Author's Notes
Loosely inspired by S.H.I.E.L.D. Recruit Survival Tip #565
"There is not, nor will there ever be, a S.H.I.E.L.D. Christmas pin-up calendar of various agents."
Tony discovers Agent Jesse James in an embarrassing position protected only by a tragically placed cushion
The tale of how he found himself so exposed involves a sought-after flash-drive, a rival agency and a face from Natasha Romanoff's past.
Marvel Characters are based on the Marvel Cinematic Universe and are copyright to Marvel and Disney. Their use here is for purely non-commercial entertainment purposes.
Implied nudity and non-sexual bondage
Reviews and comments welcome
"Well, I can't wait to read this mission report" smirked Tony Stark, leaning in the doorway of the hotel room.
"Mr Stark, this ain't funny!" said Jesse, anxiously tugging on the handcuffs securing his wrists to the bedposts "Just get me outa here, willya?"
"You know, I've often thought we should have an 'Agent of the Month' calendar" mused Tony, reaching into his pocket "and I believe I've just found our Agent August."
"Mr Stark! No!" Jesse's eyes widened in horror as Stark took out his phone "Dammit, Mr Stark…"
He pulled harder on the cuffs, trying to dislodge them; the red flush of embarrassment getting deeper with the effort, spreading down his neck and chest. With his hands apart like this he couldn't even do that thing where you dislocate the thumb. In this situation, the discomfort would be worth it.
"Careful, Cowboy!" cautioned Tony as he got the best angle for the shot "The flexing looks great, but you're in danger of dislodging your modesty cushion!"
"TONY, GODDAMMIT, DON'T YOU DARE TAKE A FUCKING PHOTO!"
Tony looked up at the young agent with mock disapproval as his phone gave an audible 'click'
"Agent James! Language!" he laughed and hit speed-dial "Oh Agent Romanoff? I've found our missing lamb… Third floor, room 314… yes, I think you will want to see this…"
Sixteen Hours Previously
Jesse was nervous about his first live undercover mission. Sure, this was a big part of FieldOps training and the test scenarios were painfully authentic; but doing it real for the first time? That would give anyone a case of the jitters, especially if you were working alongside Agent Romanoff, although the mission brief sounded simple enough:
Alphonse Kateb, an 'Independent Information Consultant', had come into possession of a flash-drive purportedly containing information on European HYDRA cells and was discreetly offering it to the highest bidder. According to the intelligence S.H.I.E.L.D. received, the deal was due to be finalised and the flash-drive handed over at a party Kateb was throwing at the Ambassador Plaza Hotel this evening.
Agent Romanoff's mission was to obtain the flash-drive without S.H.I.E.L.D. having to pay the exorbitant price Kateb was asking; Agent James's, to provide an extra pair of eyes and ears together with back-up if required. She also needed an escort for the party, hence why he was currently standing in the lounge of Stark's penthouse while Agent Romanoff adjusted his bow tie.
"Well! Agent Johnny Handsome is in the house!" quipped Tony as he poured a generous shot of bourbon over ice. "If you didn't sound like an extra from 'Deliverance' I could imagine you as the next James Bond."
"Ignore him, Jesse" Natasha brushed a speck of dust of the silk lapel of his tuxedo "He's just jealous. How does the suit feel?"
Jesse wriggled his shoulders slightly, getting use to the feel. He'd not dressed up like this since senior prom and he had to admit this was a lot more comfortable than the tux he'd worn then; it also looked a damn sight better.
"Fits good, Miss Natasha" he said "Plenty room to move."
"Good? My tailor doesn't do 'good' he does perfect!" Tony sounded slightly affronted as he strolled over to take a closer look "Aside from the classic Italian styling, this flexible polykevlar provides all the protection of the regular stuff without the uncomfortable and obvious rigidity and bulk."
He stepped back and ran an appraising eye over the young agent's evening attire
"And it hangs very well, I might get Lucrezio to run me up a few suits out of this!" He took a long drink of the bourbon and turned to Natasha "So, if you're the fashionable East Coast socialite what's his cover, pool-boy? Gardener? Son's Little League Baseball Coach? Or is this just an excuse for the two of you to elope while Steve finally consummates his life-long bromance with Bucky?"
