Hi guys, I know I haven't updated in a while and some of you are probably disappointed with me. Please accept my apologies. It was never my intention to abandon my readers and I promise to regularly update the story till Christmas.

Some of you have expressed concerns whether I am dropping this. The answer is a firm 'no'. I have the whole story in my mind and as I mentioned earlier, I want to write the story in detail. I wrote this chapter in a hurry but I still hope you will like it. Please review.

Chapter 3- Prevailing Confusions

I stare blankly as Christian reaches near me. He walks around my large desk and stops close to my trembling body. I struggle to stay steady and place my hands on the desk for support. I look down for a moment but in a swift move Christian pulls me into him. He slowly raises my face with his right hand and plants a soft kiss on my lips.

"Hi baby"

I try to get a grasp of this situation. He rejects me in the morning. Then at the end of the day he comes back and shows me great affection. Is this a game? Perhaps he is aware of my suspicion and wants to throw my investigation off-track. If Christian knows about my secret plan to find his betrayal, I will never find the truth. Kate is right; Christian Grey knows everything and can keep even his wife out of his secret affairs. I will probably never find what goes on.

"Hey" Christian wakes me up from my thoughts. His hands now are resting on my shoulders. His body is tantalizingly close to mine and I feel the warmth of his skin through the fine fabric of his flawless white shirt. I pull back immediately.

"Christian, what are you doing here?" I mumble out some words. I need to start a conversation. Perhaps I will be able to squeeze out something form him that will further affirm my doubts.

"I finished work early and thought of visiting my beautiful wife"

Beautiful wife. I rejoice inwardly at this reference. I haven't received much attention from Christian lately and have been craving for it. But I push the thought away with dismay. How could he act like nothing had happened after today morning? No, I cannot fall for flattery and I am not going to accept any feeble apologies that don't mean anything. I make a firm decision in my mind. Though I try to remain resolute, I still feel a tremble passing through when I am about to confront Christian. I feel the same way I felt years ago in his office; he the all-powerful CEO and me the lowly college student.

Damn! My phone rings. It is Kate! I hesitate for a moment. Should I just leave it or pick it up? Christian glances at me questioningly. I grab the phone and walk towards the large window.

"Ana. I have found a PI for you." Kate's voice comes through. Goodness, I hope Christian can't hear this. He is looking at my direction but I can't read his face. My whole body shivers. I am plotting against my husband right in front of him.

"Okay" I reply in a low voice.

"Ana, I have explained everything to him. He will be discreet and will submit an initial report in a week. If Christian has a mistress we will definitely catch him."

"Good"

"Ana, are you okay?" Kate inquires.

"Yes. I will speak with you later." I keep the phone in a hurry. Walking over to Christian I try to keep a straight face. I do not offer an explanation to Christian and jump directly into the conversation that was interrupted by the phone call.

"Well, you haven't visited me in my office for a long time. That's why I asked. What brings you here so suddenly?" I muster up the courage and ask directly.

He doesn't blink but maintains his delightfully playful mood; eyes soft and a naughty smile dancing on his lips. "Do I need a reason to visit my lovely wife?"

Okay, I need to break his rhythm and drag him into a real conversation. But he is Christian Grey. I cannot make him do anything he does not want to do. I raise my eyebrows and stare at him questioningly.

He stares back at me for a long moment. As I look at him with sorrow and anger, his demeanor changes. The smile fades away slowly and his eyes turn a darker shade of gray. He leans back on the desk. I decide that I cannot fathom anything if I stay close to him and I sit on my revolving chair. I move the chair to back off a little bit and cross my arms across my chest. I did this purposefully. Words might fail me miserably when around Christian but at least I can show him my displeasure this way.

