James had not slept easily on the second night of his marriage. If Elizabeth had not seemed so settled beside him her might not have slept at all. Her peaceful night had reassured him a little. He had wanted to believe her when she had said last night was what she wanted but her reaction when he had tried to return the favour had gave him pause. So he regretted that he allowed it. It probably was not the best idea to let things between him and Elizabeth become confused. He had married her to give her a proper situation. A father for her child. Not to take advantage of her.
He had woken early again and managed not to disturb her this time. It seemed after last night there was little point trying to hide his reaction to her. She was curled in his arms, her breathing steady and soft. It was odd to see her so still and peaceful both of which seemed quite unnatural on her.- he was much too used to her being a force of nature that never so much as sat still. He shifted slightly to rest his hand on her stomach while doing his best not to wake her. He felt after her permission it was at least safe to touch her there and it would perhaps settle the need he had to be close to her. She did not seem to mind though she stretched a little and incidentally freed his other arm she had been laid on before she stilled again. This meant he was free to rise without disturbing her and yet he watched her sleep for sometime unable to tear himself away. Her hair was fanned over the pillow looking like golden silk and the shift (which did not seem to him to be suited for a woman in her condition) had ridden up almost obscenely high on her slender pale legs. Nor could he try and cover her for if she woke and he was fussing with her night gown, it would seem he had ignored her discomfort the night before and resorted to molesting her in her sleep.
It was only once he left the bed to dress that she stirred. He was dressed by the time she had sat up sleepily and she blinked at him when he came over to press a kiss to her hair. It hung around her face in loose curls and James couldn't help put be put in mind of her wild and windswept when they had recovered her from the rum runners island. She had thankfully rearranged her nightdress so it was not in danger of baring her hips but having pulled the damn thing down, it had slipped over one shoulder to expose the collar bone and the upper slope of one breast. He sits beside her on the bed and leaned into kiss her for all his resolve he could not resist her that much. "Do you feel well? Would you like a tray sent?" he asked. She had not wanted anything yesterday but her symptoms seemed to come and go.
"No," she said, after a moment of consideration. "If you are going to be out all day again, I'll get up." James was well aware of the hours Elizabeth was prone to keep - though her father's stories about his daughter being a slug a bed had ceased the instant James had shown the slightest interest in courting her. So it touched him a little that she would alter her schedule for him.
"You do not have to," he assured her. "I know you need your rest and . ." He was cut off by a glare.
"I am not an invalid, James," she said exasperated. "I slept very well last night. If you do not wish to breakfast with me you have only to say."
"I did not mean," he started to protest but Elizabeth has slipped out of bed and stomped back to her own room in a huff. Now he had no idea whether she would join him at breakfast or not.
She had in the end found him in the dining room and took a seat by him. She drank three cups of coffee without any food before finally she picked at a pastry without much appetite. He knew better than to expect her to be sorry for her temper and if she expected him to be sorry for his concern, best she learn now he will not apologise for it.
He got up to bid her farewell and was surprised to be offered a proper kiss. He thought it was as close to an apology as he was likely to get and he returned it hopefully. "Have a good day, Elizabeth," he said. "If you feel up to it - do try to eat something that isn't confectionary."
She laughed. "I am promising nothing," she told him. "So bear that in mind when you are buying my ginger!"
It was at least a relief to know of something he could do to please her.
When he returned that night he expected she would be in the garden again but he found her in the parlour at a writing desk he had said she could have for her own - the sheet of paper set out in front of her was entirely blank and she looked unhappy. There was a smudge of ink on her face and several ruined pens had been discarded.
"Is something amiss?" he said concerned.
"No," she said, which was clearly a lie. "It is nothing James." He did not want to push - he should allow her some privacy and he handed over a packet of sweets causing her to smile and slip out of her chair to fuss with his jacket and check his pockets. When she has found the extra ginger he bought and an a package of peppermints he had bought on a whim, she leaned up to kiss him. "I had a proper lunch," she offered out of nowhere and he was pleased she had thought to reassure him. "My father called and we ate together. I thought he would go a little longer before he missed me."
James cannot see why - her father has always doted on her and she had been away at sea long enough. "He is always welcome," he said. "Why don't you invite him to dinner -" it would be easy for him to miss the hint of a frown if he had not been watching her so intently. "Did he upset you?" he asked concerned.
"I thought he would forgive me," she said. "Now I am married. I'm not leaving - I shan't disgrace him." She shrugged."And he has of course. He doesn't scold or berate me. But he looked at me differently still. I didn't realise when I was still at home. But today it was obvious."
James was a little thrown. His own relationship with his parents – well he will not be looking to his father as an example of how to parent. But Elizabeth and her father have always seemed so close. "Perhaps it is only that things have changed, Elizabeth. Your father obviously wanted to see you. It must be odd for him, he may have been planning for your marriage for years but I don't think he really wanted to part with you."
"Perhaps," she said. "I know I have to be better. More proper." James wanted to deny it but he knew it was not untrue, marriage will only go so far in salvaging her reputation, after her arrest and second longer stint in the company of pirates. And that was before people find out she was with child and speculate about the timing of that. At least in public she must be circumspect for the sake of her reputation and her father's peace of mind.
