01/03/2012
Hello lovelys! I am so sorry that I left this story unattended and completely failed at updating it. I take full responsibility! However, I've made it a loooong chapter for you guys so that you may forgive me in time haha. On a serious note, there are certain aspects of this chapter that allude to/were inspired by my life and the people in it. What I mean to say is that this chapter came from a deeper place and I hope that's reflected in my writing. Maybe it'll connect to some of you as well.
PS I'm tired and can't bring myself to read this over, so please forgive me for any grammatical errors! Here's to Chapter Three! x
A fortnight had passed and still the incident lingered in Aria's mind. Since then, the air had changed between them. Where there had been sly smiles and flirtations, there were now formal exchanges. Where there had been casual conversation and light banter, there were now awkward silences. In short, Aria and Mr. Fitz had become strangers.
It was on a stormy Saturday afternoon that this all changed. Aria wasn't sure if he would show up in such a storm, but she prepared for the poetry lesson anyhow. She had recently graduated from the Petrarchan sonnet to Shakespeare, and so settled in to read his famous collection of sonnets. Mr. Fitz couldn't get his hands on a bound book, so he had taken to writing down all of the poems he could remember, and then binding them himself. The inside cover read "For a special lady." Mr. Fitz never told Aria that it was all for her sake, that she was the dedicatee. The first time that she read the inscription on the inside cover was also her last, for she assumed that it was for Jacqueline.
Upon finishing Shakespeare's poems, Aria found herself lonelier than ever. She hated them for they were all about love. As heartbreak has it, it seemed like lately everything existed to remind her of that very being she couldn't have. His presence always seemed to linger in her room, though he had only been there but once. During the moments when it felt too overbearing, she retreated to the loft, her sanctuary. This is where Aria found herself that afternoon, having some time to spare before the lesson. She sat by the open window, letting the cold wind dance around her face as falling rain drops mingled with her salty tears. As the wind took a violent turn and the clouds turned a hazy purple, she got worried that he wouldn't show. Though that spark was no longer there, her longing remained. It was shameful, really. At that moment, Aria caught sight of a silhouette making his way through the gates of the estate.
xx
Aria closed her eyes and listened to Mr. Fitz recite Shakespeare. He had a way with eloquence, and knew exactly when to pause and when to pronounce. His reading was melodic.
"Shall I compare thee to a summer's day," He read, looking up from his text and noticing that she was listening blindly. He studied her face as he recited off by heart, cherishing every second that he could gaze at it without getting caught. "Thou art more lovely and more temperate."
Aria felt eyes on her and abruptly opened hers. Mr. Fitz maintained his gaze and smiled at her.
"You know, I am fairly certain Shakespeare wrote this poem for me. Much of his earlier sonnets were about a fair lad and quite frankly..." He pointed to himself with a cheeky grin, "was there ever a finer male speciman?"
Aria gave him a tight smile. Her tutor waited for a sharp-witted response, but his pupil remained silent.
Mr. Fitz sighed, rising from his seat. He walked over to a bookshelf and stared at it a moment before turning around. "Aria, how long are we going to carry on this way? I mean, I don't understand why you've shut me out. I thought we were friends."
"Friends?" Aria asked bitterly. "Friends?" With more force. She stood up in a rage and made her way to the bookshelf with purpose. Without pause, she pushed his body against it, and kissed him with fiery passion.
Breaking away, she stared at his shocked face and let out a shaky breath. "I don't feel like a friend."
The shrill voice of her mother interrupted their moment, and Aria stepped away from Mr. Fitz just as Mrs. Montgomery opened the door. It seemed as if she always nearly caught them in compromising situations.
"Ah, Mr. Fitz. You will need you to stay past the hour today. You see, my daughter here has yet to learn the Gigi, and seeing as how we are hosting a soiree within the coming week, it is imperative that she masters it. Now, I understand that this dance is quite the rage amongst you common folk, so I presume you know it."
"With all due respect, Mrs. Montgomery, I'm afraid…" He hesitated. "I'm afraid I can't dance with Aria."
Aria felt her heart drop. He couldn't even look at her. Her worst fear was a reality; he didn't feel the same way about her.
Mrs. Montgomery raised her eyebrows and appraised the lowly tutor who dared deny her orders. "I'm afraid that wasn't a request, Mr. Fitz." She said coolly. "And your career depends on it." She smiled at him sweetly. "That will be all."
Turning on her heel, she made for the door. "Aria, darling. The state of your appearance is distressing. Have Genevieve redo your hair after your dance lesson." And with that, she was gone.
The discomfited silence that ensued was deafening. Ezra finally cleared his throat. "Right, well I'll put on some music then." He set out to find the record player and music soon filled the room.
He made his way to an unnaturally still Aria. "So, you place your hand on my shoulder like so and-"
"Stop." Aria said, breaking his grasp.
