Well, sorry for the delay in writing this chapter. I found it a toughie and RL got in the way as well.

My thanks to Erynnar and Ladyamesindy for beta-ing this for me. You both chased the Goblins away (And the Big Bad Wolf too!).

And my very special thanks to Ladyamesindy who allowed me to use part of her Fanfiction 'We Do What Must Be Done' as back story for this she's also writing her own Teagan fic, 'Til You Return To Me Again', both of which are great stories :).

The group piled into Lake Calenhad mid-afternoon. Theirs had been a long journey, filled with personal quests and tiredness. Apart from Sten and Morrigan who camped outside the town, they were all glad to sleep on beds that night in the Spoiled Princess Inn. At least they would be if there were enough rooms available.

'You only have three rooms?' Lydia asked incredulously. She was exhausted due to the pregnancy which had only just started to show and was making her back hurt.

'Sorry but we've just had another party arrive right before you did. Coincidence, eh?'

Lydia bit her tongue and refused to answer.

She turned to the group. 'Alistair and Zevran, you can share. Wynne, you can have a room by yourself and Leliana and I will share a room together. Oh, and Angus,' She said to the dog, 'you can share with Alistair and Zev.'

The men complained about sharing with each other and the dog, although Angus had just been washed in the lake before they came in. Lydia ignored their bickering and turned back to the barman take the rooms and order baths and meals for them all. All of a sudden the group went quiet and she heard 'Auntie Lydia!' from the other side of the bar.

She was confused. What was Connor doing here? Then the truth hit her. He was going to the Circle. She looked to where his voice was and there stood Connor and his father. Eamon looked worn out and saddened. First, losing his wife and then Connor all within four months. She felt so sad for the man. Connor came over to Lydia and threw his arms round her waist putting his head to rest on her stomach.

'I missed you.' he muttered.

Lydia wanted to cry. She put her arms round him, running her fingers through his fine blonde hair. Would her child look like Connor at this age, she wondered.

'I missed you too Connor. I'm here now though.'

Connor looked up at her, a sweet adoring look that made her gut wrench. 'Did Uncle Teagan tell you about me going to be with the mages? Did you come to see me off?'

Lydia hated lying to a child, especially one she had grown to care for so much but she wanted him to think she cared for him. He had no mother and needed someone else.

'Of course he did, sweetheart.' Lydia answered, trying to sound plausible. She felt a hand on her shoulder and Leliana smiled her approval

'Connor. Let's go for that walk before it gets dark.' Eamon's voice almost cracked.

'Arl Eamon.' Lydia nodded at Eamon, letting her arms drop.

'Lady Cousland. My brother has come with us as well. I'm sure you will be interested to see him.' Eamon's eyes came to rest on her belly.

'Thank you.' Lydia didn't bother to correct Eamon, noticing the tinge of bitterness in his voice.

They said their goodbyes to the father and son and as soon as they were out of the front door, Lydia exhaled, not realising she'd been holding her breath.

'Wynne, he needs to see his father when he's in the tower. Please?' Lydia felt her eyes fill with tears again, not caring who saw.

Wynne sighed. 'I can't promise anything but we can always ask First Enchanter Irving. Besides I think he owes me a favour. Don't you?'

#=#=#

Once they'd sorted out rooms and packs, Lydia found out from the barman where Bann Teagan was staying. She could have had a bath but they'd waited eight weeks to see each other and she didn't want to wait any more time.

'Come in' Teagan said as she knocked on the door. She walked in.

'Bring it over – OH!' She heard his surprise as her eyes met his. He looked weary but he almost ran to meet her at the door.

He wrapped his arms round her and kissed her hard on the lips.

'I've missed you.' Teagan said, between breaths.

'You're the second person to tell me that in the last hour.' Lydia smiled at him, pushing his fallen braid behind an ear. She ran her fingers over his cheekbones, not believing either of them were together again.

