Chapter 3
Clary POV
"Come on Clary," Simon says opening the door to my brother's car. "He gave me his keys to take you home." I can't say anything right now without feeling pathetic and humiliated. "What they made you do was mean," he continues, "but while you were in there everyone was talking about how cool it was to be in there was Jace." The drive home is only a few minutes, I just have to wait until I am in my own bed. "It sure made Kaelie mad to see them talking about you two like that."
I can see the corner that leads to my house. I can count the houses until my driveway. One, two, three, four. "Clary?" Simon asks. Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Here.
The second the car shuts off I am running to my front door. I can feel the tears rolling down my face. I know Simon is trying to catch up to me but I run as fast as I can. I take the stairs two at a time and run until I can feel the doorknob to my room in my hand. I turn it so fast I almost loose grip on it and slam the door shut. It's a good thing my mom is out on business until Sunday because I don't think I could handle being asked questions right now. My door doesn't have a lock on it so I sit against it so it can't be opened.
"Clary please let me in," Simon says. He sounds so disappointed in me I can't help but cry. "You can always talk to me."
"I don't want to talk to anyone," I say through my sobs. I feel so embarrassed right now I just want to lock myself in here forever.
"We don't have to talk," he says quietly. He knows I am sitting against my door. I used to do it when we first moved here and I felt angry at the world for taking my dad away. Simon used to be the only person to get me to open my door. "We can just sit here, I'll sleep right here if you want me too."
"Okay," I say weakly.
For the next three hours, he listens to me cry through my door and occasionally tells me it's going to be okay. I only know three hours have passed because of the clock on my side table. "Maybe I should just stop," I say finally, "I feel even more pathetic crying over being humiliated in front of someone who will never be what I want him to be. Is it stupid, Si? Loving someone for so long, even though I have known all along he won't love me back." Simon didn't say anything. Not even the sounds of someone moving. "Simon?" I say again. Maybe he finally went to sleep. I get up to move to my own bed when I hear it.
"She doesn't want to talk to you, Jace," Simon shouts. Oh shit. I sit back down as quickly as I can, just in time too, someone tried opening up my door. I stay quiet. "And Johnathon that wasn't funny, you shouldn't have let them do that to her."
"Clary?" I hear through the door. Jace, of course he is here right now. "Can you let me explain?" I can hear Simon arguing with them to leave me alone. "I am not leaving Clary, until you talk to me."
I open my door just a crack, so quickly no one would be able to react. I throw a stuffed animal. I hear it hit the wall and the boys' gasps as they duck and avoid the sudden flying fuzzy penguin aimed for their heads. I feel a sense of accomplishment when they go silent. "Leave me alone," I beg one more time.
"Guys can you give me a minute?" I hear Jace say. I expected Simon to argue but I didn't expect my brother too.
"You're lucky I'm not kicking your ass to a pulp for hurting her in the first place," Johnathon starts in. "If you think you get to be alone with her again after this you're delusional."
"Just," Jace says quietly, "let me try and fix this. It wasn't me who hurt her, it was Kaelie and Courtney." Courtney? That must have been the name of the blonde who Johnathon had in his bed this afternoon. "Which by extension, is our fault, Johnathon."
I hear a noise of compliance and footsteps getting softer as my brother and Simon walk down the hall. "Clary I'm going to sit here until you talk to me," he says again.
"Does Jace Herondale feel guilty or something?" I ask. I gave up on hiding my tears so my words come out vicious and angry. I try and picture him sitting behind my door like Simon did and trying to make me feel better. I decide I can't hold out any longer. I stand up to get myself together and I turn the knob slowly. As expected, Jace is standing on the other side, not leaning or looking bored like he always does, but sympathetic, and genially guilty looking.
"Clary," he says stepping forward. I take a step back, making it obvious that I don't want him near me. He gives a look that I have never seen on his face before, longing. Is something seriously bothering him right now?
"What?" I ask harshly. "You're sorry?" I mimic. "You didn't know? You didn't mean to hurt me? You won't do it again?" I pause to see his face stand blank as a canvas. A face I have drawn a hundred times but never with the eyes I see right now. "I hope you feel guilty, Jace," I didn't know my voice could sound so sharp. "I have seen you jump from girl to girl for years and not a single time wonder about anyone else. I don't want you to care about me anymore, because I don't want to think about you anymore. To think I spent almost every day since I met you thinking about you, I was okay not ever knowing, maybe I would have even moved on eventually-."
