Chapter 3: Rediscovering Muchness

Alice sat cross legged in the center of her bed, still holding the vial of Jabberwocky blood in the palm of her hand, for what seemed like forever, but in truth had only been a few hours. The lavender blood noticeably glowed, even in the light of the sun.

While she sat, Alice often cast glances at the door, hoping that Hatter would return, and be his cheerful self. But he did not, so Alice sat and pondered the words of Hatter, Mallymkun and Cheshire, since they had left her to her solitude. Left her to think.

Well, if indeed Cheshire had left. Cheshire being a cat, and cats being rather sneaky by nature, could very well still be in the room with her. Watching and waiting, with the patience that only his species could possess.

It also helped that he had a talent for invisibility.

A shiver went through her body, and she instinctively rubbed her arms, and cast a suspicious look about the room, knowing that, even if he was here, she would not be able to tell.

"You're being utterly ridiculous, Alice." She said out loud to no one, but herself.

She heard her voice echo through out her large empty room, and she realized how alone she was; not just for the moment, but on the path that her life was currently traveling.

Oh, she had her friends, some closer than others, and her family, who did love her dearly, as she did them, but she still felt so alone. She was an odd duckling, amongst swans, one that thought of impossible things, like flying, and traveling to China, when girls of her age and station should be thinking of marriage and beginning a family of their own.

Not that she was opposed to marriage or beginning a family. She wanted one, but had not found he who could be her soul mate; who would see the word and it's possibilities as she did.

At least, when her papa had been alive, she'd had a kindred spirit; one that thought just like her, and encouraged her to believe in her dreams, for he had such impossible dreams too. After his death, her mama and sister had tried their best to understand her, but did not have the same imagination, when it came to the fanciful and fantastic thoughts in her head.

Not that mama or Margaret were without imagination, but they were both more grounded in sensible reality, and tried to teach her to be grounded too. Not that it worked. They would sigh and become a touch exasperated with her, and leave her to her dreams.

Margaret would tease her as a child, saying she was some fey babe, that had been switched with her real sister. Sometimes she thought she was, and sometimes she wished it to be so. She would tell Margaret her wish, and Margaret would then hug her and call her silly; and that she had only been teasing.

But now she was alone, without a kindred spirit to call her own. Mother had father, Margaret had Lowell, although she suspected that was one sided, and entirely on the side of Margaret, but even Lord and Lady Ascot seemed to be perfectly suited for each other.

The sun, now high in the sky, warmed the room, and Alice decided to finally leave the safe haven of her bed. Her legs tingled from being crossed for so long, and she shook them to bring feeling back to both, before placing the glowing lavender vial on her night table, slipping on her robe, and walking out onto the balcony.

She took in the beautiful view of Mamoreal, and knew how she would miss it, if she returned home; miss all the new and wonderful friends she had made here, especially Hatter, if she returned to where she belonged.

If? Didn't she mean when? Wasn't that where she was suppose to be?

But her inner voice argued with her, saying she was a fool, and that she was home and she was most definitely not alone, and more importantly, she did have a kindred spirit, and that she needed to wake up and follow the new path, if she was brave enough.

That path was laid before her and it only required her to take the first step.

"Hatter." She whispered quietly, and a terribly wonderful reality came to her. One that took the air from her lungs, and made her heart beat so strongly, that she was certain it would burst from her chest.

Alice took deep breaths, and rubbed a hand over her pounding chest, where her beating heart shouted out a truth she had deliberately deafened herself to hearing. It did not seem possible, could not be possible, given that she had only been here just a few days.

She loved a half mad man, a gloriously mad hatter, last of the Hightopp clan; her dearest Hatter, her dearest Tarrant.

Feeling faint, Alice sat on the sun warmed marble floor of the balcony, in a most unbecoming way, her robe tangled in her legs, and hugged herself.

She loved Tarrant Hightopp, but could not understand how or when it happened.

According to all the stories and poems she had read, love would happen at first sight, as if one had been struck by lightening. That she would know immediately that he was the one. Know they would have their happily ever after as soon as their eyes met. How naive she was in believing those poets and authors knew of what they wrote.

Those childhood fairy tales were wrong.

