She'd been standing by the nurse's station waiting for her lab tech to hand her the films for an appendectomy that was scheduled for later in the afternoon. To say the transition was normal would have been an overstatement. The very fact that Arizona was waiting for films felt strange to her. The few times she had an opportunity to operate in Malawi she went in blind essentially. She felt like films and all the other modern technological advances afforded to her by the opulence of Seattle Grace/Mercy West were luxuries she, and all the other doctors there, did not entirely deserve. She thought about all the children that could have been helped using the money they'd so lavishly expunged themselves of for the Devinci. Children were needlessly dying and here she was loitering by the nurse's station, waiting for films and doing nothing.
She'd decided to make today all about the work. No celebrations of her return, no catching up on hospital gossip, no listening to the countless stream of people ready to tell her how to win Callie back, just work; she needed the first day to be easy-in and easy-out. Lucky for her Alex Karev was more than understanding. She worried he might chew her out for leaving him without a mentor, but was surprised at his rather lackluster response to her return. As she sat in the attending lounge reviewing the films for the appendectomy Alex popped his head in, peered around for a second then declared.
"Hey, I hope you got something better than appys today, I've been doing those in my sleep."
She tried to be as eager as he was, but her mind was elsewhere. Arizona felt like she'd been living the past few days outside of herself, just watching her life unfold and feeling as though the entire experience was foreign to her. She rested her chin in her palm, trying in earnest to think of something for Karev to busy himself with.
"I've got a 12 year old with weight induced hypertension and diabetes coming in for bypass surgery..."
"Sweet" Alex proclaimed in typical fashion.
"They won't be here till tomorrow though, so you're stuck with an appy today." Arizona fished, still feeling out of it. She hardly even noticed when Alex slipped back out of the room. When someone touched her on the shoulder she assumed it was Alex, but was surprised to look up and see Teddy sitting down next to her.
"Torres has a double floating shoulder in OR 4, you wanna go look at Stretch Armstrong before she glues him back together." Teddy demanded with little formality to the question. Arizona had already told her she didn't want to talk about Callie at work today, but Teddy figured she could get around that little stipulation by talking about a rare surgery that just happened to be in Callie's OR. Arizona wasn't going to fall for it though. She packed her files back into the patient folder and headed for the door. However, she hadn't counted on Teddy's quick foot work to keep her trapped in the room.
"It's not like you have to say anything, you just show up in the gallery. She sees your face, you see hers and she knows you still care…she kind of got the impression you were heartless and over her."
Teddy playing mediator was nice and usually would have made Arizona smile, but after the other night the last thing she needed was a reminder of where she stood with Callie.
"She's seen my face plenty, she knows where I stand." Arizona was calm and sure of herself, which only made Teddy even more suspicious.
"You pulled a Titanic on her in the middle of the airport, except instead of falling to the bottom of the ocean never to be seen again, you came back. I highly doubt she knows where you stand."
"I asked her to marry me" Arizona finally admitted. "I showed up to her apartment yesterday and asked her to marry me." She watched as Teddy's face contorted into a series of awkward positions. First there was the incredulous pose which made her forehead wrinkle and her nose scrunch up as if trying to evade her top lip. Then there was the long blank stare that seemed to go on forever as the realization of truth dawned on her. Finally a smile began to form across her face; naturally she assumed the proposal had a positive result. Callie was, after all madly in love with Arizona.
"She said no, okay, are we done talking now?"
Teddy had more to say, but she knew she needed to back off and give Arizona some space to process everything.
"I just went on a date with my aunt's nephew and I sort of feel like even though we're not in the same gene pool, I've crossed an ethical line." Teddy blurted in an attempt to alleviate some of the tension.
"Was he cute? It doesn't count if they're cute."
"Oh my god, he was."
They both walked out of the lounge and went their separate ways. So, she wasn't going to have the easy day she'd planned for. At the very least she could have one day of not having to deal with the fall out from the Carter-Madison mess. They were the whole reason she'd felt so motivated to find Callie the other day. That phone call that went so horribly wrong was still on her mind. Arizona hoped beyond reason that she could avoid them at least for today. She thought back to her phone ringing and her trepidation when she read the name on the caller ID.
