author's notes: special thanks to my beta Inwenalas.
characters: June Wilder (OC), Sebastian, Kurt & Blaine
setting: (1) during 3x07 (I Kissed A Girl), (2) during 3x08 (Hold on to Sixteen), (3) after 3x14 (On My Way), (4) during 3x09 (Extraordinary Merry Christmas), (5) after 3x13 (Heart)
CHAPTER SUMMARY: It seems both June and Sebastian like to stay caffeinated, and they often bump into each other at the Lima Bean. Most times they just go their own way but there are times where they just can't seem to help themselves. SCENES NOT CHRONOLOGICAL.
BUT YOUR WORDS ARE LIKE WEAPONS;;
chapter three
It has to be cosmic or something. It's the only explanation for why they both end up at the same coffee shop at the same time so often, other than the simple 'it's the only decent coffee shop in a ten mile radius.'
There are plenty of occasions where they'll just nod or greet each other in passing. Most of the time they're living their separate lives, go about their day in a routinely manner and have no care for what the other is thinking or doing. He hasn't even decided if he really likes her yet, what with her fangirl cheering for Kurt and Blaine or her belief that the New Directions actually have a shot at Nationals.
Then there are, of course, those other times.
(1)
She's on her way out when he runs into her. "Hey, Wilder," he says, letting his eyes wander longer than they need to.
"Sebastian," she sneers, and doesn't slow down or look up to meet his eyes.
He manoeuvres himself in front of her. "What, no snappy comeback?" he asks.
June sighs. "Not today."
How curious. "You've finally realized there's no winning from me?"
"No," she says strongly and looks up at him. "Because I'm tethering between anger and bursting out into tears. And while shouting at you may well be cathartic at this point there's no guarantee that's the way it'll go." She looks around to make sure she hasn't attracted any unwanted attention. "So no, no snappy comebacks." She shrugs. "Ish."
He smiles to himself, even though something's clearly bothering her. "Boy trouble?" he asks, because that's what they do; they might talk to each other easily, but it's never serious. That's what's so great about June.
Only now she snorts, her eyes filling up with tears. Maybe his question hit a little close to home. "I have to go," she chokes out, and pushes past him.
"Hey," he calls back. "Do you want to talk about it?"
The last thing he meant to do was make her cry.
"No." She shakes her head. "This is—this isn't something I can talk about."
It's all he can do before she's out the door, all but running for her car. As far as Things Girls Can't Talk About is concerned he's no expert, but whatever's going on with June is bad enough for her to storm out like a diva. For reasons that will never be entirely clear to him his feet carry him outside—he looks for the blue Ford Mondeo and spots it fast in the small parking lot, but he freezes in place. June's in the driver's seat, her head resting against the steering wheel, and she's sobbing uncontrollably.
He grabs his cell phone and types in a text quickly: None of my business, but your girl June might need a hug later, killer.
Blaine never answers the text—he finds out later it's because he had absolutely no idea something was going on with her.
(2)
Sebastian and Kurt are engaged in what looks like a heated discussion when she walks over to their table. Blaine's at the counter ordering another coffee; sometimes she thinks he stays more caffeinated than her, which is quite a feat to begin with.
"Hey, guys," she says, sitting down between Kurt and Sebastian.
"Did you finish your article?" Kurt asks, but she suspects he only asks so he can ignore Sebastian.
She nods. "I don't even know what I'm doing here, I'm way too caffeinated already."
"You're feeling better, then?" Sebastian asks.
Her heart skips the proverbial beat— except she's found her heart can actually do that when people get closer to a truth she's tried so hard to keep hidden. It usually only happens around her parents, but Sebastian has this way of getting under her skin.
"Better?" Kurt frowns. "What is he talking about?"
"Last week," she answers, well aware that Sebastian's doing this to antagonize Kurt. "When you had your Santana week and I was dealing with personal things I haven't told anyone about." Her eyes narrow on Sebastian.
Sebastian smiles wide, but Blaine returns to the table before he manages to retort.
"What are you guys talking about?" Blaine asks.
"Duh, the next time we're all going out drinking, Killer."
