Chapter 3

Daddy-Daughter Day: The Next Generation

-ARNOLD-

It was days like today, trying to make my way through this crowd of unruly third-to-sixth graders, that I wished I could… just a little, mind you… be more like her.

Sure, most of the time she was the bane of my existence… not just mine, but everyone else's… and sure, she was rude, violent, hurtful, and treated people like either irritants or servants… but one thing I admired about her (yes, admired, not that I would ever tell anyone) was that she never, ever took crap from anyone. Knowing her, she would've shoved her way through this crowd, instead of being bounced around like a pinball like I was.

It didn't help that I was already running late to meet the gang, I would've been on time if I hadn't had to help Grandpa with a plumbing emergency; Oskar had flushed some papers that he shouldn't have flushed (they'd been too wet to read, but I had a sneaking suspicion that they were divorce papers from Suzie; she'd finally walked out on him a few months ago, though he seemed pretty sure that she'd be back any day now), and having a toilet out of commission was a devastating thing in a crowded boarding house. Once the disaster had finally been dealt with, I'd managed to escape, only to miss the bus and get stuck waiting 20 minutes for the next one.

So far, this trip to Dino Land was shaping up to be pretty lousy. Of course, there was no way it could be as bad as my last one… that time, I'd gotten stuck with Eugene on the Tyrano-Scareus Rex for three hours. What were the odds of that happening again?

…probably pretty good, given that over the last year I'd also fallen down a sewer, gotten stuck on a subway car, stuck in a tree, trapped in an elevator… maybe Eugene was right. Maybe it was me who was the jinx.

So here I am now, attempting to find my way through this crowd, a victim of my own polite nature. The same nature that prompts me to be the one to apologize when the crowd pushes me into a guy who is clearly lost in his phone and not at all paying attention to his surroundings.

"Oh, sorry," he – correction she – her boyish clothing had thrown me, but that was definitely a feminine voice – said, still not looking away from her phone. It was one of those fancy new models that was pretty much a mini-computer. I only knew a few whose parents could afford one. Whoever her parents were must be pretty well-off.

"No, it's okay, it's my fault," I found myself saying, even though it really hadn't been. "You look like you're having trouble, can I help?"

"No biggie," she said, "my phone's just all gorked up is all…" "Gorked"? I guess that was some new slang they were using at PS 120 (or more likely, some fancy place like Peavine), or wherever it was she went. "I was just trying to get a signal," she continued, "but I guess this whole area's coverage is down or something." She tucked the phone back in her jeans pocket and turned towards me. "Thanks, anyway…"

"Arnold," I introduced myself, offering my hand as I finally got a good look at her face. The girl had a rounded head, messy pale-blond hair, green eyes under thick, untended brows, and a large rounded nose. Not exactly what anyone would call pretty, but there was just something about her… something I couldn't place. Some… quality I couldn't quantify that was oddly compelling.

She seemed lost for a moment, as if she was trying to process something.

"Are you all right? I asked.

"Oh, yeah, you, um… you just looked… familiar is all," she said. She offere her hand back. "My name's Trudy… Trudy Sh- Schwartzman."

"That's kind of a funny coincidence. My last name's Shortman. We almost have the same last name."

"Heh, yeah, isn't that weird," she said with an awkward laugh. "Well, it's a strange world… Anyway, it was nice meeting you, but I really have to get moving."

"What's the hurry?" I said.

"Oh, well, I got separated from my group, and I really should find them. So I should probably go to the, uh, information desk or something… make an announcement…"

"Hey, why don't I come with you?" I offered.

"That's really not necessary," she responded. "I can probably handle it on my own, and I don't wanna waste your time or anything…"

"It's really no trouble at all." I don't know why, but I had a good feeling about this girl. It felt like I could really get somewhere with her, which would be welcome after the year I spent banging my head against the brick wall that was Lila Sawyer.

Not that she wasn't a nice girl. Oh, she was nice all right. Almost to a fault. And pretty? Yes, she was very pretty. But after all this time, it was pretty clear that she wasn't the least bit interested in me, and, I don't know, maybe call it sour grapes, but now that I'd had some time to think about it… she just didn't feel like she was the right one for me. She was a little too nice, almost like on some level, she wasn't a real person.

