THE WOES OF INTER-GENDER TENNIS
CHAPTER III
STALKING 101 & DECLARATIONS OF WAR
"Echizen that was awesome! You beat the viper! I cant believe you hit the Snake!" an excited Momo exclaimed, suffocating the first year.
'He'd better not move his hand's or someone'll get a kick in the nuts…' Ryoma thought to herself, barley noting the senior students grasp on her shoulders.
She had quickly learned that ignoring these random moments of suffocation was the best way to get through them; the more she protested the more she would be suffocated. Upon release (thankfully without any nut cracking), she immediately pulled her phone from her pocket, reply the message she had received from Sakuno.
"Are you ever more than five inches away from that thing?" Momoshiro asked, an exasperated look on his face as he watched his kouhai furiously prodding the letter buttons with her thumbs.
"No" was the short, blunt reply.
Momoshiro fought the urge to pull on his short hair in frustration. He was already aware that the boy next to him was distinctively impaired with conversation, but that phone did nothing to improve his attempts to befriend the boy!
He stuffed some rice from his lunchbox into his mouth as he looked over the younger player's shoulder, peering at the username the message was intended for.
- - -
From: .:Candy_Pop:.
To: -R.E·Tennis01
Subject: Re; Weekend.
The vice has gone crazy since our captain was admitted to the hospital; we have a practice match against a school from Chiba, so I can't make it this weekend.
Hurry up and win the ranking-matches already.
:P
"Who's Candy Pop?" he asked, spraying several grains of rice.
Ryoma dodged the grains with an expression of revulsion.
"None of your business Momo-Sempai" she replied plainly, closing down her phone screen.
The message had left her disgruntled; reading between the lines Bunta had gone and got himself into yet another detention.
"Don't you have a match with Arai-sempai at 1:30?" she asked, thinking of her own matches that afternoon. Momoshiro's eyes stared at her blankly before widening in horror.
"Ack! I completely forgot! It's nearly 1:00! See you later Echizen!" he yelled, springing from his seat on the ground and dashing of in the direction of the tennis courts.
Ryoma shook her head in disbelief, picking up the abandoned lunch box and digging her chopsticks into it; waste not want not and all that...
"Atobe, is everything alright?"
Atobe looked at his coach in perplexity; what was with all the sudden conversation from the man? Usually it was only a few pointers on ball control, or stating the need to improve footwork. Who was this man and what had he done with his coach? Was he an alien?
"I'm afraid I don't understand the question, Coach Sakaki…"
Atobe felt like running from the man's office when he began to fidget, thumbing some of the music sheets scattered on his desk absently.
"There's nothing bothering you? No problems at home? Schoolwork? It wouldn't be a strange thing for stress to build up given the expectations people have of you" the man said after some thought.
What in the name of Queen Elizabeth's bloomers was this man talking about? His home life was fine; his parents were running off on their thirteenth second honeymoon, his grandfather was still doddering around complaining about his war injuries, and his grandmother was still suing every complainer that wormed out of the wood work.
Problems at school were preposterous, he snorted at the very thought. To be honest, the only problem he was having was the fact his coach appeared to have been kidnapped by aliens and replaced with one of their cohorts.
"No sir, everything is perfectly fine. Why do you ask? I don't recall showing any signs of any…" he replied.
Atobe thought it best to leave the aliens out of the conversation until he had specific proof, like DNA (it could easily be obtained through trickery).
"Well, you've been spending a lot of time texting, and your team-mates were concerned. As far as I'm aware, you've never used the texting facility before"
'You mean Oshitari was concerned. Kabaji knows better, Gakuto doesn't bother, all Wakashi cares about is that Gekoujou crap, Shishido and Chotaro have no time for anyone but each other, and all Jirou does is sleep' Atobe thought himself, snorting at the idea.
"That's what this is about? That's it? Good lord, is Yushi that paranoid I'm going to go insane before nationals?"
"You know about that?" the coach asked, raising an eyebrow in surprise.
Atobe suppressed the urge to call the National Guard, or the RAF (NASA would probably be better equipped to handle aliens, but he couldn't stand Americans.)