For her, real love had been a small flame that she had not know had existed, that had slowly grown in strength, while remaining quiet until it knew she was ready to hears it's truth. A glorious and brilliant truth, that she now opened herself to.

This love had not been something that had come to be in the few days she had been here, but something that had slowly built from her first visit, so long ago. The flame took spark, first as the love of a child, innocent and pure. But as she grew older, matured, so did it, and in the process changing into the love of a woman, even if she had thought the man of her dreams had been, well, nothing but a dream.

Almost as if this love had been a part of her destiny, as much as slaying the Jabberwocky, and she wondered if this was part of the Oraculum, which was now safely back in the hands of the White Queen.

But did she had the courage, the muchness, to grasp that destiny and claim it as her own? Did she dare?

There were things that were without a doubt, of utmost importance to her, that required her attention in her world.

Or did they?

She had always had the dream of carrying out her father's vision, opening outposts in exotic China, seeing the world and changing it. But if she stayed here, than she would have to let that dream go, or let someone else live it, in her place.

Could she do it, and let go of all that had seemed so very important to her, before she followed a white rabbit down a hole? Or could she turn her back on the one real chance she had at love; a chance at knowing and experiencing what her parents had with each other. A soul mate. Such a rare and precious thing, to have that other half of oneself, something that she suspected she would never find it in her world.

Could she give it up? Well, that would depend on Hatter.

She needed to speak to him immediately. They needed to have a real conversation, with questions that would require real answers, before she decided which path she would choose. The path she now hoped to follow.

Of course that would mean finding someone to finish her father's dream, amongst other things. It would also mean somehow finding a way to send a message to her world, if that was even possible.

If it was not possible to send that message, could she just let her old dream go? Let it die?

Yes, she could let it go, although it would break her heart, and she would always wonder; what if. But Alice hoped that it would not come to pass.

Rushing back into her room, she went to the closet, and quickly changed into a plain, serviceable light green dress, and ran a brush quickly through her hair.

Just as she opened the door to leave her room, she nearly tripped over the white rabbit that lead her to Underland.

She had to throw out a hand to catch herself on the door frame, and to keep herself from falling, and most likely crushing McTwisp, who was covering his head with his paws, and had his eyes tightly closed.

"Forgive me, McTwisp." She said after a moment, "I wasn't paying attention, and didn't see you there."

Slowly lowering his paws, and opening his eyes, one at a time, he seemed to gather himself together, "No harm done. Thankfully." He looked about the room, "I was trying to find Cheshire. He seems to have disappeared."

Alice cringed at the pun, even as McTwisp laughed at his cleverness.

"Perhaps you can help me, I need to speak to Hatter." She said, kneeling down to better look him in the eyes.

"Hatter you say?", He had a quizzical look on his face, and took a hop back, "Well, um, he is gone. He departed for Witzend earlier today. Indeed, he seemed distracted, well, more so than usual for him, I might say."

"Gone!" and she knew she said it louder than she intended, based of the startled look on McTwisp's face.

"Well, yes. He almost left Mallymkum and Thackery behind. Very, very distracted. It was almost like he was desperate to get away, or a very important date he had to attend to." He glanced about, as if looking for a way to escape her, and her odd behavior.

"But," Alice said, standing up and trying to keep herself under control, "but I need to speak to him."

He couldn't be gone, Alice thought, not now, when she needed to speak to him desperately. Was it too late?

McTwisp took several more backward hops, and looked up at her, "Well, I would suggest speaking to her Majesty. I'm sure she can help you."

"Yes, yes, please lead the way."

Alice couldn't help but muse to herself, even in her state of worry, that once again she was following the white rabbit. She only hoped that this one wouldn't lead to another fall, and oddly enough she could swear, that she heard Cheshire laughing, as the door closed behind her and McTwisp.

To Be Continued

F.Y.I:

Sorry it took so long to get this up. I rewrote this chapter so many times, that it no longer resembles the original version, lol! Still not sure if I like it, and maybe at some point I'll edit it, but not now.

I, also, decided how I wanted this to end, so I had to write (type) down what was in my head, while the iron was hot, and before my random amnesia set in. If I don't get it down, I will forget!

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, even if Hatter wasn't in it. He might not be in the next chapter or two, other than in Alice's heart and mind.

More to come, and with luck, quicker than this one.

Fairfarren all!