Natasha slipped her arm through Jesse's, her own choice for the evening was an ankle length evening gown in shimmering black and gold. Together, they made a very stylish couple.
"Not need to be bitter, Tony" she smiled at him sweetly "Just because Pepper's making you go to the annual Shareholders Reception tonight…"
"Yeah, why is that? I thought she ran things for me these days?" Stark looked extremely unhappy at the prospect, for a man who owned one of the largest multi-national companies in the world he often showed very little enthusiasm for having anything to do with it.
Natasha laughed
"I think they just want to make sure she's not killed you off and replaced you with a high-functioning user-interface hologram" She nodded to Jesse "Let's go, the car's waiting"
"Would they know if she had?" Tony chuckled, taking another drink of bourbon as Natasha and Jesse headed to the elevator. A worried expression began to appear on his face "Would I?"
"He'll be freaking out about that thought all evening" Natasha murmured to Jesse as the elevator descended "Serves him right!"
###
Like all Kateb's affairs the party was lavish, spreading over a full suite of reception rooms on the second floor. The sale was being done by silent auction, folded slips of white paper changing hands as guests drank, gambled and danced. The champagne was excellent, the buffet superb, and the beautiful people were very beautiful. No wonder Tony was so grumpy about missing this, it almost rivalled some of the parties he threw at the Penthouse.
Natasha cast a practised eye over the crowd in the main salon, more interested in the faces that never appeared on the covers of celebrity magazines. After a while you could reasonably guess which agency someone was with just by their body language and their style of dress. She was certain that the brunette in the low cut white dress, currently tempting Jesse to try his first prawn dim sum, was MI6. MI5 tended to be a bit more conservative. She smiled pleasantly at the couple from the FBI, it couldn't have been more obvious if they'd sent Mulder and Scully.
Zateb was a valuable, and more importantly, neutral source of high level intelligence with a wide network of assets in his own right. Most agencies at least appeared willing to play the game by his rules but Director Coulson had other ideas. The problem wouldn't be hostile agencies, you knew exactly where you stood with them and there was an odd, if lethal, chivalry in the exchanges. It was the 'friendly' ones you had to watch out for; they were the most likely to cut your throat when you weren't looking. In a world where information was power, no-one wanted a supposed ally to gain any more that was necessary.
"Drive's in the building" Jesse murmured in her ear as he returned with more drinks "Two guys with a locked briefcase went up to Zateb's suite ten minutes ago"
Natasha laughed flirtatiously, lightly slapping his arm
"Anything else?" she murmured back.
Jesse raised his hand to his mouth to stifle a belch
"Yeah, them dumpling things give me gas…"
"I'm not surprised, you had at least…" she stopped, noticing the tall blonde woman entering the salon. She turned to Jesse "…excuse me for a few minutes, keep mingling."
"Carla!" Natasha's voice dripped with insincere delight "I heard you retired"
"Tasha, darling" the other woman leaned in for the compulsory air kiss and dropped her voice slightly "I heard you got fat"
Natasha had run across Carla Desougghy on several occasions over the years, even worked with her once or twice when they accidentally found themselves sharing common purpose. Purportedly of Italian/Sudanese extraction, and supposedly trained by Mossad, she had worked for several different national and international agencies, often at the same time; presently she was rumoured to be engaged by the French Bureau de Sécurité Spéciale but could easily be working one of many other options.
She wasn't Red Room calibre, privately Natasha thought her reputation overrated, but her abilities were still formidable.
"I thought your people disliked paying for information" Carla said with an arch of her eyebrow "especially now Le Vérificateur is in charge"
"We like to keep an eye open" was Natasha's carefully neutral response. 'The Auditor', that was the rather disparaging codename used by the BSS for Phil Coulson. "Even if the intelligence is passé"
She observed the slight flash in the other woman's eyes; Natasha's suspicions began to congeal into certainties.