"Sir, I don't mean any offence, but frankly the regulars of this team are less than normal; it should be an easilya justifiable conclusion that the leader would eventually go insane, though I think it's more likely Yushi would loose his marbles first" Atobe replied frankly.
A vibrating buzz from his pocket interrupted the conversation. Atobe quickly dropped his attention from his coach, replacing it on the phone.
From: -R.E·Tennis01-
To: .:Awesome-Prowess:.
Subject:Pssshhh! Powned!
Yo, Monkey King!
I beat the Snake-sempai in the rankings, I just have to play Glasses-sempai tomorrow and I'm a shoe in for the regulars.
Oh, and Bunta got detention again - he really needs to stop cursing in Latin so much - so he can't make it.
That means you'd better show up or I'll hunt you down and kill you with a blunt spoon.
Atobe could help the smugness that overwhelmed him, and felt his lips start smirking as he read the message - it was his more refined version of a happy dance. Sakaki once again raised an eyebrow.
"Good… it would have been most unseemly if one of my associates had lost to a Snake-man…" he mumbled to himself
He began prodding the buttons on his phone top slowly form new words. He believed he was gaining remarkable proficiency at this 'texting' now.
Sakaki was still especially confused - he had never seen the Atobe-version of pride pertaining to anything but himself before - but he decided there was nothing to worry about.
Maybe Atobe was right about Yushi loosing his marbles…
Ryoma passed through the ranking matches with comparative ease, despite a few potholes from the two regular members she had played against. Those matches had been a bit more complicated, but nevertheless she remained the undefeated champion of block D, and earned her position as a Seigaku regular.
"Ryoma!"
Ryoma turned to find their coach waving her over to speak, and she dropped the sweeping brush.
"These are the order forms for the uniforms. Fill them in and take them down to Mitsumaru sports. You know where it is, right?" her grandmother informed her when she jogged over, taking the pieces of paper from her hand.
"No…" Ryoma grumbled, glaring at the order form for the skirt.
It was beginning to dawn on her that she could not escape the monstrosity. Maybe she could delay things until the tournaments began with a claim of delay in the creation of the uniform. Especially if it meant she had to wear that hideous green thing too.
"Get Sakuno to show you then" her grandmother instructed, moving off to yell at some second years playing catch with the tennis balls they were supposed to be clearing up.
Ryoma had only just stuffed the order forms into her pocket when she was accosted by the overly excitable third year - and her new team-mate - known as Eiji Kikumaru.
"Ochibi! Let's go! Taka's treating us to Sushi! Sushi!" he exclaimed loudly, suffocating her further.
Oishi did his best to rescue her, but the only solution was proved to be in agreeing to join them for the celebratory sushi outing (though why Inui-Sempai was joining was anyone's guess since he'd had his ass whooped out of the regulars).
"Hey, Echizen, what's your family like?" Momoshiro asked as they exited the school building.
"They're… family-like? What else would they be like?" she replied, doing her best to dodge the question.
She didn't want to get into her family if she could avoid it. She had a sinking feeling Kikumaru and Momo - she suspected Fuji too - would be giddy with joy when they learned her father's identity, and she wanted to avoid that for as long as possible.
"That's not what I mean! I mean, do you have any siblings? I know the old lady is your granny but that's it…" he complained at her un-informative answer.
"I have an older brother" she replied blankly, mind occupied elsewhere; could she fake an emergency with her phone and escape the pandemonium?
"Really what's his name? What's he like?" Kikumaru asked.
Ryoma could tell he was exercising restraint in avoiding their spew of questions waiting to burst from him. Was this something all the new regulars underwent or did they just enjoy pissing her off? Because if so, she hoped they were having a lot of fun…
"Ryoga. He's annoying" she answered with as little effort as possible.
Whilst her brother was seemingly less childish than their father, he had somehow inherited his perverted steak to make up for that fact. He was also equally insistent on making her wear skirts and other more feminine clothing articles.
"How old is he?" Kawamura asked her, much calmer than some of his other companions.
