§Going The Full Diva §
By Muirnin CocanDisclaimer: See chapter 1 for the full disclaimer … Glee belongs to the powers that be - RIB (Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, & Brad Falchuk) oh and Fox …
Author's Note: I just want to say that while I do appreciate the number of people who are following my work the lack of reviews has really tested my desire to continue writing this as well as my other works … it makes me automatically question why I continue writing … is it just a waste of time … granted I do write for my own pleasure but I could do that without sharing it with others … this story does have a couple of reviews … from the same person … so Lady Luna … thank you again so very much … whether I continue with these stories is still up in the air after what has happened with Gone with the Wind? …
I've had this chapter written for about a week … but figured I should probably post it today … as I said whether I continue is really up in the air … the holidays for me are depressing enough …
Going the Full Diva – part 3Hummel-Berry Home – Jackson Heights, Queens, NY – October 2028
"Lizzy … could you come to my room please … I have something I want to discuss …" Rachel asked her beautiful daughter. She had already told Kurt that she would be disclosing many of the 'secrets' today … She was just terribly afraid that her daughter would no longer look at her in the same light that she did before.
"Sure Mama … give me a moment to put my stuff away …" Lizzy hollared back.
Lizzy had gone into her parent's bedroom and found her mother sitting on her bed with a huge box that was opened and many of it's various items spread out on the bed …
"Mama … is this all the stuff I've been searching for?" Lizzy asked as she plopped herself down next to her mother on the bed.
"Well it's most of the stuff … I was about the age of your Aunt Beth when your father and I got together … her birth parents are some of our dearest friends … and you actually know them" lifting up a picture of Quinn and Puck taken when Quinn was very pregnant with Beth.
"What does Auntie Quinn and Uncle Noah have to do with all this … I don't understand … why did you hide all of this from us … from me …" Lizzy asked confused.
"Lizzy, you need to understand that your father and I had become really close friends during our junior year of high school when he had transferred to Dalton … Do you remember when we explained about what it means to be gay?" Rachel asked.
Lizzy looked at her mother and nodded … she wasn't sure what this had to do with anything but she listened intently.
"Your daddy … when he was in high school had come out of the closet … he recognized himself as being gay … but this action in itself brought about more trouble than just being in glee club … I mean we were used to getting slushied on a daily basis and laughed at by the entire school … but for Daddy the harrasment went to a whole new level … he began getting even more harrassed and abused by one guy in particular … this guy was even on the football team and a lot of it had to do because of his own sexual orientation … I found out later that this guy had hate kissed your daddy … besides slamming him into lockers … I tried to get the girls in glee to have their boy friends who were also on the football team to protect Kurt … your Uncle Finn was secretly afraid of what it would do to his reputation … Uncle Noah was one strike away from going away to juvie for good … the only one that actually did anything was Uncle Sam …
"Anyway … the long and the short of it is after Grandpa and Grandma Hummel's wedding … Kurt found out that the guy who had been abusing him and had been suspended was coming back to McKinley … Daddy couldn't take the pressure anymore and his folks decided to let him transfer to Dalton Academy over in Westerville … quite aways from Lima … we weren't close friends before he left … but while he was gone we found out how much we actually did miss each other … so after all the madness and craziness of that was resolved … your dad finally came back to McKinley … much to the dispair of the Dalton Warblers … your daddy and I got closer … Best friends actually …
"When we went to New York City for Nationals our junior year we had actually snuck out and gone to the Gershwyn Theater where they were doing 'WICKED' and we actually broke into the theater … and experienced our first time singing on a real broadway stage …" Rachel smiled at the memory "it was a duet of For Good … it really brought us closer together and oh did we have plans … big plans for after graduation coming to New York and both of us getting into Julliard and being great broadway stars …"
"So what happened … I mean I know you came to New York … I mean I was born here after all … but I don't understand … you didn't go to Julliard … or did you?"
"Well the reason we didn't go to Julliard was because as we found out from our guidence counselor in our senior year … they didn't have a musical theater program … We did however put our applications in at NYADA … the New York Academy of Dramatic Arts … it has the top musical theater program in the country …"
Rachel said as she took a deep breath … "Sweetie we've already told you how your father and I got together and fell in love … I know a lot of children don't want to hear about their parents and … sex …" she looked at her daughter and saw the glimmer of fear in her glasz eyes "… don't worry I am not going into detail about our sexual relations … you are definitely not old enough … hell I'm not old enough to hear about that … what I am trying to say is that your father and I were both virgins when we got married …"
"You mean you and Uncle Finn never … you know" Lizzy asked.
