Hello once again!! Wow, I was really impressed to have received so many positive reviews from all of you! I never thought you would actually like it, I never thought I could write something actually good. Wow!! This really lifts my self-esteem LOL... So, thank you very very very very much readers and reviewers!! Love to you all, thanks for encouraging me to keep my writing :D

Anyway, let's go on with Chapter 3 :)

----------

A small ray of sun hits my cheek. Sun. Finally. I open one eye and groan a little. I'm finally feeling like myself again, my head is no longer hot and my body is not freezing. I lift my head and sit on the futon. I'm surrounded by warm blankets and a comfortable pillow. Finally. I never thought I would need those things so much. Then, I look around the place. The window practically in front of my face, the Bob posters at my sides and some old records thrown carelessly on the floor. I know it's an obvious statement, but, this is not my room.

Now, I look at my right side, and surprisingly, there you are. Sitting on a chair, with your legs supported on a table, sleeping with your mouth open. I don't know what to think, I don't know whether I should blush at the thought that you preferred to sleep over there just to keep me warm in your futon; or be just annoyed at how pitiful you look; or smile stupidly to myself and be thankful to all the gods I know that I found the most beautiful person in the world... I guess I'm gonna pick the last one.

When I'm aware of all I have

is when I realize there is so much to lose,

and the more I love you

the more I'm afraid that you'll be gone...

Even if I'm the one to scare you away.

Immediately, I get up from my spot and take one of the blankets to cover you with it. I don't recall when was the last time I did this, but I know I did, once. Now you're exactly the same, you haven't even moved a little, so I leave you there. It will take a lot of effort to wake you up and I really have no intention to.

I realize I never got the chance to take my so wanted bath, and I didn't eat anything last night either. So, I go to the bathroom to start what I couldn't finish. The walls so white and bright, the floor so damn cold, and the bathtub at the end of it. This place is not big at all. But last night, walking through it felt like walking days and days through the North Pole.

I lock the door and get in the bathtub, finally. The water's so warm and nice... Oh how I missed this sensation. I put special attention on my hair, which had been wet of rain for so long, and of course, I'm daydreaming about you all the while.

I really don't know what would have happened to me if you weren't by my side, and I'm not talking about last night, but my entire life. Where would I be now? Doing what? Probably, I wouldn't even be alive by this time... How could I defeat the darkness of my own soul without you? How could I know what hate was if I didn't know love? As I wash my entire body and feel a couple of scars, memories come to mind. Painful, heavy, blurry memories of being lost and abandoned on the road... and even though the pain is still there, I'm not void like I was when I experienced them.

When I finish my bath I change into my everyday clothes and come back to your room. You're still sleeping on the chair. I smile to myself. You're supposedly taking care of me while I'm asleep, but you haven't even noticed I'm not there anymore.

I guess you stayed awake last night... or, you're just being lazy. It doesn't matter anyway, you're you and that will never change. I leave you there and go back to my room. I had never noticed how depressing it is. All I have is a futon, a pile of magazines and a whole collection of porcelain dolls. It's not even illuminated, and to think that I chose it that way.

After waking up in your room, where a nice atmosphere is felt, my room feels empty and depressing, just like me. I'm starting to believe that the way you do things reveals a lot of your personality. Maybe that's why you always descifrated me, even though what I showed was something completely different from my real self.

I come inside and throw myself to the futon. It doesn't feel good. It's cold and uncomfortable and I feel like these dolls are staring at me. Before, I thought it was a good place, but not anymore. It's just like I used to think I was ok the way I was, and that it was the best I could ever be. But I was wrong. It was not until I met you, until I found out what happiness really is that I realized how empty and impure I was.

This dark, empty space is all I have. My futon, cold and uncomfortable like my attitude; my pile of magazines, desperately trying not to fall and make a disaster, just like my insistence on doing everything perfect not to ruin my perfect plans; and the porcelain dolls, also cold and lifeless, watching closely everything everyone, including me, does.

Suddenly, I don't want to be here anymore, I want to return to the nice futon where the sun hits your face every morning and Bob wakes you up with a smile.