"Well that certainly is one tall, cool, drink of water you have as your escort" Carla commented, changing the subject and turning her attention to Jesse on the far side of the room "I imagine everything is in proportion?"
"Why don't you come over and take a closer look?" asked Natasha "He's really quite sweet"
"I'll bet!" said Carla, pursing her lips appreciatively "If that's what S.H.I.E.L.D. are churning out these days…"
Carla pretended that handsome men were her weakness; Natasha knew better. Carla's weakness was her vanity and she would go to any lengths to score a point over a rival, especially if that rival was the Black Widow.
Having introduced Carla to Jesse and made a few minutes more acidly pleasant conversation, Natasha excused herself to visit the ladies powder room. Once out of sight in the hotel lobby she checked her watch. On top form, it would take her just under 15 minutes to get to Zateb's suite, locate and 'extract' the flash drive and return to the party to retrieve Jesse from a fate worse than Darcy and make a discreet withdrawal. It was an almost flawless plan.
16 minutes later she was back and pleasantly surprised; no, astonished to see Jesse on the dance floor mamboing, quite expertly, with Carla. He'd kept that skill set a secret.
"May I cut in?" she asked, expertly intruding and sliding one hand around Jesse's chest under his jacket; the intimate gesture hiding the flash drive as she slipped it into one of the hidden pockets.
"Please do!" snipped Carla, "I'll just go and refresh our drinks, shall I?"
As the blonde woman huffed off, Natasha leaned in to Jesse's ear.
"Mission accomplished" she whispered "Keep her talking while I fetch the car and we can make a discreet withdrawal."
As the Latin number switched to a more sedate foxtrot, Jesse and Natasha left the dance floor to re-join Carla. Natasha gracefully declined the proffered champagne.
"Not for me, I'm driving" she smiled "and I think it's almost past Jesse's bedtime; he has college tomorrow"
Jesse gave an amused grunt as he took a mouthful of Scotch. It was a bit sharper than his last one, maybe a different blend.
"Not staying for the main event?" asked Carla "I would have thought Le Vérificateur would be anxious for the result?"
"I would say we're looking at a win for the home team, don't you?" replied Natasha with a slight tilt of the head "Now if you'll excuse me?"
Left alone with the voracious Miss Desougghy again, Jesse felt his discomfort levels starting to rise again; or it may have been the rich food. The woman wasn't being particularly brazen but every word and gesture seemed to be laden with layered innuendo. After a few more minutes of what he hoped was polite conversation he glanced discreetly at his watch. Miss Natasha must be waiting with the car; if not, he'd better find out where she was.
"Well, if you'll pardon me, Miss Desougghy" he said firmly "It's been great meeting you, but I have to go find my date…"
At first, he thought it was more gas from the prawn dim sum, but as Jesse put his glass down his head started to swim and bright spots danced in front of his eyes.
Awww Dammit!
###
Well he was awake, and not wired up to electrodes in a cellar; but other than that Jesse had little reason to be happy about his situation. Spread-eagled on a hotel bed, wrists and ankles securely handcuffed and tied to the bedposts, with his clothes – all his clothes – piled on the couch and thoroughly turned inside out. His heart sank when he saw the flash drive sitting on the dresser beside a woman's purse and he tried twisting his wrist in one of the cuffs to see if he could get any leverage. This was a scenario they hadn't covered in the academy.
The bathroom door opened and Carla Dessoughy came in, humming happily to herself and tying back her hair. She had changed out of her evening wear and looked ready to leave.
"Ah, you're awake at last!" she smiled "I must have misjudged the dose slightly. I'm afraid I have to take the drive, but you'll be happy to know your virtue remains intact."
"Hey!" Jesse pulled angrily at the restraints "Ain't we on the same side?"
"Of course we are, darling!" laughed Carla "Just not the same agency that's all. Don't take it so personally."