"Hello, Dr. Robbins? This is Virginia Lions with the Carter Madison Foundation."
"Yes?" Arizona had been expecting them to call, but she didn't think it would happen so quickly.
"I hope you've had some time to settle in since we last spoke" Virginia always felt it mandatory to exchange pleasantries it helped to defuse potentially hostile situations, or so she thought.
"Ms. Lions, was there something you wanted to tell me."
"Yes, Dr. Robbins we at the foundation were very inspired by the work proposed in your grant. We've elected to have you resubmit the proposal with adaptations to suit a more politically friendly environment." Virginia waited for a response from Arizona, but when the line remained silent, save for the electronic hum that told her the call was still active, she picked back up speaking as if nothing was wrong.
"We've also scheduled a few public speaking engagements for you. These are meant to refocus the public's attention on the important issues. There've been so many distractions in the press lately, it'd be nice to get back to talking about the medicine."
Arizona really didn't know what to say, she was too angry with the foundation and the position, or lack thereof, they'd taken on the Malawi issue. Malawi wasn't Malawi to them, it was simply a noun, a noun that could easily be replaced by any other noun as if they'd been playing a game of Mad-Libs. Malawi was a distraction and Arizona was clearly the pawn they were using to avert attention from the egregious diversion that Malawi had become.
"I'm sorry, but I can't do any public speaking." Arizona finally spoke up.
"Well, I do understand your position, but I have to tell you I'd strongly advise against making that decision." Virginia was quick to counter Arizona's audible hostility with calm rationality.
"If you put another camera in front of me the first thing I'll say is that your foundation is attempting to trap me into accepting a grant I have openly and repeatedly rejected. How's that for a distraction?"
Arizona wanted to cry, but she was too conflicted with a mix of emotions to even know how to begin expressing them.
"Dr. Robbins" Virginia calmly began, "personally, I would like to see things go well for you. You should know that the foundation is considering legal action if you do not cooperate…"
Arizona wasn't sure how that sentence ended, she'd hung up before Virginia could finish. All she'd wanted to do was be the person she was raised to be. She wanted to use her talents in a selfless purpose, to do something that would contribute to the world at large. She never thought that in her effort to do that, she'd get tangled up in politics and public image debates, that wasn't her concern. Arizona had been around a throng of authorities determined to convince her that her selflessness was a selfish act. She felt her grasp on the truth was slipping away. She tried to tell herself to stay away, but after that phone call she just needed to be with the one person that could give her something she wanted. Maybe it was because of Africa, maybe it was because Callie was Callie, maybe it was a little bit of both, either way Arizona knew she needed Callie and she didn't care what it meant.
She was finishing her rounds and heading in to the appy with Alex when her phone started vibrating. Surgeons don't usually answer calls right before surgery, but given recent events she was more than happy to ignore the vibrations.
Their patient, Kayla, was a nine year old girl with a pretty severally inflamed appendix. She squirmed and thrashed about the gurney as Alex wheeled her in to the OR.
"I thought the parent's came in earlier, how'd it get this bad?" Arizona questioned.
"It's Stark!" Alex insisted
"Geez, Karev. It's bad, but I wouldn't be so dramatic."
"No, Stark, the idiot attending that took your cases when you left. He thinks every kid with stomach pain has gas." Alex clarified.
Arizona couldn't even touch Kayla to mark her incision point without the poor girl jerking upward and screaming in pain.
"Someone page Dr. Gordon, tell him we need something stronger than local anesthetic." Arizona calmly, but authoritatively announced. She may have felt like she still belonged in Malawi, but Kayla's loud screaming was snapping her back to reality. After they were able to get Kayla to sleep, the surgery went smoothly. Karev was really shaping up as a pediatric specialist, and Arizona could tell he literally had been doing appys in his sleep. He moved seamlessly and without hesitation anticipating any and all possible outcomes. She left the surgery happy that she'd had some part in shaping Karev's surgical skills. She was in fact, so happy she completely forgot about her phone ringing just before the surgery. When she saw she had one missed call she automatically clicked through to voicemail and just as quickly wished she hadn't.
