Spock was dreaming again. He saw Kirk in Laurel's torture chamber, and the Eldarine was holding a white-hot knife in his hand. He approached the captain, and Spock felt that he could stop him, he could jump and hold him back, but he was paralysed, he couldn't move, and Laurel touched Kirk's bare chest with the hot metal...
He woke up for Kyrian shaking his shoulder, and calling his name. His heart was beating so hard that he could hear it's rhythm in his ears, and he was battling for breath.
- It's okay, it was just a dream, you're in safe – the woman calmed him, and she sat on the edge of the bed.
When Spock realised that she's right, he closed his eyes for a moment, and sighed.
- I think the things which happened yesterday affect me stronger than I thought – he said.
- What do you feel exactly? – She asked.
- Something paralyzing, which doesn't allow me to do what is logical.
- It's fear.
- But I don't want to fear. I have always been able to control my feelings.
- When you are awake, you can. But you can't command your subconscious. And emotions belong partly to that. However, if you try to analyze them consciously instead of restraining, you can solve this problem.
- I always thought I'm not capable to feel this.
- Obviously you can. But you shouldn't be frightened of it. Everybody has emotions, even if they don't confess it. And to control them properly, the first step is to discover them. So what is the exact object of your fear in your dream?
- I'm just afraid of fear itself – he said. – I'm afraid I can't take logical action when it would be the most needed. I cannot save my friends, for example.
- Ok, let's start here. Fear is in everyone. You were afraid from Laurel in the torture chamber, because he caused pain for you. You discovered that you are able to feel this emotion, and now you think it will affect your actions. You aren't afraid of death, or of scarifying yourself for others, but of not doing the right thing in a critical situation. Am I right?
- Yes, that's the truth.
- Then, the only thing you have to do is to accept that fear is your part, but you can control it as any other emotion. If you have to decide in an emergency situation, you will choose the most logical solution, I'm sure. You're not worried about death, so, as a matter of fact your fear doesn't have an object. And if you don't have anything to fear from, finally, you don't feel it.
- Brilliant logic – he smiled.
- I think this is the biggest compliment I can get from you – she answered. – Let me show you something. I know that Vulcans are able to the connection of two minds. Our kind can do the same. Please, let me present you my feelings.
Spock raised his eyebrows. – Why? – He asked.
- Because I want you to see that you can control your emotions without denying them.
- Denial is comfortable for me.
- Is it? – She asked incredulously. – You can be happy without feeling all the negative emotions, like fear or anger.
Spock hesitated. He was happy once in his life, and it felt very well. However, it was the effect of a kind of drug from a flower's spores. Could it be happen that he can feel the same while he keeps logic?
- Just try it – she said. – At least, it will be an interesting experience, if not more.
- Well...okay – he agreed finally.
Kyrian took his hands in hers, and she closed her eyes. Spock could feel the most perfect harmony in his life. He knew the woman's thoughts, at least which she allowed him to know, and they were very pure and positive. He could feel the joy of helping to another, the joy of loving someone, the joy of looking at something beautiful. He felt how is to enjoy life.
- Do you see? – He heard her voice in his brain. – This is how I feel usually.
- And what about negative emotions? – He asked with his thoughts.
- Of course, they are. But as I told, you can analyze your feelings logically. If I am sad or angry, I ask myself: why? What is the object of my hatred? Is it really worth to feel myself bad about it? Our emotions are different from humans, for example. They are not so intense. We can't love so afire like them, but we can't hate so much either. We are just in harmony with ourselves and others.
She slowly let his hands. The connection disappeared.
- How was it? – Kyrian asked.
- Interesting – said Spock, trying to use as neutral voice, as he could, but he felt that it didn't succeeded very well. He barely saw her face in the dark of the night, but he was sure that she was smiling.
- Scotty said that they can fix the engine for tomorrow, maybe – Kirk said next day. – Actually, I wish it would last a few more days. This is the first place during our journey where nobody wants to kill us, and the society is not in conflict with our basic values. But, we have to continue our expedition.
Spock nodded, but he didn't really listen to what the captain was saying. His thoughts were wandering around Kyrian and the last night. Maybe all of his attempts to ignore his emotions were unnecessary in his whole life? If selection can be made between feelings, and one could repress negative ones, and live through positive ones, why Vulcans didn't recognise it? If there can be happiness without hatred, then to live like that would have been the most logical step.
- Hey, Kirk calls Spock! – The captain waved his hand in front of the Vulcan's eyes.
- I'm sorry, I was just thinking.
- I can see. I wonder if totally accidentally you weren't just thinking about a nice, blond girl... – Kirk grinned.
