. Feel free to mix and match." Edward tells me as he hands Mike his change. His glittering greens pierce me as he looks my way. "Try the Fairy Dust. You'll like that one."

I find the jar labeled Fairy Dust and realize my hands are shaking as I pull a stick free. He's right, I like it. A little hint of floral like the Jasmine but with a touch of musk. I look back at Edward and smile. "You're right. I do like that one."

His tone is unapologetically smug as he replies, "I know. That's why I suggested it."

I'm torn between laughing and chucking the incense stick at him.

Mike comes back next to me and proceeds to show me other choices. The entire time I know Edward is watching me, I can feel it. I don't dare look at him, my face can only take so much blushing for one day. Still I'm more aware of Edward at the other end of the counter than I am of Mike who is right beside me.

Mike is in the middle of sorting through boxes of cone incense when his cell phone rings. From his side of the conversation I get the gist that he's late for something. I'm actually relieved that he has to go.

"I gotta jet Bella. Do you want me to walk you home?" He asks and I can tell he's hoping for a yes.

"No that's alright. You go ahead. I know how to get back from here."

His smile dims a bit but he remains amiable. "Okay. I'll see you in class tomorrow." He nods to Edward as he makes for the exit. "Later dude."

Before I can start to feel too awkward I look around once more and this time I spy the record bins all along the wall to my left. I wander over fairly amazed at the extensive selection. Glancing through several titles I realize there are many I've never heard of before.

I don't hear Edward move from behind the counter. I almost flinch as he comes up beside me. His arm doesn't brush mine. He affords me more personal space than Mike did. I refuse to admit I'm slightly disappointed.

"Are you looking for anything in particular?" He asks, his honey voice making my skin tingle.

"Not really. You never said you worked in a music store." I comment striving for nonchalance and strictly keeping my eyes on the records in front of me.

I can hear the would be smirk in his voice. "You never asked."

"Ah, but its seems like when I ask the questions you can't get away fast enough." I counter, my tone chiding.

As soon as the words are out of my mouth my face is an inferno. Where did that brazenness come from? Geez, Edward is making me lose my mind.

He turns to lean against the record bin, folding his arms across his chest. "Hardly. You can ask me anything you want." He replies easily.

I can't help it, I glance at him. His copper hair is unkempt and there's a few days worth of bronze stubble on jaw. The dark circles remain under his eyes as they fairly glitter against his cream toned skin. The conversation with Alice pops back into my mind and for the first time I really take note of what he's wearing. His t-shirt is black with white writing on the front that I can't make out because his arms are in the way. His jeans are dark blue but faded from the wash. His black boots are thick soled and scuffed.

My gaze moves back up to Edward's face and I realize he knows I was checking him out.

"Uh…" I stammer, turning plum as I drop my eyes down to the records again.

"I believe you were going to ask me a question." He chuckles dryly.

Arrogant, obnoxious, gorgeous, bastard.

"Right," I swallow hard and try again. "So… you're uh… a full time student and you're working? Must be exhausting."

"It's not unmanageable. I have a photographic memory. I don't have to study as much as you think. I retain… a lot." There's an odd note to his tone as he says this.

I mutter out loud, "Lucky bastard."

He chuckles again. "I'm also an insomniac with no social life. Working keeps me occupied."

"What's your major?" I ask curious to see how many questions he will answer.

"Music. Of course."

I shake my head at my own imperceptivity. "Of course."

Before I can ask another question, two girls walk in. They look like the sorority type, tastefully dyed bond hair styled in purposely messy ponytails, spaghetti strap tank tops and shorts that accentuate their mile long, perfectly tanned legs.

My self esteem nose dives down to my toes.

The girls walk over to the other side of the store where there are wall to wall shelves of CD's. I keep flipping through the records though I can't remember a single one I've looked at in the last five minutes.