"No, we almost did a couple of times but I was never ready … it never felt right … but after the whole thing with West Side Story … well your daddy and I did something that was scandalous and very spontaneous for the both of us … we ran off to Chicago and eloped … ironically it was in Chicago that I had also made a few other decisions …"
"Ok, I'm confused … why would it matter when you got married?" asked Lizzy.
"We were still seniors in High School and your grandpa Burt was running for Congressman … I had upset your daddy really badly when I did something really terribly stupid … I had put my name in to run against him for Senior Class President … then to top that off was when I did that huge diva thing with West Side Story … and the fact that I hadn't turned 18 as yet … I sort faked my ID so that it appeared that I was over the age of 18 … made some changes to my birth certificate that sort of thing … Your daddy had NO idea I had done that he just thought that your Granddads were being really great about us being together … then to top everything off … well our side trip to Chicago almost caused your grandpa Burt to lose the seat that he had just won … by a landslide mind you … but thankfully my dads had a talk with your Daddy and they caved and actually signed the actual paperwork that was needed to validate our marriage … but then Principal Figgins figured that I needed to be punished for going ahead and getting married so young … so I was suspended from school for a solid week and not allowed to perform in our sectionals …" Rachel explained.
"So you guys got married while seniors … I'm still not seeing why you were ashamed of this happening …" Lizzy asked … totally enthralled by her mother's past.
"Honey, this is really embarrassing for me to talk about … I broke the law and did something that while I thought was the right decision … I didn't think it was wrong … but I did break the law and that is really bad … Ok … well the New Directions won their Sectionals … even without me they won … anyway we got to advance to the Regionals … and we … that is your daddy and I were still married … we were actually living at my family's home since your Uncle Finn was still really upset at us for how we had gone off and gotten married. Anyway … right around Valentine's Day there was some trouble with Dalton Academy and your Uncle Blaine had been badly hurt … now He had been your daddy's boyfriend before we got together … and the bad part of Blaine getting hurt was the fact that it was supposedly your Daddy who had gotten hurt … I was madder than I have ever been … even got your Auntie Tana to help go all Lima Heights … as she put it … on that fool Sebastian … how he had wanted to hurt Kurt all because he had not stayed together with Blaine …" explained Rachel shook her head at the bad memory then added "Relationships like what ours was in high school were really strange … our entire glee club we were like one huge family … that's why you have so many aunties and uncles with your daddy and I both being theoretically only children."
"I always wondered how that was … but it makes sense … I mean I know that Grandma Carole was Uncle Finn's mother and she married Grandpa Burt …" Lizzy agreed.
"Anyhow … just after Valentine's day I found out I was pregnant … Daddy and I were so happy and so scared at the same time … we were still in High School … we had like three more months until Graduation … and we had Regionals and then Nationals ..." continued Rachel "I didn't want the mess that we had with Quinn and Puck … but we didn't exactly share the news with everyone either … so after we won Regionals your Daddy and I decided that we would just not tell anyone that I was pregnant yet … and gratefully I didn't really show I was only four to four and half months pregnant when we got to Chicago for Nationals … I performed exactly the way that we had rehearsed the final number was a big song and dance routine of Paradise by the Dashboard Lights … the only time that anyone got a clue was when your Uncle Finn had grabbed me by the waist to swing me in one of our dance rehearsals … having the memory of Quinn … he gave me a look and then he waited until we were back stage while the Troubletones were actually on stage performing … he asked your daddy flat out if I was pregnant …"
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS – NATIONALS – MAY 2012
Finn grabbed his brother by the shoulder and pulled him to the side away from everyone else "Lil Bro … tell me the truth … is Rachel pregnant?"
Kurt was surprised by the questions and feigned surprise "No … why would you think that?" he lied.
"Dude … you forget … I was dating Quinn for those first few months … you know … when she was pregnant and saying it was my kid … I know what a baby bump feels like and unless your wife is hiding something from you … then you need to have a talk with her …" Finn said watching the changing expression of guilt on Kurts face "and besides that … I know you … and you are a horrible liar … did you really think you could get away with not tell me I was going to be an Uncle?" he added as he grabbed his brother into a hug.
"FINN! For God's sake … put me down … damn it … you can't tell anyone … swear it … you won't tell anyone especially our folks …" Kurt whispered then once back on the ground he said "at least not yet … yes … ok … I lied to you …"
The wide grin on Finn's face was priceless "Oh I get to be an Uncle! … ah Dude … Well you might want to go rescue your wife … she's getting the third degree from the only other person on the team who actually knows what the waist of a pregnant woman feels like …" Finn said as he gestured over to where Puck was trying to talk to Rachel.
