Gracie took a deep breath and wiped the freshly formed tears from her eyes. Talking about everything had felt so raw, and she hadn't realised that everything had become too much to bear. Snape was looking at her with nothing but sympathy, she riled herself against any pity but was surprised to find none.
"Know that this isn't your fault or your responsibility."
She opened her mouth to respond.
"I know what you're going to say. That you love him and how can you give up on him."
She looked at him in surprise.
"But it's true. I don't want to give up on him."
"And I am telling you right now that the rage he is feeling is not your fault or responsibility." He repeated. "Do not waste your life chasing after a boy who does not treasure or treat you how you deserve to be."
"But when its good its really good."
"And when its bad, how bad does it get?"
Gracie couldn't bring herself to answer to admit that he was right. Snape looked at her, noticing the indecision on her face.
"How many times has he struck you? How many times has he blamed you for his violence? Do not mistake his apologies for love, they are guilt ridden and serve the sole purpose of making him feel better and you need to find your way out of the situation."
"But I don't know if I want to."
She cringed, expecting him to lash out with his words, condemn her for still believing in the angry boy she was convinced she could save.
"Well know that I will be here to help regardless of what you decide, but just for clarity, if you decide to stay in this relationship I insist on these weekly meetings, for my own sanity, to ensure that you are still holding up under everything."
Gracie couldn't think of anything to say, stunned she nodded.
"Why are you so invested in what happens to me?"
"Because I spent so much of my life surrounded by darkness and I allowed it to taint everything and everyone around me that it is time that I start giving something back."
"Are you glad you survived?"
Snape's eyes widened. Nobody had asked him outright before, and as he thought about the trials and the rumours and everything that had happened after his miraculous recovery he wasn't sure what to say.
"If I'm honest? I don't know." He replied, slowly. "I'm not sure I have found what I'm supposed to be living for yet."
She looked at him and the obvious scar on his neck and tilted her head to the side, it was disconcerting. Snape felt as though she had stripped him bare and was looking directly into his soul. No one had expected him to be so honest before, no one had ever asked him honestly. He coughed lightly.
"Well that's the end of this session, I'll repeat myself when I say my door is always open if you should need help at any time, and I expect you down here every week, same place same time."
Gracie gathered up her things, not sure how she should feel about all of this and headed to the door, before she left she turned to face him.
"You should be living for yourself, for the pure joy that there is breath in your lungs and wind in your face. Knowing that you have a tomorrow."
It was his turn to be dumbstruck, and he smiled slightly and gestured towards the door. She shrugged and left, shutting the door behind her. He sank down on the bed trying to figure out what he had gotten himself involved in. As he flopped backwards onto the bed, wincing slightly at the jolt it had sent through his neck he felt finally at peace.
Gracie left the dungeons and headed up towards the common room.
"Gracie, please talk to me!"
Jason had waited for her down by the dungeons, hoping to catch her before she headed to bed.
"What do you want Jason?"
"I want to talk to you, I want to sort this out, I want us to be okay!"
She pushed past him and carried on up the stairs.
"No Jason, you want you to be okay. You want me to make you feel better about everything that happened."
"No Gracie, no. I want to sort this out for us. I want us to be happy."
"How can I be happy Jason? How can I be happy when you fly off the handle and I end up getting hurt?"
They had finally reached the common room door and let themselves in using the password.
"I'll try to be better."
"Bruises don't heal overnight Jason, so please don't expect this rift between us to disappear that quickly. I need to reevaluate where we stand and what this relationship means for the pair of us. Because Jason, I'm not sure I can keep being your punch bag when things get rough."
He looked at her face, searching for any weakness, for any ploy to make her change her mind, to take him back and tell him it was going to be okay and that they were a united front again. But there was nothing but sadness.
"Please, Gracie."
"Jason, I need space."
For the second time that evening Gracie pushed past him and made her way up to her room, and tried to keep the tears from falling.
"I'll show you Gracie, I'll show you I can be better, I will, I promise you."
Gracie ignored him, and carried on walking into the bedroom. Drawing the curtains on the bed, she stopped and thought about what Professor Snape had said to her and the lengths he had gone to to ensure her safety. But her thoughts kept going back to Jason and she wondered whether she would ever be able to forgive him.
She wasn't sure. Maybe it was time to move forward rather than standing still.