Chapter 3
To Kagome, that moment became her solace. One she never knew she would have needed. When, a few days later, a witch stole the grave soil of her predecessor, no one knew what would happen. Kaede was deeply troubled. Inuyasha withdrew. They were all distracted. No one expected the witch to swoop down and carry her off. Now that day was her torment. Night and day, she dreamed of that cold emptiness that overtook her. She didn't know what happened outside of her watery prison. She had known only pain – excruciating pain. She thought she had come apart at seams she never knew existed. The result was a darkness that would not leave her and the present reminder of her origins – Kikyo. She died twice and for no reason but power.
Inuyasha watched her from his place in the tree. She was tossing and turning. He could smell the sweat that coated her body. He could smell the fear. She was tormented. But he could not go to her. To do that would be to betray the woman that he loved – Kikyo. This girl was her reincarnation. That witch reminded him even more of that fact. He wondered now if she survived that fall. A whimper from the stressed girl forced him to go to her. He knelt by her but did nothing. She looked like she was in pain. He would have to wake her.
"Kagome." He whispered. She whimpered again but didn't awaken. He lifted her sodden form from the sleeping bag and held her to him. "Wake up, Kagome. It's just a dream."
"N-No." She thrashed and he was forced to hold her tighter. He shook her slightly and called her name again. "Inuyasha-" she whimpered. "Please help me. Please." She sobbed.
"Wake up." He coaxed gently. When she didn't respond he turned her head slightly and nipped her ear. She jumped and went silent. Then she relaxed. "Open your eyes." He could feel the fever on her skin. He saw it even more when she opened her eyes.
"Inuyasha-" she whispered. "Wh-"
"Sssh-I'm going to take you back to the village. You have a fever."
"N-No. I'm fine. We need to keep going." She tried to get up.
"Lie still. You'll make yourself sicker." She'd been getting like this ever since that witch Ursula brought Kikyo back.
"Water."
"Lie back. I'll get you some." When he had given her some, he proceeded to strip her out of her wet clothes. He wrapped his fire-rat robe around her and held her close to his warmth. She'd never remember this moment. She'd forget it just like the others. He rocked her to sleep, stretching her out on top of him and settled in for the night. She slept through it. He made sure to redress her before she woke up. Then he wrapped her up in her sleeping bag before taking to the trees.
True to his word, they journeyed back to the village. Kagome was curious as to why he was so anxious to get back. They'd only been gone a few days. "Are you sure everything's okay?" She tilted her head slightly to look at him.
"Are you deaf?"
"I'm just asking. No need to bite my head off." She stretched her hand over her head and he noted she still had no telltale signs of having a fever the night before. "I guess I could go home and catch up on school work. I'm probably flunking all my classes now."
"Who said you could go home?" he asked angrily. Silently, he admitted he didn't want her too far away from his ability to help her. Who knows what could happen if she were alone tonight.
"Relax. I'm not gonna stay the night. I just need to catch up on my classes and stock up on some stuff."
"You're not going anywhere." He grabbed her arm and she turned and glared at him.
"You're not the boss of me." She shrugged out of his clasp. "I'm going home whether you like it or not." She stomped away from him. He considered going after her but the subtle shift of the beads against his neck gave him pause.
"Fine. Like I care." He watched as he headed off to the well and he headed to the village. He knew exactly when she was gone so he didn't have to worry.
"I did not expect to see ye so soon, Inuyasha." Kaede said as she ground up some herbs. She looked up and noticed Kagome's absence. "And where is Kagome?"
"She went home." He sat beside her and closed his eyes. "Something's wrong with her."
"In what way?"
"Ever since that thing with Kikyo, she gets sick every night. But she never remembers being sick or that anything strange happens."
She stopped grounding the herbs and looked at him. "A fever you say?"
"And she is always crying out as if she's fighting something. Like she's dreaming."
"Mayhap something else happened while she was being torn apart by the witch's spell. I do not know what this means, Inuyasha. Or how to fix this."
"Then I guess we'll just have to keep going." He stood. "Later." He disappeared after that.