"Oh shit …" Kurt said and the pair of brother's made their way over to where Rachel was standing trying to get away from Puck …
"Noah … please … give me some space … I am up next onstage and I need to keep my wits about me … You don't want me to choke like I did for my NYADA audition." Rachel threatened trying to avoid the answer to the question that he was asking of her.
"But …" Puck started but was cut off by the Hudson-Hummel pair of brothers.
"Dude … Seriously … you want to do this now? Don't worry … we will get all the answers … but after the competition … now let's leave Hummelberry alone so they can get her centered for her solo …" Finn said using the term that the team had coined for either Kurt or Rachel … not even bothering with a plural of the term as that would be defeating the purpose for teasing since they were both so much a like in so many ways.
Kurt wrapped his arms around his wife's waist from behind and whispered in her ear … "Alright Diva … I'm here with you now … and for the record … Finn knows he is going to be an Uncle … he's promised to keep it quiet … you on the other hand … Oh God Rachel … You are so beautiful … Red is definitely a great color on you … now remember … you are a star … Go out there and sing like this is going to be the last time you will ever have the opportunity to sing … like this is the most important performance of our lives … You can do this … we both know this … You can do absolutely anything when there is a song in your heart and a stage to sing on … and you my love are a super star … so don't you worry about anyone or anything else … just live in this moment … you sing this song brilliantly … and one last thing I want you to remember … how much I truly love you …" he quietly cheered giving her a light kiss as he didn't want to mess up her make up.
"That was an excellent pep talk … you are getting rather good at those"
"Well I should you know … being married to the ultimate Diva" Kurt said with a quick kiss to her nose.
"… and I love you too … and just so you know … I am thinking of you when I sing this song …" Rachel smiled taking a deep breath as she relaxed into Kurt's arms … their breathing was in perfect rhythm with the other as they listened to the Troubletones finish singing 'Edge of Glory' which was like the anthem for the pair at this moment in time.
As the Troubletones ended their song Kurt gave her another quick kiss and led her to the wings as the lights went down she moved to center stage and listened for the music to queue up. Rachel could hear the other members that were singing back up for her and out of the corner of her eye she could see as Kurt went over to stand in the wings. Along with his brother Finn and with Puck he stood proudly as he watched the love of his life sing a song that he had first heard sung by Meatloaf … but had been recently done by Celine Dion …
There were nights when the wind was so cold
That my body froze in bed if I just listened to it
Right outside the window
There were days when the sun was so cruel
That all the tears turned dust
And I knew my eyes were drying up forever
I finished crying in the instant that you left
And I can't remember where or when or how
And I banished every memory you and I had ever made
But when you touch me like this
And you hold me like that
I just have to admit that
It's all coming back to me
When I touch you like this
And you hold me like that
It's so hard to believe
But it's all coming back to me
(It's all coming back,
It's all coming back to me now)
There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light,
There were things I'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure,
It was more than any laws allow,
Baby, baby
If I kiss you like this
And if you whisper like that
It was lost long ago
But it's all coming back to me
If you want me like this
And if you need me like that
It was dead long ago
But it's all coming back to me
It's so hard to resist
And it's all coming back to me,
I can barely recall
But it's all coming back to me now
But it's all coming back!
But you were history with the slamming of the door
And I made myself so strong again somehow
And I never wasted any of my time on you since then
But if I touch you like this
And if you kiss me like that,
It was so long ago,
But it's all coming back to me
If you touch me like this
And if I kiss you like that,
It was gone with the wind,
But it's all coming back to me
(It's all coming back,
It's all coming back to me now)
There were moments of gold
And there were flashes of light,
There were things I'd never do again
But then they'd always seemed right
There were nights of endless pleasure,
It was more than any laws allow,
Baby, baby, baby
When you touch me like this
And when you hold me like that,
it was gone with the wind,
But it's all coming back to me
When you see me like this
And when I see you like that
Then we see what we want to see,
All coming back to me
The flesh and the fantasies,
All coming back to me,
I can barely recall
But it's coming back to me now
If you forgive me all this,
If I forgive you all that,
We forgive and forget,
And it's all coming back to me
Now...
(Songwriters - STEINMAN, JIM)
The applause was amazing and she smiled and turned to the wings and into Kurt's waiting arms. The team performed their last song 'Paradise by the Dashboard Lights' which went off flawlessly … at the end Rachel was back into Kurt's waiting arms while the rest of the team all hugged each other and they awaited the results of the competition.