Peering up at Edward, I am more than a little surprised to find him watching me intently. I thought for sure he would take the chance to admire the much better view across the store. My cheeks fuse pink and his lips quirk. I barely notice him gesture toward my iPod.

"I'm curious. What music is on your play list?" Edward asks softly, his voice dropping an octave.

I wonder if he does that on purpose just to make my knees weak. I will myself not to blush over the idiotic thought. I hand him my iPod to let him scroll through the play list himself.

After a moment he laughs incredulously. "Chumbawumba and Culture Club? Interesting preference." He arrows down through a few more songs and says approvingly, "Ah, Pearl Jam and Breaking Benjamin. You have redeemed yourself."

My eyes widen at his audacity. "I wasn't aware this was a test. But please enlighten me. What music do you listen to?"

That lovely little crease forms in his brow as he says, "My choices change as often as my moods. Right now it would be jazz or blues. In fact Sinatra's One for the Road would be prefect." He admits, mentioning one I have on my iPod.

I tug the ear buds from around my neck and hand them to him. "Be my guest."

I find it kind of weird that I'm perfectly content to stand here like this with Edward. We're not flirting or anything remotely like that. But we're not really friends either. It is so convoluted to me. I can't read him. He's like ice. And yet he makes me tremble in ways no guy ever has.

That's how we spend the next hour, trading questions in between songs on my iPod, until a short girl with curly brown hair comes bouncing into the store. Her hair and t-shirt is wet so it's safe to say the rain has arrived. She sees Edward and gives him an apologetic smile.

"Sorry I'm late. Traffic is a madhouse out there. And don't get me started on the rain." She says as she goes behind the counter with her purse.

Edward waves his hand as if to dismiss her apology. "No problem Jessica."

I notice his long, slim fingers. The tapered fingers of a musician.

He starts to hand me back my iPod but stops and smirks. "I'll hold on to this if you don't mind. I'll be right back."

Five minutes later he returns with a navy blue backpack slung over his left shoulder. He cocks his head with a contemplative expression settling on his perfectly sculpted face. "My shift is over. I'm heading back to the house. Would you like to accompany me?"

I don't hesitate. "Sure."

Edward holds the door open motioning for me to go head. "Ladies first."

Going down the narrow staircase is easier than going up but I'm still extremely self conscious that he wants me to go first. I try to go down as quickly as possible but I know my pace is still slow. The ache in my hip sends shooting little pains down into my thigh with every step.

We pause in the alcove watching the rain pound against the concrete. The rain is clearly not going to let up and it's a three block walk to the house. I wrinkle my nose in the anticipation of a good drenching.

"Well we're not made of sugar." I say sardonically. "Let's go." My only consolation is that at least I'm not wearing a white shirt.

As I step past Edward his hand brushes against mine. It's accidental, an innocent caress that I feel throughout my entire body. Goose bumps rise along my arms and a flush of warmth spreads to my stomach. My palm tingles with little sparks where we touched. Reflexively my breath hitches in my chest sounding like a soft gasp.

I don't dare look at Edward. I'm embarrassed beyond belief. I rush out into the rain and turn my face toward the falling drops. The rain is cool against my heated cheeks. Rain is something familiar. It's comforting. I smile slightly.

"You like the rain." He comments with certainty as if he already knows the answer.

"Yes and no." I admit. "I'm from the pacific north west where it rains three hundred plus days a year. I'm not crazy about the wet but the rain does remind me of home." I say finally daring to glance at his handsome face.

Edward's lips are curved in the closest thing to a smile I've seen yet. "Where in the pacific north west?"

I grimace. "Forks Washington. You've probably never heard of it. It's a tiny place, I mean really tiny. It's a few hours from Seattle."

"Oh." He nods. "I've been to Seattle once, many years ago. I was too young to enjoy the trip at the time. I wouldn't mind visiting there again one day."

I like his voice. Its soft and husky like warm gooey honey. It sounds nice against the backdrop of the falling rain and the cars passing by in the slick street. I want to hear him speak more so I ask, "Where are you from? You don't talk like the people from New Orleans."

