Chapter 3: The Kid, The Lobster and the Sex God

Musical inspiration: Insert Any Linkin Park Song Here. Am I Hilarious Yet

"I hate pedophiles. They're disgusting and should be killed by bears."

-Me

So Lloyd the Dumbass went running inside this tower full of soldier guys who were killing other guys. And he was armed with fucking two sprigs of alfalfa or some shit. What a retard. So naturally I ran in there to save his stupid ass, because with boobs you can achieve anything.

Little screamy kid came too. I guess he was already Lloyd's lover or something. So when we got inside these assholes were slap-chopping the shit out of these guys in there. And so I flashed them with my barely-legal boobs and they all fell over dead.

"NEVER go anywhere without breasts AGAIN. It's fucking COMMON SENSE."

Lloyd's alfalfa sprouts sagged with sadness and shame.

And that's when the sexiest thing that ever happened to a vagina walked into the room.

"Holy shit what the fuck."

His voice made an ocean in my panties. His purple spandex clung to his tight bod. He had a sword and he was dripping with testosterone and SEX.

I figured that if HE decided to rape me in cold blood that this whole ordeal wouldn't be such a bad thing.

"Be gentle on me~" I purred.

He slapped me aside like the bad bitch I was and I came before I hit the GROUND.

So as I writhed on the floor in ecstasy I guess Lloyd whined at the newcomer some and found out that his name was Kratos and he was hired to protect that blond girl with no brain from earlier. Did I mention she has no boobs? I digress.

After I remembered how to walk we went deeper inside this tower place and found the retard girl, who giggled and farted hard with delight at seeing Lloyd again. I guess she went here because she's some special Chosen bitch who gets to become an angel and save the world from apocalypse.

I don't really know or care. All JRPGS are the same, duh, I'm just in it for the sex bomb Kratos.

So anyway Chosentard is named Colette and Lloyd is hell bent on banging her at some point, so he insisted that he go with her on her journey of melodrama and fuck. You know, to "protect" her. Screamy kid, I mean Genis, was concerned that his lover might leave him for a mentally handicapped moeblob, and so he was in on it too.

No way was I going to let Sex God out of my sight, now that I was here. So, that seemed to settle it for me. I turned to the three of them, the kid, the lobster and the sex god, and I stated my case.

"You guys are gonna need these tits."