Christian remains silent. Oh, I would give away a million bucks to know what he is thinking right now. A moment later I realize that it is guilt that is written all over his face. Suddenly I have a feeling that Christian is about to confess. All this façade of love and affection may be a way of easing me into it. Or perhaps he ended it and wants to come back. Oh, please God. Suddenly, I realize that I don't want to know. If he is to say that he is in love with someone else I wouldn't be able to take it. I am afraid of the way I would react to this. The grief hits me. It is so powerful and painful that I want to break the glass window behind and jump off the building. I stifle a sob and blink rapidly to avoid tears welling up in my already reddened and sore eyes. Christian notices my sorry and pathetic state for he stands up and gently picks me up from my chair. I do not protest but I want to. I want to shout at him to stay away. Instead I let him carry me to the large sofa on the corner.

He places me gently on the plush leather and sits beside me. He gives me a firm hug and with his long fingers massages my arms. Oh, being soothed by Christian and being in his protective arms feels like heaven, especially when I haven't felt like this in a long time. Christian pretended that he was busy and I believed him most of the time. But in hindsight, I recognize that he was avoiding me. But, why? To be with someone else? I jolt myself back into reality.

I wriggle out of his hands and moves slightly away. I turn my whole body confidently to face Christian. I cannot let this opportunity out of my hand. I am not a naïve college student anymore. I am a CEO and mother of two children for god sake!. I have to sort this out forever because I can't let Christian run this show alone. It is my life at stake here.

I take a moment to clear my head. Christian is looking at me intently not saying a word. His eyes show fear and behind them I see him silently contemplating a reply.

I begin. "Please answer me Christian. Why are you here?"

He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. When he opens them it is full of guilt and self-loathing.

"Ana, you'll have to listen to me carefully. I know I haven't been a good husband lately. Things have been difficult both for you and for me. I mean, you went through a lot with Phoebe and I was busy with work. I should have been there to support you through your depression. I… I don't know why I didn't. I guess I became a little selfish over time. I left you to suffer alone and I cannot tell you how painful it is to realize that. God, I was an asshole who thought making money was the only thing worthwhile doing in life."

He stops for a moment as though he is cursing himself. Then in a sudden move he takes both my hands in his and puts them to his lips.

"I am so sorry Ana. But, I want to change all that. From now on I will spend more time with you and the kids. I have made arrangements so that my responsibilities at office are cut down to half. I am in the process of finding apt individuals for the new posts that I have created at GEH. Once it is done, I will have plenty of time to spend with you. Today, I finished my work early and asked Rose to handle the rest of the day because I wanted to see you. I miss you Ana. I miss us being in love. I so badly need you now."

He moves closer and in a swift move captures my lips in his. He kisses me sweetly at first and begins to deepen it. I am on the verge of giving in. His hands are now sliding up my thighs pushing my silk pencil skirt. Desire blooms like a flower within the deepest corners of my mind and body. But the suspicious serpent inside me turns its head up. Christian's confession looks superfluous. Deep down I know that he is hiding something more serious like an affair. He just wants to please me now and keep off him. I pull away from him. I know what he is going to do. I can let him make love here but it wouldn't solve anything.

Don't believe a word he is saying. My subconscious urges me. I put my right hand on my heart and prepare my aching heart to ask the question that has been burning me since morning.

"Why did you reject me in the morning Christian? Why didn't you make love to me?"

I see Christian's eyes widening in fear. He immediately looks away and I sadly realize that there is more to this story than Christian portrays it to be. He stares at me again and his answer is as feeble and unrealistic as it can be.

"Oh, Ana, please don't read too much into it. I had an early morning meeting and as I told you I was feeling guilty for not being there with you. I had to sort things at office. And I came running as soon as I finished. Look I have the whole evening off. What do you want to do? Can I take you out for dinner? Or you want to go home have a nice long bath before dinner with our kids. What do you say?" A small smile dangles on his lips as he proposed the bath.

Bath with Christian! No, I regain control of my wandering mind. I am in two minds right now. Should I keep my suspicions to myself or should I just ask him directly? Finally, I decide to keep mum about my doubts. What if he was honest and told me the truth? I would feel like an idiot. Moreover, if indeed he is hiding his illicit activities and I voice my doubts, I will be blowing what little chance I have of catching him.