At school, Kagome worked on autopilot to get through her backlog of work. Being in the feudal times was costing her quality classroom time. Her friends treated her like a fragile flower – no thanks to her grandfather's imaginative illnesses. Already, Hojo had given her herbal remedies for her bunions. Hojo. He was such a sweet guy. And he was sweet on her. She couldn't say she wasn't unaffected by his attentions. Why wouldn't she be? She was fifteen and full of hormones. And yet her reaction to Hojo's touches or his smiles was mild in comparison to the bombardment of sensations she experienced just from thinking about a certain surly Hanyou. She sighed. As much as this troubled her, this wasn't her biggest problem.
"How are you coming along, Kagome?" drawn from her musings, she glanced up at her homeroom teacher. There was a sympathetic light in her eyes and guilt welled up in Kagome. She was lying to this woman and deriving benefits she didn't dare think she deserved.
"I'm trying my best." She looked back at her paper and realized that she was making excellent progress. She wasn't sure how she managed most of it but she wouldn't complain. "I'm keeping up." The woman smiled and moved down the row. Her mind focused on the math problems before her but it wasn't long before her problems swam to the forefront of her mind. She was just grateful this was her last session and she was almost done with the paper.
It took a great deal of convincing to persuade her three closest friends and Hojo that she was fine and didn't need to be walked home. She needed the journey home to think. She couldn't spend it trying to act normal around these people. So what was her problem? Reality versus delusions. She had a hard time separating what was real and what was a figment of her overworked imagination. At nights, she experienced such darkness and pain. Such horrible visions. Her hours of sleep were a battlefield for her mind as she fought the numbing call of oblivion. In addition, if that wasn't bad enough, she kept seeing Inuyasha. She kept feeling him against her fevered skin. She kept feeling arms of steel gently cradling her trembling form. Once, she swore she felt his warm breath against her lips. But she couldn't accept this as truth anymore than she could believe the horrible things that plagued her sleeping mind. Inuyasha was no softie. He wouldn't do those things. And yet, these illusions were a welcome reprieve to the aching emptiness he felt in her heart.
That episode on the hill with the witch stayed with her even in the waking hours. There was a hole in her that wasn't there before and she could find nothing to fill it. That hole caused her so much misery it hurt to smile sometimes. A part of her was no longer there and she didn't' know where it was. A depressing suspicion lurked in the pain-ridden corners of her mind but she did her best to ignore it even as it hid from her queries. Sometimes she felt like she was literally dying; as if her breath was slipping away. She had episodes where she felt her trembling heart slow to a death's creep. And she would fight it. She fought to stay alive. She fought the specter that was trying to drain her life force. And for a while, it would work. But always, the frightening glimpse of death returned.
She thought back to the search for Inuyasha's father's grave, and the strange family reunion. Not only had Sesshomaru – Inuyasha's older half brother – tried to kill her but she felt a subtle shift in Inuyasha. She was sure he wasn't completely aware of the change. But it was there. And it was like a switch went on inside her head. It was as if she was suppressing this change in him. She could feel it inside her and it made the pain that much worse. Sesshomaru lingered in her mind. The battle, though obviously over the sword, had a greater meaning to the brothers. And she saw once she emerged from the poison melted rubble. The powerful TaiYoukai looked at her with calculating eyes. And she understood, that he fought to kill her. But she wasn't sure why. It was more than her just being human. It was more than her supposed powers. It was almost primal in essence. This was one more danger she had to watch out for.
Her feet continued to climb the many steps to her home and at the top she heard her younger brother laughing. She could hear a ball bouncing around. She heard her grandfather chanting some useless spell. Her shoulders slumped. It meant Inuyasha was already there and she wouldn't get to pretend that she was just the normal girl she was a few weeks ago. She wouldn't be able to laugh with her mother and tease her little brother. She wouldn't get to roll her eyes at her grandfather's ludicrous stories. It was time to return to the world that beckoned to her even as she clung to the life that she had before.
"It's about time." She looked into his face having already covered her painful thoughts under her consistent smile.
