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Motherland
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Chapter Three
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On the surface they are living the American dream, but as the sun goes down, so does their façade. An Alternative Universe.
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Oh, she's tired.
She'd lingered in the bathroom after Rick had stalked out, drawing out her night time routine until, left with nothing else to do, she'd entered their bedroom, only to discover that he'd already fallen asleep.
He'd been curled on his side, his back facing her.
It wasn't as if they typically cuddled during the night, but after their - was it a fight? A clash of hushed words? - the sight of him in such a ridged position had stabbed in a way she didn't want to think about, and she'd lain on the mattress, staring at the ceiling well into the early morning.
And now, awake again after too few hours, she's so tired.
Opening her eyes, Kate peers around their bedroom, but Rick's not here, his side of the bed straightened, his pillow cool under her fingers. Apparently when she did finally fall asleep, she'd crashed hard.
Great. Any chance of getting to talk to him before work has now disappeared. Having a private conversation with the kids around would involve talking in subtext, and she requires a clear head and a vat of coffee for that kind of discussion.
Wait a minute, can she smell…?
Turning to her bedside table, she sucks in a lungful of air to fast, her choked inhalation filling the bedroom. There, between her alarm clock and lamp, sits a thermos and a plate. But it's the note leaning against what she hopes is the coffee which she reaches for first.
Have to go into work early.
Breakfast in peace for you.
Xo
Oh, shit.
She can't breathe.
The paper falls to the bed and Kate stares at the pancakes, the chocolate chip smiley face mocking her from the plate.
In the fifteen years they've been assigned to each other, fifteen years of living together, of marriage, not once has he ever made her breakfast in bed.
Oh, Охуеть!
He's told the Center. They're going to kill her.
It's the only explanation for his gesture. One last moment of kindness. Lull her into a false sense of security and…
Would he let them do that to their kids? Kill her here? Or would he wait for when she's on her way to work? Maybe at the bookstore?
Gripping the thermos in one hand, she takes a swig of the nicely warmed drink, her lips shaking, a droplet sliding down her chin.
Although, if this is her last day on earth, at least she'll go with good coffee flowing through her veins.
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"And then Elise was complaining about having a babysitter. And I think she's right. I'm old enough to look after myself. And Jay."
She's been nodding along to Alexis for five minutes now. Listening to her daughter's complaints about how grown up she is, and for every second of that Kate's been trying not to cry, trying not to reach across the breakfast counter and hold her first born.
When did she become so big? A teenager? Someone who no longer needs her?
Swallowing the spasm that rises in her throat with every question, Kate extends her arm across the gap between her and Alexis, running her fingers through the cascade of curls so similar to her own.
"I love you."
She does. She loves her children in a way she'd never imagined when the Academy had discussed their future, the cover they'd be required to have.
God she hopes they'll be okay without her. That Rick…
She closes her eyes. This is her fault. But did he really have to do this? Report her?
"Mom, is everything okay?"
Looking at her baby girl, even if she is thirteen, Kate smiles, brushing a kiss onto Alexis' forehead.
"Fine. I just… I don't tell you enough. And I should. You need to know how much I love you. How proud I am of you."
The expression on her daughter's face speaks to how peculiar her declaration is, and she waves a hand between them, hopping off the stool. Coming around to Alexis, she envelops her in a sideways hug, the poor girl still looking as if a second head has popped up between them.
"I- I love you too, Mom."
Whatever happens next, at least she'll have that.
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"Jay, do you have a second before the bus comes?"
She's climbed the stairs to her son's room with heavy feet, but she can't head off to work without having one last moment with him too.
"What did I do?"
Huffing out a laugh, she carefully steps across his bedroom floor, mindful of the Legos scattered in every direction and the fact that she has no shoes on. The next time she has to torture someone for information she really should consider these blocks as a device.
Except… she won't have that chance. Will she?
"You've done nothing, hon." She sinks into the small space beside him. "I just wanted to say bye before I head to work."
Again she earns an incredulous look from her child, and a chunk of her heart cracks, falling low in her stomach. With the business to run, orders from Russia coming in weekly, a house to keep up to standards, somehow her children have slipped down the list of her priorities.
What kind of mother does that make her? Maybe they'll be better off when she's gone?
"Anyway. Have a good day at school okay, Jay?" Curling an arm around his shoulders, she dots a kiss onto the top of his head. She won't push him too far.
"Yeah, I'm just finishing this car off, Mom, and then I promise I'll be out of here."
"I know. Thank you. And, Jay." Screw not going too far. "I love you. And I'm proud of you."
Heaving herself off the floor, she attempts to contain the whimper that rushes up her throat as his head ducks adorably, a blush staining his cheeks. Oh, her precious boy.