'Connor I take it?' Teagan asked smiling. He kissed her fingers, using the tip of his tongue to tease her fingertips. She felt her stomach flutter as she nodded. 'I swear he's got a crush on you. And he's not the only one in this family.'

She didn't object as he took her armour off, one teasing piece at a time.

#=#=#

Later, they lay naked, her head on his chest. She wore his mother's ring on a thick chain round her neck, he noticed. She looked tired but her colour had come back. Already her breasts had grown heavier and she now had a small yet pronounced bump. He put his hand on her stomach and swore he could feel a movement. He smiled at Lydia.

'You got my letter about Connor then?' Teagan asked.

'No, I'm here for another reason. It was just coincidence I'm here at the same time as you.' She propped herself up on one arm, looking straight in his eyes. 'Connor thinks you told me about going to the tower. He ran over and hugged me. I nearly cried.'

'You're pregnant. You're supposed to be emotional.' He smiled at Lydia's response.

'If I never cry again once this baby is born, it will be too soon.'

Teagan ran a finger down his lover's face, kissing her lips with the tips of his fingers.

'Connor needs you there when he goes to the tower tomorrow.'

Lydia shook her head. 'No, he needs his father and uncle. Not a woman he's barely met and who had his mother killed.'

'I disagree. He adores you. And you didn't kill Isolde, not personally. Eamon knows that. I'll ask him tonight.' He silenced her response with a kiss.

#=#=#

That night at supper, Eamon and Teagan ate with the group, Connor having already eaten and gone to bed. Mood wise, their group was mixed. Eamon barely ate and although he tried to be friendly, his heart wasn't in it. Wynne sat next to him and talked about her more positive experiences in the tower. At first, Lydia frowned at the mage, thinking it wouldn't be a good idea but he obviously needed to talk and it seemed to ease his worries about Connor's future. Wynne even gave the brothers a letter she had written asking if they wouldn't mind delivering it to Irving. While Eamon blanched slightly at the thought of being a delivery boy, Teagan took the letter and agreed wholeheartedly. Lydia had told Teagan of the request she had made of Wynne and guessed what the letter was.

As the evening wore on, Lydia began to feel queasy with the warm air and the smell of the ale. She went outside for some fresh air. As she was standing next to the shoreline listening to the lapping of the water on the edge of the lake, she jumped when she heard someone almost appear next to her.

'Lake Calenhad. Named after the original king of the Theirin bloodline and Alistair's distant relative.' Eamon's gravelly voice made her jump. He was the last person she expected to be speaking to her. Teagan and Eamon were on uneasy speaking terms again, mainly for Connor's sake but what happened when Connor left? 'But I expect as a Teryn's daughter, you know this.'

Lydia crossed her arms, trying to stop the chill wind from making her any colder.

'Here.' Eamon put his cloak round her shoulders.

'Thank you, Arl Eamon.' Lydia pulled the cloak closed, surprised at the kind gesture.

'I think my brother would have something to say if the woman he loved caught a cold and I stood by not offering my cloak. It is the very least I can do for the Champion of Redcliffe. And it's Eamon, please.'

Lydia blinked. The woman he loved? Teagan had never said that to her and the only time she'd said the L word, he was asleep.

'Eamon it is then.'

'I know this isn't what you or my brother planned. Connor was not planned and I'm sure in this time of Blight and war, your child will not be the only one conceived out of wedlock.'

'I know it won't. However that doesn't make it easier to bear, to know if my parents were alive this would shame them.' Lydia felt at ease with this man although she was not sure why.

'I take it they told you about how they met?' Eamon's voice lowered.

'Yes, my mother was betrothed to my father's older brother. He died and she ended up marrying my father instead. I know I had a brother, older than Fergus but he died as a baby.' Lydia wondered where Eamon was headed with this.

'Your father once told me what really happened. Your mother and father had a child together and they were only handfasted at the time.'