Blaine looks at Kurt. "Oh-oh."
"Well, I gotta run," Sebastian says, "but you take care of that Warbler, Kurt." He winks at Kurt, smiles at Blaine and leaves without paying further attention to her.
Kurt takes half a turn in his chair and looks at her. "Exactly how often do you and Sebastian talk?"
"I don't do it on purpose." She lies. She's pretty sure that there are occasions where she does do it on purpose. "He's always here." She shrugs. "And I need my caffeine."
Blaine smiles; she can't tell if he does it to relieve the tension her lie has created, or if he's as oblivious to it as Kurt. "Our intrepid reporter," he says, and takes another swig from his coffee.
(3)
She'd hoped that her heart would get some peace once Kurt and Blaine knew about her being gay, but it's only gotten worse. It's an incredible relief that they know and she trusts them more than anyone, but the thought that her parents could find out, that Sebastian knows—
"Wait, is this why you disappeared the week Santana came out?" Kurt asks.
She tunes into the conversation again. Her sexuality has been the main topic of discussion for the past two days, ever since they made up at the hospital. "I was angry at Finn."
"Why?"
"Because he practically forced her to come out," she answers. "While you were all down on Santana for not openly being who she is, I was down on Finn for making that choice for her."
"He was only worried about her."
She shakes her head. "That doesn't make it right."
But she's all too aware of how hypocritical that sounds. Maybe Quinn was right about her all along; she's all bark and no bite, never takes action despite having such strong opinions. But she's good with words, formulating an opinion verbally and on a page—it's one thing no one will ever be able to take from her, no one will change that. So she'll never give it up.
"Why didn't you tell us?" Blaine asks.
It breaks her heart to think about how betrayed Kurt and Blaine felt, it kills her that they had to find out the way they did, but when that jock approached her and Sebastian on the parking lot—she was already running on a short fuse and he was the spark.
"We would never have told anyone," Blaine adds. "We could've—"
"I know. And I thought about it so many times." Only by the time she'd mustered up the courage she felt her lies had already swallowed her whole; ever since she realized she was gay she's been drowning in excuses and lies. It's made her sick on more than one occasion. "But there's a reason why I'm not out."
"What reason?" Kurt asks.
She sighs. She can't tell them this. "I'm a coward?"
Blaine shakes his head. "You're not—"
"Yes, I am, Blaine," she interrupts. "My parents—they'd kick me out."
Kurt reaches for her hand. "You don't know that."
"Yes, I do." She takes a deep breath. Moment of truth then. "Because when my brother came out, they told him not to come back until he'd sorted himself out. That was eight years ago. And I only see my brother once a year."
#
"Your brother's gay, Wilder?" He blends into the conversation as if he'd been part of it all along. This time it's not without reason; after apologizing to Blaine he's bound to have a little more leeway. "You should give me his number sometime, set us up."
June doesn't disappoint. "And why would I do that?" she asks, looking up at him.
He grabs a chair and sits on it backwards. "Why wouldn't you?"
"Other than the fact that it could land my brother in jail?"
He grins. "So you really think we'd hit it off?"
June can't stop herself laughing—she chuckles, even though she tries to hide it behind her cup of coffee. He doesn't miss Blaine's and Kurt's confused glances. "This the brother who came over for Christmas?" he asks, and he's sure the question comes to mind for more than one reason—right now he just loves how Kurt's frown grows even more profound.
"How do you—" Kurt shakes his head, and turns to June for an explanation. "How does he know that?"
Because for some reason he just always happens to sort of be there?
"I see you all kissed and made up," he says before June needs to answer. "How joyous." He looks at June. "Maybe now you can stop having your big life revelations when I'm around."
She grimaces. "And you can have some peace again."
"I can focus on more important matters," he says and turns his head. "Like Blaine: how've you been, killer?"
He doesn't even need to check to know June rolls her eyes and Kurt's eyes narrow angrily on his face.
(4)
"Lois Lane," he says, joining her at the condiment bar. She's the most flaming thing in the entire coffee shop right now, and that's saying something with all the Christmas decorations already in place. From the back he was already able to ascertain that her dress is something short and red, disappearing underneath her white winter coat.