She ran her fingertips speculatively down the young agent's chest and stomach as he tugged at the restraints
"Don't bother, they're quite secure…" she smiled, then sighed softly; her fingers stopping just short of his navel "I was right, you are perfectly in proportion…"
She put the flash drive into her purse and buttoned up her coat as Jesse continued to try and wriggle free.
"You gonna leave me like this?" he growled "You got what you wanted, could at least undo one wrist…"
"Good heavens, no!" she laughed "but I will do you a favour"
She picked up a round, pink, cushion from the sofa and placed it carefully between the young man's thighs.
"Wouldn't want to shock the maid…"
###
Jesse's face was still bright red when he got into Natasha's car; embarrassed by the situation he'd been found in, angry at Mr Stark for making a fool of him but, most of all, ashamed at failing so dismally in his first real mission.
"Agent Romanoff…" he managed to say at last "I'm real sorry for letting you down like that. I know there's going to be consequences and I'm willing to take full…"
Jesse paused in mid-sentence. Miss Natasha was smiling at him and holding something in her hand.
"You got it back!" he exclaimed in relief. He'd still have to face the music for losing it but at least the mission wasn't a failure.
"I extracted it as soon as I left you with Carla" she admitted "The one I passed to you was the decoy"
The mission hadn't just been about obtaining the drive, she explained, but replacing it with a decoy carrying a Trojan Horse that would give back door access to any system it was plugged into. It had taken Natasha only a few minutes of conversation with Carla to realise the bidding was a smokescreen. Kateb was working for the Bureau de Sécurité Spéciale and the whole affair had been arranged to protect his cover.
Rather than swap the drives as originally planned, she passed the one bearing the Trojan Horse to Jesse; knowing Carla would pursue what she believed to be the stolen one; leaving Natasha free to obtain the real one without her interference.
"Carla would suspect something was up if she found the flash drive still in place after seeing me around; and I knew she wouldn't be able to resist embarrassing S.H.I.E.L.D. Now Phil will have a nice little route into everything the BSS is up to, and Carla thinks she got one over on me. Everyone's happy, except you it seems…" Natasha glanced over at Jesse with an apologetic expression "If I thought you would have been in any real danger I'd have found another way"
"A head's up woulda been nice" grumbled Jesse "Kinda feel like a total dumbass right now"
"There's not always time in the field" replied Natasha, then smiled reassuringly at him "Learn from it, that's what we've all had to do. Every agent has their share of embarrassing moments. Get me drunk enough sometime and I'll tell you a few of Clint's"
"And what about yours?" asked Jesse, finally relaxed enough to start laughing about the whole thing.
"You don't have clearance for that" Natasha deadpanned.
###
"Are you sure you want me to do this?" asked Pietro, looking uncertainly at the ropes in his hand "Perhaps one of the others?"
"Look, Piet" Jesse said "I ain't planning on getting caught out like that again, and I kinda trust you not to make me look like a jackass; so yeah, go for it…"
The young Sokovian grinned. Jesse had made it gently plain that he didn't like him in that way, but was more than happy to be his friend; hearing that the young agent trusted him meant a lot. There were still plenty of people in S.H.I.E.L.D. suspicious of him and his sister because of their enhanced abilities and their initial association with HYDRA. Socialising outside the safe limits of the Team was difficult for Pietro, so having someone his own age to buddy about with made him feel almost normal.
"Okay, hop on the bed"
Five minutes later…
"That is not too tight, is it?" asked Pietro nervously "I don't want to hurt you."
Jesse moved his ankle round experimentally
"Naw, you're good!" he said "Now do the other one and get the stopwatch"
"Well! Someone's definitely developed a taste for the wild side…" came Tony's voice from the doorway. What the hell? Jesse was sure it had been closed and locked.
"This is escape practise, Mr Stark" he snapped "Get your mind out the gutter and go"
"How you two justify it is your own business, Cowboy…" said Tony with a wicked glint in his eye, reaching for his pocket
"Aw Hell, No! PIET! GET THAT GODDAM CAMERA OFF HIM!"
In the next episode
A Sunday motorcycle ride has a few surprises in store for Steve and Jesse.