"Aria-"
"No, just…leave. Please, I will teach myself. I don't want to keep you here against your will and frankly, I don't want you here and-" She swallowed the gulp forming in her throat, and pursed her lips in an effort to stop the tears.
"Aria-Aria, shhh." Mr. Fitz put his arms around her and brought her close, gently swaying to the music. She gave in and sobbed silently against his chest.
"To love that well which thou must leave, ere long." (Paraphrased: to love that which you must give up before long). Aria paused at his words, and lifted her head to look at him. Mr. Fitz took her face in his hands and seemed to memorize it. Finally, he leaned down and kissed her tenderly.
"Goodbye, Aria."
And with a final bid farewell, he left her all alone.
xx
"Miss Aria! MISS ARIA!" Aria woke with a groan. Genevieve high-pitched call was positively earsplitting.
"It is not like me to wake you like zis," Actually, it was like her. "but today is a big day!"
Aria's groan only grew louder as she remembered what today was. Today was the day before her mother's grand soiree. Today would be dedicated to countless hours of dress fittings, hair appointments, accompanying Will to bakeries and patisseries, and lastly, the final installment of the girls' dance lessons. Ordinarily, Aria enjoyed the pampers preceding a formal event. But ever since her last encounter with Mr. Fitz a week ago, the only activity she wished to indulge in was sleep.
Forcing her sleep-laden body to cooperate, she went through the morning motions and after getting dressed with Genevieve, met her sister Maddie, and their driver, Will at the door.
Will welcomed her with a smile but Maddie pointed at a pocket watch meaningfully. "Delighted to have you join us, lady Aria. Would Her Highness desire being carried to the carriage?"
"As a matter of fact, she would." Aria retorted.
Will laughed at their banter just as Mrs. Montgomery walked into the foyer. She appeared dismal and haggard, quite unlike herself.
"Where are you all off to?" She asked.
Aria quirked an eyebrow. "Whatever do you mean, mother? It's the day before the soiree, is it not?"
Her mother gave her blank look.
"Mother," Maddie said gently, taking some steps toward her. "Did you just wake up? You're disoriented. We're off for our appointments for the soiree." Their mother frowned, as if trying to recall. "That you're hosting." Maddie continued, her voice faltering slightly. "Tomorrow, remember?"
Recognition flooded into Mrs. Montgomery's face and a dark look captured her eyes. "Oh. No, you can't go yet. I must…I must talk to Aria beforehand."
Her voice had changed and Aria almost couldn't grasp what it was she heard in it. And then she realized that it was fear. Something she'd always thought her mother was incapable of.
"What is it, mother?" Aria forced herself asked, disguising her own fear in a calm voice.
"Will, tend to the horses. Aria and Madeline, follow me into the gallery."
The gallery was the hidden balcony in their mother's room. The place where family secrets were exchanged and kept. When they arrived, Aria's mother locked the door behind them and drew the curtains enclosing the balcony.
"Girls, what I'm about to tell you, I've…I've done everything in my power to make it so that it could never be a reality, so that I would never have to tell you about it. But to no avail." She took a shaky breath, and instinctively, Aria reached out to hold her mother's hand. They were oh so cold.
"Your father, has been battling a deep depression for the past few years. No matter what anyone tells you, it is not his fault. We all have our misfortunes and this is his. My hope is that in the future, they will recognize that it is an illness and not…not his fault." She broke into tears and Maddie moved across the table to hold her mother in embrace. "You both get it from him, you know. Your ability to be so intimate. I'm sorry that I haven't been that type of mother to you girls."
"Oh mumsy," Aria murmured.
Mrs. Montgomery held her girls and continued.
"Your father began drinking after that Ellison Werther lured him into one of those filthy taverns, promising it would make his desolation disappear. Soon afterwards, he fell into gambling. And there was nothing I, a mere woman, could do about it. He couldn't prevent himself from going no matter how hard he tried, because it distracted him from his pain. Except it was momentary and only worsened matters. I didn't understand what he was going through and it seemed that my heated words and menacing threats had the opposite effect; they drove him to the bar." She paused, afraid of what she was to say next.
"Your father usually played against Ellison but he wasn't very good at gambling." She went on in a whisper. "And one day, he risked our fortune. Overcome with panic, he begged Ellison to pardon his loss."
Her tone took a turn for the bitter. "That man," she spit out, "agreed to excuse him on condition that your father gave him the hand of his eldest daughter."
Aria felt herself freeze. Her mother's tear-stricken face quivered. "I worked so hard to find you a wealthy, kindly suitor, Aria. So that my daughters would not have to go through the humiliation I endured as a poor maiden, being declined time after time by wealthy men who only wanted to wed wealthier women than themselves. Because I thought, if you were married into a prosperous household, then it wouldn't matter if we were impoverished; you could become Maddie's guardian and then she would have no trouble marrying. But I have failed."