"Hey, Inuyasha."
"What took you so long? We could be out searching for shards instead of you wasting time at this school of yours."
Long used to this argument, she decided she was too tired, mentally and physically, to argue. "Well, I'm home now. Let me just go talk to my mom before we leave." He folded her arms and frowned but didn't try to stop her.
Myume Higurashi knew something was troubling her daughter the minute she saw her face. She smiled but behind that smile was pain. "Kagome? Are you okay?"'
"Never better." Kagome lied.
"Did you and Inuyasha have another fight?" she persisted. She could see the lie she wanted to tell but Kagome bit her lips. Her eyes filled with tears and she flew into her mother's arms.
"Mom." She sobbed. "I hurt so much. I don't know what to do."
"Were you injured?" Myume asked worriedly. Kagome shook her head.
"My spirit hurts so much and it won't stop. It just keeps getting worse. I can't sleep and sometimes I feel like I'm dying."
"My precious girl." She held her close and allowed her to cry. She had feared this and could do nothing to prevent it. What could she do to help her hurting child? "Have you told Inuyasha?"
"I can't. He has enough to deal without my problems." She wiped at her tears as they began to abate.
"If I could take your pain, I would." She ran her hand over the ebony locks on her young head.
"I know you would." She smiled bravely. "Just knowing you're here makes it bearable."
"I'm always here for you. Know that." She hugged her close and then set her back. "I guess Inuyasha is waiting?"
"Yeah."
"I packed your bag for you. You have plenty of ramen and I packed a few lunch boxes."
"Thank you." Kagome hugged her mom once again before retrieving the bag and heading out. "I'll see you soon. I love you." The sentiments were repeated in her hearing then she hugged and kissed an embarrassed Souta before she left.
"You sure took your sweet time." Inuyasha said once they were leaving the village and Kaede behind.
"I had to make sure I had enough herbs to treat the wounds your sure to get." He scoffed at her insinuation but didn't say anything. It was a moot point. No matter what he said or did, she would fuss over him. If he was being honest, it was a nice feeling to have someone fuss over him.
"So where to?"
"You would know better than I." She said. "I can't sense the shard unless it close enough."
"I guess we could go see about those thunder brothers. They might have shards."
Kagome began to wonder if it was he lot to be kidnapped. As soon as they caught up with the brothers, the ugly one snatched her. Not to say it would have been better if the handsome one had. But she wondered if he would be trying to eat her like this balding, hideous creature. At the moment, he was stirring the broth as the other sat calmly in the corner. She looked at him and smiled slightly.
"Don't even think about it." He said. "I won't steal from my brother. You're his to do with as he pleases." She needed to think fast. Her feminine wiles weren't gonna get her out of this. Not that she had any to boast of.
"But, wouldn't you want a prettier girl? Doesn't this work better the prettier the girl is?" The ugly one stopped stirring and looked at her.
"You'll do for now." She wouldn't lie and say she wasn't offended. She had her pride.
"Well, use me at your own peril." She sighed with great emphasis. "Just last week a hair demon lost all her hair when my blood touched her. It was sad. All that beautiful hair. I'm poison to hair." She was thinking as fast as she could to get herself out of this or give Inuyasha enough time to rescue her.
"Why should I believe you?"
Working over time, she thought of the temporary tattoo her friends had put on her. "A priestess marked me when I was born. My mother had angered her and she cursed me." She held up the arm with the drawing of a poisonous snake. "Even my saliva is poison. My last boyfriend – er – husband died from just kissing me. I was devastated." The handsome brother had become occupied by a female demon on his lap and the ugly one was busy stirring. She popped an antacid into her mouth and then spat some on the cot. Thankfully, the decrepit condition of the cot helped her lie. The ugly one looked around in time to see her bubbling saliva as it ate away at the material of the cot. He was horrified. "You don't want to see what my blood can do. Then again maybe I should show you-" she held her hand to her lips but he stopped her.
"Hoyden. You are here to poison me. I will kill you now." He raised his hand but the handsome one stopped her.