"Only in public," he said gently. "At home, you are free to lie in the garden all day and read pirate novels and eat nothing but sweets."
This at least won him a smile. "You have a very poor understanding of my ambitions," she told him with mock severity.
"Yes, I know," he admitted. "That's been made quite clear." He paused. "But I would like to know – what it is you do want?"
"Nothing too ambitious," she said. "I've given up on wanting the impossible. Don't worry, James. I just want to get through this pregnancy – be a good wife, a good mother. Perhaps not a total social outcast."
"I cannot see why any of that should be an issue for you," he assured her. "You are a good wife. I know you will be a good mother. And you will not be an outcast." He paused. He does not want to push her yet. "But there must be something more you want?"
"Nothing that would not be at odds with the afore mentioned goals," she said wistfully. "I can hardly play at swords and being a proper lady." James paused. He knew of course that Will Turner had taught her to handle a blade - the Governor had tried to be discrete in his complaints about his new future son in law - Elizabeth would not have stood for less and of course he had had to be even more circumspect with his former future son in law and the one exception had been when Elizabeth had come home bruised from one of Turner's lessons. James had been shocked at the time but when she had fled to sea after her aborted wedding day he had felt better knowing that she could defend herself if necessary.
"Well you could hardly play at swords at all in your condition," he said and he saw a spark of temper cross her face but she did not snap at him - they both knew that was true. "But I think a gun should have no detrimental effects," there was some recall on even the finest pistol but that should not matter if he taught her to stand correctly. "I am sure with practice you could be quite the markswoman."
"James," she said quietly and there was real want in her voice there and something else. "Please don't mock me." She looks away and he was appalled that she looked so hurt.
"Elizabeth, I would never," he said gently, taking her hand and stung that she would take his words so. "I mean it. I will teach you to shoot," he paused. Who knew what she had done at sea. "If you should need to learn and gift you with a pistol of your own and as much gunpowder and shot as you like for practice." She would have to practice in their garden and the servants would talk of course but what does he care for that if it made her happy.
Elizabeth stared at him for a long moment. "Well," she said. "It's a little mean to get me a pistol," she said, a hint of laughter in her voice. "I am only a feeble woman but I was under the impression they tended to come in pairs." She was unable to hide her smile making the scold rather feeble.
"Indeed," he said seriously. "Quite remiss of me, a pair of pistols it is then." She flung herself at him and he caught her up in his arms to accept the kiss she bestowed on him.
"Thank you," she said softly - it was thanks enough to see the true pleasure on her face. "You truly don't mind?"
"No," he said. "No I don't mind. I would prefer it - I will not always be home and we have learnt once that the Caribbean is not always as civilised as we would like. I would like to know you can defend yourself if I am not here."
"Hmm," she said clearly unconvinced yet not willing to argue out of being indulged in this fashion. "And I shall be able to do all my target practice by picturing those who gossiped about me." She looks so smug at this thought that he was amused even though he should not be.
"As long as all you are doing is imagining it." he said pretending to be severe - he was only laughed at for his troubles.
Elizabeth ate a proper meal that night - though the sweet she has served was a steamed ginger pudding that is far too heavy for the rest of the meal but she seems to relish it. James was prepared to see it regularly on the menu if it helps her illness.
After dinner she abandoned him to head back to the writing desk to her blank note. He cannot help but ask. "Have you received an invite?" Surely there would be no difficulty in penning a response to something like that - and it would only be a good sign if she had though sooner than he thought. Society will accept Elizabeth now she was wed but he does not think they will do it without a little reluctance.
"Hardly," she said, her tone arch and he realised she was if not upset at least irritated by the exclusion. Ironic considering her steadfast disdain for society that had only become apparently to him after their engagement ended. "I was going to write a note of introduction - so that you could include it when you wrote to your family. But I realised there is nothing I could say about myself that would not appall them."
James knew what she thought would often be true. No doubt most families would be perturbed to have a daughter in law with Elizabeth's dubious past.
"I think there is plenty you could say that would not disturb them," he said. "You may want to focus on our long acquaintance, your interest in my career and some sort of frippery about your hobbies or accomplishments," he said. "None of that is untrue." He took her hand. "But if it makes you feel any better you could write the entire history of acquaintance and my mother wouldn't care because I have finally married after years of scolding and my father won't care for anything but your family name and father's position regardless of what you write." His mother's letters had been full of admonishments to marry since he had made Captain and the odd post scripts his father added on occasion were impersonal at best with helpful advice such as if James' was going to lower himself to offer for some colonial merchants daughter that she had better be well dowered.
Elizabeth smiled and kissed his cheek. "Alright then if you are going to be so sensible," she said. "I suppose I shall leave out being marooned. And my arrest. And my imprisonment - or when I threatened Lord Beckett at gunpoint." He blinked - she had done what? He knew she had been held in gaol like a common prisoner when Beckett had interrupted her wedding - something that made his blood boil even if now he found it hard to regret that her nuptials to Turner had been interrupted. James' had not been in Port Royal at the time - he had found it convenient to not be on land on the date Elizabeth's wedding had been planned. By the time the Dauntless had returned to Port Royal - Elizabeth and Turner had both fled, Governor Swann had written to England and called in every political favour he could and Beckett had never actually managed to take James' into custody - he had left when the return of the Dauntless meant his ship was no longer the power in these waters. Cutler Beckett did not like to pick a fight when he did not have the advantage.
