A/N: Once again, a slow update. My entire fault, no excuses, I just have crap organisation. But, that aside, i'm quite into a flow now and already drafting the next chapter, so hopefully *crosses fingers* it'll be up soon!
Thank you to the reviewers - you are all so awesome. Special thanks to Thalia-csiny who writes long, kick ass reviews that make me smile.
I'll warn you all now, this chapter is a bit angsty and quite a few profanities are used, but I hope this is cool with you!
BPOV
Like I suspected, Alice and Rosalie were lingering around outside and there truly was no escaping from them, seeing as Charlie would be late picking me up to go home and Alice and Rosalie had nowhere else to go to. I bustled through the crowds and across the lot to where Alice was chatting animatedly to a pouting Rosalie who was sorting her make-up. Hitching my back pack over my shoulders, I then shoved my stinging, cold hands into my pockets before joining them by the Volvo. The boys were nowhere to be seen, which was weird. At the rate that Edward had escaped from the class it seemed more likely for him to already be in the Volvo and waiting to go, but obviously that wasn't the case with him.
"Alright?" Alice smiled and gave me a small hug.
"Yeah, just tired and wanting to be home," I shrugged.
They were both watching over my shoulder now, as if I were a lamppost in the way of a perfect view. Both of them had their heads cocked to the side slightly and were squinting as a small 'o' formed on Alice's lips, whilst Rose's mouth dropped open in shock, her eyebrows creasing together as she took in whatever the view was.
I couldn't put up with the suspense of what was going on behind my back any longer, so turned to look for what they were staring at and found it straight away, but it was hardly easy to miss. Most of the students on the lot were staring too, all with shocked expressions on their faces.
Emmett, the Emmett that Rosalie fancied the pants off Emmett, was stood half way across the lot and kissing a girl furiously, his fingers laced in her hair and body pressing the girls against the small red car, seemingly oblivious to the crowds in the lot.
Rosalie would be devastated. I didn't know who the girl was that Emmett was kissing, or how much Rose really liked him, but the expression she had been pulling was enough to tell me that things weren't going to be good.
Reluctantly, I turned back to my new friends. Rose was still staring in shock, her eyes now watery, and cheeks flushed. I couldn't imagine Rose to be the type to cry, she seemed so strong and confident, but she looked like she was on the verge. Alice was looking sorrowfully at Rosalie and murmuring, probably trying to console her. It didn't seem to be working.
"Stupid fucking boys need to be provided with hormone control and then locked up in fucking cages to stop them bonking every woman they can set their eyes on. Stupid worthless shits." I hadn't expected these profanities to burst from Rose's mouth, so I was quite taken aback as she finished with a large outward breath.
"I think we best be leaving Bella," Alice frowned at me. "Can you tell Edward I've gone back with Rose?"
I nodded, completely understanding that Rose was pretty torn about the situation. But until I had comfortably sat upon the wall by the Volvo and got out my iPod to select a song, I realised that Alice had asked me that favour as if lunch didn't happen, she didn't even know about me sitting with Edward in Biology and we hadn't touched upon my freaky side in conversation since the end of school. Obviously the Rose and Emmett thing was a bigger problem than I had first thought. It had wiped Alice's mind of everything and filled it with only concern for Rose.
It was a while before Edward ventured over to the Volvo. I had no idea where he'd been all that time, but the lot had pretty much cleared. His eyebrows were raised in question as he got closer, spinning his keys on his index finger.
"You want a ride home?" He asked me casually.
And to be honest, something in me did want to let Edward drop me off home. Charlie seemed to have forgotten anyway. I knew it meant nothing, him offering to drop me home. It was just logic. After all he had brought me to school this morning even if it did feel like a whole year had passed since then.
"Ur, I'm not so sure yet," I mumbled. "Alice has gone back to Rose's. Rose got pretty upset about something."
I didn't tell him anything that he needn't know. What was going on with Rose right now was not my business to be telling, but he didn't seem bothered by it anyway.
"Oh, uh…cool." He mumbled back.
I nodded, unsure of how I was meant to ignore the awkwardness of this conversation.
"Well, I'm going to…" he gestured to the car and then pointed to the exit of school, making me laugh as he finished his sentence. "Go home."