"Be calm, brother. She might not be good for eating, but we can have fun with her in other ways." Kagome shivered at the look in his eyes. She had visions of rape and she very nearly shriveled into the cot. Thankfully, a loud angry voice saved her.
"Hey, you cowards. Come out here and fight me. Give me back the girl!"
"Is that your boyfriend?" the handsome one said.
"Uh-yes. And he's very jealous. He'll kill you for sure."
"No one can beat me. Or my brother. Especially with these jewel shards."
"How can he be your man if you're poisonous?" the ugly one asked.
"He's ah-he's a very powerful demon. He's immune to poison. I was very lucky to find him." Kagome wondered how they could believe such rubbish.
She was hefted unto the shoulder of the ugly brother and then she was sailing through the sky. She saw Inuyasha and called to him. But the handsome one – who she knew to be Hiten – engaged him in battle before he could get to her. She needed to get off this flying cloud and maybe kill this one. She needed to get back the jewel shards. As if reading her mind, Inuyasha yelled out a question about them.
"You idiot! You let them get the shards?"
"I didn't see you trying to stop them from taking me." She yelled back. Further words were forestalled as they began fighting again. She looked at the ugly one and acted. She bit into his arm then, dived head first off the cloud. Luckily, it wasn't too far off the ground.
She was running out of places to hide and he was gaining on her. She yelled to Inuyasha for her bow and arrow.
"Like you can hit anything." He taunted. Her response was to shoot the first arrow at him. He dodged it and Hiten knocked it away. The other one jumped on top of her before she could get away and she bemoaned her lack of strength. She felt for the arrow as he choked her. Just before she passed out from lack of air, she drove it into his neck. He reared up like a frightened horse and she crawled away even as she gasped for air. She drew another arrow and aimed for his head. She should have known better. It grazed the top of his head and then his only three strands of hair fell from his hideous head. She wasn't sure what happened next but she knew she had to get away or die. Great blasts of energy came from his mouth and she dodged as best she could. How she managed to swing the heavy weapon he had dropped into his mouth, she couldn't say. But she killed him. The rest happened in rapid succession. Too fast for her hurting head. Inuyasha was being beaten by Hiten who had bitten the shards from his brother's head. A tiny fox was dancing around the battle field trying to help. She ran to it and scooped it up just as a gigantic bolt of lighting cut the sky and struck her down. As darkness closed around her, she heard the angry yell of Inuyasha and the shocked scream of his opponent as he was destroyed.
Tired and in that much more pain, she collected the jewel shards and cuddled the tiny fox youkai to her. Inuyasha complained all the way back to the village. Shippo became her escape for a great deal of the journey as her mind, focused on him, ignored the blinding pain. The nights didn't get any better. If anything, they got worse. Where once she'd wake up warm and dry, she'd wake now, drenched in sweat. It brought back to mind those times she thought that Inuyasha might have been taking care of her. She dreaded the coming night now. Even as she watched the sun set, she could feel the pain intensify. She could feel the dread sweeping over her. Shippo was excitedly enjoying a treat she'd found in her bag and Inuyasha was avidly avoiding her.
She worked at preparing the dinner. She didn't complain. But he could see that she was in pain. He could almost feel it. He wanted to help her but the very thought made his mind fill with guilt. She was doing a good job of not showing it to the kitsune. But she wasn't fooling him. It wasn't long before the food was ready. The time for sleep came that much quicker. Kagome, he saw, was trying very hard to stay awake.
"Go to sleep. We have a long way to go tomorrow." He said.
"I'm not tired." She lied. She glanced in the direction of the hot spring. "Maybe I'll have a soak for a while."
"You'll drown." He warned.
"I'll be careful." She rose, gathered her things and disappeared into the darkened forest.