Tears rolled down Aria's face as she realized what her mother was telling her; that her parents would sacrifice their wealth for her happiness. They knew that she would never be happy with the scoundrel, Ellison and hadn't even considered asking her to marry him in order to keep their wealth.
Mrs. Montgomery blew her nose and fixed her posture. "But I will not let him tear our family apart. We may have to let go of the help, and make sacrifices here and there, but your father has found a job as a journalist and we will make ends meet. As for your marriages, well, you have a final shot tomorrow at the soiree. No one else knows about this yet. We will not declare defeat-"
Aria could read through her mother's hopelessly false optimism and knew that the situation was a lot more bleak than she was letting on. Journalists made next to nothing, and the idea that Aria could marry a gentleman and then adopt Maddie was absurd, unheard of. There were plenty of men who admired Aria but if her mother had failed at securing any one of them for marriage, that meant that word about her family's state of affairs had been exposed.
"No, mother. I'll marry him."
"Aria, you will do no such thing." Her mother argued. Maddie followed suit.
"Listen, I don't mind marrying Ellison. I want to do this, mother. I think…I think I kind of fancy him as well."
Aria thought about the only man she had ever fancied, thought about how she would likely never see him again. If she couldn't be with him, then it didn't really matter who she married. And if by wedding Ellison she would helping her family, then at least there was reason to marry at all.
"You listen to me, Aria. I forbid you from marrying that man. You may think you are doing your family a favor but neither your father nor I, could live with ourselves if we ever sacrificed our daughter's life for such an insignificant thing such as money."
Aria almost laughed; money was likely one of the most insignificant things in her mother's life.
"Mother," she replied in a strange, calm voice. "Marriage is between a man and a woman, not between a man and her mother. I shall send my approval with one of the workboys immediately. Maddeline, call for Will. We must needs leave now if we are to be prepared in time for my engagement party. Which will be in the form of tomorrow's soiree."
Mrs. Montgomery appeared shell-shocked while Maddie looked into Aria's eyes as if she could read them. "Very well, Aria. I'll see you downstairs."
After kissing her stunned mother's cheek and beckoning for Genivieve to tend to her, she made her way to the carriage. The day resumed in a tumultuous manner, and by the end of all the fittings and appointments, the girls were positively knackered. They were on the way home when Maddie made an odd request.
"Will, the night is still early and mother won't be expecting us home for a few hours." She called out from the window. "Would you mind making a stop? It's just around this bend, here."
Aria knew where they were going even before they rounded the corner. She grabbed her sister's shoulders. "Maddie, what are you doing?"
"He needs to know, Aria. If you really think that you can marry anyone but him, then he needs to know." She said firmly.
"You knew." Aria said, reclining back into her cushion.
"Yes, any fool could see how madly in love you were with him." She said with a hint of a sad smile.
"Maddie, if you really think bringing me here is going to change my mind, you are sadly mistaken. He's engaged too. To another woman." Aria said bitterly.
"I know that. I've read your diaries." She waited for a scolding but Aria remained quiet. "And the only way we can see if you'll change your mind or not, is if you see him in person."
"Even If I were to, it would do no good. I've already acquiesced to being Mrs. Werther."
Maddie shuddered. "Please don't call yourself that. Not just yet. You're not married until you're married."
"Maddie, this is a stupid idea. Which sane person visits her tutor at this time of night? They're not expecting us, we can't just charge in unannounced."
"Despite your poor faith in my intelligence, I have thought this through, sister. I have a plan. Follow me."
And before Aria could stop her, Maddie hopped off the carriage, asking Will to pick them up in two hours time. Will simply nodded and wished Aria well. Did everyone know about her infatuation for Mr. Fitz? She thought, as she followed her senseless sister down the path to his house.
She met her at the doorway just as Maddie began to knock. A middle-aged woman came to the door with a questioning look in her eyes. The look soon turned into surprise as she realized who the girls were.
"Miss Aria! Miss Madeline! What a pleasure to meet your acquaintances! Come in, come in! Ezra, you won't believe who's here!" She ushered them in to the living room and waved her maid over. "Greta, get these girls appetizers and drinks."
Maddie smiled at their hostess. "We are so very sorry to intrude upon your household at such an hour, but we really had no where else to go. You see, our carriage broke down some streets away and our driver went home on foot to retrieve another. Meanwhile, we were stranded." She laughed gaily. "You can understand, being females, how terrified we were to be out and about on our own."
"Oh of course, dear! We are honoured that you chose to come here!" The woman, who Aria presumed was Jacqueline's mother, was undoubtedly the sort who would go to any length to please and acquaint themselves with the rich.