"So that's it?" Jace interrupts. "You get to decide that it's all my fault. Clary, you never told me!" he puts a hand to his forehead. "We left the party as soon as that stupid game was over to see if you were okay."
"Well I'm sorry the two of you left before you could get laid," I jump in. He just looks at me, like there's something he really wanted to say.
"We left because we couldn't stop thinking about you," he says quietly. "I didn't want a girl in my bedroom because I couldn't stop thinking about you – the way you looked at me like you didn't know who I was anymore."
"And who are you Jace Herondale?" I ask turning away from him. I wanted to say more, to make him feel what I was going through. The second I work up the courage to keep going, I look up, and he's gone. The front door to my house slams shut and Simon and Johnathon are in my room before my knees could hit the floor.
"It's not his fault," I say wiping my eyes clean. Johnathon helps me into my bed and I feel grateful for it. My body hurts after today. Simon tosses me a pair of pajamas so I can change when they leave.
"I know," Johnathon says pushing my hair back from my face. "He feels really bad though, Clary. Maybe you could tell me what happened?" I sob a little bit more and I hold my hands over my broken heart. Simon give him the look and he understands. "Oh," he says pulling them into my lap. "Out of everyone you could have fallen for, Clary… Jace?"
"I couldn't help it," I say quietly. I feel guilty enough I don't need to be lectured right now too.
"What do you want me to do?" Johnathon manages to say. I can tell his voice is shaky, he's angry, like I thought he would be.
"I'll be alright, Johnathon," I say yawning. I can tell he's about to ask me if I am sure and I stop him. I can't answer him right now, because I don't think I will be. "I have to be," is what I say instead.
The sun comes up too quickly but I have decided not to leave my room today. School starts in two days and I intend to spend all of it right where I am.
Jace POVI don't know if I could say that I wake up. In order to wake up I would have had to of fallen asleep, which I didn't. The clock in the kitchen reads twelve-fifteen. Izzy didn't go to bed alone last night so she won't be up for a while; and I vaguely remember Alec and Magnus sneaking off to Magnus's apartment after the party. I keep remembering Clary standing next to me, wearing only half of Izzy's dress. She looked horrified. I've been in love with you, she had said to me. How did I never know? Except for now she is out there all miserable and it's my fault. I was so excited for this party twenty-four hours ago. Girls come out of the woodwork to see parts of my body, and I was excited to see theirs.
The night was still fun and very amusing at times. Izzy ended up drinking more than she should have after Simon left with Clary. Johnathon practically got tackled after he lost his pants in a dare. His Captain America boxer shorts became the center of attention. I made out with almost every girl in the room besides Izzy. Not to mention, at least three of her friend's "lost" their tops at some point in the game but I had also taken a few drinks by then. I wanted so badly to have enough fun that I would forget about Clary. Still, when the game ended, Johnathon and I looked at each other in guilt. We turned down a pair of blondes for a cab back to his house. Simon's with her, she can't be that wrecked, Johnathon had said to me. I wanted to say so badly, you didn't see her in there, I did.
I've never felt guilty about messing around with girls, they want it as bad as I do most days. But none of those girls were my best friend's little sister. I saw her when she was grounded for stealing Johnathon's stuff for a prank, and when she jumped ten feet down from their old treehouse because Johnathon retaliated by taking away the ladder. She walked away from that fall with nothing but a sprained ankle at twelve years old then. Every single annoying thing she did while Johnathon and I were playing videogames, even shutting off all the electricity in the house to make a point to him. My absolute favorite, last year when her mom caught her yelling at one of those blondes from school for picking on Simon, she ended up putting shaving cream in the chick's locker because Clary told her "she needed a clean shave". She was grounded and suspended for three days. Then there she was, back at school, with the same look of defiance on her face only Clary could wear so proudly. Her look dared even the snottiest girl in school to challenge her, who never did because she wanted in Johnathon's pants. I always thought she would just be there, as bright as ever but off limits.
I just wanted something to eat, but of course my kitchen is crawling with people. Two girls are sitting at my table eating Izzy's yogurt, a pair of boys are across them eating my power bars. Great. Another one is rummaging in the refrigerator for some milk. Instead of joining the party, I grab my jacket off the hooks and leave. I send Alec a text message: Meet me at the diner? I started the engine to my motorcycle and felt a response.
Except it wasn't from Alec, Jonathon: Clary won't leave her room. I don't think I can be much more help in this department anymore. I send back: I tried man, I don't know how else to help. A second later I finally get a message from Alec: Alec: Okay.