'I never knew that.' Lydia's eyes filled with tears. Again! Maker's breathe when am I to stop crying! She thought.

Eamon put his hand on her shoulder. 'I'm sure they meant to tell you when they thought the time was right. I'm sure they would never have knowingly kept you in the dark, Lydia.' Eamon sighed. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry. What I'm trying to say is that I think you have no need to worry about shaming your parents. I knew Bryce Cousland and he was very proud of his children. As to your condition, well their situation was similar in some ways to yours.'

'I am sorry about your wife. It was never a decision I made lightly.' Lydia said, glancing at him, his shoulders slumping at the mention of his wife.

'I understand. And Isolde could be very persuasive when she wanted to be.' Eamon's eyes glanced towards the Circle Tower. 'I know she wanted to stop Connor going to the tower but I wonder if that was more for her benefit than his.'

'Teagan told me she was a protective mother.'

Eamon snorted. 'Overprotective. It was the cause of many arguments between us, which grew worse as he grew older. Yet I loved her. I think that's what Connor misses more than anything, a mother figure. That's why...that's why I want you there tomorrow when he goes to the tower. I understand he grew very fond of you when I was unconscious. No matter your methods, you saved my son from a powerful demon. He thinks the world of you.'

'I take it Teagan asked you.' Lydia knew she'd been backed into a corner.

'He did and I was surprised he asked but his reasons are right. And I know Connor would be glad you are there to see him off.'

Lydia hated feeling pressured into anything and as a Teryn's daughter, she recognised manoeuvring when she saw it. Yet she wanted to be there for Connor and Teagan at the very least. And she felt she owed Arl Eamon more than just empty apologies.

'Very well, I'll go with you.'

The rest of the party were in the bar when they came back into the inn. Lydia kissed Teagan, telling him her decision and told him to stay in the bar with his brother for a while. The brothers needed to talk.

As she walked down the passageway to the room she would be sharing with Teagan, she heard crying coming from the room that Eamon and his son were staying in. Knowing Eamon was still in the bar, she opened the door.

'Connor?'

The boy stopped crying. 'Auntie Lydia?'

Leaving the door ajar, Lydia walked into the room and knelt down next to the bed.

'What's wrong?' Lydia swept his hair out of his eyes. Judging by how clammy and damp his skin felt, she knew he had been crying for a while.

'I had a nightmare.' He sniffed.

'Do you want me to get your father?' Lydia asked.

'No – my mother used to hug me and sing me to sleep after bad dreams.' Connor looked at her hopefully.

'Ah. I take it you'd like me to sing you to sleep? I can't sing, sweetheart but I can certainly stay with you until you fall asleep.' Lydia sat up on the bed and Connor put his head on her stomach, his arms round her.

They sat in companionable silence until Connor said 'Is it true you're going to marry my uncle Teagan?'

Lydia stroked the back of his head. 'Where did you hear that, Connor?'

'My father and uncle Teagan were talking about it yesterday. They were in the study and my father said that you and him had to marry.'

From the mouths of babes, thought Lydia wryly. 'Ah, so we have a nosy parker in the Guerrin family, do we?' Lydia nipped his nose between her fingers, pretending to steal his nose. Connor giggled, a sound that made her stomach drop. He's only a child! Why did they have to send him away?

'They left the door partly open.' Connor's voice was small, and Lydia smiled as she remembered the times she and Fergus listened outside of her father's study at Highever.

'Why did you ask about your uncle and me? Would you like me to be your auntie for real?' She wasn't going to be the one to tell him about why society thought they should marry. Far be it from her to tell him.

Connor's eyes lit up. 'You mean marry uncle Teagan?'

'We shall see. Let's try to get some sleep, shall we?' Lydia tucked him in and stroked his hair as she sat next to the bed again. She kissed his forehead.

'Goodnight Connor. Sleep tight and don't let the –'

'- bedbugs bite.' Connor finished off.