She knew automatically who had given out her personal number, but it didn't stop her from wondering how a person could call a total stranger and make such outlandish demands.
"Hello Dr. Robbins, this is Dr. Charles Reed with St. Rita's Medical. I'm also co-president of the AAGMP. We were hoping to meet with you to discuss some alternatives to what you may be considering with the Carter-Madison foundation. We hope to be able to speak with you soon."
They weren't messing around the Carter-Madison foundation had slipped her number to the AAGMP, the freaking American Association of Gay Medical Professionals. They couldn't get her to cooperate and now they were going to try and bully her into compliance by making her feel like a bad lesbian. That happy feeling she hadn't felt in a while quickly dissipated as she clutched the phone in her grip trying in vain to calm herself down. She let her hair out of the loose pony she'd pulled it in before the surgery, she needed to release some of the tension she was feeling. Without thinking she hurled her phone toward the wall and watched as it clattered to the floor scattered and in pieces.
"Well, that's one way of handling things" She heard Bailey call out from behind her. "And no, I am not in the mood to hear about your personal problems. I have problems of my own, but if you ask me, you're both being silly" Bailey finished before marching out of the room shaking her head in disbelief. She was on the precipice of an exit when she heard Arizona's cracked voice call out.
"I don't" Arizona began, "I don't know if I made a mistake. I think I did; I should have fought harder to stay. It was what I wanted, but it felt like the wrong thing."
"You talking about Malawi?" Bailey asked, puzzled by the ambiguity of Arizona's statements.
"I don't know." Arizona admitted.
"Well, maybe you should find out." Bailey reasoned before finally leaving the lounge.
XXX
Callie had planned on sleeping in after pulling 14 straight hours in the hospital. She was starting to get used to the new bed Cristina had helped her pick out. When she finally got rid of the subletter in her apartment, she realized she'd soon have to go back to sleeping in the bed she'd shared with Arizona, the thought of doing that made her miserable and in a moment of commissary she and Cristina donated the bed to a homeless shelter and ran out to the mall to find a new one. She put her key in the lock and opened the door completely ready to crash on the first soft surface she found. But before she could do any of that she had to address what she saw right in front of her. Arizona was lying on the sofa, still dressed in the clothes she'd worn to work. Callie wasn't sure how long she'd been sleeping there, but the sound of the door opening had startled her awake. Callie stood with her mouth agape, trying to figure out what she was thinking.
"I, I couldn't sleep last night and I thought if I came here I might be able to. But , I guess that's stupid and I'm sorry, I'm sorry." It was evident to Callie that Arizona was close to having a massive freak out, she wanted to try and calm her down, but Arizona was now up and nervously pacing around.
"I shouldn't have come here, it's just, you said we could be friends and I still have a key. I, I'm sorry."
Deciding that she probably wasn't going to be able to get a word in, Callie reached out and pulled Arizona into a hug. She held her closely until she felt her begin to calm down.
"It's okay, it's okay, it's okay." Callie kept repeating it, hoping that Arizona would eventually believe it. "you can sleep here any time you want."
It was hard for Callie to maintain a respectful distance with Arizona pressed up against her, but every time she tried to pull away Arizona roped her in closer.
"Can't you just hold me, as my friend?" Arizona begged.
Callie was reluctant to even try letting go after that, she'd never seen Arizona like this, but she knew not to push too much. As much as she wanted Arizona to tell her what was going on, she knew Arizona and Arizona didn't talk about her problems. So, they fell into a comfortable position on the sofa with Arizona curled up in Callie's arms seeming to have drifted off back to sleep.
"Why don't you want to marry me?" Callie heard Arizona murmur. She couldn't tell if she was asleep or awake, but she decided to assume she was asleep and avoid answering the question.