All I want is to be wherever you are...

I get up again and decide to get out of the house. Even though I know I'm doing the same mistake I did last night, this time I won't let it happen. I will take care of myself and will return home immediately... I just want to get out for a while and buy something for breakfast, that's all. Anyway, you won't even notice, 'cause you're profoundly asleep and when I return you still will be.

I get ready and then get out of the house. This is a sunny morning, people is already out there walking, jogging, selling and buying and doing their regular activities. There are plenty of people to be a Sunday morning... it's usually quieter and less crowded, but it's totally unimportant. I walk to the small grocery shop and go inside, not looking at anyone. They're crazy if they think I'm gonna say hello to them and ask them about their children. I rarely see this people; they're just background to me.

It's been a long time since the last time I went to buy groceries. It's too annoying to just get out of the house and come to buy things for food. You spend more time buying and cooking than actually eating. But, this time I strangely wanted to do so, I'm not gonna wait until you wake up, and I don't want to wake you up either, not after all you've done for me.

As I try to decide what I would like to eat, I realize how expensive things are these days... I start comparing prices, taking more time than I initially thought I would. I finally end up buying just the necessary, even though they weren't as cheap as I thought.

"Good morning, are you a newbie? I had never seen you before" the cashier asks me when I go to pay.

"No, I think you're the one who's new" I answer him with no interest. Why do they insist on making conversation? Don't they know I have no interest on becoming friends with unknown people?

"I don't think so... I know everyone around 'cause they come almost every day" the guy says kind of excited... So what if he knows me or not? What difference does it make? I know I don't come too often but that's none of his business.

"Could you just charge these for me?" I ask him, absolutely ignoring his question and at the same time forcing him to do his work. The guy gives me a strange look and then starts checking the price of things.

"What a bitch..." he murmurs in a low tone, confident that I didn't hear him. Did he think that I would nicely smile to him and start making a conversation, like those idiots do on sitcoms?

"What did you say?!" I yell at him, people behind me in the line looking in shock. I can hear them commenting to each other and I can't help but yell at them too. "What?! Had you never heard someone ask that?"

"Hey, calm down, alright? Here's your crap" the jerk tells me practically throwing the bags at me.

'What's wrong with her?' 'Where did she come from?' 'So rude...' I hear them all commenting about me. What's wrong with THEM? The guy just called me a bitch, and I'm the rude one? The moron doesn't know me, and he thinks he has the right to treat me as he desires. And he also throws my things, the things I PAYED for.

I can feel the rage taking over me, and I take one of the bags and throw it at his face with all my strength. The idiot falls off his chair, of course, and the people behind me make a collective 'Oh!' and keep yelling more aggressively.

Damn society... That's why I never wanted to be around anyone. They always pretend to be so nice and perfect, treating you like you're part of their family and sharing with you all they have. But then when it's time for you to pay back all the kindness they've given to you, if you dare disobey one of their unwritten rules, the masks come off and they become one aggressive crowd with all intention to kill you.

I don't like people at all... If I could go back to past to the time where I spent the day locked away in my bedroom, I wouldn't change a thing. It's because of them and their impure thoughts and feelings, that I became the monster I am considered to be now.

"Shut the hell up! This is none of your business!" I yell at them with fury, although actually, I'm trying to put myself together. If I wanted to be angrier, I would do so, but I don't want to start a fight or anything of that sort.

I take the rest of my bags with me and try to get out of there, but the bunch that suddenly became a crowd try to stop me and insult me. Since I don't wanna hurt them the way I should, I put my head down and start pushing them away.

When I'm a step out of the place, I hear the cashier's voice and, as a reflect, I turn around.

"Hey, you forgot something!" he yells as I see him a few meters behind me, throwing my bag back at me. Clearly his intention was to throw it at my face, but I'm faster than him, so it just fell on the floor.

I look at him with all the hate I gathered in that brief moment and turn around to keep walking. I remember the first time I felt this. Back then, I subconsciously created Onis to express my hate and revenge, but I would never let that happen again. Not because I care about people at all, but because I know I would hurt myself and you, as well.