#=#=#

The following morning, Connor said his goodbyes to everyone in the group. Angus sensed that his playmate was leaving and he rolled over to have his tummy tickled. Connor scratched his belly then hugged the dog, which made Leliana and Lydia teary-eyed. As much as she hated to admit it, Eamon was right. Connor's life had been too overprotected. Perhaps this would make the young boy stand up for himself and give him a chance to make friends. Teagan had told her that Isolde wouldn't let Connor mix with the other children whose parents worked at Redcliffe Castle. She told him as heir of Redcliffe, he shouldn't play with children of a lower class. Lydia remembered her childhood. If they'd not mix with the other children of Highever, they wouldn't have seen barely any other children, from one year to the next.

The group left, Alistair leading with promises of not leading everyone off a cliff. They were to go and find Sten's sword if it were possible. Lydia felt a twinge of guilt as she saw the dour Qunari meet up with the rest of the group. She had promised him she would find the sword. Teagan squeezed her hand as they made their way up the jetty. They could only fit two people in the boat with the luggage so Teagan and Lydia went first. Eamon wanted to speak to his son alone.

Teagan got down into the shallow craft and helped her into the boat. They sat next to one another as the boatman rode them across the misty lake.

'You seem awfully quiet today, are you feeling sick or in pain?' Teagan asked.

Lydia smiled as his concern. 'I'm fine honestly. I'm just worried about Connor and the effect this will have on Eamon.'

'He's coming round to the idea. And he knows it for the best, there was no way he would be able to keep Connor protected from the Chantry.' Teagan looked out onto the lake, hearing nothing but the dip and glide of the oars.

'I'm amazed you managed to keep the Chantry away for this long.'

'Mother Hannah is a family friend and a healthy donation to Chantry funds goes a long way but even her patience would have been stretched had anything else happened whilst Connor was still in the castle.'

They arrived on the island and they watched silently as the boat left the jetty to fetch Connor and Eamon. Lydia turned to face the imposing Circle Tower, the gilded prison of being a mage.

'I take it this doesn't bring back good memories?' He said, seeing the painful recollections writ large on her face.

'Not wonderful memories, no. A lot of good men and women died unnecessarily, all for the greed of one mage.'

Teagan put an arm round her waist and said 'If you'd rather not go in, that would be fine.'

'Not with me it wouldn't be, I said I would come with you all and I'm doing just that.' Lydia's fierce voice surprised Teagan.

'I just didn't want you to suffer stress, it might not be good for either of you.' As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he knew it was the wrong thing to say.

'I'm pregnant not ill, stop treating me like an invalid!' Lydia strode over to the end of the jetty to await the boat's return.

#=#=#

'Ah, warden. A pleasure to see you again.' Knight Commander Greagoir sounded as if he almost meant what he said, Lydia noted.

'Greagoir. We're here to see First Enchanter Irving.' Lydia motioned at Connor stood next to her. He looked overawed at the templar's in their plate armour.

'Of course. Cullen!' Greagoir turned round to call for the templar they had encountered on their last trip.

'Yes ser!' Cullen arrived quickly.

'Escort the warden and her guests to the First Enchanter's study. I believe he is expecting them.'

'If you'll come this way, warden.' Cullen's eyes dropped to her expanded stomach. In spite of the fact she barely knew this man, she blushed, and her hand glancing over the armour which had been made to fit her.

Cullen gave her a hard look and stalked up the corridor leading them to the office. On their way, she felt a small hand in hers and she gave it a squeeze. She looked down at Connor, who was much paler and she smiled at him. She knew he wanted to run away. Faced with what he had to face now after years of being protected, she couldn't blame him

When they reached the office, Lydia said 'Thank you Cullen.'

'Very well.' And he turned and walked off, his back exuding hatred.

She knocked on Irving's door and walked in.

'Warden, an unexpected pleasure. What brings you here?'