Hummel-Berry Home – Jackson Heights, Queens, NY – October 2028
"So … what happened after that Mama …?" Lizzy asked her eyes full of light and joy.
"Well … we won Nationals … it was an amazing feeling … your daddy actually kissed me in front of everyone … right there on stage after we won our trophy … unlike your Uncle Finn who had kissed me the year before during our performance causing us to end up with a 12th place finish …" Rachel said with a grin knowing full well that she was at least half of the blame for that kiss that missed mentally remembering the comments that her husband had used their senior year in Glee Club.
"As we loaded the bus to head back to Lima, your Uncle Finn as well as Puck came back to where we were seated in the back and demanded some answers … needless to say I told them the truth … that I was indeed pregnant … and of course the entire team knew by the time we got out of the city limits … what they didn't know was that we were not planning to go back to the classes after we presented the school with our trophy … we had come to the school for the welcome back and then that afternoon we loaded up Daddy's SUV with what we couldn't live without and a whole lot of money we had saved from the sale of my car and working at the tire shop … and drove straight through to New York City …"
"You left before you graduated? Why?" Asked Lizzy …
Rachel nodded her head at her daughter as she began to explain "Why … that's acually a great question … like everything else we did we had secretly already taken the GED so we did have our High School Equivelency diploma's … unbeknownst to the rest of the team or our families … we just wanted to get on with the rest of our lives in New York City and I knew my dads … as soon as they found out I was pregnant they would have tried to do something … thinking that my being pregnant was wrong or somehow that would keep me from our Broadway dreams …"
"No … that can't be true … I can't believe the grandads would be like that …"
"Oh trust me Lizzy … your grandpa LeRoy is scary and don't get me started with your grandpa Hiram … when either of them think something is going to stall their baby girl's broadway dreams … Oh my God … they actually had to get a promise from your Daddy after we got married … I suspect but I'm not sure if there was blood involved … but I know it was with threat of certain death that we would not give up broadway … so with that in mind … we headed straight for the great white way …
"It's was during the 10 hour trip … we had utilized our cell phones and daddy's laptop and found a loft in Bushwick for 1800.00 a month … which was a huge chunk of money what with the first and last as well as a security deposit … but since we did have the cash on hand we didn't worry too much … figured we would be alright once we got jobs and such. By the time we got to the apartment we found it was quite huge and we signed the lease immediately since they had already taken the money directly from the debit account we had set up earlier. We unloaded the SUV and then Daddy took it to the auto lot not far away and sold his pride and joy … just so we would have more money …" Rachel said.
"So you just relied on public transportation?" Lizzy asked.
"At the beginning … but your Grandad Berrys … bless their Jewish Gay hearts felt that their baby girl needed more security even though my husband was working at and had gotten accepted at Fashion Institute of Technology … and surprisingly I got accepted and was going to school full time at NYADA … well your Grandads found this house that we are in now … they bought it and gave it to us as a belated wedding present as well as a baby shower present … they decided that since they had the resources that we should not have to pay rent …
"Wait when did you get accepted to NYADA?" Lizzy asked
"Well both your daddy and I had auditioned to NYADA for the one and only Madame Carmen Tibideaux … Your daddy did and brilliantly might I say … the song 'Not the Boy Next Door' … I unfortunately was doing my go to number 'Don't Rain on My Parade' and I choked … even did it a second time and messed up the lyrics horribly …" Rachel said.
"Mama! You never mess up lyrics …" Lizzy said
"Well this one time I was over confident in my performance and I completely screwed up … I had gotten through the first 32 bars and messed up the words … well what we didn't know was that Madam Tibideaux was actually in Chicago and saw my performance during my solo and as well as the final group number and made her decision on that … Your grandfather's had forwarded our letters to us at our new apartment in Bushwick and that's when we found out that Daddy didn't get accepted to NYADA but did get accepted to the Fashion Institute of Technology and I got accepted to NYADA … Anyway … however … all of that almost ended up in a tragedy …"
"What happened mama …" Lizzy asked seeing her mother starting to tear up … and was immediately handed two sheets of paper … There she saw Certificate of Fetal Death on both sheets of paper under the names Shelby Rose Hummel and Christopher Burtrand Hummel … which Lizzy knew was unusual as usually Fetal Death was just baby boy or baby girl and the last name.
