1Author's notes: For those who don't remember, Gary was the Mormon kid in "All About Mormons." I actually don't like the ending of this, but I'm proud of this chapter. I'm surprised I got so much material out of such a unique pairing. Also, I know coffee doesn't count as much of a dessert. But I did try to mention coffee-flavored desserts, so that sort of counts right? Anyway, read and review. :P

Tweek Tweak was never introduced to much religion growing up. His parents would occasionally take him to church and tell him he was Catholic, but they were far too busy handling the family coffee business to regularly participate in any type of religious practice with their son. As he got older, Tweek began to develop an interest in the subject of religion. He learned quickly that not subscribing to some sort of faith in his small town made him somewhat of an outcast. He also had no clue what his parents' faith believed in. That was way too much pressure, Tweek decided. He needed to find out what -he- actually believed in religiously.

Not knowing which faith was the one for him, Tweek began going around his school and asking the openly religious students about what they believed. He hoped that he would soon find the right path to happiness. He started his questioning with Kyle Broflovski. That turned out to be a bust. There were a lot of rules associated with being a Jew. Foods you couldn't eat and such. Tweek couldn't take it. Catholicism, the religion he was somewhat raised on, was also out. Priest scandals were known throughout the world, and Tweek didn't care to take that risk. Satanism was out because of all the burning and torture involved.

It appeared Tweek would never find a group to belong to, until one day he came upon Gary Harrison in the hallway.

"Hi!" Gary exclaimed in a chipper tone.

"AH!" Tweek responded with a slight jump backward.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

"Um, can I ask you about your religion?" Tweek asked nervously.

"Sure!!"

"GAH! Don't do that man!"

"You should come over to my house tonight for family home evening. My dad loves reading stories from the book of Joseph Smith."

"Your house?" Tweek put his hand to his mouth, anxiously biting his nails. "I don't know."

Gary laughed. "It'll be fine. We don't bite."

"I...I guess so."

"Great!"

Tweek leapt back again as Gary left for class.

That night, Tweek did show up to the Harrison residence. They had dinner, played games, and most importantly to Tweek, read from the book of Mormon.

"And that's how Mormonism works!" the father of the family said as he closed the book.

While the Harrisons were all smiles, Tweek was not. He stared at the Mormon family, utterly perplexed.

"I don't understand," he replied with a nervous twitch.

"That's okay. What part aren't you understanding?" Gary asked him.

"Well, you said your religion can't have caffeine."

"Right, no caffeine for us," Mister Harrison said.

Tweek blinked. "But, doesn't that mean you can't have coffee?"

"Right" Gary said.

"...Ever?!"

"Nope, never."

"...Dude, you can't not drink coffee!"

The Mormon family laughed in unison.

"Sure we can!" the father said happily.

Tweek's jaw dropped. How was it possible? How could anyone not drink coffee? Worse yet, how could anyone make it a religious -rule- to not drink coffee? It just wasn't right. Tweek began to tremble slightly. What if these non-coffee drinking cult maniacs somehow converted him? He couldn't take that risk.

"I have to go now!"

"So soon?" mother Harrison questioned. "We haven't even had our sing along yet."

"No thank you! I have to go!" Tweek insisted with another twitch.

"Aww!" the family groaned.

"Well, okay. I'll see you in school tomorrow," Gary said.

"Oh god" Tweek muttered to himself as he bolted for the door.

Gary didn't see Tweek at school the next day after all. Or the day after that. Or the one after that. Tweek was clearly avoiding Gary, and Gary wanted to know why.

Word around town was that Tweek had a part-time job helping his family after school. He couldn't run away or blend in with a crowd of people if he was confronted there. The Mormon boy knew this and walked to the Tweak family coffee house, ready to give Tweek a similar speech to the one he gave Stan Marsh several years ago.

The scent of freshly-brewed coffee filled his nostrills as he approached the counter. He had to admit it smelled rather inviting. Especially considering the fact that it was a hot beverage in an often snowy town. The boy shook his head clear and took a seat at the front counter, trying to remain focused.

"Hello sir. Is Tweek here?" Gary asked.

Mister Tweak called to the back for his son. "Tweek!"

"GAH!" Tweek responded.

"There's a customer out here who wants to see you!"

Tweek came to the front. He frowned when he noticed Gary was the one waiting for him. Tweek grabbed his order-taking pen and pad out of habit, but he was far too extra jittery at the moment to write anything down.

"Oh, hi Gary. Um, c-can I take your order?"

"No thank you. I just came here to say you can stop avoiding me at school. You don't like my religion and that's fine. If you're too petty to see past that, I don't want you as a friend."

"I want to be your friend," Tweek said.

"You do?" Gary raised a surprised eyebrow.

"Yeah. I even liked your religion. It sounds really nice. I just, don't want Mormonism to make me hate coffee."

It was then that Mister Tweak contributed his two cents to the conversation.

"Son, you can still be Mormon and drink coffee. They used to tell Catholics not to eat meat on Fridays, so we ate fish instead. After a while people just sort of forgot about that rule."

Gary and Tweek both looked at Mister Tweak in puzzlement.

"You can do that?" his son asked.

"Of course. One of the reasons religion has so many different sects of the same faith is because people interpret things differently. Some people strictly follow everything their religion says, and some don't because they disagree with it. You can even go so far as to form your own religion. That's the good thing about religious freedom boys. You can pretty much do whatever you want as long as you say it's one of your religious beliefs."

"Well, I think it'd be neat if Tweek was Mormon."

"I'd like that too Gary," Tweek said. "But I -can't- give up coffee!"

"I don't understand. What's the big deal about coffee?"

Both the Tweaks gasped. "What's the big deal about coffee?!" they parroted in astonishment.

"My god, this child is deprived!" the elder Tweak said. "Get this boy some coffee! Quick!"

"I'm not supposed to do that."

"Hey, my son is trying to learn your family's beliefs. You should learn ours too."

Gary bit his bottom lip unsurely. "Well, I guess that'd be fair. But, just only a -little- coffee, okay?"

"Of course" Mister Tweak assured.

There was once a time when the sizes of things were small, medium, and large. Unfortunately for Gary, sizes went up along with the appetites and waistlines of Americans. The new standard was now large, extra large, and double XL. What was labeled as a "small" cup of coffee was actually a very big size. Gary was sure he'd only be able to drink a few sips worth.

Ten minutes later, the cup was empty and the Mormon boy was begging for a refill.

Tweek officially announced himself as a Mormon after a few weeks, while Gary officially became a regular drinker of coffee. The boys took the advice of Mister Tweak and created their own faith. Their version of Mormonism was simply a form which allowed its members to consume coffee. It was a win/win situation for both of them.

Meanwhile, Tweek and Gary became friends. Then best friends. They taught each other more about coffe and faith respectively. One night, the two-person religion loaded up on caffeine and continued their enlightenment of one another. Tweek taught Gary about other forms of coffee such as coffee cakes and coffee ice cream, while Gary told Tweek about some of the more interesting rules of Mormonism. Among them, the rules about gay relationships and pre-marital sex not being allowed. The boys decided those rules were stupid in a modern world, and deemed them okay in their own private faith.

Later that same night, the Mormon best friends became Mormon lovers.