Once Indra sees the raccoon back to Heda's room, she immediately prepares some energy drinks, it is rare that Heda go out for so long, she is so worry about Hede's health condition. This Heda is too thin to being unconscious for so long. She trained so well that she don't left much fat tissue in her body to support her for hibernate. Indra wonders why she had gone that long this time. When she enters the room with drinks, she sees Heda sitting up weakly, she wants to help, she is stopped by Heda, because she has to be strong in front of everyone. Indra waits until she finish the drinks, "anything urgent or important that need my attention, Indra?"a weak and hoarse sound, "Nothing is urgent than your health, Heda" " Fine, you can go". Once Indra is out, Lexa try to stand up, she is pushing herself so hard, because she has to be ready, because Clarke is coming, because she needs to be strong for her people. When she thinks of Clarke, she feels wave of sadness wash over her, she had left her behind once again. This time without even saying goodbye.
The meeting with Lexa was intense. Clarke couldn't control her anger towards the Commander every time she thinks of the deaths in Mount Weather. She even spit on her which she now regret it horribly. But she also find it strangely safe with the present of Lexa. And she hate herself for that too. When she was finally escorted to her room, a room, without bar, she scans the entire room carefully, to make sure there is no danger, she is so use to doing this when she was in the forest. No sign of danger, and no weapon either. Only a window that show no way of escape, it is at least level 40 or more, she lost count of that, she was in awe of this building, and she was hungry, her legs were so heavy and fatigue until her brain couldn't function properly. Then she sees food. There is actual food on the table, she ignore the food but take the glass of water indeed. Then she walks to the bed, a queen size spring bed, on top of that is some clear shirt. So, she clean herself up as much as she can, then get change and lie on the bed without taking any food.
She relax in the bed facing the door, afraid that someone might burst in. It is then she found something familiar, there is a pot of flowers at side of the door. They are the same flowers that the raccoon, Shadow, gave to her during the journey to Polis. She still remember that every time they passed by some of them, Shadow would pick one for her and put around her ear or stuck in her messy hair. Shadow loves flower. There was this one night, it even managed to find some love shape, red color petals and held around its eyes and dance around (Lexa learned it from some books, and she swore she would never tell anyone she did this to Clarke). So Clarke walk to the door and pick one, bring it to her nose and smell it. Yes, it smells the same, she brings it back to bed, and eventually falls asleep.
The story carry on after the scene Clarke holding the knife against Lexa's throat.
It's a cloudless night, only a half moon hanging high in the sky with countless stars, a tree, a fallen trunk with a sad raccoon sitting on it. It is a night she just want to be Lexa. She doesn't want to face any of the Heda's duty just yet. Everything seems to be against her, ice nation and the other ambassadors are fighting her command, Titus, the person she most respect, doesn't happy with her decisions, Clarke, not only spat on her, but even tried to kill her. She saw it in Clarke eyes, that one millisecond of murderous glare flash across her eyes, even though she didn't hurt her at the end, but it summarizes the whole month of stresses that added on her shoulders, brought her to the emotional breaking point. So, being alone, sitting out here, waiting for a sunrise, to see the hope and peace that the earth is promising her, to let it calm her down. Lexa need this, the little girl in her need this. And she silently wish to have a cup of tea as companion, then it would be perfect. But too bad, a raccoon hands holding a cup of hot tea is too strange for other people to see.
Unfortunately, this is interrupted by Clarke. Clarke wasn't able to sleep tonight either, the guilt and the pain that she saw in Lexa's eyes earlier kept her awake. Think back to that very moment, she really wanted Lexa die, her mind was screaming "for the people that died in MW!". But the green eyes stopped her, all she saw in front of her was the pain in it, and it felt contagious, because she felt it too, "I'm sorry, Clarke." " I never mean to turn you into this." Every single word, made her heart bleed or melt, she is not sure. But, she know that she does not want the pain fill in that eyes. She does not want to admit it, but the moment she let go of the knife, she realized that she care for Lexa, she want the pain in her eyes gone. Too bad she is the one causing it. So she decided to leave for some fresh air, to get rid of the green eyes that haunted her the whole night. Yet here she is, staring face to face with the green eyes, with that pain in it. Then she see the green eyes is closed.
She walks carefully toward the raccoon, worry that she will scare it away, "Shadow, is that you?" (Lexa wonder how she gonna say yes, meow?). So instead, it swing it's tail with its eyes close. Clarke lean against the tree beside the fallen trunk, staring at the moon, both of them take a deep breath and sigh almost at the same time. "You know, that day Roan let me waited for you that whole morning, but you didn't show up". She then meets the green eyes again, Shadow raise its head and stare into Clarke's eyes, looking for the truth. This person in front of it, is the Clarke that trying to kill her this afternoon, or the Clarke that wait for her that morning? Clarke didn't wait for its reply, she bend forward, reach out and hold Shadow in her hands, "Come here", bring it to rest in her laps. Shadow is tensing for quite a minute, Clarke pet its until it relax into her and curl into a ball, it whine a little before fall asleep once again. Clarke just want to do this, giving comfort to it, maybe because the one she really want to give it to, is too far away to reach, because she had pushed her further away this afternoon. Yet, she don't know that the Lexa that she is thinking of right now, has already getting the hope and peace she wanted from her. Tonight, Lexa doesn't need the sunrise after all.
Both of them don't know that tomorrow is the day the ice queen going to challenge Heda for a single fight, live or die.
A/N: thanks for reading! This chapter is supposed to let us see the Lexa that hidden in the Heda and the commander of 12 clans, hope that I didn't ruin it..all mistakes are mine.
Next chapter is going to have more silly Lexa and eye-rolling-Indra, as we all know that Roan actually gave Lexa quite a hard kick. So Lexa is going to rest in her raccoon form for a while before Pike happened.