I breathe in a breath of fresh air and work up some courage. I type Clary's number in my phone and press the call button. What am I even going to say to her? I shut the phone quickly before the second ring and shake my head. Don't be stupid, I remind myself. Instead I text Johnathon back: Going to the diner, see if she wants to meet up with everyone. I only had to wait a few seconds before I get: Johnathon: Okay.
I put my helmet on and strap my gloves on. "Planning on leaving me here?" Izzy asks escaping from the front door. I shake my head. She looks exhausted. "I told everyone to be gone before we got back," she explains.
"Hop on," Jace says giving her a helmet of her own. "Were just going to the diner."
Izzy makes a sound of excitement before pulling out her cell phone. She dials a number with lightning speed and immediately the call is answered. "Izzy?" I can hear her voice.
"Clary," she says, "we're going to the diner, meet us there?" I hear a moan from the phone and eventually a: "Do I have too?" complain from Clary also. Izzy didn't leave her a choice. "Ready," she says hanging up the phone. Well, I guess Clary is coming too now. Maybe if she comes, I can see that she's okay and feels better now. I know its improbable but one can only hope,
Clary POVIzzy didn't exactly give me a choice to stay home today. I wonder if Jace told her what happened in the closet last night. I don't want them feeling bad for me - I can handle myself.
I found a green sundress my mother picked out for me last summer and slid it over my head. I can't even imagine what people are thinking about me right now after I ran from the party. The last thing I need is being told I "look ugly" too. I run a brush through my hair and flatten the frizz from the top. I want my hair down just in case I might want to hide my face. I don't bother messing with the makeup left over on my face.
"Clary we're leaving," Johnathon says from my doorway. I can tell he's already taken a shower and shaved from the smell of his aftershave and axe body wash. I can't believe girls think that stuff smells good. He has his jeans hanging low on his hips and a rock band shirt on from last years' spring break.
"I know," I say backing away from my mirror. I didn't mean for my words to come out cold but I can tell he looks uncomfortable now. "Johnathon," I say quickly. I didn't really want him to leave. "I don't look bad? Do I?" I look at my face one more time. The puffiness in my eyes have subsided and my face looks almost normal again. "I know Jace told you what happened."
"Actually," Johnathon says slowly, "Jace didn't tell me anything." He can't be serious. Jace didn't tell him anything? "I just assumed it was his fault, until you told me last night that it wasn't. After you guys talked, Jace left and he looked hurt, even a little angry. I was hoping you would tell me what happened?" I think I'm in shock now. Jace and Johnathon were so close though, they told each other everything for as long as I can remember.
I want to tell him everything. It wasn't really Jace's fault, he didn't know. "It was stupid, I shouldn't have been so hurt," I say quietly. Even though I turn away from Johnathon I can see his face turning down from his reflection in the mirror. I can tell that he's trying to understand. "I know guys like you and Jace-."
"Clary," he says slowly. He looks so disappointed in me. I don't want him to look at me like I'm broken. I'm not some puzzle anyone needs to put back together.
"How much money did mom leave us?" I say twirling my hair in the mirror. I've had my fair share of bad ideas before but I can think of one more. His frown lifts up to match the grin on my face and smirks.
"About three hundred," he says. "Clary, when you make that face it usually means we're getting in trouble later." I step away from the mirror and bling my eyes at him.
"I need to do this, Johnathon," I say pleading. I stare down at my dress and it suddenly doesn't feel like enough. I haven't been shopping since I graduated from middle school and everything looks like a fourteen-year-old picked it out. Well, I guess I was fourteen when I picked them out. If I want people to stop treating me like I am different from them I should stop acting like it. Which brings me to, shopping.
"I can make it four hundred," he says painfully taking out his wallet. "But no more, and I am going with you."
"And Izzy," I finish. He hands me a wad of cash and I can't help but smile. I know Johnathon would do anything for me. "She'll be so disappointed if we don't take her."
"Okay," he says defeated, "but let's go, they're expecting us."
Simon met us only a couple minutes after we arrived and made sure to sit in between me and everyone else. I understand he wants to feel protective but I assure him I am okay. Jace makes minimal eye contact with me even after I make myself appear just fine. He looks so guilty.