Edward shakes his head, the rain trailing rivulets down his temple. "I'm from Chicago actually. I've always loved the musical history of New Orleans, like I said before, I have a thing for jazz and blues. College was my chance to experience it for myself."

Absently he rakes a hand though his dripping hair and I notice he's wearing a black leather bracer on his left wrist. On the front is an insignia or maybe a family crest. I wonder if its some sort of musician thing.

This time Edward volleys the question into my court. "What prompted you to travel this far south?"

"I was sick of the rain." I say with a laugh, considering the irony that he should ask now.

He glances up into the falling rain at the deep grey sky and chuckles. "So you traded cold and rainy for hot and rainy. Some bargain."

I shrug. "I don't mind the heat. I spent most of my childhood living in Arizona."

Edward was about to respond to that when Murphy and his ridiculous law go into effect. I step down off the curb and my foot finds the one patch of slick concrete where the sole of my sneaker gets no purchase. My foot literally slides out from under me and I'm about to go sprawling into the street. The only thing that stops me is Edward. He catches me from behind with one arm around my waist and the other across my chest.

Edward is successful in breaking my fall but his left hand is right on my boob.

I know the instant he realizes that because he tenses as if expecting a physical blow or something and hauls me back to my feet instantly. Then he steps away so quickly I have to concentrate to keep my balance. I know my cheeks are hot and I am completely embarrassed but I kind of feel bad for Edward. He looks positively stricken.

"I am so sorry." He apologizes sincerely, without a trace of his usual cockiness. "I honestly did not mean for my hand to end up… there. I would not take advantage of you that way." There's a definite edge of self derision to his words.

It's all so absurd that I can't help but laugh. Here I am standing in the pouring rain with the most gorgeous guy I have ever laid eyes on and not only have I humiliated myself in front him countless times but because of my terminal klutziness but now I have possibly scarred him from wanting to touch a woman ever again. This could only happen to me.

"Bella are you alright?" He's stern, not finding anything amusing about this. He looks perplexed or maybe worried. He probably thinks I've lost my mind.

Funny thing is I think I may have too.

I take a deep breath but still find myself chuckling. "Come on Edward. You don't find this the least bit ridiculously funny?" I ask, past the point of feeling awkward or even apologetic.

"Bella I…" The lovely crease is back in his brow as eyes me warily. "You're not… angry?"

"It was an accident. I am a walking accident waiting to happen. Haven't you noticed yet? Why would I be mad at you?"

I see the stiff set of Edward's shoulders relax slightly and his expression softens a little. "That wasn't appropriate behavior on my part." He insists with rain dripping into his pretty eyes.

"Oh well by all means next time you have my express permission to let me hit the ground face first. How's that?" I grin.

The hint of his smirk is back. "You know I wouldn't do that, even with your permission."

"You're right because you're a gentleman Edward. And I'd like to think that you're my friend. And quite frankly I'm tired of making an ass out myself in front of you so what do you say we forget this whole thing happened, go home and order pizza because right now I'm starving." I offer.

Edward looks at me for a long moment and that's when it happens, his lips curl up on one side, not in his usual smirk but an actual smile. It lifts the severity of his whole countenance and even his eyes seem lighter.

If he'd have sucker punched me it would have left me in less of a daze. I think I smiled back.

"I'd like that Bella." Edward says softly. "I'd like that very much."

A.N. - They should create a new shade of red called Bella. It's fun making her squirm in embarrassment. And I'll tell you a little secret… Edward thinks it's cute.

So we finally get to see some real interaction between the two of them. If you like this then next chapter you get a nice treat too cuz there's a little more ExB bonding. But I will warn you this story will be kind of slow. Their relationship is going take time to build because when I say these crazy kids have issues, they really have issues…

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I'm a review whore so be nice and stroke my ego, lol.