He used the time to shuffle through his jumbled thoughts. The most prominent thought was this girl. The more he tried to distance himself form her, the more she seemed to entrench herself in his heart. In his soul. He thought back to those moments he felt something missing with Kikyo. Always there was something missing. But not now. With this version of her, he felt whole. He felt as if that missing piece of him had finally been found. Where she was soft, he was hard. Where she was weak, he was her strength. Guilt threatened to choke him. His feelings for Kikyo seemed to be slipping through his fingers. And just like that, she stepped back into the clearing and the guilt disappeared. He needed to protect this girl. He needed to keep her safe. And alive.
"Feeling better?" he asked and she looked at him in surprise.
"I guess." She said not sure what or why he was asking.
"Can you go to sleep now?"
"Maybe." She said. "Are you going to sleep?"
"Someone needs to keep watch." He said. I need to make sure you're safe.
"Well, good night."
It wasn't long into the night before the fever started. He watched her writhe in pain but she never cried out. He smelled the blood and knew, if this kept up, the kitsune would wake up. He gathered her up in his arms and moved to the spring. She didn't wake up this time but he tended her just the same. When he brought her back to the camp, the kitsune was watching with avid interest but said nothing. He merely turned over and fell asleep. He stooped to put Kagome down but she had other plans. Her arms snaked around his neck and held on for dear life. She buried her head into his neck and wouldn't budge.
"Stupid girl." He secured her to him, sat down and encouraged her to relax.
Kagome didn't wake the next morning either but he could tell she was only sleeping. She hadn't slept as peacefully as he'd hoped. After getting the kitsune to help pack up, he put her on his back and they headed off to find more jewels. He would have returned to the village but Kaede knew as much as he did and that couldn't help him. Hopefully, she would wake before they encountered any danger.
Night came with no incidents. Neither did Kagome wake up. He was beginning to get worried now. The kitsune hovered, touching her head now and then. Not that he liked it. But he couldn't exactly blame the little guy. She had that effect on him as well.
"We'll camp here for the night, Shippo."
"Is Kagome okay? She's been sleeping an awful long time."
"She's just really tired. She's been through a lot in the past few days." He wasn't sure why he was trying to reassure the fox but he felt he should. For some reason the thought that Kagome expected as much compelled him. Thankfully, the kitsune accepted the lie. Needing the distance from her, he set her down even though she resisted the action. Shippo kept watch while he went to scout the perimeter. He was back in a few minutes with firewood and fish for dinner. Tonight would be a quiet, ramen-less night. He was finishing his fish when he paused.
"What's that? What are those?"
"I don't know." He rose. "Keep an eye on her. I'm gonna check it out."
Kagome was finally free of the drugging sleep. She'd fallen asleep and for the first time accepted the oblivion that it offered. She was sure this was her end. But not so. She saw many strange things in that dark place. Fire. Death. She heard screaming. She smelled burnt flesh and the sweet, sickening smell of blood. Then she felt sorrow. Pain. But most of all love. Strange words were said and she felt something warm. The darkness was stealing over her once more. She thought for sure this was it this time. She was going to die. But here she was sitting up from her sleep with Shippo watching her.
"Hey, is it still night? I feel like I've been asleep for ages." She stretched her limbs feeling relaxed. Rested.
"You've been asleep for a whole day, Kagome." Shippo responded. He climbed into her lap. "Inuyasha said you were really tired and needed the rest. So he carried you for the whole day." Kagome smiled at his childlike wonder. She looked around for her other companion.
"Where is Inuyasha?"
"Well, we saw some weird youkai flying around and he went to check it out. He left me in charge." Kagome smiled and ruffled his hair.
"Well, how about you cook me fish and I'll go look for him?" Shippo looked perplexed but apparently the idea of cooking a fish for her won out. He set about his task while she followed what she believed to her intuition of Inuyasha's location. In hindsight, she wished she had just waited for him back at the camp.
"Why are you still alive?" she said. "Why do you live while I walk the line of death and life? No not even that. I am not alive. I cling to live by feeding on others."
"You're the one who sealed me to the damned tree."
"Apparently I was not strong enough then to purify you. But I am now." She looked away from him. "Why did you do it? Why did you betray me?"
"Betray you? You're the one who betrayed me. You tricked me into thinking you gave a damn about me. Then you tried to ambush me with the villagers."