"Eighteen, but he's Nineteen this year"
"What about-"
Kikumaru's next question was cut of by the annoying frog ring tone and for once, Ryoma couldn't have been happier for the distraction the awful noise caused. Clicking the accept call button, she placed the phone next to her ear.
"What do you want Monkey King?"
The regulars accompanying her watched in undisguised interest as Ryoma moved the phone from her ear to avoid bursting her eardrums from the caller's loud protests. After a few moments, she sensed he had calmed down, and resumed conversation.
"You'd better have a good reason for calling Monkey King, you know I hate answering… No, I don't know how he got detention this time, but I'll bet anything he swore at his Latin teacher again… What? Shinjuku? Are you insane? That's two districts away! No, I don't care about what your coach thinks Monkey King… Really? I'm surprised he didn't go crazy years ago to be honest…"
"Inui-Sempai, who's he talking to?" Momoshiro asked the older boy, who was furiously scribbling in another of his notebooks.
"It could be a family member, but judging by the banter… probably a close friend that does not attend this school, likely one in a different district…" he replied glancing over what he had written in his notebook.
"How sure are you on that?" Fuji asked a smile on his face as usual.
"…twenty-seven and a half percent. I have insufficient data."
Fuji nodded, and they turned their attention back to the first year, still arguing with the caller.
"I hate horrors! Of course it's a lie Monkey King! I'm not going to Shinjuku! Well, yeah, I'd kill to see it but that's no reason to… You're bringing what where? Hell no! I'm not getting in that thing! You hear me Monkey King? I don't have- hello? Monkey King?"
Ryoma removed the phone from her ear and stared at it in horror. He had hung up on her! Now she'd have to go find something suitable for a movie premier before the monkey king sent out search parties! She didn't even date, what the hell was she supposed to wear to a movie premier? Curse that stupid monkey king and his money!
Roma looked at the phone for a long time, before grumbling several choice swear-words learned form her cousin and turning to her new team-mates.
"Err… I don't think I can go to this sushi-thing… I have to… The Monkey King…"
Ryoma took one look at the horrifyingly inquisitive faces and instantly made a decision.
"Yeah, you're better off not knowing… Bye!" she waved nonchalantly before turning on her heel and sprinting down the road, punching Sakuno's number into her phone as she did so.
"…Well, I'm confused" Momo stated, backed up with a nod each from Kikumaru and Kawamura.
"I think… Echizen was just forced into a date…" Fuji noted, in something akin to surprised amusement.
"What?" Kikumaru yelled.
"To where?" Momo asked, in equal shock to his senior.
"A horror film I believe" Inui stated, back to scribbling in his notebook.
Kawamura prudently moved away from him when he began mumbling to himself.
Of course, to the third years and lone second year, this left only one possible course of action.
Marui was once again trapped in his hellish Latin class when he received another text from Ryoma. Once again, he did his best to keep the message hidden, and once again he failed miserably upon viewing he contents of the message.
From: -R.E·Tennis01-
To: .:Candy_Pop:.
Subject:I whooped ass.
Snake-sempai kicked out Glasses-sempai after I beat their asses.
My only problem now is the skirt.
"Is lucrum a positus in tennis team? Splendens!"
Silence reigned throughout the room; Marui could feel the teacher glaring at him again.
"Crap! I mean… err…Is fabula est splendens! Is has ampulens cruor… Quod formica puella est… funnny…"
A piece of chalk once again hit his forehead with significant force.
"Ego conor is opes ego have detention iterum?" he asked with a resigned slump of his shoulders. The teacher simply glared at him before giving an affirmative:
"Sic."
"…vos baro" jackal snickered, quietly enough to avoid the teacher's notice.
Marui glared at him but said nothing, instead choosing to burry his head in the above he was supposed to be reading.
Four boys poked their heads around the corner of their regulars sports supply store. Their attention was rooted on the two girls that had just exited the store with the loud pigtailed girl. Said girl had left quickly, stating babysitting.
They watched as Ryoma and Sakuno moved to the burger restaurant next door. They hurriedly pulled on their disguises (mainly hats and scarves to hide their hair and faces) and quickly took their places in a nearby table.