I nodded and set back to putting my earphones into my ears.
"Bella?" Edward asked just before I put the earphone in my ear. "Are you sure you don't need a lift home?"
How could I resist an offer from him when he seemed so insistent on not leaving me alone? I was a freak, and he knew it, but he was enough of a gentleman to not let me wait around school alone.
"I guess Charlie's been held up at the police station or something…" I shrugged, grabbing my backpack from beside me on the wall and walking over to the passenger door, glancing at Edward just to make sure it was okay with him before I got in.
He smiled and climbed in his own door, so I followed and climbed in, plugging the seatbelt in and slamming the door closed. It was weird how it was just me and Edward in this car, it felt different…I had never sat in any guys car before, just me and a guy. At least, I didn't remember ever doing anything like that.
I looked up to find Edward skimming through a couple of CD's in the compartment below the radio controls. There was an assortment of blank CD's with marker pen on and album cases. It took him a while to select one and still sighed in disappointment as he took the CD from the small case.
"I hope you don't mind this?" He laughed and a slight blush spread over his cheeks. He was embarrassed by his music choice? What it was about that fact that I found cute, I don't know, but it made me smile.
"What CD is it?" I asked, making an effort to start conversation. Build bridges between mine and his relationship that had set off on the completely wrong foot today.
"Debussy. You don't mind that, right?"
"No, that's cool. I think I remember it from somewhere. The name sounds familiar." In all honesty, I did recognise it. I wasn't just trying to flirt by having vast knowledge on music. The name triggered little switches in my head, but hid behind an unclear haze, not allowing me to completely remember why it was so recognisable.
"Bella…" I began to wonder if he just liked my name. He said it even when it wasn't necessary. It wasn't like he was trying to grab my attention over someone else – he had my full attention from the moment he'd walked over to me in the student lot. "Can I ask you something?"
I nodded, not really knowing what question to expect from him, but figuring that no harm could be done really.
"What made you move to Forks?"
That was not what I wanted him to ask. I didn't even know the true reason why I was here, all I knew was that my mum had sent me here to avoid the memories that I couldn't remember. Although this was annoying and confusing, I guess it was for my own good and it was what my mom had wanted. I'd need to phone my mom later to see how she was. Hopefully Charlie would let me use the phone later, whereas yesterday he had been pretty against it, although he didn't want me to see that. He made excuses like 'maybe you should have another day at school so there is more to talk to her about' and 'she might be busy at this time, phone later.' So when I did go to phone her later he told me 'she'll probably be sleeping'. There was no winning, so I left it until tonight.
"Bella?" Edward cut me off from my daydream ramble, sitting there with a sympathetic look upon his face.
I apologised quietly, trying to think whether I should tell him why, or just make up a lie. Would he spread it around? Alice had said to me yesterday that their group at lunch didn't really socialise with many other people, they all kept to themselves mostly. So would that mean that he wouldn't really tell anyone? I couldn't be sure, but I figured that I still owed him some kind of explanation for my strange ways.
"My mom sent me here to live with Charlie," I started, scared to really go on. I hadn't spoken the truth out loud to anyone yet. "I can't remember a lot of stuff and my mom thought it was for the best that I didn't remember it. So she sent me here – A fresh start."
"Oh," yeah, I thought he'd have that speechless response, because it had sounded alright to me in my head, I'd convinced myself of that. But telling someone out loud made me just sound really weird and it was just an open gate to a field of questions that I didn't really feel like answering. I just wanted to be home.
"I guess your mom did what was best for you. Moms are like that," he seemed sad as he said that, slipping the CD in the player in his car and reversing out of his parking space.
I wanted to question him why he seemed so sad about that. It was only fair, I'd answered his question. So couldn't he answer mine? Maybe he and his mom didn't get on or something. Curiosity ran wild through my veins as he drove the car towards the exit. But I never did ask him that day.
The music was just kicking in; playing a beautiful tune that filled the car, making me relax into my chair. But then suddenly I felt an ache in my head, my eyes beginning to water. I brought my hands to my head as the car pulled to a stop at the exit, waiting to turn out onto the exit. My forehead was pulsing and the sides of my head throbbing as I pushed my palms into them, trying to control it, and trying to stop it.