Spock looked at him with his usual 'humans, you are so petty-minded' gaze.
- Captain, please, don't think I'm like you – he said.
- I never wanted you to be like me. It would be terrible. I couldn't put up with myself. I would always agree with myself. I need you to argue with me.
- And I happily fulfil your expectations.
Kirk laughed. – I have to speak with Uhura. I want to send a message to the Starfleet about this planet and its habitants.
Spock spent almost the whole day in the library, examining the history of Eldarine. He wanted to find something which could prove that the Vulcan way is the most logical. He was searching for errors in the formula, but he didn't find any. It seemed that since this race gave up its conquering attitude, and made harmony, nature and love for each other as main norms, there weren't any war or crisis in the society. Finally, he found that accepting this is the most logical action. Unlike humans, he could confess if he was wrong, and he didn't start to create illogical reasoning to prove his truth.
It was around eight o' clock in the evening when he stepped out to the street again. The sun went down already, but the two moons of the planet provided enough light to see.
- There you are! – Kyrian approached. – I thought you want to stay in the library for the whole night.
She wore a long white dress today, which left her shoulders bare as usual. It seemed glowing in the silver light.
- It wouldn't be wasted time – he said. – You have many and proper descriptions about your past.
- We always try to write down our history as detailed as we can. Are you tired?
- Not yet.
- I like to sit outside on nights like this. Would you join me?
- Of course.
They walked to Kyrian's house, where a little table and two chairs were waiting for them next to the entrance. Two jugs and cups were prepared already. Spock noticed to himself that the woman obviously expected that he will accept her offer. They sat down and Kyrian poured some wine for herself and fruit juice for Spock.
- Why have you decided to take part in this mission? – She asked.
- Because I'm curious – he answered.
- You know also that it's not enough. You could read the descriptions of explorers also to satisfy your curiosity.
Spock sighed. Why did he think that he can answer this question with such thin half-truth? She was far too clever to believe it.
- I'm half-human. I don't belong to Earth but not to Vulcan either. I could be a member of Vulcanian Scientific Academy, but at my consideration, they passed a remark on me about my 'disadvantage'. I decided that I don't want to be the part of such organisation which is chauvinist.
- So, you was aggrieved – Kyrian said.
- I just felt that this way of thinking conflicts my basic mentality. If they said this on my consideration, I would have never been equal member of the Academy.
- It seems that Vulcans think they are superior to humans.
- Well, yes, but it doesn't mean that we want to change or conquer them, because their society works mainly well, and they share our basic values: the toleration of other cultures, and the need for knowledge.
- Yes, these are important things. We have to let everybody to choose their way of life, even if we think it's not the best way. And we should let everybody to live through feelings, and decide if they like it or not. I'm sorry I really don't want to say that your society is wrong, but I think it's a mistake to sacrifice emotions on logic's altar. The world is not black and white.
- Actually, that's why I was in the library today. I wanted to find something which I can advance as an argument against you. But now I think that eliminating emotions maybe wasn't the best decision.
- Well, at least, you can change your opinion. Not everybody can do that. Some can stand to his opinion even if it's clear that he's not right.
Spock smirked. – Yes, humans are often like that.
Kyrian turned in her seat to face Spock. – And now, what will you do?
- How do you mean?
- You recognised that ignoring emotions isn't the most logical step. How will it change you?
- I don't know – he said. – Obviously, it will turn out when I'll be in such situation when I have to express my feelings.
- Isn't it such situation? – She asked in a deeper, seductive voice.
The silver light of the moons glowed on her cheeks. She tilted her head on one side, revealing her white neck. She was smiling, with expectancy in her eyes.
The Vulcan felt his pulse increasing and his stomach clutched. He didn't really know what to do. He drew to her it was obvious. But should he...and then, it just happen. He leaned over the table and kissed her. Her lips were warm and soft. Then, he backed away a little bit, and stared at her totally confused. A moment later, she kissed him back more intensively, raising her hand and stroking his nape.
Spock felt warm flooding his body, and another feeling arose in him: desire. Kyrian grabbed his hands, and stood up, pulling him with herself. She embraced him, caressing his back, and kissing his neck. He returned the embrace, and closed his eyes to enjoy her lips on his skin for a moment.
- It's the most illogical... – he started in tense voice, but she didn't allow him to finish the sentence as she kissed him again with passion.
- Shut up, Spock – she told in a soft voice.
At this point, he lost control over his body. It wasn't the aggressive lust of pon farr, but the desire to unite with her. He just wanted to feel her, kiss her, and touch her skin. They went in the house without breaking their cuddle. Spock sat on the bed, and Kyrian descended in his lap, in face of him. Soon they threw off their clothes, and just before the moment of pleasure, she wheezed in his ear:
- Please, let me feel what you feel.