"I can't believe you going to see it! The reviews were all so good…"
"Sakuno you hate horrors"
"Yeah, but it's a romantic horror!"
"There's no such thing as a romantic horror" Ryoma snorted around a mouthful of a Chicken Burger.
"Fuji-sempai, what are they talking about?" Momo asked the smiling third year seated next to him.
"I think it's the new vampire film that came out… I can't remember the name though…" he frowned, eyes opening narrowly in frustration.
"I didn't know Ochibi liked horror films nya!" Kikumaru hushed excitedly.
"According to my data, Echizen prefers horror films twenty three percent more than any other genre"
Kawamura, Kikumaru and Momo almost fell of the chair from the fright the third year gave them. Honestly, it was worrying that his stalking proficiency had reached such a level.
"Don't do that!" they hissed angrily, before turning back to the two first years.
"Shut up! Didn't you need help getting something to wear?" Sakuno asked pointedly.
Ryoma grumbled around a mouthful of her Chicken Burger. She was in a disgruntled mood since the cheeseburgers had all be wiped out earlier. Chicken Burgers weren't bad, but she'd rather have her usual two double Cheeses. Sakuno had a point; it was a fact that she would be laughed out of Tokyo by the stupid Monkey King if she showed up in anything less than suitable.
Pity she didn't have a 'film-premier' section in her wardrobe. If she did, she wouldn't have to worry about the matter in the first place (frankly, it was a miracle she had enough clothes to even need a wardrobe).
"Something to wear?" Kikumaru frowned in confusion.
"It must be a date if clothing is an issue; given Echizen's personality I doubt he has anything that could be classed as date-appropriate clothing, thus the meeting with his cousin" Inui stated, flicking through the pages of his notebook.
Kikumaru angled his head over his shoulder to catch a glimpse only to be met with the green cover.
"This is so weird… and depressing" Momoshiro stated.
"How so?" Kawamura asked, not following his junior's train of thought in the slightest.
"Come on, Echizen screams asexual, but he's already gotten a date! I haven't had one yet and my junior is getting ahead of me!"
"You haven't had even one?" Kikumaru asked in surprise.
Momo shook his head, eyes still fixed on the two first years. Kikumaru patted his shoulder sympathetically.
"You're right; that is depressing" he agreed, also turning back to the two freshmen.
"I guess i can just go in my jeans…"
"You can't do that Ryoma! You have to make an impression on him!"
"Who says I want to make an impression on the Monkey King?"
Sakuno gained an unusually triumphant smirk, reminding the watchers of the smiling third year accompanying them. Momo and Kikumaru gave the third year a suspicious look as Inui scribbled in his notebook.
'Are they related?'
"You aren't related to Fuji-Sempai are you?" Ryoma asked.
The viewers - excluding Fuji himself - froze as Ryoma almost plucked the words out of their thoughts.
'Is he psychic?'
"Not that I'm aware of - and if you aren't trying to make an impression on him, why did you ask for my help?" Sakuno asked in a frustrated tone.
"Because I refuse to be beaten by that pompous Primate Lord!"
"Whatever, I still say your'e crushing on the guy!"
"Hey, Sakuno said 'guy' didn't she?" Momo asked his companions.
The rest of the regulars nodded with seemingly puzzled (Inui and Fuji were not truly puzzled, after all) expressions.
"Does that mean Echizen is… well… Gay?"
"…that might not be an incorrect hypothesis" Inui agreed.
"Based on what data?" Kikumaru demanded.
"The discussion of clothing over a date with an unknown male, and his friendly relations only pertaining to females and to a lesser degree the members of the tennis club. He has close relationships with his family despite distance or appearances, but that seems to be it. He has also been seen blushing around the male members of his class" Inui stated robotically.
He decided it was Ryoma's decision if she wished to correct her team-mates over the matter of her gender. It wasn't like she was doing anything deliberate to hide it - the first years had agreed to keep quiet somewhat subconsciously after all.
His companions, even Fuji to an extent, were somewhat worried over the detail of information he had acquired.