"Perhaps that would be best," he said. "Though you are welcome to tell me more about that last if you like."
"When you have bought me my pistols, I will be able to act out the whole thing for you," she said. James lets her evade in this fashion if she wanted to - it was still a mental image he liked very much and no more than Beckett deserves. Still Elizabeth abandoned the note again and came to his side. "I'll write that tomorrow," she said. "I have nothing but time during the day. Perhaps we could retire."
"Of course if you are tired." James was relieved by her suggestion - she needed her rest of course and if she was tired, she would hopefully not feel obligated to entertain him in some fashion that she had no real interest in. His relief was short lived as he was immediately disabused of this notion when she told him.
"No I'm not tired at all." She kissed him then soft and sweet and beyond tempting. "I shall see you upstairs."
James waited a long moment before he ascended to what had become their bedroom - he knew that if they discussed this and he told her she needn't she would be offended. He almost regretted his offer of pistols and lessons. Not because he didn't want her to have them but because now she had yet more reason to be grateful.
Even with his delay, Elizabeth was not yet in his room when he entered. Undressing for her was no doubt a tad more complicated than for him for all the layers of his uniform, he was not trussed into it. Thinking of Elizabeth undressing and her undergarments was a mistake of course when he wanted to keep some distance between them. It distracted him enough that he had only removed his jacket and wig by the time Elizabeth appears. She wore another pretty shift, the material so fine that in the lamp light he could near see through it and he almost regretted lighting the lamps. Almost - he was not a saint. It only got worse when his near dressed state meant Elizabeth decided to help him. She fussed over the buttons of his waistcoat and unfastened his breeches and he caught up her hands before it got too out of hand. "You needn't," he said. "Elizabeth I do not expect. . . "
"I want to," she told him firmly. "Why do you not believe me?"
He can only offer her honesty then. "Last night - you said you wanted to. But you did not want me to touch you."
She smiled at him then and kissed him. "Well you were finished! You can touch me now if it please you."
James does not know what he found most befuddling about that statement - the sheer lack of sense in it or the offer that was more tempting than anything else he had ever encountered. He picked Elizabeth off her feet and carried her to the bed uncaring that he was still half dressed. "I was rather intending to please you," he told her as he pressed her down to the bed with kisses and let his hands roam. She does not freeze when he skimmed a hand up her thigh this time and he was beyond relieved to find her wet - she did have some want for him then. Or for intimacy he allowed. She had some notion of what she was about. "Do you want to tell me what you like?" he said softly. He does not mean to scold her for her experience but instead give her some control over this.
"I don't know," she said in a small voice, "I like kissing," she offered and he would have smiled at that but her voice is breathy and confused and he was starting to suspect that he had discovered another area in which Will Turner had neglected her as he brushed his thumb over her most sensitive spot and slipped a finger inside her, she stiffened in his arms and he stopped at once.
"Not that?" he said carefully. He had never wanted anything more in his life than to please her and for her to be willing and so he watched her as closely as he could stand it.
"I don't know what you mean," she snapped hotly, and he was startled by her sudden temper and she squirmed away from him. "Or what you are doing. Pleasure in bed is for men."
"What?" he said shocked and incredulous. "Elizabeth that isn't true. Women can feel pleasure in bed just as much as men."
She shook her head in a rather vicious denial of this sentiment. "What do you think women get out of intimacy then?" he asked stymied. That Elizabeth was willing but not willing to enjoy this was not something he ever saw coming.
"Pregnant," she said with a note of bitterness. "Men like it. Women get babies. That's how it works."
James did not know where to start with that and he tried to pull her close. "Elizabeth - it really isn't." She was blushing now a hot flush that was spreading down her chest as well as heating her face and she looked miserable. "Would you like me to show you?" he said. She shook her head and he nodded and rubbed at her back in an attempt to offer some comfort. "Alright - we can just sleep I don't expect -"
"I think I will sleep in my own room tonight," she interrupted quietly. "Do you want me to . . . are you still?" she glanced down at his unfastened breeches to make clear what she offered and he recoiled at the thought - his arousal had fled when she had squirmed away from him and he had feared again that this was all obligation. It may well have been, he thought morosely, given she had no notion she could get anything from it herself.
"No," he said. "Of course not, Elizabeth. I want nothing between us that is not mutual."
She nodded then took a deep breath and brushed a kiss to his cheek. "Good night, James," she said in a tone he had never heard from her before. She shut the adjoining door firmly behind her as she went. It took him sometime after she had gone to place the note in her voice as embarrassment. Elizabeth had always been so shameless. This was a complication he had not seen coming and it was a long time before he slept - he stared at the closed door and wondered if she was alright - he could not bring himself to deny her privacy on top of everything else that had so rapidly gone wrong.