Hey guys I'm back.

First things first: Shout outs.

My thanks to Disciple of Ember and Zeadman, your words are both encouraging and helpful. Thank you for your kind and detailed reviews.

To Alucard – at this stage I'm looking at just Chaos, but they can easily be expanded to encompass other deities. We'll see how we go.

Also to Fireburnswell– Thank you for your review. I'm sorry to say that I do not know much about Warhammer Fantasy at all. At this stage I am not looking at covering the deities of Warhammer Fantasy. I'm more than happy to discuss it further if you wish.

All that said and done, here is the latest chapter, and yes it is one that many of you have asked for.

I have to say this was easily the most difficult thing I have had to write.

Slaanesh can be interpreted in so many ways, it boggles the mind. He/she is just so tough to think about. I have been thinking about it and what you are about to read is the closest I can come up with. I can assure you for every word you read there were 6 words cut out. It initially ended up a whopping 8,000 words.

I hope you like it.

Without further ado, ladies and gents, may I present….

SLAANESH

Oh my. My, my, what a pretty little thing you are.

Come on don't be shy. Shy is the last thing you should be after making the trek through my Six Gardens. Was it everything you could have dreamed of and more?

It must have been a hell of journey. You don't even look tired. Oh what stamina you must have…Shall we test that? There is a bed right here. Granted it is a little soggy with 'fluids' but I'm sure you can overcome it. You don't look like someone who is squeamish. Ooh what's this, wow your skin is soft…but what is with the clothes? You know modesty is not really 'in' here. You can take them off. I promise I won't bite…at least not too much.

Come on don't be a tease…

…What do you mean 'no'? Oh, a human with standards, that is a change of pace, but I'm always willing to try new things. Well tell me what does swing your way?

Male? Female? Consensual or rape?

Domination or submission?

Drug-addled or clean?

Alive or dead? A lot enjoy dead.

Oh wait, are you interested in more exotic conquests? Ooh okay; how about Eldar? Or Tau?

Why not Ork? Granted it is a little bit difficult as the plumbing is…well there is no plumbing but that won't stop the fun. Vespid, maybe? Trust me, intimacy with a Vespid is out of this universe.

Or maybe danger is your middle name; why not Tyranid, you would be surprised what they can do with their tendrils. Necron; granted it is very one way, but hey, if you are selfish enough it doesn't matter how the other party feels right? But a flayer, now that is interesting, the way they dig those sharp little fingernails into your skin…..oh those dirty little daggers…

Oh...don't mind my Maidens; they are just so curious. As am I.

I would have expected you entering from the rear, but you are the first person who came in the front door. It was so…unexpected. I love surprises, there is nothing more pleasing to me when no one sees it coming. So what's your name cutie?

…Ah, of course you are; the name suits you. So tell me, my dear what brings you to my Palace?

'….to talk?' Interesting, I never tried that before. But talking is an art form, and it goes without saying that one needs a certain level of….hehehe…..oral skills in order for there to be a fluidic exchange of conversation.

Wait, are you saying you traversed my Gardens just to converse? You slowly entered the tight quarters of the twisting vines, thrusting yourself through the legions of deep sewers and ascended the highest erections in my land for an interview?

Don't you find that even the most little bit romantic? I find it completely arousing…you sure you don't want to get on the bed and embrace chaos?

….'No'? Hard to get; I like that.

Wanting to know more about me is cute, sweet even. But there is not much to tell, I wear my allegiance like a badge of honour and so do those that follow me. What do you expect from a god that was fucked into existence? 'Cause long story short that's what happened.

…I'm sorry about that. I pride myself on manners. It's just…you are something of a rarity. No one ever comes to my Palace just to 'get to know me'. Everyone who comes here, wants something. Everyone here feels cheated by life and they want something that they believe is 'owed to them'.

Each of the other gods, my colleagues and my rivals, have a specific drive, one that was always there but never had the chance to express.

With Khorne, his acolytes are driven by bloodlust.

Tzeench a thirst of knowledge.

Nurgle, a desire for belonging.

Me? Because some poor dope was not treated right by their spouse. Ugh that is so subpar.

I should not be whining, I hold domain over billions of souls. But there is just something so… uncivilised about being fucked into existence. It is more anti-climactic than you think and that is not a joke for you to enjoy.

The Eldar gave birth to me, millennia of debauchery and sinful exploitation. Oh I can assure you human, if you saw even half of what the Eldar did back then your head would explode. Now half the Eldar have shaped up; they had a 'moment of clarity' as alcoholics would call it; they fight me at every turn. The other half…well, let's just say old habits die hard. I don't even hold it against them, you know. Being noble, righteous and diligent is lame. It is difficult. It is not fun.

But noble or dark, when Eldar die, their souls come to me. They become a part of me. They call it 'being devoured'; I call it 'returning home'. That's nothing really new, but let me tell you something. Something those pesky Eldar don't even know, and if they did, would never admit it.

I don't seek them out; I have never sought their souls out. Their souls fly to me of their own volition, like moths to a flame. Your God-Emperor is a beacon in the void for man. The same is me for the Eldar, I am them the embodiment of what they were, what they are and what they will be.

That is the punch line; the zinger of all zingers. I don't search and I don't make promises. I don't recruit and I don't convert. I just sit here doing absolutely nothing. But people come…hehe…arrive at my door willingly and of their own free will. All the time, all day every day.