Trudy, though… in the minute or so that I'd known her, it felt like we already had a special connection of some kind. Maybe that's why she seemed so jumpy…. Maybe she was feeling it too, and wasn't sure how to act on it. Maybe if the two of us spent more time together, she'd get more comfortable around me and begin to act more natural.

"Seriously, I can handle it myself. There's really no reason for you to come with me…"

"I insist. The park's really packed today. It'll be very easy to get lost in the crowd. With the two of us together it'll be easier."

Trudy let out an exasperated groan. "Fine, since you clearly can't take no for an answer, you can come along."

"Great, and in the meantime, you can tell me about yourself," I said, eager to learn more about this girl. I don't know what exactly it was that was drawing me to her, but maybe for once it was time to follow my instincts.

-TRUDY-

This was a disaster.

My mom once gave me some advice about time travel. It was "Don't do time travel. Time travel is never a good idea. Just stay away from it no matter what you do." That's the kind of advice you get when your mom's a superhero. Well, the choice was clearly out of my hands. Like it or not, I'm stuck in the past. Twenty-five years in the past, if the info-kiosk I'd passed was accurate. That put me only a month before the trip to San Lorenzo. A mere five weeks and change from today, my parents would take a journey down to the tiny Central American public that would, in one fell swoop, reunite a family, begin a romance, and birth several superheroes.

And on top of being thrown a quarter century back, I've gotten stuck with my own dad as a sidekick. At least, I'm pretty sure it's my dad. How many Arnold Shortmans with football-shaped heads could there possibly be in this world?

I knew that nothing good could come of hanging around my parents. There were so many things that could possibly go wrong. What if I said something or did something that changed the future? I could wind up not existing.

Or even worse… what if I was supposed to be here and I wind up not doing a thing I was supposed to and I wind up not existing?

Ugh, it was all so confusing. No wonder mom warned me about it.

So, now, my dad, kind, helpful soul that he was, had taken it upon himself to be my knight-errant and help me do something that I had had no intention of doing in the first place. I mean, who was I going to make an announcement to? Friends who won't even be born for over a decade? But I'd told my lie and now I had to stick to it, and concoct even more lies (to my own father, I remind you), to maintain my cover.

After all, what was I gonna tell him? "Hi! I'm from the future! And I just happen to be your daughter! Oh, and Helga Pataki's. She's the girl you're destined to marry. Also, I have superpowers because she's gonna become a half-alien mutant." Yeah, that wouldn't make me look crazy at all.

"So… Trudy," he asked. "I've never seen you around before. Where do you go to school?"

"Uh, PS121," I hastily answered.

"I didn't know there was a 121."

"It's new. Just opened this year."

"Oh," he said. I gotta be careful. My lies have to be at least plausible. They should at least sound like they have the kernel of truth inside. Too bad I've never been good at lying. Something I get from my dad. Who also happened to be the one I'm lying to. What a mess this was…

"So, what do your parents do?" he continued.

"My dad teaches history at Hillwood University. My mom's an author," This much was true, at least.

"Oh? What's she written?" he asked. Ugh, stupid follow-up questions!

"Oh, you know, boring grownup novels. Lurid murder mysteries mostly. Probably nothing you'd be into." That should end that line of inquiry.

"I dunno about that. I like mysteries. I have every Purdy Boys book ever written."

I know, I inherited most of them. "Oh, no, the stuff she writes is way more adult than any Purdy Boys book. It gets pretty gruesome."

"Hey, I've seen all three Evil Twin movies. I can handle gruesome."

"Oh, no no no, this stuff makes Evil Twin look like Happy Unicorn Adventures. The really old one, not that good one. Not for kids at all."

"Well, if you say so…" Oh, good, maybe he was at last getting the point. "What kind of books are you into?" Ugggh, it never stops. He's awful prying for someone who just wants to help me find the information desk.

Still, there was no reason to lie on this one. "Sci-fi, fantasy, mostly."

"Cool. Have you read any Agatha Caulfield?"

"I love Agatha Caulfield." Though the author had passed away several years before I'd been born, her books were still beloved by countless children and those who were children at heart. "My favorite was 'The Secret of the Lost Forest.'"