"I know I should have told you long ago about the sister and brother who didn't make it … I was actually on my way to the hospital because my water had broken when the taxi I was riding in was hit on the back passenger door … just where I was seated. I was actually talking to Daddy on the phone when I had the accident so he heard everything. He told me later he had completely freaked out and started calling all our family to tell them that I had been in an accident but didn't know what was happening or where I was … He then called the police and told them what he knew and they confirmed that I had been taken to the emergency room at Long Island Jewish Medical Center … it was bit far from our home but it had been the closest to our accident."
It was that moment that Kurt after hearing what his girls were discussing … entered the room and proceeded to tell the rest of the story … all the while … holding his wife and baby girl in his arms.
LONG ISLAND JEWISH MEDICAL CENTER – Brooklyn – October 21, 2012
By the time that Kurt had arrived at the hospital he had found out how serious that Rachel's accident had been. One of the nurses had seen how distraught the young man was and asked the resident Rabbi to go to him. It had been a strange occurance since Kurt had long ago forsaken his belief in God …
"Before my mother died when I was 8 years old, I believed in God … but things changed and I questioned why a God would create someone that didn't fit in the mold of the normal man and refused to believe … A lot of my friends believe in God … my wife is Jewish … I respect her beliefs and even have celebrated Christmas with my family … I sort of want to believe but I stopped believing so long ago … I couldn't even find any faith when my father was in a coma after his heart attack … but now my wife and our baby … I don't know what to do" Kurt sobbed.
"The fact that you recognize that at one time you did believe" the Rabbi started … then proceeded to talk to Kurt about the personal experience he could gain with saying a prayer to whomever he felt may be listening whether it was just himself … the Rabbi … the air around them … and then he gave a grin … or even the dust bunnies that he knew were growing under the corners of the waiting room.
Kurt had been so startled by that he giggled and then tried to talk to what ever powers that be would listen … "Please … for so long I had believed I was something that I actually wasn't … and the one person who had changed me for good is in that operating room fighting for not only her life but the life of our child … Please save her … save them if possible … I can't truly be happy without them in my life …"
Kurt's head bent down low as he continued to cry … he felt the comfort of the Rabbi's hand gently rubbing his back trying to get the young man to calm down. After quite a while the doctor came into the waiting room.
"Mr Hummel?" a young doctor asked.
"Yes, that's me …" Kurt looked up expectantly.
"Your wife had a difficult time she was able to deliver the babies vaginally however … however we … when we delivered the twins … we found that they were still born … I am so sorry."
"We had twins? We had twins? How … why … what … I don't understand … they didn't make it? But … Rachel's fine though right?"
"The accident caused a rather severe impact to your wife's midsection … and we had hoped that the babies were safe because of the amneotic sac however it caused a tear with in the … well needless to say the impact was severe enough it was cutting off the blood flow to the babies … and a trauma of that magnitude was simply too much for the small infants … Your wife was very lucky that she was able to successfully deliver your children however she did need to undergo a small bit of additional surgery after the delivery so we had to anethstize her … You say you and your wife had no idea that she was carrying twins?"
"No … we specifically asked not to be told the sex of the baby because we wanted to be surprised … so we didn't know … I know they are gone but may I see them … please? I have their names … um … the names for the death certificates?" Kurt asked shaking … the Rabbi wrapping his arm around the shaken young man.
"It's not necessary for you to see them …" the doctor said but seeing the sadness on the young man's face he said "but obviously you would like to see your daughter and son … and of course you can name them … just so you know … your daughter arrived first and then your son arrived 22 minutes later … they both were very blue when they were delivered … and that is what had caused them not to make it … if you want to have birth certificates then there is a certification charge for that … we can combine them with the death certificates as well."
"Don't worry about the money … we have it covered … When can I see them and see my wife …" the young doctor gestured with his hand and Kurt followed him with the Rabbi right behind. Upon seeing his children just before they were taken to the morgue Kurt tore his shirt and weeped for the children that didn't make it in this world … he knew that Rachel would be devistated. While the Rabbi began to recite the Kaddish …
The young doctor had then lead Kurt to the room that Rachel was in … she was slowly coming out of the anethstesia … He could see the bruising on her face … as her vision cleared she noticed the small tear on his normally impeccibly pressed shirt. "Kurt … I am so sorry you couldn't be in there … they wouldn't tell me … what did we have?"
He leaned down and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips and looked at her sad eyes "It was twins … we had a girl and a boy … they both didn't make it" Kurt said sadly as he saw the traumatic tears that Rachel normally didn't have a need to shed begin to flow. "I called our parents and they are on their way … they don't know yet …"
They held each other for several minutes crying the mournful sobs of grief for the children they had lost … They had been so excited … Kurt and Rachel had spent several months batting names around even though they had distinctly kept from finding out the sex of the baby because they thought that if it was a surprise … That was more romantic …
After a couple of hours the silence of the hospital room was suddenly disturbed and they heard the sound of voices from the hallway that sounded distinctly like Quinn's voice "We are her sisters … let us in to see Rachel …" the door suddenly opened to the two women who came in Quinn and Santana … who had both been in New York for some shopping.