She looks up at him and smiles wide. "Good morning, Sebastian."
He winces. "What's wrong with your face?"
June sighs and rolls her eyes. He can't suppress a smile. "It's called a smile, Smythe, you should try a real one sometime," she jokes. "It'll make you look younger."
Touché, he thinks. "You are literally alight with Christmas cheer."
She nods enthusiastically. "Christmas is the one time of the year that my parents and my brother are on speaking terms. Something about new beginnings and baby Jesus." She waves a dismissive hand. "So I spend the week before Christmas banning any negativity by singing carols, writing droopy love stories and decorating the house."
He grins. If she smiles any brighter she might start to sparkle.
"You're not celebrating Christmas?" she asks, taking a careful sip from her coffee.
"Au contraire," he says. "My stepmother is very keen on spending the holidays skiing in the Alps."
Her eyes go wide, but he suspects it's more from excitement than actual surprise. "The Alps?"
"It's in Europe," he says.
"I know where it is." Her eyes narrow on his face, but her lips still slide into a smile. "Well, have fun," she adds, and he knows she means it. "And don't break too many hearts."
He grins. "No promises, honey."
A costumer passes them, taps him on the shoulder and points up. June and him both look up, staring at the lone branch of mistletoe now positioned directly above their heads. He looks down again, June already staring up at him.
She giggles and shakes her head. "No," she says.
"What's the matter?" He leans in. "Afraid you might like it?"
She opens her mouth to say something, but stops herself; he guesses it has something to do with the zero-negativity policy she's adopted this week. She leans in and reaches up on her toes, planting a kiss on his cheek.
"Merry Christmas, Sebastian," she says, looking up into his eyes.
He hates it when she does this, when her actions contain the expectation he'll be complacent for once rather than wave off this real moment between them, because quite frankly, it makes him uncomfortable how comfortable and easy it is to be around her. Maybe it's because she's a girl; maybe it's the snappy comeback thing; he's not sure. But he hates it because he kind of has to admit that he likes it.
"Merry Christmas," he says softly, and has never meant it more.
(5)
"Sebastian," she calls out the moment she sees him in line. She's realized she's started expecting him there—what exactly does that say about them, when she looks at him at the Lima Bean first?
"Miss June." He smiles that smile, the same he always smiles, all teeth (fantastic teeth) and a sparkle in his eyes. It's their game, they knew that the moment they met, because it works for them. But there's no room for games now.
"Can I talk to you?" she asks, tone rushed. "In private?"
He lets her take him aside without protest, for which she's more than a little grateful, and he's onto her subject matter before she has to address it herself. "If this is about the other night—" he says. "Your secret's safe with me."
She bites her lip nervously. "Thanks," she mutters, simultaneously overwhelmed with relief and a new kind of anxiety. People know now, Sebastian knows, and Blaine and Kurt know—how long would it take them to organize a special June week for her coming-out?
"I know I'm not always the nicest guy, but I don't believe in outing someone," Sebastian says, forcing her to look up at him. That's possibly the nicest thing he's ever said to her, probably because it comes from a real place of caring. "A sentiment I surely share with your BFFs."
And then the moment's over.
June casts down her eyes.
"I can't help but notice they're not here."
"I've—" She shakes her head. "We've—"
"Some best friends," Sebastian scoffs. "Turn their back on you when you need them."
She looks up at him again. Is that what people think, she wonders, that Kurt and Blaine have abandoned her? That they've decided they want nothing to do with her because of the secrets she kept?
"That's not—" She wants to explain, that Kurt and Blaine aren't here because she's been avoiding them, she's terrified of facing them again, to see the same shock and disappointment in their eyes—she could have trusted them with this.
Even Kurt's texted her a few times by now, and she suspects a lot of that has to do with what Karofsky did to himself—she doesn't know him like Kurt or Blaine do, but maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to approach him. She's sure Kurt will visit him in the hospital after Regionals.
"I have to go," she says, and rushes off.
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