This chapter is graphic and may contain triggering material. I advise that sensitive readers should not read this story. I do not condone or encourage any of the violent or heinous acts performed or discussed in this chapter. Thank you for any and all views, reviews, favorites and follows.
Post-"Forgiving Rollins". Based off the promo and the #SVUScriptPageSpoiler by WarrenLeightTV.
I own nothing. All rights go to their rightful owners.
I find myself in Long Island City, pouring more drinks down my throat than I care to count. As I sit at the bar, I realize apart of me feels gone; the secret I'd kept for five years, freed from it's cage, now runs wild throughout the city and terrorizes me at every opportunity it gets. The building is quiet, the afternoon calm, but my mind feels numb and my skin too tight.
A man sits on the stall beside me, his face brutally familiar, "You're a hard woman to track. I hit half the bars in Long Island City." the air feels tense, each movement or sound threatening to produce a tear or a flinch. My partner, the man I trust more than my Southern blood, is the last person I want to see right now. I just want him to walk back out the door, promising to leave me alone and let me drink myself to death. I'm was over the legal limit by the time the urge to hit a casino became potent, so the only thing keeping me away from splashing every pence I own on a few chips is the thought of being arrested for D.U.I.
"I don't want to talk about this." I mumble, swishing the brownish liquid around in my glass, my eyes refusing to meet his. Fin leans in closer to me and I wonder what he must think of me; the SVU detective who kept silent about her rape for five years, during which she was telling hundreds of victims alike to press charges.
"I'm not leaving." he insists, his voice low. Taking a sip of alcohol in my mouth, I feel beat. Nightmares have consumed me during the late hours since early November, then everything became a trigger. Every face around every corner became Patton's, and every voice behind every door behind his too. Over the last few days, my walls have shattered and I've let myself become vulnerable. Fins continues, the question that seems to have been on his tongue the last few weeks released, "What happened with you and Patton?"
He raped me is all I can think. He violated me, he forced himself inside me, he laughed when I had an orgasm, then he mocked me for looking like hell the next morning.
Though I stay silent for a moment, staring at the dark wooden bar and the glass wrapped in my nervous hands. "I was Patton's shiny blonde protégé. The good girl. Smart. Just like he likes 'em."
"He took advantage of you, Amanda." he reasons, knowing the demons inside me are internally screaming that it's my fault. I worked SVU for six years in Atlanta and I've worked it for five in New York, but it still feels like it's my fault. I had a gun at my hip and years of self-defense training, but it still happened, and I kept silent.
When I transferred, I had told Olivia that something had happened. She asked questions, seeming filled with her usual concern for potential victims, but I assured her it wasn't anything worth pursuing. I had decided that Patton couldn't touch me in New York; he had no authority over me anymore. So I let him get away with raping me. Olivia had then told me that that's how they win. We then put away a rapist, her concern of my possibly rape gone. Nothing more was ever said.
Until now.
"The comments, the stares...I wanted by shower at the end of every shift. He got my alone...got me cornered..." I take a swig of my drink, hoping liquid courage will assist my confession.
What happened with me and Patton?
"He raped me."