"Inui-sempai, did you stalk him or something?" Momo asked
"I prefer to think of it as intensive covert data collection"
"Take that back!" Ryoma demanded with a horrified expression.
"No!" Sakuno stuck her tongue out at her companion tauntingly.
Ryoma glared at her cousin.
"Take it back Sakuno, or I'll tell the old bat you've been sneaking out on Fridays to see-"
"So you don't want my help?" Sakuno asked, frowning
The observing regulars watched with avid fascination as their newest member immediately froze - pondering her (to Momo, Kikumaru, and Kawamura in any case) options.
"…I hate you, you know that? I absolutely hate you! Come on lets go get this over with!" Ryoma growled in defeat, throwing down the remains of her chicken burger and picking up her tennis bag.
Sakuno sighed and followed her, heading for the exit.
The regulars waited outside Sakuno's house with strained patience, anticipating the exit of their newest and youngest member.
Thankfully their near hour of waiting was complete - as the door opened and voices were heard from Sakuno's front porch.
"Dad said you and the old bat are invited over for dinner on Friday - you'd better show or it'll be weeks before we have another Japanese meal" Ryoma complained.
"I got it, I got it. Hurry up and go to your date" Sakuno replied cheerily.
"It's not a date!" her cousin protested hotly, walking down the garden path.
The regulars watched as Ryoma walked in the opposite direction from their hiding place for several moments, Kikumaru seemed about to follow the unintentionally hidden girl but was stopped by Fuji's arm.
"I think we should let Ryoma have his privacy - if it really is a date, it's not our place to spy on him" he stated in a voice which left little room for argument.
Momo mimicked Kikumaru's pout, but they obeyed their senior; there was childish and there was downright stupid. Defying Shusuke Fuji was a very stupid thing.
Two hours after her wardrobe meeting with Sakuno - which turned out to be pointless since she wound up in jeans and a t-shirt anyway - Ryoma was standing in the lobby of what looked more like an opera theatre than a cinema theatre (the seats used while waiting for even the previews of a film to start were not supposed to be that comfortable).
She had met up with Keigo outside the local bowling alley - meeting Hyotei's own female regular at the same time. She seemed nice, though also somewhat excitable when not suffering from narcolepsy.
After she had disappeared with the rest of the apparently stunned Hyotei regulars, Ryoma had demanded compensation for being forced to the stupid preview (that was her public opinion - internally, she held a victory dance and thanked god for giving her a well-connected friend) in the form of food.
The monkey king had at least had the sense to get Japanese take-out. Beef Okonomiyaki - a thousand times better than those pathetic flatbreads in America that always had too much sugar in.
after being fed decent food, and Ryoma had grudgingly forgiven him into forcing her away from more tennis practice, they had driven from to the cinema (Ryoma had unfortunately been unable to escape the horror that was Keigo's limousine).
And so, we arrive at the current scenario; Ryoma fiddling with a phone other than her own whilst Keigo busied himself with the ticket business (was he buying them? Ryoma had no clue how preview things worked…).
Ryoma was somewhat uncomfortable with letting him pay, but she was certain that if purchase was necessary she wouldn't be able to afford the tickets, so she comforted herself with the agreement that she would buy the popcorn.
Along with a little sadistic payback for (willingly) dragging her here in the first place.
Keigo gave his companion a 'what-crack-are-you-smoking-now?' look as she cackled to herself after buying the popcorn, but decided he didn't want to know what she was plotting. If it involved him, he would no doubt find out eventually, but if it did not then he was keeping his nose out.
Bad things happened to those who were to nosy about Ryoma's plotting. He and Bunta still had scars from the last time they tried to interfere (two on his back, one on his right calf, three on his left shoulder), and he did not want to receive anymore.
Handy Latin Translator!
"Is lucrum a positus in tennis team? Splendens!"
"she got on the tennis team? Awesome!"
"Is fabula est splendens! Is has ampulens cruor… Quod formica puella est… funnny…"
"this story is great! It has loads of blood… and the girl is… funny…"
"ego conor is opes ego have detention iterum?"
"I guess this means I have detention again?"
'Sic'
'yes'
"…vos baro"
"…you idiot"