Everyone has already finished their plates and made small talk about the party for over an hour. Izzy told everyone of the strangers she woke up to in their house and thought it was weird that they stayed so long. "So, Jace," I say finally. He's the only one that hasn't said much yet. I take a small sip of water and push my empty plate that held pancakes on it towards the middle of the table. "You always have such a fun time, tell us." He mostly ignores me and hardly looks up from his cell phone at all. Before I could finish my sentence, the waiter comes with the bill and he snatches it before anyone else notices.
"I can do it," he said leaving the table. I feel my cheeks flush and my fingertips feel numb. Johnathon goes with him, but he doesn't look pleased.
Jace POV
"What the hell man," Johnathon says behind me. I don't want him to be angry with me but I've never had to handle something like this before. I shake him off. "Being a jack ass isn't going to fix this."
"I have a plan," I say quietly. "I know she's off limits, Johnathon, but there's a way I can make her get over me." The words come out awful and I almost don't recognize them as my own.
"If you think I am going to give her permission to break my sister's heart," he starts at me through gritted teeth, "you are crazy."
"I won't hurt her," I say leaning back into the conversation. I had the lady at the counter a handful of cash and she takes it gratefully. "Keep the change for tip." She nods and we move for the next person in line.
"Did you just tip her twenty bucks?" Johnathon asks quickly. "Exactly how much money do you-."
"Never mind the money," I say instead, it's not a subject I like to talk about with my friends. "I'm not what she's looking for and she'll come to her senses eventually." Since the day I met you, I've been in love with you. Her words echo like drums in my ear. I don't think I could ever change her mind but I can always try.
"Look," Johnathon says turning us both around to look at the table. Izzy and Clary are giggling about something and Simon looks like he choked on his straw. "She's over there telling Isabell that they are going shopping this afternoon, because I gave her the money to go." His voice sounds cold. "She thinks that if she changes herself, people will stop thinking she's different-."
"But I love that she's different," I say accidentally. Shit. He's giving me the look now. Oops. Yup. That is definitely the look.
"Yes," Johnathon says. What? Did he just say yes? I wonder if he's feeling sick. "She is different. She's no one's one-night stand or side chick to call for a good lay." I feel my cheeks blushing but I fumble for my keys to try and hide it. I can tell that he sees it because he wouldn't be warning me if he didn't. "She deserves someone great, loyal, perfect-."
"And that's not me." I can't tell anymore if I am trying to defend myself or agree with Johnathon. We have known each other for as long as I can remember, and I have never thought, in a million years, we would be having this conversation. Johnathon looks at me with a blank face. I'm used to him knowing what I am thinking before I say it, agreeing with me before he knows what's going on.
"I thought maybe it could be," Johnathon stops. I can tell he's trying to hold back. "The only reason I say she's off limits is because I don't want guys like us trying to take advantage of her. I know how guys like us treat girls and I want more for her. She's had a rough time since dad died and Luke can be there for us but he's not a replacement." He started rambling, I can tell. "What I mean is – someone needs to be there to tell her she's worth it. Since our father can't be there to scare away all the bad boys, I was hoping maybe I could."
"Are you helping me?" I ask. Izzy and Clary are staring now, we've taken too long. Are they talking about the same thing we are now?
"That depends on what you want, Jace," he starts. This is probably the most serious conversation we've ever had. "If you want her, you can't be this bad boy image you've always tried to be. I know you only act that way because you think no one could really love you after you lost your parents, but it can be different."
"Izzy wants to know what's taking so long," Alec says joining us by the far wall. I noticed he came without Magnus but no one asked about it yet. "So?"
"It's nothing," I say quickly, "nothing to worry about."
"You gave him the talk?" Alec says pointing at my face. Alec's hair is covered in glitter and he doesn't even seem to care. I know what you did last night.
"I haven't finished yet," Johnathon states.
"Jace you're an idiot," Alec starts in now. What is this, pick on Jace day? I'm still hungover, it's not like I can make the best judgement calls right this moment. "Are you done with your playboy act yet? It's been years, and it's getting old." Alec wanders back to the table to say something to Izzy but it just makes Clary look frustrated. The girls get up to gather their stuff and I can see Alec gathering his car keys.
"So, what do you want, Jace," Johnathon finishes. "I'll have your back whatever you choose, but I want to pick wisely. You might not get a second chance."
There is chapter 3 guys! Don't worry about that cliff hanger because you won't wait long for chapter 4! SPOILER ALERT, they are starting school this next chapter and obviously Clary is going to be acting a lot different, along with that we might see some more of Simon and Izzy. If you guys have any opinions I would love to hear them!