"Let me guess Finn called you?" Kurt asked the two women who came close to the bedside of his wife who was crying all over again at the show of love by the two biggest tormentors of her high school experience.
"Yes he did … he's riding in with your parents …" Quinn said "So what happened?"
"I had gone into labor and was taking a cab to the hospital since Kurt had the car and was too far away … The cab got in an accident and it hit my side of the car …" Rachel started to explain but then started crying again …
"She had a baby girl and boy but they didn't make it …" Kurt responded as Santana was rocking the crying Rachel "When Dads get here we are going to make the arrangements for the burial … there's a cemetary not far from our house."
A little bit later Rachel asked in a quiet voice. "Honey … did you see Shelby and Christopher?"
"Yes sweetheart … they would have beautiful … talented … I could just tell …" Kurt said as his eyes started to fill with tears as well.
"What can we do to help you Kurt …" Santana asked as she gave the grieving countertenor a much needed hug.
"We still need to break the news to our folks and … need to get a bag together with some clothes for Rachel when they let her out of here … Need to contact NYADA … … FIT … oh shit …" he said as he sat down and ran his hand through his hair "Not sure if they need the babys clothes we bought so they can be used for the burial"
"I'll take care of all of that …" Quinn said "We are family … we have been for years … you both need to take care of yourselves … let me have your phones and I can use them to call who needs to contacted … I'll be back" she said as she gave him a kiss on the forehead. Quinn went over and did the same gesture to Rachel repeated on each by Santana and then they were alone.
"You want to still name them Shelby and Christopher … we don't have to …" Kurt asked.
"I had already been calling them Shelby and Christopher … at my last appointment with Doctor Goldstein she told me why I felt like I had the rockettes inside me … we knew you didn't want to know but she told me that it was twins … I didn't realize it was one of each … I just figured we could come up with a 2nd gender specific name for the other twin … I had just been doing both names we had … I'm sorry Kurt I should have told you …" Rachel began to sob.
"Honey it's alright … I'd told you I wanted it as a surprise because it was romantic … it's not your fault. Next time we'll just let them tell us … both … up front"
"Next time? You …"
"What … honey did you think this was our only chance to have children? You are my wife Rachel … we will have more children … whether they come from your body or we adopt … it will take some time I know … but trust me there are more Hummelberry's to come …" Kurt said giving her that one specific smile that he reserved just for her … "Besides why would we want to stop this fabulousness that we have become … Now my lovely Diva … you get your rest … I'm going to go make sure Quinn and Santana don't redecorate the house in some Fabpez hideousness … I love you so much … I'll be back in a couple of hours ... will you be alright while I'm gone?"
Just as he was leaving the room the door opened and Shelby came in "Quinn called me …" she said as she gave Kurt a hug and then came over to sit at the side of the bed … "Oh my baby girl are you alright?"
"Well your mom is here so I am going to go ahead and head back to the house …" He quickly gave her a quick kiss and headed out the door this time. When Kurt got back to their house they found a dozen floral arrangements and what looked like a gathering that he had not expected. Isabelle Wright, his boss had a team of internists going about setting up a buffet.
"Kurt honey … how's Rachel?" Isabelle said giving the young man a hug.
"She'll be fine … we are both sort of in shock that our babies didn't make it …"
"Yes, your girls here told us … We heard back from your brother … he and your folks will be here later tonight … they are driving straight thru … we told them about the twins not making it … I hope you don't mind." Isabelle said with a kindness that Kurt knew she always had … she truly was his fairy god mother … "I believe that Santana has contacted NYADA as well as FIT … they both understood the circumstances of your missing classes. Your friend from Yale … the pretty blonde … she's checking with the morturarys as well as the near by cemetaries … Oh and this is for you …" Isabelle said handing Kurt a large mug of coffee … just the way he liked it …
"Bless you fairy god mother … bless you. I don't want to take too long away from the hospital … I need to get back to Rachel." Kurt said then began sipping the delectable nector in the mug he had received. "Rachel's going to take a bit of time to get back to her vivacious self … but she will get there … there's a good chance she will come home tomorrow."
"Here's your messages Mr Hummel …" One of the newest interns from handed Kurt a stack of messages "I'm sorry for your loss … let us know if there is anything we can do for you" surprising Kurt with the formality of her address and then she had quickly left.