"Bella?" I heard a voice ask as I closed my eyes and brought my knees up to my chest, burying my face in them. "Bella?" The voice asked again.
The music floated around me, trapping me in a vortex as my mind whirred. There was a man in the car with me, but he was looking away, it was so dark in the car, ever so dark. I couldn't even make out the colour of his hair. I saw his hands on the steering wheel as he waited to turn onto the road, his hands were young looking. The CD player was lit up as the beautiful song played from the speakers. The car accelerated forwards down a long road, the street lights flickering past as we neared a pitch black area, the car being sucked in.
"Bella?" A voice asked. It wasn't the man next to me, he was focused on the road, but I still couldn't make out any of his features.
Suddenly I felt myself being dragged out of the car, my chest clenching in pain as I sunk back into reality. I felt my stomach churning as I heaved, the darkness behind my eyelids filling with flashing lights.
"Bella, open your eyes," the calming voice spoke as I felt a hand rub on my back. "It's okay. You're okay."
Then I threw up – My body convulsing as I did so and my legs failing beneath me. Luckily the person who had dragged me from the car had helped me not to fall, supporting me all the time I threw up.
Finally, when my body was clear of throwing up, I managed to open my eyes, blinking away the flashing lights as I looked down at the mess I'd made in the grass. I could feel the tears fresh on my face, my throat felt dry and tasted disgusting. All I could think to myself was that I was a freak and when I looked up to find Edward with a pitiful and scared expression pasted on his face, well that just made me feel ten times worse. Why did he have to see that? Why did that all have to happen when I was in his car with him? Twice now, it had happened twice. Was there really any justice in this world? He must've seriously thought I was a mental case at that moment there if he hadn't already. Thinking all this only made me cry more.
I straightened up and gratefully took the tissues that Edward passed to me from a box he was holding, using them to clear my face.
"Wait here," he whispered calmly and I heard his footsteps walk away into the distance before then coming back towards me, whilst I stayed completely still and stared at the murky sky. It was going to rain – great.
"Here." Edward passed me a bottle of water which he'd already unscrewed the cap off of. "Let's go sit down for a bit."
I followed him over to the wall I'd been sitting on earlier that day in the parking lot, whilst gulping down water as if I had been deprived of it for years. We sat down on the damp wall and he, not surprisingly, kept his distance. It was just like Biology all over again.
"Sorry," I croaked.
"What happened back there?"
"I-I don't know…" I truthfully whimpered, feeling the tears well up again.
Just at that moment I heard a car nearby. It would of course be Charlie wouldn't it, coming to pick me up from school, but being extremely late. I watched as he parked his police car and threw the door open, a shocked expression on his face as he walked over to where me and Edward were sat.
In a full blown panic about being accused of crazy, I quickly whispered to Edward. "Don't tell him, please."
He simply nodded and I let out a sigh of relief. Getting accused of being crazy and ending up with a shrink was not my idea of fun.
"What's happened Cullen?" Charlie asked fiercely towards Edward, in that fatherly protective tone that I'd only heard Charlie use a few times, because most of the time I ended up crying or getting hurt it was of my own doing.
"She just threw up. I think she might've eaten something funny in the canteen. She wasn't feeling well when I was about to leave, so I offered to take her home and then suddenly she just…well you know."
All the time that Edward was lying for me, I found myself staring at the floor, relieved that he sounded so convincing and pleased that he had actually stuck to his word. Okay, he'd experienced me freak twice in one day which was more than enough reason to turn me into a crazy home, but he hadn't…
"I'm fine dad," I mumbled croakily. "I was going to call you when I got in, to tell you I'd got a lift from Edward."
He nodded, seemingly convinced.
"Well, thank you," Charlie nodded to Edward and then turned to me, "Come on Bells. Let's get you home."
He walked towards his police car and I followed, glancing back at Edward who was still sat on the wall watching me walk away. I gave him a nod and a poor excuse of a smile in thanks and climbed into the car to go home. I doubted that Charlie would let me use the phone tonight. I would probably be condemned to a night either watching the sports channel with him or in my own bed.