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Kate searches the neighborhood, her stare traveling from shrub to shrub, to every corner that could conceal someone. But there's no one there, the street is its normal hustle of moms out for a morning walk with their strollers and kids standing on the sidewalk, waiting for the school bus.
Her eyes narrow on the house across the street. If only…
But they wouldn't do the job here, would they? If she had been assigned the task, she would be wary; there are far too many issues with this location. She'd hide in the back seat if it were night... There's always the broken down car on the side of the quiet road trick. Or wait for them in their office if it has a back entrance.
Which hers does.
Yanking open the car door, she peers into the interior, just to be sure. Her kids are still inside the house, this can't happen here.
There's no one there though, nothing more than left over takeaway cups and a pair of Rick's sneakers.
Ohhh, Rick.
Is it wrong that she'll miss him? Even if he's the one who called her in?
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Her fingers drum out a continuous pattern on the steering wheel, the front door to their bookshop several yards in front of where she sits. But she can't get out of the car, has been stalled here in silence for at least ten minutes.
Maybe she should just pull out and drive? Keep going until she runs out of gas?
But would living on the run, far from her kids be worth it?
Tap.
She jumps in her seat, her heart thrashing as adrenaline floods her nervous system, and twisting to stare out her window, she finds herself looking into Rick's blue eyes.
Crap.
"What are you doing in the car, Kate?"
Umm. She shrugs, trapping her bottom lip between her teeth, gnawing on her flesh as she winds down the glass.
She's a trained agent about to have a heart attack at the thought of speaking to her husband. No wonder she's in trouble!
"Well… okay." His expression of disbelief matches Jay's - or Jay's matches his father's - to perfection, and she tries not to lose her remaining thread of sanity. "Anyhow, the release of the new James Bond comic book is going fantastically. And I really didn't spend this morning reading the Casino Royale section. Promise."
His eyebrows dance, caterpillars that wiggle below his forehead, and the coil that had been winding tighter across her chest, stills. She's been witness to his cold-blooded side, the way he can perform an execution and joke about some random fact moments later, but this…
Is he for real?
"Kate?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you coming into work today? Or are you just planning to watch from a distance?" He's asking the questions even as he's opening her door, and she's left with no other option than to get out of the car.
"Work. I'm…" About to walk into a death trap?
Taking her hand, he's still rattling on about the latest Bond comic, and she nods accordingly, glancing left and right as subtly as she can while waiting for the hit.
"And I grabbed a copy for Jay. Thought we could read it together before bed. I know how much I love it…" Rick's voice drops to a hush. "Granted some it's as far from reality as you can get, but Jay doesn't need to know that."
"Yeah. I mean no. No, he doesn't need…" He doesn't need to know a thing about their other life. When she's gone… Her thoughts trail off, the closed office door at the back of their store standing like a beacon of doom.
Geez, she's dramatic when faced with her own death.
"I have a surprise for you, Kate."
He gestures for her to go ahead of him, and she can't help but stop, searching his face for answers as to what in the world is going on.
He's a blank canvas though, just bright eyes and a smile curving his lips, and she twists the handle, squaring her shoulders as she prepares to face the other side head on.
"Do you like it?"
"It's- I-" Well, shit. "You bought me flowers?"
"They didn't have roses. And it's winter so the range was limited. But the wild flowers made me think of you. Do you remember when you used to pick up odd ones after your walks with Alexis in the stroller?"
Yes. Yes, of course she does. Their daughter was such a placid darling and Kate had spent half her days strolling the parks without a peep from her, the flowers piling high at her baby's feet.
"You've never bought me flowers before. I mean, I love them. But, Rick?"
She pivots toward him, turning her head at the last moment, her gaze glued to the stunning display on her desk.
"I know. I…" His hand scrubs across his face as if he's attempting to erase a whiteboard. "I haven't done a lot of things. And I'm sorry for that."
"Sorry for what?"
How has she gone from preparing for her assassination at the hands of her husband to him buying her flowers and apologizing?
"For-" His eyes meet hers before traveling around the office, his silent statement clear. Not here, not when they could be overheard. "Being an ass."
"No. No, Rick. It's my-" Damn, they really shouldn't be having this conversation here. "It's fine. We're good. Right?"
His nod is emphatic, teeth flashing as he grins at her, and she finds herself smiling in turn, her gaze drifting back to where her flowers stand proudly.
He bought her flowers.
The coffee. The pancakes. It was never about trying to kill her this morning.
He was trying to woo her.
And somehow, this is a much more terrifying prospect.
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FYI, High game in Monte Carlo- Casino Royale comic book is actually fact, funnily enough! Sadly I can't link the site showing how it was released right in time for this story... back in January 1981!
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Big hugs and kisses for all that left messages of support, logged in and guests alike, I really appreciate you taking the time to review.
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Thank you to Jo and Jamie for putting up with me and for their beta work!
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Thank you for reading xoxo