Eamon found his voice then 'My son is to join the Circle, First Enchanter.'

'Arl Eamon, a pleasure to meet you.' Irving shook the Arl's hand 'And this must be Connor, who I've heard so much about.'

Irving stared at the boy in the way he had of scrutinizing someone, yet his face was kindly. Connor looked up at Irving as he held Lydia's hand.

'I've asked Petra to join us. She looks after the children in the tower.'

'Of course, First Enchanter. '

'Wynne asked me to give you this. I'm Bann Teagan, Connor's uncle.' Teagan handed the letter over to the First Enchanter.

Just then, Petra joined them.

'Apologies for the delay First Enchanter.' Petra said breathlessly.

'Quite alright, my dear. You remember Lydia the grey warden, don't you?'

'Of course I remember! The Circle owes you such a lot. And how is Wynne these days?' Petra smiled, remembering her old trainer.

'She's doling out tea and advice in equal measure.' The two women grinned in understanding.

'I'm sure. And who do we have here?' Petra noticed Connor properly.

'I'm Connor Guerrin.'

'Well, Connor Guerrin, why don't you say your goodbyes and come with me and I'll show you where you'll be living.'

'If I can have a word Petra, excuse us a moment.' Irving walked out of the room, Wynne's open letter in hand and Petra closed the door behind them.

Lydia raised her eyebrows at Teagan but they said nothing in front of Connor, not wanting to raise his hopes.

Eamon looked surprised when Connor walked over and hugged his father. They had not hugged since Connor was a very young child. Teagan walked over to Lydia, whose eyes were already beginning to fill with tears. He put his arm round her waist and kissed her on the cheek.

Teagan's turn was next, he bent forward and hugged his nephew. When it was Lydia's turn, she knelt down in front of him and kissed his cheek.

'Goodbye Auntie Lydia.'

'Goodbye Connor. And never forget what I told you about your mother. You have a great talent. Make her proud, sweetheart.' Lydia tried to stop it but the tears ran down her cheeks as Connor nodded.

Petra and Irving came back into the room.

'Well Connor have you said your goodbyes?' Petra asked.

'Yes.' He pulled away from Lydia.

'Good. I'll show you where you sleep with the other children.' Connor gave his father one last look and walked after Petra.

Once the door closed, Irving sat behind his desk and motioned for his guests to sit.

'I did not want to say anything in front of Connor for now but in Wynne's letter she explained what happened with Connor, his circumstances which I admit are exceptional. Due to what happened with his mother, she asked that you may visit Connor' He motioned at Eamon. 'once every six months and that you may write to each other, one letter per month each.'

'Thank you, First Enchanter.' Eamon looked surprised and shocked. They all expected that to be the last time they saw Connor.

He put a hand up to stop Eamon 'Don't thank me, it is Wynne you should be thanking. And I believe Lydia her part to play in this as well.' The two men looked at Lydia and she looked down.

'To a degree although Wynne agreed to the letter. She came up with the terms herself.'

'And like many women who have men wrapped round their little finger, Wynne knew I would barely refuse her and our warden, who have both done so much for the Circle.'

#=#=#

The rest of the time spent at the Tower went in a blur for them. Lydia's emotions were frayed and felt she sensed Eamon's mood much more strongly. She did wonder if it was due to being pregnant as this never happened previously. When they left the tower, they travelled back to Lake Calenhad and while Eamon went to his room, Teagan and Lydia went for a walk.

They walked away from town round the edge of the lake. The mist that hung on the lake earlier that day had disappeared but the air remained cold. Teagan could tell Lydia was affected by Connor leaving, he'd seen the tears running down her face and wanted to bring her mood up. He was sad to see his nephew go but knew he was in the right place.

They sat down on a fallen tree, silent but needing to speak. Teagan had to find a way to bring her out of herself.

'Eamon told me something interesting last night. Do you ever remember coming to Redcliffe when you were a child?'