EPOV
In Biology she'd been cool with me sitting next to her. She'd even looked straight into my eyes and smiled. It wasn't a proper genuine smile, but she'd looked at me as if lunch had never happened, which was fucking confusing. Let alone being a freak, she also had short term memory loss. Great – what a great lab partner she's going to be.
But, it was me who ended up telling her 'you aren't a freak' when we were sat in the darkness of the biology room watching one of those fucking boring tapes about cells and she'd just accused herself of being a freak. Why I told her she wasn't, I don't know. Maybe it was just pity. I hoped she wouldn't take it seriously, but it did earn a smile from her just before the bell rang.
I shot out of the class in need of a cigarette. It had been such a fucking confused day and if I couldn't get away with a smoke tonight, then I'd probably go insane, so it was probably best to fit one in just after school whilst Alice gossiped with Bella and Rose. They probably wouldn't realise I was gone for so long.
When I walked over to my Volvo, most of the school had emptied out, only a few jocks were in the field mucking about and a few kids were by a van eating sweets and discussing something about a beach trip. Expecting to see Alice and maybe Rose and Bella lingering by my car, made it more of a surprise to see only Bella sat on the wall there. Alice and Rose weren't in sight and neither was Rose's car. Jasper and Emmett weren't anywhere to be seen either.
I guessed that Alice had ventured off somewhere with Rose, leaving me with the freak, that thought I didn't think she was a freak, to be taken home by me. I'd have to have words with her about that.
"You want a ride home?" I asked just to make sure.
"Ur, I'm not so sure yet," she'd mumbled. "Alice has gone back to Rose's. Rose got pretty upset about something."
Well what a surprise, Rose the drama queen has turned on the water works. Maybe her nail broke. I didn't even bother asking why, because I frankly didn't give a shit. As long as Alice was okay, then it was cool.
"Oh, uh…cool," I mumbled back awkwardly, not really knowing how to make conversation with a freak, let alone wanting to. "Well I'm going to...go home." I gestured towards the car and the exit, not really knowing what to do with myself, overcome with that awkward feeling of someone judging you. I don't know why I felt like that though. She couldn't exactly accuse me of being a freak.
She nodded and began to go back to her iPod. She wasn't even bothered about sitting around here on her own. Even after the school had watched her freak in the canteen and would probably grab at the chance to pick at her for it, she couldn't care less. It probably hadn't even crossed her mind. I couldn't leave her there alone.
"Bella, are you sure you don't need a lift home?"
This time she hesitated before answering. "I guess Charlie's been held up at the police station or something…"
She got into my car as I did. I skimmed through my CD collection and she asked me about it, making casual conversation. I felt embarrassed about the choice of music, but she seemed pretty cool with it. Even if she was just trying to be polite, it reassured me. It seemed like Bella was a decent person when she wasn't freaking out. She didn't seem offensive or nasty, just weird.
But of course, I being a complete fucked up idiot that can't filter what he says had to ruin the casual okay atmosphere. "Bella, can I ask you something?"
She nodded, which was my signal to carry on.
"What made you move to Forks?"
She was quiet then, awkwardly thinking about what to answer. I'd obviously hit a weak point in which she felt uncomfortable answering about. I felt so nasty at that moment, because she looked upset and confused and it was my fault.
"Bella?" I asked, meaning it as in to check she was okay, but the right words didn't come to my lips.
She mumbled and apology and after a hesitant few moments, she explained. "My mom sent me here to live with Charlie. I can't remember a lot of stuff and my mom thought it was for the best that I didn't remember it. So she sent me here – A fresh start."
Not really knowing what to say to that I just simply replied with an, "oh." I would've liked to be more caring and say something smart and kind in response, but I was inconsiderate. Desperate to say anything decent to her, I just said something from the heart, something I knew of, because it was true to me. "I guess your mom did what was best for you. Moms are like that." And I know that some moms aren't like that, but if a mom isn't like that, I struggle to call them a mom.
She smiled a little at my response as I pulled out of the parking space and towards the exit. She seemed fine, relaxed, like she actually enjoyed listening to Debussy. But the next thing I knew made me think that she really couldn't have been any further from relaxed.
