Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi!
Author's Note: This has been my hardest chapter to write. My heart and head have been all over the place, but I think I've finally got it down. A lot has changed since my last update, but my dedication still stands. Anonymously. As always, a big thank you to those who have helped me out through this story and through the issues that were keeping me from writing it. I appreciate it more than you know!
After nearly two hours Eli was finally able to compose himself enough to drive home. Tears still threatened to escape his eyes but he managed to hold them back. He just let go of the person who meant the most to him. He thought it was a good idea, but now he wasn't too sure. He felt like there was a part of him missing now. It was a familiar feeling. Something he had only felt one other time in his life.
Eli dragged himself back into his house. He was hoping that Cece and Bullfrog would already be upstairs so he could avoid questions. He had only made it two steps into his house before he realized that wouldn't be the case. There both of his parents stood in the living room looking at him with concerned faces. He didn't want to face them. Not like this. He wondered what the chances were of neither of them noticing that he had been crying.
"Babyboy, you've been crying. What's wrong?" He heard Cece's concern cut through her tone.
Turns out the chances were slim.
"Yeah, but I'm fine mom. I just want to be alone."
He watched Cece nod before turning around and swiftly running up to his room, closing the door behind him. He sat himself on his bed only to look over and see that stupid blue glass trinket in pieces on the floor. He had forgotten it was there. He picked a shirt up, which was strewn on his bedside table and threw it on top of the glass. He would clean it up when he thought he could handle it, or handle anything.
The green-eyed boy threw himself face down on his bed and released the tears that had begun to sting at his eyes. Get a hold of yourself, Eli. This was probably the most he had ever allowed himself to cry. Usually he would hold everything in, but he was done with that now.
He moved over to his desk and turned on his laptop. He was hoping to catch Adam online. He could definitely use a chat with his best bud. His laptop came on, only to reveal that Adam wasn't online.
"Great," Eli muttered.
Instead he decided to sign on to Facerange. The first thing that was there to meet him when he clicked login was a smiley picture of him and Clare. He noticed he had a message, but the picture felt like it was staring him straight in the eyes, teasing him, haunting him. Quickly he changed the photo and deleted the others off his profile. There were plenty of pictures of the two of them elsewhere, he didn't need these. Thanks for the memories, Clare Edwards.
After taking a breath to calm himself down he clicked his messages, in hopes that it would be from Adam. It wasn't. He read the message once and it hit him like a ton of bricks. He read it again and felt sick. It was anonymous, but his mind immediately thought of Fitz. Of course. Clare had run to him after their break up after all.
He wanted to be angry but he couldn't. He was too broken up about the message. It was short yet it contained the three things that could make him weak. The only things in this world that could make him feel like complete shit. He read the words over and over again and each time it took his breath away a little bit more. He felt like someone was standing in front of him and continuously kicking him in the gut.
Having the two girls he loved and lost brought up in one message was just too much to handle. He reached back into his drawer to take another one of his pills. It was the only thing he knew that would help ease the familiar feeling in his chest. The message was right though. No amount of medication in the world could help him get over it completely. At least it helped in some way. It worked enough for him to think clearly instead of making rash decisions.
He signed off Facerange and threw himself back on his bed. Eli couldn't believe Clare had run to Fitz, but she obviously did. No one else would know all that information and try to use it against him. He loved Clare, and he still does, but he was pissed at her for confirming all of his suspicions. How could she share all of his secrets with Fitz? The idea that he may have been correct about the two tugged at his heart a little.
*At the school*
Clare was at her locker getting out her History textbook when she saw Eli making his way to his own locker. She took in everything she could about him at that moment. He looked fine to her. He didn't seem to be particularly broken up about anything. She wondered if he had read her message. A part of her felt guilty for sending it, but at the same time it helped to relieve her anger.
Just then Fitz snuck up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. It took her by complete surprise.
"Hey Clarebear," he said, his voice loud enough for Eli to hear.
Clare quickly pushed his arms away from her, but Eli turned towards them just in time to see it. Clare saw a sinister smirk form on Eli's face as he walked towards them.
"You're a big man, Fitzy-boy," Eli muttered.
"Hey, it's not my fault you can't hang on to your lady," Fitz replied.
Clare wished she could fit inside her locker at that point. This seemed oddly familiar to her. She didn't want to put up with another feud between Eli and Fitz. Something told her this was just the beginning. She could see the hurt in Eli's eyes now. He buried it deep beneath anger. She wanted to reach out and grab his hand. It took everything in her power not to pull him in to a hug. She was so angry with this boy last night, yet now all she wanted to do was hold him. Clare was snapped out of her own thoughts by the two boys, now screaming at each other.
"You can keep her, it's not worth the fight," Eli snapped.
In that instant Clare was furious with him again. She thought Eli cared about her so much, yet now he was standing here basically saying she wasn't worth fighting over. She ran off into the bathroom, leaving Eli and Fitz glaring at each other in the hallway.
Clare sat in the bathroom stall sobbing. Nothing made sense to her anymore. She thought maybe she had made a huge mistake by calling Fitz up and telling him everything that happened with the breakup. Clearly he was going to make things harder to deal with.
Clare heard the bathroom door open, and she quickly tried to cover up her sobs with coughing.
"Clare? Is that you?" A familiar voice said.
"Yeah," she muttered, unlocking the stall and letting Alli in.
"What did Dr. Doom do this time?" Alli asked.
"I can't believe it Alli. He actually said I'm not worth fighting for. If he loved me as much as he said he did, it wouldn't disappear that quickly," Clare managed to say between sobs.
"If he's saying you're not worth it, he probably wasn't really in love with you."
Clare took in Alli's words with disbelief. There was no way that everything they had shared was not true. Everything was too real.
"That's not possible, Alli."
"I'm sorry Clare, but it's probably the truth. Eli's clearly moved on, and you should too."
"Well, maybe I should talk to him."
"He probably doesn't want to talk to you. He's just another stupid boy Clare. There will be others."
Alli grabbed her bag off the floor of the stall and slung it over her shoulder.
"I need to get to class, I'll see you later," she said as she opened the stall to leave.
When Clare heard the bathroom door shut again, she started crying again. It definitely couldn't be possible that Eli had never really cared, could it? Her chest became heavy and she couldn't breathe. She had put so much into their relationship for absolutely nothing. She was ashamed of herself for letting Eli trick her.
She hated feeling like this. She was so broken up while Eli was okay. It wasn't fair that she should have to be the only one hurting. There was only one thing she could think of that would make her feel any better. She reached into her bag and took out her phone. She signed onto Facerange and typed in her message. Making sure it was anonymous she hit send.
She felt better the moment she hit the send button. She knew it was a mean thing to do, but something about making Eli feel the slightest amount of pain for what he did to her felt good.