It's like…it's like people drawn to that one person. You know, that reckless friend you have? The one who does all that crazy shit, is a lot of laughs and makes friends easily? Every group has that guy. He decides to do something and people, realizing how good the idea is, join him.

Well I am that guy, and all my followers, are those friends. People always love a good party, but me? I am the party. I can go anywhere and I can do anything. They just follow me to go everywhere and do everything. Wait that rhymed. Nice! I have to try and make a song where that fits.

And in this grimdark universe that somehow got a double helping of grimdark, why shouldn't they follow me? The galaxy sucks…a lot and in more ways than one if you get my drift. All those rules, those regulations, fear mongering, propaganda, loss of life and love. Can you really blame them?

They don't voice their opinions out loud, oh no, doing so will result in a little visit from the commissar. But I can hear them whisper it from the darkest corners of their soul, screaming 'what about me? It isn't fair! I've had enough and I want my share!' Another rhyme? I'm on a roll, someone write this stuff down, I'm making art here!

But in the end, that is where I come in. I don't demand anything, only that you enjoy yourself and do what you want, and the enjoyment part is purely optional. Don't get me wrong, I am definitely not a good guy…or girl. Quite opposite, then again chicks swoon for the bad guy...and guys have the hots for the bad girl.

I have billions of followers but you just don't notice them, and most of them don't even notice how they serve me. All you hear about are the ones who get off on doing the whole 'kill and fuck everything that moves and not necessarily in that order' and there's nothing wrong with that. But the ones you don't hear are the numerous regular folk, I'm pretty sure you are one of them. They commit acts in my name all the time.

Taking a sick leave from work when you weren't actually sick.

Stealing someone else's pen.

Savouring the fact you made the cut when others did not.

Ate more food when you were already full.

Donating a couple of credits to charity.

Slept with someone else despite already having a partner.

Went on a trip without telling anyone.

Mass genocide of an entire planet.

Donating blood.

Drinking to excess despite already being completely wasted.

Petting a dog you know to have fleas.

All this and more, people all over the galaxy do this...well…maybe not the donating blood thing…and for no other reason than because they want to. You think those measly couple of donated credits are actually going to help solve galactic hunger or win the war against the Tyranids? No, of course not. But hey it sure feels good when you do it. A little bit of spiritual freedom; 'I've done my part for the universe now I'm taking the day off.'

That's what I am all about, doing what you want and more. Do what makes you happy then and now. No one knows what the future will hold, what if all that hard work for a better life does not pay off, trust me in this galaxy that is an absolute certainty. Why bother working towards something that may not happen rather that guaranteed pleasure right then and there? My side of the street offers all things that society frowns upon.

While they say 'why?,' I say 'why not?'. They say 'no', I say 'hell yeah!' and around and around we go. . I like to see much I can annoy someone without getting a chainsword to the face. I'm also the one who would push a glass off a kitchen bench when bored. I can offer them everything that their precious Imperium cannot.

Well….almost everything. There are some things I can't do, mostly because I have yet to experience it and the sad part is I probably never will.

Faith. Hope. Forgiveness. Discipline. Peace. These things are beyond me. I know they may seem 'lame' to the likes of you coming from the embodiment of excess, but once you have experienced climax due to a colonoscopy with a revved up chainsword, you're kind of scraping the bottom of the barrel for new experiences. The double-entendre shtick is something I just do to keep my mind occupied.

Even though I am on the other side looking in I can only imagine the spiritual pleasure one gets in believing in the Anathema. The problem being divine is that it's very hard…heheh…very difficult thinking like a mortal.

I can easily experience the pleasure of exotic tortures, excessive orgies, overdosing on narcotics and bathing in bloodshed. But it's the little things that escape my sight, which was always Tzeench's territory. I would love nothing more than to experience the faith of a loyal servant of the Imperium, the kind of faith that would fill a heart with strength, power and pride. The kind of faith that if kept, promised everlasting peace. What a feeling that could be…

But alas I can't. For that feeling would require the impossible, to actually be a loyal servant of the Imperium. To not actually know what Anathema really is or is not. Faith is that; not knowing but believing something to be true.

And…well you know…Chaos and Imperium just don't mix. And I am all about Chaos. But hey that won't stop me from trying. Because once you have lived as long as I have, and done the things I have done…you're kind of running out of stuff to do.

I mean, Khorne has his 'noble warrior' slash 'psycho-blood thing' going on with him.

Tzeench is all 'just as planned'.

Nurgle is more about everything being the same in one big happy family, kind of lame but he makes it work.

But me…I'm all about pushing the limits, experiencing things differently. Those that follow me are quite happy doing whatever it is they do. But what's left when you have done all that can be done, experienced everything that you can experience? Kind of a bummer, isn't it?

But I am not without hope, I mean I never would have thought a human would show up just to have a chat. If that is possible than so is everything else.

So in this instance I must say thanks, you have provided me with a new experience. I would reward you but, you don't seem interested in anything I have to offer. Hehehe.

You take care sweetie, and hey drop me a line sometime. But do so only if you want to. We'll paint the town red,as it were.

Ciao!

0o0o0o

Well fellas there you have it. Like I said, I found Slaanesh to be the most difficult of the gods to write (so far at least). I hope you enjoyed it, and even if you didn't let me know. I'm always eager to improve.

TTFN!