Suddenly she was holding her head and shaking like she had been in the canteen. I stopped at the exit, originally to turn off onto the road, but then figured that it was best to stop completely. She was whimpering now as I called her name in panic. If she was going to have a breakdown again, well I don't know how I'd react.
She was completely gone in a matter of seconds, her eyes tightly closed, whimpering and fucking shaking so violently. Then she started heaving. No, she was not going to be sick in my car. I grabbed the box of tissues from the centre divide between mine and her seats and jumped out my door, running round to hers and throwing it open to get her out quickly.
I led her to a patch of grass by the exit of the lot and she stood there shaking and heaving, her eyes still closed tight, making her look so fragile and weak, so in need of any kind of care, the kind of care I wasn't used to providing.
I raked through my memory, trying to think of what Esme used to tell Alice and me if we were having a nightmare when we were younger. She used to get us to open our eyes, because that was how we came back to reality to escape what was going on in our heads.
"Bella, open your eyes," I spoke in my best calm voice, rubbing her back soothingly, glad that nobody else was around to hear me. "It's okay," that's what Esme would say to us, "You're okay."
Then she threw up. It stunk and was fucking nasty to watch. It made me feel queasy too, but over that queasy feeling I felt pitiful. I felt bad for thinking of her as a freak. If she was a freak, then she couldn't help it. Just like you can't help being sick. I felt so fucking sorry for her that I didn't know what to do. I remembered how it felt to be sick, that unclean, weakness that you felt and then that on top of having some kind of seizure in my car must've just been…fucking unpleasant.
She opened her eyes, all watery and confused, looking down at what she'd done. Her cheeks flushing redder than they had previously been, her hair all messy, but I'd tried to hold back the most of it. I passed her a few tissues from the box I'd put down on the floor by us and she used them to clean herself up, coughing slightly.
"Wait here," I whispered to her, leaving her alone for a minute as I walked back to the car, breathing in some fresh air and going to get her a drink. I returned to her with a bottle from my car that I hadn't opened previously, but took of the lid for her when I got closer. "Here," I passed her the drink. "Let's go sit down for a bit."
It wasn't like I wanted to spend more time with her; I just couldn't bare being near the sick or leaving her there. I doubted that she'd be alright with getting back in my car straight away. What had I gotten myself into?
I didn't sit too close, to avoid her freaking out if I touched her or if she was sick again I didn't want it to be on me.
"Sorry," she croaked, looking all fragile and a complete mess. I began to feel glad for her that all of the kids had fled from school. We were the only ones left in the parking lot now.
"What happened back there?"
"I-I don't know…" she whimpered.
And that was the worst thing that made me feel like a fucking inconsiderate bastard. She didn't know what was going on; she didn't know why she was going through these little manic phases. It was as alien to her as it was to me, but she was the one having to go through it all, not me. I was fucking selfish, I shouldn't be avoiding the kid – I should be comforting her and making sure she was alright instead of just classing her as a freak. But that usually just wasn't me.
A police car pulled into the lot and Bella suddenly looked frightened, panicked. It was her dad, Charlie. She quickly whispered to me, "Don't tell him please." And I nodded, because I couldn't go telling her dad that she was crazy. Even if she did need serious help, I couldn't turn against her. I owed her that for being such a dick previously, even if it hadn't been to her face I still felt guilty.
After being accused of being the reason for Bella looking dishevelled and then lying out my ass to save her skin, Bella walked off after Charlie to go home in his police car. She turned and smiled at me before she got in the car and I just smiled back without effort. She didn't see though. She was too busy climbing into the car.
Once they'd driven off and left me alone, I went to the Volvo, only to find her backpack sat in the foot space on the passenger side. Sighing, I set off home, not really knowing what to do with her bag. I figured that I'd just give it to her tomorrow or something. If she was the type to panic about homework and assignments, then she'd be in a bit of bad luck really, but then again…It seemed like she already had enough bad luck as it was.
A/N: Phew *Wipes brow* pretty long. I don't know if you guys like the long chapters or whether I should just tone down on the descriptions? Please let me know what you think! I'd love to hear from some of you that have this on alert and/or favourite list, because you are all awesome too. Thank you for reading! Reviews are appreciated!