"Ok, that was strange …" Kurt said quietly looking at the messages. He just shook his head in shock at the messages he saw …
From Mercedes, LA: My dear friends … my heart grieves for your loss … just remember that I love you both and will see you soon ... you both are in my prayers …
From Puck, LA: Rach … get better soon … Kurt, dude … take good care of my favorite jew girl …
From Cassie July, NYADA: Schwimmer … take your time getting well … so you can come back here and dance your little Ohio butt off … Sorry about your loss …
From Martin Benningsworth, FIT: Kurt, don't worry about the testing coming up your talent in the fashion industry is already proven and you will have no problems with that … take care of your wife and remember "When the heart grieves over what is has lost, the spirit rejoices over what it has left." You still have her … you are truly blessed.
From Sue Sylvester, WMHS: Porcelain … I am so sorry about your loss … we here at McKinley grieve with you and hope that you and Mrs Porcelain recover and know that we are here for you if ever you need to come home to visit. My daughter Robin is sad that she won't have her New York City playmates …
On and on the messages went … How did they all find out so fast … then he realized that Quinn and Santana had his and Rachel's cell phones and probably sent out a mass text message to every contact they had.
"Kurt … I have a bag ready for Rachel … its just some very loose comfortable clothes … she won't want to wear anything too constricting for a few days … I had to stop Santana from putting in any tight mini dresses … I think there is some of your sweats and t-shirts in there … so no bullying her on her wardrobe choices" Quinn said teasingly.
"She's actually learned how not to dress like a grandmother and a toddler at the same time … it also helps that I have been known to lay out her wardrobe for the day since I get up first in the mornings" Kurt said with a smile. "You and Santana are more than welcome to stay here rather than get a hotel room … it will save you money."
"Thanks Kurt we appreciate it … we will just take one of the guest rooms you have … we thought we would ask if you wish to have the nursery dismantled and put away before Rachel gets home." Quinn asked knowing that would be what she would want.
"That's actually a great idea … I don't have the heart to go into that room right now … at least we didn't have furniture for twins … although we did have a crib as well as a bassinet … Oh well … um … just box it all up and then you can tuck it up in the attic … Do you have our phones? I want to get back to Rachel …" Kurt asked.
"Yes here you go" handing him the two different android phones one gold and black leopard skin and the white one with the large pink flower on the back that was Rachel's "We already downloaded all the messages onto your laptop using the passwords we found in the notepad on the desk … so the other messages are there for you to read …"
"Thanks a lot Quinn … I'm feeling really guilty not having been as supportive after Beth was born … have you gotten to see her yet?" Kurt asked as he began gathering his things to take back to the hospital.
"Yes I did … we went by Shelby's Broadway Day Care business and told her about Rachel and the twins … it was unbelievable … she had a babysitter within seconds and was heading to the hospital to see Rachel … I guess she really does love Rachel like a mother does … Anyway … I'll spend time with Beth before I go back to New Haven. I just can't believe how big she's gotten."
"Both Rachel and I think she looks like a mini-Quinn although Rachel swears that she has Noah's nose … which I'm scared to think what she will look like when she grows up … it's cute though she calls Rachel … Sissy … since she hasn't been able to say Rachel just yet … she says Kurt just fine … guess she just wants Rachel to remember that she now has a little sister …"
"Well I am sure that she will be Auntie Beth in a few years … just so long as I can also be Auntie Quinn …" Quinn said
"Don't forget Auntie Tana …" Santana added in as she came over and wrapped her arms from behind to give another hug to Kurt before he left.
"No worries Satan …" Kurt said with a grin "For only children Rachel and I have more siblings than the average person … Well I am out of here … make yourselves at home … and thank you both … when our folks show up please let them know that the other two guest rooms are for their use … no reason for them to get hotel rooms … although I think Finn may be more comfortable on the sofa bed rather than sharing with you both … but then again … who knows you could always share my little brother." Kurt joked and gave them quick hugs and then was back out the door again.
Both Quinn and Santana knew the true difference of the Hudmel brothers ages … and agreed that Kurt being the older brother but being shorter was hysterical …
After the major financial distractions such as their home was taken care of Kurt had invested in a used 1998 Chevy Blazer … it was smaller than the large SUV that he had in high school but it gave them a vehicle to get about the city with. He was planning on getting Rachel a car at Christmas … he would see how if she wanted that now … in the mean time having the Blazer gave him an easier way to get back to Rachel's side being able to drive there.
