Thank you all soooo much for all the wonderful reviews, they are what keep me going!! So keep reviewing everyone! I want to know what you think.

As always, I don't own anything, except the idea. It's a bit AU, but you never know what really happened before the show. And a little GSR as always. Oh, and I have no beta, so all mistakes are mine.

Summary: You ever wonder why Grissom would rather be with his bugs, than people? Do you wonder why he is emotionally unavailable? Everyone has a past, and Grissom would rather forget his.

"Gil…"

Someone was calling him. Somewhere, far off in the distance, he was being summoned. His body slowly began to stir, but his eyes remained closed. His eyelids were so heavy; he couldn't get them to budge.

"Grissom…"

There it was again, the same voice. So soothing, so calm. It was trying to bring him back to the world of the living. He tried again to open his eyes, but he was mentally exhausted. As moments passed, he could start to feel himself come to. He rolled over on his side and brought his hand up to his face. It felt like forever before he felt his fingers on his brow. His vision was hazy. He yawned and ran his hand through the graying curls on top of his head. Swinging his feet around, he placed them on the floor as he sat up. Looking toward the door he saw a silhouetted figure. A woman. She didn't move at first, she just watched him silently.

"Hmmpphh," Grissom croaked.

The figure took a step forward into the low light of the table lamp. It was Sara.

"Griss, I need to talk to you," Sara said.

He got up off the couch and made his way to his desk. He swung his chair around and sat down.

"What do you need to talk to me about, Sara?" Griss asked, his angry tone was not lost on her.

"Um, well… first off, are you, uh, alright?" she stumbled over her words.

He remained silent. He was rubbing his temples again, elbows leaning on his desk. The migraine was back.

"Grissom, if there's something bothering you, we can talk about it. It's not like you to just walk out like that, not letting anyone know what's going on. There's a group of people out there waiting for you to do your job so they can do theirs. One minute you're there and the next…"

"Sara…" he tried to interrupt her.

"… you're gone. Then I get to your office and you've got this note telling Catherine to hand out assignments? And that you're doing paperwork? Now I know something is wrong, you hate paperwork."

Then he remembered… the note. He left the note on the door so he would not be disturbed. Now, Sara's in here telling him off, the nerve of her!

She was still ranting.

"Sara!" he said more firmly than he actually intended to.

Silence.

"Didn't the note say do not disturb on it?" he asked, fully aware that she knew.

"Yes, but this isn't like you. I thought maybe you would want to talk about whatever it is that's bothering you."

"Well, I don't. I want to be alone. I'm sorry the note didn't make that clear enough for you."

Now she was getting angry.

"Oh no you don't," she waved a finger at him. "You're not going to push me out of the way, like I'm… like I'm one of your bugs after feeding time. You are going to talk to me. And you're lucky I stopped Catherine from coming in here, she was ready to rip you apart, you know that? Quite frankly, I don't blame her. You're acting like a child."

He was silent throughout her entire testimony. He was drifting in and out of thoughts. The news report from earlier flashed in his mind. A strange feeling of guilt washed over him. He hoped it would pass, but it didn't. He couldn't shake the lingering sadness.

"Sara, listen, I just don't feel like talking about this, okay? I just…"

"Oh! So, the infamous Gil Grissom does feel?" she interrupted him. "And all this time I felt sorry for you; such a terrible thing, to not be capable of being empathic toward anyone, or passionate toward anyone." Now she was mocking him. "But now I realize you just feel when it's convenient for you," she pointed a finger at him, "To hell with anybody else's feelings!"

"YOU DON'T KNOW ME!" he slammed his fists on his desk and stood up. His chair flew behind him, banging loudly against the wall. A glass jar, filled with a clear liquid toppled to the floor, shattering on impact.

He startled her, he saw her jump. He should have apologized but his anger was hindering any rational thoughts he may have had. She was in awe, standing across from him, silent. She was wringing her hands and he could tell she was about to break down. Sara was going to cry. But he said nothing. He stared at her, wild eyed. If he didn't calm down soon, his eardrums would surely burst.

"Don't you dare tell me what I'm like! You don't know a damn thing about me, Sara." His voice was still raised, and he was sure someone down the hall could hear him.

She was trying to compose herself; he could see her trying to steady her breathing. Her breath caught in her throat. She started backing up.

"You know what? I'm done. I'm tired of your games. I can't take this anymore. You lead me on, you push me away. You don't respect me. I don't deserve this and… I'm done." She threw her hands up in the air, holding back tears. "I quit!"

She turned and left, wiping furiously at her tears with her sleeve. Grissom stood planted behind his desk, dumbfounded. It took merely seconds after she slammed the door for his world to come crashing down around him. It felt like all the air in the world vanished. He was struggling to get a deep breath, to clear his mind. Then he snapped back into reality.

"Sara!" he called after her. But she was long gone. He ran to the door and flung it open. People were staring at him. They must think I've gone mad. He looked around quickly and took off down the hallway toward the entrance to the building. Passing the break room, he heard various voices call his name. He ignored them. Once outside, the cool breeze calmed him. Her parking space was empty. Sighing, he turned to go back inside.

"What the hell is going on?!" Catherine was exiting the building. She was inches from his face. "Gil? You want to tell me why Sara just took off? And why you're acting so… so, I don't even know! Whatever it is you better knock it off right now. I will not be working shorthanded tonight." Her hands were moving wildly, illustrating her frustration.

"Actually, we will." Grissom looked at her grimly, she was confused. "Sara just quit."

"She what?!" Catherine roared.

"Sara quit." Grissom repeated solemnly.

"Yeah, I heard you," she said sarcastically. "What did you do Gil?"

He looked at her and charged past her back into the building. She was calling after him. When he kept walking, she followed him. When he got back to his office, he stopped suddenly. Cath was mid sentence, but as he whipped around, she quieted.

"Cath, just give me a minute. Get the guys together, hand out cases. Uh, I think the files are on the table in the break room. I just need a minute. Please." He was pleading with her now. So many different emotions were coursing through him, and he didn't know how to handle it. He was going to break down.

She just turned and disappeared down the hallway.

In a vain attempt to relax, he tried to massage the back of his neck as he entered his office again. He closed the door silently; he didn't need any more attention. He locked it before he went to sit at his desk. He forgot about the broken jar on the floor, he would have to clean that up later. Positioning the chair back where it belonged, he took a seat.

"Oh, God," he whispered to himself. "I don't know what I'm doing. I thought this whole ordeal was behind me. And now Sara. She's right, I'm playing with her feelings, but I don't mean to. God, I never meant to hurt her, I never mean to hurt anyone, but it still happens. It always happens. I can't do that again, I can't love again, not ever, not after what happened…" He shook his head. "Evelyn. I was hoping I'd never hear your name again."

He sighed. Standing up from his chair, he headed for the door. He needed paper towels to clean up the mess he made on the tile floor. But then he thought of something.

"Oh, no. What if they reopen the case? Would they do that?" He was pacing the floor now. He was panicking. "No, why would they open it again… right? They just released the body. But they could, if they wanted to. They could. Oh, no, no… shit, shit, shit. Oh, shit. They won't. Naw, they won't." He kept repeating it to himself. Maybe if he said it enough, it would stand true. "They won't."

He exited his office with a heavy heart and a dark secret.

Okay... well, I was actually going to split this chapter in half (make you review if you wanted to see the second half) but I couldn't bring myself to do it! So review anyway, the more reviews, the faster the update.

Hope you like it so far...