Spock nodded, his eyes closed, and Kyrian grabbed his hands as she did last night. They connected mentally, feeling not only their own satisfaction, but the other's also. White light fired in his mind, and he cried out.
When their shivers subsided, he leaned back on the bed, and Kyrian lied next to him.
- Well, I think you don't have any problem with expressing your feelings – she told.
- Indeed – he answered, and kissed her forehead.
When he opened his eyes, he saw her curly, blond hair shining in the sunlight. She was embracing him as she slept. He stared at her beautiful face.
It was obviously the most illogical thing he did. He has to leave today, and he doesn't know if he will return anytime. Despite this, waking up next to her was the best feeling he has ever had. He stroked her hair, and she opened her eyes also, smiling.
- Good morning – she stretched which caused the blanket slip down a few centimetres, uncovering her shoulder. Spock gave a light kiss on it. – How do you feel? – Kyrian asked.
- What do you think? – He asked with a smile. – I've just had the best experience in my life.
- I hoped you'll say something like this.
In this moment, trenchant and hurried steps sounded at the door.
- Scotty said that... – Kirk halted in the entrance when he saw the Vulcan and the Eldarine lying in the bed, probably in fewer clothes than it would be seemly. His face fell, and he just stood there.
- I...I'm sorry, I just...just the door was open, and I...
Kyrian laughed, and Spock's face went green as it was the tally of blushing at Vulcans.
- Captain, discretion is valid at an opened door too.
Kirk said a vague 'I'm sorry' again then he turned, and went out, closing the door.
- It's not so ridiculous – Spock said.
- Yes, it was – a drop of tear fall from her eyes of laughing. – His face was very funny.
- Do you know how long will I hear this back from McCoy if he gets know it?
- Probably all of your life. But I trust in the captain's discretion.
- In the top of it, if it turns out for the crew that I have feelings, how could they accept my logical reasoning anymore? They could retort with it always.
- Don't be afraid. They won't respect you less because you have emotions. Logic is logic if you can love someone also. Come on let's find out what Scotty said. Probably that you have to leave.
Spock's face clouded over. – That's why I didn't want happiness. It doesn't last forever.
- It's a very bad reasoning – she said – if you don't want to try something good, because it will end. I'll be here, you can return anytime. I'll always love you, Spock.
- You can't say that.
- Yes, I can. I will always love you. I didn't say that I will love only you. I can't own you, and you can't own me. But if you visit me, I'll welcome you with the same feeling as I have now. It's the secret of avoiding jealousy. Don't expect from others that they will be only yours. But love can't run out. You have to continue your journey, but if you will think back on me, I hope, you will feel happy.
- It's sure – he smiled.
They took up their clothes, and stepped out to the street. Kirk was waiting for them, and he obviously still felt embarrassed.
- So, Scotty said – he cleared his throat – they finished the repairing, so we can leave, if we want... – he looked meaningfully on Spock.
- We have to continue our mission, Captain – Spock answered. – It's time to say goodbye to the Eldarines. - He looked at Kyrian, but she hid her emotions. She really could do that.
- Well, then, I tell to the maegor that you're leaving – she said, and walked away.
Spock could see on Kirk's face that he's almost exploding from curiosity.
- Spock... – he started, but the Vulcan interrupted.
- I don't want to talk about this.
- Come on, Spock, you talked to me about pon farr...
- Because it was necessary. My personal life belongs to me. And I would appreciate if it would remain between us. Especially Dr McCoy shouldn't know it.
- Well, okay, I'll keep it for myself... – Kirk grinned – if you answer some questions.
Spock sighed. He expected that he can't make the captain's curiosity go away, but he wasn't angry. – Well, okay.
Later, Kirk, Spock and McCoy were ready to leave. The other members of the crew have already transported to the Enterprise, and only they left there to officially say goodbye.
- It was a pleasure to meet you – the maegor said. – Our doors are always opened for you and your crew, Captain Kirk.
- Thank you for your hospitality – Kirk said.
Kyrian took Kirk's hand in hers, and looked in his eyes.
- I wish you good luck on your journey – she said. She told the same to McCoy, and finally, she stood in front of Spock. Maybe only Kirk noticed that she holds his hands a moment longer than theirs before.
- Good luck, Mr. Spock. And don't forget what I said about love. – The Vulcan could hear her last sentence in his mind.
Kirk opened his communicator. – Mr. Scott, energy! – He ordered, and they disappeared.