"Yeah, that was a really good one. I love the scene where Timothy outwits the gnomes."

"Yeah, what really gets me is how descriptive she w- is. She really paints her scenes in such detal that you feel like you're there." This is so weird. I'm talking to my dad like he's just another kid.

…of course, at this point he is just another kid. He won't be my dad for fifteen years. Thinking about him as if he's the same person that I know is a mistake. Probably goes for my mom too, if I ever run into her again.

"Oh, hey, look, there's the information desk. I'll be fine now, you should probably go join your friends or something."

"Well, if you're sure…"

"I am. Go. You've done your good deed for the day."

"Okay… but I hope we can see each other soon."

And I hope you don't see me again until I'm born, because every second I'm here is another thing that can go horribly wrong. "'Kay, bye thanks," I said, dismissively waving him off.

"Um… okay, bye," he said, finally moving off. Thank goodness. It felt like things were going to get awkward the longer we were together.

Of course, there was the question of what I was going to do now? Where could I go? I was stuck here away from my friends and family. There was no one I could go to.

Well… I suppose if you're stuck in the past, there are worse places than Dino Land. I could at least try to have some fun as long as I'm here.

-HELGA-

"Well, well, well, it's about time you joined us, Football Head," I remarked acidly.

"Nice to see you too, Helga," he deadpanned sarcastically. In truth, there's very little on this green Earth that fills me with joy more than his presence, and yet, these inner demons of mine simply will not let me express that joy; rather, they beckon, nay, compel me to spew my verbal bile at him whenever he is near. O cruel contrarian nature, why must you torment me so? Why can I not speak my true intentions? Why do they turn to bitter poison in my throat?

"Well, we already went on the Raptor, so I guess you missed out, Hair Boy. The group's moving on."

"Don't worry, man," Gerald attempted to reassure him. "It wasn't that great."

"Are you lying to make me feel better, Gerald?" he asked knowingly.

"It was the most amazing ride I've ever been on in my entire life! I can still see it every time I close my eyes!" he gushed. "Where were you, bro? It wasn't the same without you."

"Hmmph. The little do-gooder was probably organizing a benefit for abused dinosaur mascots or something like that…" I muttered, still unable to stop myself.

"Actually, I was kind of helping this girl find the information desk."

"Girl?" a smug voice sounded. "Do I hear correctly? Could it be that Arnold has his eyes on someone? Is that romance I smell?" It figured. Rhonda was like a shark, only instead of blood in the water, it was the scent of gossip in the air that attracted her.

"I-it's not like that at all," Arnold protested. "She was just someone who needed help, and I was in a position to give it to her. There's really nothing more to it than that."

But even as he spoke, I could see it in that half-lidded gaze of his; he actually was smitten. I could see her now; a tall, blandly attractive brunette. Or a sickly-sweet redhead. Or maybe a shallow blonde bimbo. Those were his type. Not someone like me, a girl with nothing on the surface, but a deep, rich inner self that yearned to be discovered.

"So, there's no attraction there? None at all?" Rhonda probed.

"Well… I mean… she seemed pretty nice, and we talked a little, and we like some of the same things, but… I mean, I probably won't see her- oh, wait a minute, there she is now! Trudy! Hey, Trudy! Come over and meet my friends!"

Trudy?

Surely this was a coincidence?

Those hopes were dashed when a blonde in boyish clothes reacted to her name being called. She seemed reluctant to come over, but Arnold's singling her out had put her on the spot and she had little choice.

"Her? Really?" Rhonda said dismissively. "Well… no accounting for taste, I suppose…"

Ignoring her, Arnold waved her over. "So, this is the gang. That's Gerald, Sid, Phoebe, Stinky, Rhonda, Harold, Nadine, Iggy, Helga…"

"We've met," I said. "Though, clearly, she gets around."

"So, how did it go with the information desk?" Arnold asked.

"Oh, uh, well… they couldn't find my group. So, I figured I might as well ride some of the rides while I look for the, you know?" Oh, brother, was this girl a bad liar. The information desk would've made a missing person announcement, and I'd heard none in the last few minutes. Sure, there may have been a chance they'd made it while we were on the ride, but something about Trudy's general demeanor and delivery said there had been no announcement, and she'd probably never even talked to the desk in the first place.