"I did no such thing. I waited for you just as we planned – then you tried to kill me. I saw you. With my own eyes."
"No. I didn't do it. You tried to kill me. And when I tried to leave with the jewel, you pinned me to the tree."
"Do not try to trick me." She said. "But even knowing this, I still love you. And if I am to leave this plane of existence then you should come with me. You should burn in fire with me for your treachery."
"I-"
"It is only fair, Inuyasha." She stepped to ward him then stopped. "Something keeps you from me." She looked over his shoulder. "This girl. Who is she?"
"She-your reincarnation."
"Do you warm yourself in the second rate arms of my reincarnation, Inuyasha? Is this why you feel no obligation to the pain you have caused me? Are causing me?"
"I feel nothing for her. But-" he shook his head. "She isn't important. You are what I care about. How are you still alive?"
"The girl. My reincarnation. A part of her soul resides in me. If I had it all, I would live again." He watched her and there was a question in her eyes.
"No. Her life is hers. Yours-has ended."
"So you choose her over me?" She said indignantly. "You choose a copy of me to replace what we had? Do you not love me anymore?"
Inuyasha wasn't sure he loved her before. But what else could he call the feelings that coursed through him now. "With all my heart."
Kagome watched and listened as her heart broke into pieces. Why it hurt so much she wasn't sure. If anything, Inuyasha was a tentative friend. A companion that tolerated her only because of his need to find a powerful gem. This woman – the one who was not really alive - held his heart. She watched as they wrapped around each other, the woman's eyes met hers. She smiled cunningly then before holding Inuyasha closer to her.
"Come with me, Inuyasha. Leave this world." Kagome decided she wouldn't have this. It wasn't fair. She'd only just met him. Why should she have him?
"No! Inuyasha! Don't! She's trying to kill you!" he either couldn't hear or he was deliberately ignoring her. The woman answered her question.
"He can't hear you. He's mine now. You're only a copy. Nothing but a pale imitation."
"I'm not you. And he doesn't want to die. He wants to live." Anger suffused the girl and heat threatened to make her explode. "Inuyasha!"
As if from far away, he heard her. She was crying. Calling him. Kagome. But he was so sleepy. So content. He felt Kagome all around him. I'm okay, Kagome. I'm happy. The thought floated across his mind and just as quickly, pain slammed into him. He surfaced from this stupor to find Kikyo wrapped tightly around him. Kagome was currently entangled in vines trying to get to him.
"Kagome." He whispered.
"Please, Inuyasha. Don't die. Don't-" she yelled in pain and his blood responded.
"Inuyasha-have you forgotten me so quickly?"
"Why are you hurting her?" red fury spread quickly through him and even though hadn't ever thought of killing Kikyo before, the thought was real to him now as he saw Kagome's pain-stricken face. By-passing Kikyo, he freed Kagome from her plant bonds and held her to him. "Leave." He barked. Kikyo jumped back in shock.
"Inuyasha-"
"Leave." Still holding unto Kagome, he sunk into an attack position. Kikyo got the message and vanished.
She was crying and wouldn't be consoled. He couldn't take her to the Kitsune like this. Unspoken lines had been drawn with them for now. So he sat in the clearing that still held Kikyo's scent and rocked the crying girl. Her hands fisted in his hair but he didn't try to pull away. The slight pressure on his scalp felt good. Calming. Grounding.
"Woman-" she cried harder. He knew it was because of the term. He sighed. Why did he feel compelled to make her happy? Did he feel this way towards Kikyo? He lowered his mouth to her ear and whispered. "Stop crying, Ka-go-me." The name felt good. It wasn't the first time he'd said her name. But it was the first time she would remember. Her breath hitched and refused to continue. Her heart, he heard, stuttered then beat wildly in her chest. The rhythm was intoxicating. He felt the subtle change in her temperature. He noted she was doing everything in her power to remain very still. He savored the moment and then hurriedly took her to the campsite. It was not so safe for her to be with him now. Company – even insignificant in size – would help him keep his head.