Aria's heart skipped a beat when she heard Mr. Fitz's voice, and nearly leapt out of her body when he appeared in the flesh and caught sight of her. Neither of them could take their eyes off one another, entranced by the sight of the other. Aria was the first to look away, unable to bear the weight of his gaze. By that time, another figure had appeared behind Mr. Fitz.
"You must be Aria," She said, smiling. "Ezra has told us a lot about you. He adores you." She looked at her fiancé lovingly, but it appeared he only had eyes for their guest.
"I've heard a great deal about you as well, Jacqueline. Congratulations on your engagement." Aria couldn't bring herself to smile but did manage to keep the grimace which kept forcing itself on her face, at bay. "Actually, I have some good news myself. I just got engaged today." She attempted a gay laugh but what came out was a strained and foreign gurgle.
While Jacqueline's mother congratulated her with whoops and cheers, Aria's eyes met Mr. Fitz. The incredibly broken look in his eyes nearly knocked her out. And she wasn't the only one who noticed. Jacqueline, too, observed the exchange.
The evening carried on with small conversation and marital discussion. Ezra Fitz, however, remained silent during the entire ordeal and spared not a glance in Aria's direction. By dinnertime, nothing had changed. They all sat around the dinner table as Mrs. Brooklyn, Mr. Fitz's soon to be mother-in-law, called for Jonah, who Aria recalled, was Mr. Fitz's nephew.
Failing to hear a response, Mrs. Brooklyn sighed. "Ezra, would you please bring him to the table?" She turned to Aria and Maddie with a laugh. "He only listens to his uncle."
Mr. Fitz got up from the table wordlessly and returned with a little boy holding his hand. The resemblance between them was striking. Aria could tell by the way that the little boy grasped onto his hand, that they weren't only close in appearance. For the first time that night, Mr. Fitz spoke.
"You sit right here, alright buddy?" He said gently, pointing to the empty seat beside Maddie. Jonah shook his head no, and whispered in his uncle's ear.
Mr. Fitz sighed.
"He wants to sit beside you, doesn't he, Ezra?" Mrs. Brooklyn asked. "Alright, I don't mind moving. Why don't you sit here beside Aria, and he can sit on your other side, in between you and Jackie. I'll sit by the little dear Madeline." She jabbered on while moving her seat. Aria held her breath as she heard him slowly moving into the chair beside her. His presence was overwhelming, heightened by his distinctive scent. Aria thought of their last kiss. Even though Mr. Brooklyn was away on a business trip, the table was crowded due to the two unexpected guests. This forced Aria and Mr. Fitz to often bump elbows or brush thighs. Each time, Aria's heart fluttered. Not all of the brushes were accidental either.
By the end of dinner, the two hours had nearly spent and Aria began to thank her hosts for their stay, before motioning to Maddie to get ready. She could not stay in this house with him any longer.
"Aria." After all this time, Mr. Fitz finally spoke. Just as she was about to leave. "I still have that book that I borrowed from your library, why don't you come with me and I'll retrieve it for you?"
Aria couldn't remember what book he was referring to, but nodded in agreement. Admittedly, she was disappointed that that's all he'd wanted to say. Not that she had expected anything.
They walked down a corridor and entered a room at the end. Mr. Fitz shut the door behind them and stood a few seconds before turning around.
"If you came here tonight with the intention of hurting me, then you have succeeded." He said angrily. "You've won, Aria. I claim defeat, you broke me-"
"How dare you?" Aria broke in. "How dare you? I never wanted to come here tonight, and even if I did, it wasn't to hurt you. It was to let you know that I was getting engaged. Which was a stupid idea, obviously. I don't see why it should hurt you in any way, you made your feelings toward me perfectly clear when you left, without so much as an explanation." Her voice rose. "Merely saying goodbye doesn't begin to cut it, Ezra." She had unintentionally called him by his name.
"What did you call me?" He asked.
"Ezra." She whispered.
They rushed towards each other and fell into a passionate kiss. Aria gave everything she had into the kiss, not holding anything back. It was unlike anything she had experienced before. It was the most beautiful thing she had experienced.
When they broke apart, she yearned for more. But both of them knew it was over. They were over.
"Aria, I-" Ezra started
"Shhh." Aria held her finger to his lips and looked into his eyes. "I will always love you, Mr. Fitz."
Breaking loose of his embrace, she walked out the door, mentally closing the Ezra Fitz chapter of her life, and preparing to face a future without him. Deep down she knew that Ezra Fitz could never be just a chapter in her life, for he was her entire story.
Well, that was quite the ride, wasn't it? Fear not, chapter four is currently in my head, just waiting to be written. It will possibly be the epilogue, so if it is, you can sure as hell bet it'll be long. Please review if you enjoyed this chapter! It'll give me motivation to write chapter four sooner *wink*.