"Well, you're outta luck if you wanna ride the Raptor. Been there, done that, moving on."

"Oh," She looked a bit guilty. "You missed the ride because of me, didn't you."

"It's fine. I'll get another chance someday. …hey, actually… why don't you and I ride it now? We can catch up with the rest of the group later. If that's okay with all of you guys…"

"Pssh… whatever, Arnoldo. No snot outta my nose if you wanna hang out with your new girlfriend."

"What?!" Trudy gasped.

"She's not my girlfriend!" Arnold protested.

"I'm NOT his girlfriend!" Trudy denied, even more vehemently.

"I don't even know her!" Arnold continued.

"We've just met!" echoed Trudy.

"And yet, l already sense la chimie between you," gushed Rhonda in that irritatingly pretentious way of hers. Jeez, a moment ago, you thought she was unsuitable for him.

"Yeah," Sid agreed. "Hubba hubba."

"Arnold an' – what was your name again?" Harold asked.

"Trudy,"

"ARNOLD AND TRUDY, SITTING IN A TR- UH, ROLLER COASTER! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" he brayed.

"Ugh, let's just get in line and get this over with…" Trudy groaned, dragging Arnold along.

"Whillickers," Stinky marveled. "What a whirlwind romance this is."

I wanted, desperately I wanted, to think that this was just my dimwit classmates overreacting, but I couldn't deny the way he blushed when she grabbed his arm. Yes, Football Head was smitten… with the kind of person I never thought possible.

"You guys go on without me," I said. "I need to use it."

I ran for the bathroom stalls, but instead of entering, I ducked behind them.

"Criminy!" I said to myself. "NOW he gets interested in plain-Jane tomboyish blondes? NOW he decides to look past surface beauty and fall for a tough-talking but probably very smart and sensitive diamond in the rough?"

I fished my locked out from under my dress. "And yet… I only have myself to blame, don't I. For it is not she who drove him away all these years, who tormented him mercilessly, who cruelly sabotaged his other attempts at finding someone… who, when finally able to admit the truth, immediately seized on the first opportunity to weasel out of it. Face it, Helga… You've blown it, time and time again. Is it any wonder that he'll never see you as anything more than a persistent thorn in his side?"

"…no, that's quitter talk! I didn't roll over for Ruth, I didn't roll over for Liiiiila, I didn't roll over for that beach bimbo, and I'm not gonna roll over for some ugly chick who stirs the do-gooder in him! I am Helga G. Pataki, damn it! And I am not gonna take this challenge lying down! For I know, deep down, that Arnold and I are destined to—"

I paused. Something was not right.

"…destined to…"

Another pause.

"Where the heck is he?"

Moments after my outbursts, I heard the sound of running footsteps accompanied by labored breathing.

"Uh… sorry," Brainy wheezed. "Stuck on the Ferris Wheel."

"Jeez, Brainy, did you run all the way over here? That can't be good for you."

"It's all right." He said, taking a puff on his inhaler. "Just… just give me a moment."

"It's too late. The moment's over." I shrugged. "We can try again tomorrow, I guess."

"…okay…" he croaked, clearly disappointed.

"Ah, what the heck, here's one for the road," I said, socking him.

"Uh, thanks," he responded, as he collapsed, but my mind had already moved on.

After all… I had a blossoming romance to sabotage.

A.N.: Yep, it's the classic "Helga tries to ruin Arnold's date" plot, but with the added horribly awkward element of Arnold crushing on his own future daughter. If only he realized just why he's so oddly into this girl... but anyway, enough Back to the Future, next chapter we're going back…. to the future!

J.A.M.: Well, she did eventually confirm it…

Penguin Lord: Unfortunately I wrote this chapter before I saw "First Impressions", which revealed Cavendish and Dakota have known each other a lot longer than I thought. I'm gonna have to find some way to handwave it…

Jose: Well, if they weren't already having a really lousy day, it's about to get a lot worse for them because they're about to meet a very pissed-off Mama Helga.

Next Chapter: From Bad to Worse