All the pain and regret supposedly disappeared from my heart since I fell in love, but the only thing that happened was that one kind of pain was replaced by another. A deeper, yet sweeter one. One that would go all the way through my dark soul and hit me in my weakest point, and then lighten up the whole space where a heart should be.

I just wanna go home now. Going out is always a bad idea. I wanna go back and lock myself in my room, or just lay to read my magazines or watch TV. I'll never show my face outside unless it's totally necessary. As I'm walking my way home, I see you coming in the other direction... This is becoming rutinary... And annoying too.

"What are you doing here? Why didn't you wait in the house?" I ask you once you're close enough to hear me.

"Oh, thank God I found you!" You tell me totally ignoring my question and coming closer, looking right into my eyes with a hint of relief.

"Found me?" I say raising an eyebrow. "Where did you think I was?"

"I don't know... I woke up and you weren't there. I checked in your room and you weren't there. I checked the whole house and you weren't there... I was starting to worry, so I came out of the house to look for you"

"It doesn't matter..." I roll my eyes and try to change the subject. It's too embarrassing having to be looked for, like I was a missing child or something. "I bought things for breakfast. Well, I lost half of them, so go and buy the rest. I'll make you a list."

"Wait. You... lost them?"

"It's not important, ok? I had a problem with the cashier guy. When you go back there, tell him to return my money."

By the look on your face I can see you don't understand anything, but since when is that a problem? It's not anything new, you see...

"Hold this" I say giving the bags to you while I get a pen and a piece of paper to make the list of things you should buy.

"Good morning, Yoh" I hear a woman's voice say. Wait... why does a woman know your name? I draw my intention to the person talking to you, and I realize she was part of the crazy horde in the grocery shop. She notices my presence next to you and puts on a face of shock and horror. "Yoh, do you know this girl?"

You turn to see me with a confused expression and then nod your head when you look at her. "Yes, I know her".

"Really, Yoh?" she says with a disappointed face. "How can someone as nice as you be friends with this rude person?"

I feel rage taking over me again. What do people think they are these days? Attacking you like you were an animal, and then when you defend yourself, you're rude, impolite and a horrible person. Well, I don't care anymore. I don't care what the whole world thinks of me, just what you think.

No matter what the world says,

no matter what the world thinks,

if you still smile when you see me,

then it's not that bad, is it?

"You know how it is?" I say completely out of myself. "He's not just friends with me, we're engaged." I watch you turn completely red as I say that, and I see the woman smile to herself and keep walking.

"Poor Yoh..." she says when she's already walking away from us. "I thought arranged marriages didn't exist anymore."

How does she know it's an arranged marriage? What makes her think that? It's obvious... There's no possibility that you could ever have chosen me... It's obvious that you were forced to, and that's why you never talk about it, that's why you never mention the fact we're engaged, that's why you try to keep me in the shadows, so you don't have to admit to anyone that you're taken.

And again, I'm making you suffer... You never chose to be with me, you didn't have a choice. You're destined to spend your life with the last person you would choose, and you can't escape from that. I bet you would like to have the freedom someone your age deserves. To go out at nights, throw parties and even go on dates. But you can't. I would never let you do so, 'cause I'm so afraid to lose you.

But... how could I? You'll always be with me, whether you want it or not; you have no chance to get away even if you tried to... There's no chance I could ever lose you like that. Although, I don't think that's what it is. When I think about losing you, I think of you slipping away and doing what you want to do, of not returning home when I need you to be, of falling in love with someone and going behind my back to see her.

When I think of losing you... Do I think of you not loving me anymore?

I put my head down and start writing the list in silence. Without noticing it, I'm sad again. As sad as I was last night when you found me under the rain. Why is all so complicated? Why can't I find the answer to all these things? Why do I depend on you so much?

I give you the list and take the bags from you. I wanted to say something like "Here it is" or something simple, but I'm afraid my voice will break again. So I just leave you there and start walking in the opposite direction...

----------

Well that was chapter 3. Anyway, you know you can leave a review telling me what you thought about it, I'm always hungry for them XD

Thanks for reading! See you soon, bye!