"Christian, I don't know what to make of all this. You have been aloof and left me to deal with things on my own. I had no clue what was happening in our lives. I had to raise two children and fight depression alone. I felt so alone on the nights you stayed out." I stopped so that my voice can regain its clarity. "I had no idea why you wouldn't be with me and I still don't. I am glad that you have taken the step to bring life back into our marriage. But, whatever happened between us I am sure that was not my fault. It was you who wanted a second child. Then you were not there when things got difficult. Now that everything is back to normal you want me to forget those times and be happy with you. I don't think it will work that way, Mr. Grey. I am not going to forget months of abandonment just because you stormed into my office one fine evening and laid out a brief apology. What kind of a husband leaves his wife when she is sick and needed support? Even then I tried to forgive you. I told myself that you were stressed from work and probably needed a break from domestic burdens. But, today morning, you really hurt me. I am burning inside out at your reaction Mr. Grey. I love you and I always will, but I need time to think and figure this out. And I want to make it clear, this time it will be my decision and my desire that I will be following. As for your offer for dinner I have been having dinner with our kids for months, so I will choose the same. And bath, well that I cannot even consider for a while. Anyways, thank you for the offer."

I am surprised that Christian sat through my- what could be termed as a- speech patiently. His face has fallen and eyes are darker than ever, Christian stands suddenly and paces up and down near the large glass window. He runs his hands through his already tousled copper hair. I suddenly feel sad for him. I miss our old life. I wish to run to him and say that I am sorry. But I don't. I say inwardly that as soon as the PI comes up with a clean chit I will run to his arms and beg to take me back. At the same time a chilling thought rises in my mind. What if the PI's finds confirm my suspicions, what if there is another woman? Then my life with Christian will be finished forever. Oh, I can't even imagine being without Christian.

Christian stops pacing. He sports an appalled look on his face now.

"Ana, you are not leaving me, are you?"

"Oh, Christian, please stop with the 'are you leaving me' stuff again. I am not. I just need some time to re-adjust my life and to spend some time thinking about us. One cannot clap with one hand. So there must be something that I have done that took us here. Whatever it is you can discuss it with me. That's actually what I meant. I am sorry if I scared you."

Christian relaxes a bit.

"I can't imagine my life without you Ana. God, I have been such an idiot not to realize this earlier. How much time do you need? "

"Hmm, a week." I mumble. That is the time the PI had asked for to submit his initial report. So by next week this time I will know for sure. Christian is surprised. He had obviously imagined that I would ask for a longer time frame. Well, all I need is a week, Mr. Grey.

"Good. Take a week and think about us Ana. I don't want to lose you. I will never ever behave in this way again. You are my love and my light. There is no Christian Grey without you. And remember, don't curse yourself. It is all my fault. It is always been." He quickly kisses my forehead and cups my face in his large hands.

"I will win you back Ana. I know what to do" He gives me his all-knowing, all powerful Christian Grey smile and leaves. I remain seated in the same position till Hannah comes in with some important documents that need my attention.

I finish the day a little later than usual. I know Christian will be at home. Confronting him in a public place like Grey publishing was easy. But at home it would be difficult I assume. Knowing that Christian would be in our bed when I go to sleep tonight is frightening. Will I be able to resist him if he makes a move again? After all I said and the show of courage I cannot cringe now.

Sawyer, as usual, drives me carefully through the painful traffic and I reach home at around 6:30. The first thing that I notice while stepping into the foyer is the laugh from Teddy and Phoebe. They both are giggling; Teddy apparently from something that Christian did and Phoebe merely copying Teddy. I hear Christian's voice too. I walk towards the living area and look around. Christian, Teddy and Phoebe are cuddled together on one of the large sofas. Christian has a children's book in his hand and is reading some story. He changes his voice to suit the characters which are apparently, from what I hear, a fox and a rabbit. Teddy intently listens while Phoebe just constantly tries to grab the book from Christian.