Entering into Rachel's room she saw and heard Shelby holding a sobbing Rachel rocking her slowly. "It's alright baby … Mama's got you …" she repeated softly … Shelby looked up and saw Kurt …
"Hi Shelby … I'm glad you could be here for her when she needed you most … you are the one person we know other than Quinn who has gone through well similar things." Kurt said quietly as he took over the comforting that his wife needed.
"I'm just glad I could be here for her … she's always wanted a mom and I couldn't be one for her growing up … I'm just trying to be a Mama for her now … if she wants me to be …" Shelby said … "She told me what you named the twins … I am honored … with the choice of middle name it's like she had acknowledged me as her mom …"
"That's why she chose Rose … because Rosie was Fanny Bryce's mother … and you are her mother … we figured it was a great combination …" Kurt said.
"How did you chose your son's name?" Shelby asked.
"Well Christopher is or was the name of Finn's dad and of course Burt is mine … we felt Burtrand had a more elegant flow to it … it was either that or Francis which is Dad's middle name and that didn't seem to flow right" Kurt explained. "Too many freakin' F sounds …"
"Very fitting … Is there anything that I can do for either of you? I'm here for either of you anytime you need me …" Shelby said.
"Not right now our family's are heading over to our house and Quinn and Santana are there with a ton of people from … Isabelle has a buffet set up in our dining room I'm not sure who all will be there to eat it but if you and Beth want to go over for awhile spend some time with Quinn be our guest … the Doctor told me that I can bring Rachel home in the morning …" Kurt said grateful that his beloved wife wouldn't have to endure the long stay in the hospital.
"Oh that is so good she's coming home tomorrow … I'll stop by after I pick up Beth and see if there is anything I can help with …" Shelby said "I'm going to take off now … Rachel sweetie … I'm leaving you in the best hands possible … just remember it gets better … I love you" she told her daughter as she kissed her on the forehead then repeated the action to Kurt who blushed. "I'll see you both soon."
Kurt watched as Shelby left the room and then he pulled Rachel into his arms and held her "How are you feeling honey?" He asked his wife.
"The physical pain is expected … it's the emotional loss that hurts the most … I knew as soon as that truck hit the side of the cab that the babies were gone … I just knew … I've got a lot of bruising where the door hit me … I guess I am lucky that I didn't break anything."
"I'm just lucky that I still have you … I was so scared I was going to lose you … I actually prayed today Rachel … when I was waiting for word about you I was sort of freaking out and the nurse on duty sent Rabbi Lewison to me … he got me talking about my lack of faith and then he said that sometimes a prayer could just vocally getting the words out and I laughed when he said that I could even pray to the dust bunnies in the corners … anyway … Rabbi Lewison was with me when we went to see Shelby and Christopher and … he chanted the Kaddish …" Kurt confessed to his wife.
"Did praying help in any way?" Rachel asked.
"It actually did … it seems so strange that something so traumatic could trigger this lifelong disbelief into dust … but I honestly think that God saved your life … I'm glad I didn't have to choose between you or the babies … To be honest with you … as bad as it sounds I can live without the babies … but I wouldn't be able to live without you Rachel …" Kurt said honestly.
"Oh honey … I wouldn't be able to live without you either … I am trying very hard not to fall in to a deep depression over the loss of our children … no mother should ever have to go through that … but I have and I only had the time that they were inside of me to get to know them … and I miss them … I think I will miss them everyday for the rest of my life …" Rachel said as she curled into Kurt's warm embrace.
"We'll get through this … but I did make a decision today … I'm going to talk with your Rabbi … get to understand your faith more than I already do … if its important to you sweetheart … its important for me … and you told me several months ago that you wanted our children raised in Judaism … well perhaps I can learn as well" Kurt said earning a kiss from his wife who shed a few more tears upon the news.
TO BE CONTINUED:
Author's Afterword : I'm still after so many years missing my children and I know many people say that life goes on … but when you have the love of your life as well as your children separated from you … it causes a grief that is difficult to get through but I am getting up every morning … going to work every day when my body allows me the ability … and I think about those I love each and every day … The names for the twins was chosen for the reason's I gave in the chapter … it is just coinsidence that my daughter was Rose and my son was Christopher … they are 22 months apart rather than 22 minutes but that is the only poetic license I gave regarding the 22 … their birthdate … marked the 106th anniversary of my Grandmother's birth …
I'm going to continue writing this as I have an idea how it is going to end … maybe in a chapter or two … my other stories I will continue writing them but whether I actually post I'm not sure anymore … this time of the year is depressing enough … anyway … Happy holidays