'Once.' Lydia looked at him and put her hands to her face a deep red. 'Maker no, that was you?'

'That was me, the man who tried to teach your brother ride only to find the person who learnt was the little girl who'd been watching at the edge of the paddock'

Lydia grinned at the memory. 'When Fergus had had enough trying to jump, I told you I could do that just as well as my brother.'

'And before I knew it, the girl with the pigtails who'd been watching me train her brother, got on the horse he'd just got off and galloped round the courtyard before taking all of the jumps perfectly.' Teagan smiled at her.

'You were scared!' She laughed.

'Your mother would have skinned me alive had you'd fallen!'

'What was the problem? I didn't fall, I knew I could do it.'

'Ever the confident woman. And then when you got home to Highever, you told your parents that when you grew up you were going to marry me. Your mother sent Isolde a letter telling her. It was a joke between me and Eamon for a good few months.' Teagan looked at Lydia, still blushing red. They both went quiet for a while, remembering a time that was simpler for both of them.

'So tomorrow, I take it you'll be heading off with the rest of the group and I'll see you whenever I see you.' Teagan tried not to let the bitterness seep into his voice.

'This isn't what I wanted for us.' Lydia said in a low sad tone. So much for cheering her up.

'Me neither. I've spent the last eight weeks while we've been apart trying not to think about you, what you were doing, if you were hurt and I failed, dismally. I would wake up after dreaming you were in my arms to a cold and lonely bed.' He had to tell her.

Lydia's eyes went large. 'And there were times I woke up crying, thinking you'd left me.'

He reached out to hold her hand, feeling the rough lines of cuts on her skin.

'We need to be with each other, this is madness.' He muttered.

'I agree but you have your duty and I have mine. The Blight won't stop happening just because we want to be together.'

'I wouldn't ask you to give up being a warden. I know it's not possible. But as for my duty, my seneschal is looking after things for me at Rainsfere, doing a much better job than I can, in fact. He doesn't need me.'

'We can't be together, not the way we want to. Anything could happen. We could be set upon by Darkspawn tomorrow and not survive!'

'Don't say that. What happens when our child is born. What then?'

'I'm not thinking that far ahead.' Her voice was low and at the edge of tears again.

'It's time to think about it. We have some choices to make.' Teagan put his arm round her, feeling her shiver in the cold wind.

'And what happens if we make plans and build a future together and it all gets blown apart, by the Blight?' He saw her eyes fill with tears and wiped her cheek dry with his thumb. He kissed her forehead.

'Then we will deal with it, but not living because you're scared to be happy is such a sad way to live.' Teagan held her as she gave into tears again.

A while later, after she had calmed down Lydia said. 'I think we should go back and see how your brother is and if Sten has his sword.' Lydia stood up and Teagan grabbed her hand.

'No! For once I want you to myself. This is what I'm talking about. It's always about everyone else.' He could hear his own voice sound churlish. No other woman had ever provoked such extreme reactions in him.

'You're a man not a child, Teagan. Start acting like one!' Lydia spun on her heel and strutted away.

Teagan stood up and shouted 'Well, think on this next time you head your thoughts my way. I want to marry you, you irritating, duty-bound woman. Dammit Lydia. I LOVE YOU!'

Lydia came to a dead-halt as Teagan walked over to her on shaky legs. That had not been the way he had planned to tell her.

'What? I don't understand. I thought you didn't want to marry me?' Her voice sounded confused.

'I'm so sorry. I never meant to tell you like that but we always seem to be meeting for a day here, a night there. Tomorrow you were going to be gone away from me again. I needed to tell you how I felt. I knew if I didn't tell you now it would be another few weeks. That's time lost and we need to get to know each other better before this child is born.'

Lydia put her arms round his neck and whispered in his ear, 'Of course I'll marry you, you clumsy stubborn mule of a man. I love you too.'