Okay, so this is your plan number 1 in project 'Winning Ana Back'. Spend more time with family. Oh Christian you are really trying hard, aren't you? You haven't been home before midnight in ages. Hmm. This would do. Whatever Christian's motive may be, this is what I have been missing. The three of them look so beautiful together. Oh Christian, where were you till now? You realize how precious your two beautiful children are only when things are about to fall apart. I somehow am convinced in my mind that Christian has a mistress. Or he had and broke up and wants me to get back together. I can't get the pain out of my heart but I gather myself quickly before Christian looks up and smiles. "Here's Mommy"

Teddy beams. "Hi Mommy". I walk towards them briskly and give Teddy a hug. Christian hands over Phoebe to be held by me. She smiles shyly and pushes both her palms in to her mouth. "Oh my baby is hungry" I say.

"And you?" Christian inquires.

"Yes me too" I say without looking at him, my eyes still fixed on Phoebe.

After a very long time, all four of us as a family sit together on the dining table and having a delicious dinner. But the joy of the moment is overshadowed by my nervousness at Christian's presence. My fifty have become like a stranger to me. I sigh deeply and dig into my plate. Mrs. Jones has gone all out and laid out a delicious meal for us. She made my favorite chicken soup and Spaghetti bolognaise and both are cooked to perfection. I wasn't hungry but the food is tasty and I do not want Christian to start patronizing me over food.

After serving us her special spaghetti bolognaise, Mrs. Jones retired to her part of the house which she occupies along with Taylor. While Christian and I silently relish the dinner, Emma took the kids for their nightly bath before sleep. I am not surprised when Christian attempts to make small talk. The first course was filled with Teddy's banter and Phoebe's cry for attention.

"How was your day Ana?" Christian speaks as he puts down his fork and glance me directly.

"Hmm. As usual. Read a few manuscripts did a lot of paperwork. That's all. Oh yes and you interrupted in the evening." Should I tell him about my meeting with Kate? I am sure he already knows.

"And I had a lunch date with Kate." I decide that hiding it would raise suspicions. That is, if he did not know the details of our meeting. Christian shakes his head as though in approval. Okay, now I am obliged to ask the same.

"I hope your day went well too." I deliberately avoid question and it sounds more like a –

"I had a good day too. I told you earlier, I have been figuring out to cut down my work-load at GEH. I am glad that made a move today. I have been wanting to for some time but just did not have the courage to allocate important tasks to others. But at this point in our life, I guess I have to prioritize and you and the kids are most important to me. GEH or anyone else comes second."

Wow! Christian Grey, man of few words has, in a matter of hours given me two speeches about his love for me and kids. Please continue Mr. Grey, I would love to hear more. This must be plan no.2, Communication.

As if on cue he continues with a smile that is lined with remorse. "From now onwards, I will be home for dinner every day if possible. I want to spend time with Teddy and Phoebe. God, Teddy has grown so much, yet, I didn't even notice. I want to change all that. I promise I will make it up to you all. And Ana I want you, I need you for my survival. Please, don't break what we have. I know I have hurt you. But, can't you forgive me? I know you have forgiven me several times in the past. And you must be some angel incarnated; otherwise I don't know how you put up with me." He stops and looks at me. I know, he is silently begging me to come back. I feel for him, but I can't cringe now. All I need is a week. I need proof that Christian hasn't wandered.

"Christian, I know how much you love me and the kids. You have proven that again and again in the past years. But, I stand by my decision earlier today. All I am asking is a week to think this through. I have been through so much I just need some time to breathe. That's all. And thank you so much for making this effort. I know it is a big step for you. I realize how much you want us to work. It is the same with me too." I hope this would make him relax a bit. I wanted to shout my love for him, but I restrain myself. I can't yet.

We finish our dinner in silence, both of us withdrawing into our own world of contemplation. Christian has me utterly confused. I am beginning to feel remorseful about doubting Christian. My mind wanders through the first years of our marriage. How Christian adored me. I was his first in many things. And he mine. He worshipped me, gave me everything I asked and not. He awakened my body and soul. His sex life before me used to bother me. But not anymore, I have somehow managed forget Elena and the 15 subs whom he pleasured.

Elena! I hadn't thought about her in a while. I wonder where she is and what she is up to. Does she still want Christian? Or has she found some poor adolescent boy to quench her thirst? I am sure that Christian has no contact with her. He realized what a wretched creature she is when we had Teddy. I steal a glance at Christian as I finish and oh my, he is staring directly at me. His eyes gleam with love. Has he been watching me eat? I blush instantly and look down on my plate.

"Penny for your thoughts?". I give a nervous smile and shake my head.

"Interested in some desert?" A wicked smile dances on his face. Goodness, he is playful now. What does he have in mind?

"Hmm.. I don't think we have any. Mrs. Jones did not mention making desert." I just want to escape from here. But to where? I can't be with Christian in my bedroom alone. What if he makes advances like in the office earlier? I wish hard that Teddy would want to sleep in our bed tonight.

Christian walks over to refrigerator and opens the freezer. With a smile, he pulls out a tub of ice cream.

"We have ice cream." He declares. "Hope you like vanilla"

He gives me his trademark lopsided smile. Without seeking my permission, Christian finds two bowls and scoops the ice cream into it. He comes back and puts one bowl in front of me and reclaims his seat at the other end of the table. We both stare at the ice cream. I know what he is thinking because I am thinking the same thing. Ana, you are my first vanilla conquest. All that seems so lost in time, and so meaningless. Wait, Did he by any chance, deliberately asked Mrs. Jones to get vanilla ice cream or did we already had it? I make a mental note to ask Mrs. Jones tomorrow.

Ben and Jerry's and Ana. I still remember Christian's voice. The night we got back together after I left him for five days. Oh such beautiful fun filled memories I have of those times. I was in love and the man in front of me, the man I am trying to escape from tonight, the husband I doubt is cheating. That day let go of his rules just to have me. It's a thrill to remember my early days with Christian. All the sex, fights and fun we had. And then there was Leila and Jack Hyde. Leila! I still feel a chill running up through my spine remembering her. She had a gun that she acquired to kill me. I was lucky that Christian arrived on time. I look up at Christian. He is seductively lifting a spoonful of ice cream to his lips. Whoa! I quickly glance away. He cannot distract me from my mission.

I finish my ice cream in haste and excuse myself to go tuck in Teddy and Phoebe. Teddy insists on reading him a story and he falls asleep halfway through. I stay with him in his bed for a while. I dread to return to our bedroom. How will I face Christian? I slip away after a while and tip toe to the living room. I see light in Christian's study. Reaching the living room I pull out a couple of manuscripts and begin to read. I assume that Christian is still in study. It would be better if I could get into bed before he arrives. I could just pretend that I am asleep and avoid another confrontation with him.

I scoot over and quickly enter our bed room. It is empty. I give a sigh of relief. I have to take a shower before bed. It's a routine I hate to break. A quick one will do. I go into the bath room, rid of my clothes and turn the shower on. It feels good to be standing under the warm water after a tiring day. I step out wrapping a white fluffy towel. My hair is wet and I need to dry it with a hair drier. I usually wear T-shirts and track pants in bed and instinctively reach for a fresh pair. But I want to make Christian suffer. From what I have heard and seen today Christian, for whatever reason wants to rekindle the lost romance in our lives. I search in my drawer of night dresses and find a white silk flowing gown with a frilly robe. I quickly put it on and check myself in the mirror. The gown clings to my body perfectly. I have a rounder and fuller figure now than when I purchased it.

Could I make Christian want me? I hope I could. I desperately want him to want me, the way I want him. Oh, but I have no intention of giving in or sleep with him. It is now or never. Christian must understand that Ana will not just take him back whenever he strays. I dry my hair with the towel first and then with the hair drier. As I sit and dry my long uncut hair the bedroom door opens. I don't hear footsteps but seconds later I see Christian appearing on the mirror. He is already changed into pajama and a black T-shirt. He looks gorgeous! I keep staring at him. His eyes are widened in appreciation of my looks. Wow! I congratulate myself. My hair dry, I apply some night cream and head towards the bed. Christian moves back from the closet door in slow backward steps, without taking his eyes filled with longing. I seductively remove the robe and reveal what is underneath. I hear a sharp intake of breath from Christian.