3
Marinette rubbed her eyes sleepily, recovering from the diminishing white light, as she picked herself up. Through bleary eyes, she sniffed around.
No stinkiness.
No dustiness (she didn't feel the urge to sneeze chaos upon the world).
Marinette abruptly stood up and moved.
Until her foot tripped over a bundle of strings, and she faceplanted the ground with a squeak.
"I should always wish for the worst to happen," the blunette grumbled and rubbed her sore nose. Her hand slipped on the same texture again, and she screamed when her head bonked off the ground. "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" she shouted, rubbing the sore, before she realized what was on the ground.
Hair.
Tons of hair.
And not only that. Tons of blue sparkling magical hair.
"First Cinderella, now this," she groaned, surrounded by meters and meters of hair. "This better be the Disney version."
Then she paused. "Oh wait, the original one was okay too."
Nevertheless, Marinette cautiously tugged at the glittering blue hair, feeling her scalp pull. ("Oh god, it really is my hair," she deadpanned.) Before she could search for a pair of scissors - preferably a chainsaw - to hack it all off, a shrilly voice called from faraway.
"OH RAPUNZEL! LET DOWN YOUR HAIR!"
Marinette looked at the window, where the voice kept on shrilling. "OH RAPUNZELL~~~~MY LOVELY, LOVELY DAUGH-"
And promptly ignored it.
She absolutely did not (repeat, NOT) want to know who Mother Gothel was after seeing who Cinderella's stepmother was. Confronting another haughty Mayor Bourgeoise in pink bows was something she wanted to avoid at all cost. She shuddered, imagining other possibilities. Chloe wouldn't be pleasant.
A pause.
Or Sabrina, as Marinette learned from being Cinderella.
Marinette busied herself in finding some sharp object, humming quite happily as she went through random chests like nobody's business. "Detergent, nope. Sponge, nope. Paint, nope. Brush, nope," she murmured, tossing each item out the window (not caring that some hit the shrieking Mother Gothel below). "Oooooh! Animal crackers! Not what I need, but definitely yummy!" she said cheerfully and put it to the side. The blunette looked back in. "What the - there's even a croissant in here!"
"RAPUNZEL! I DEMAND YOU TO LET DOWN YOUR HAIR!" Mother Gothel (whoever she was) shrieked below and began coughing irratically. "I (cough) AM YOUR MOTHER! YOU ARE BEING (cough) AN IRRATIONAL TEENAGER RIGHT NOW!" Then a pause. "ARE YOU ON YOUR PERIOD AGAIN?!"
Marinette rolled her eyes and irritably threw an animal cracker out the window, hearing a shriek and then a quiet "Oooh! Animal cracker."
Chat Noir was in a second predicament.
He was stuck in a tree.
Again. (Why was he always teleported here?)
Not only that, but there was catnip waiting at the bottom of the tree (just in case he wanted to jump thirty feet below like a sane person) and waving tauntingly at the feline hero.
"You've got to be kitten me," Adrien hissed and crossed his arms. Already, his sensitive nose picked up the growing smell, and he teetered unsteadily before bashing his head on the tree trunk and pinching his nose. "Not today, catnip. Not toda-"
"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!"
He jumped out of his skin. Or suit.
"Very déjà vu...ish," he murmured, expecting a wailing Nino to flaunt toward the tree. What he got instead was a yellow stallion shrieking (do horses shriek?) as it ran towards his tree and stomped a few times.
"I'm a horse!" it cried, disgusted. "OMG!"
His ears flickered towards the voice. Feminine...that sounded oh-so-very familiar. One that belonged to his childhood friend -
"Chloe?" he gaped. "Oh my god, is that you Chloe?"
The horse let out an angry neigh! before shrilling, "Why in the world am I a freaking horse?!" She then looked up. "Ugh, it's you out of all the people! Why couldn't it be Adrien for once?! Not that I want him to see me like this," she added, raising a hoof in disgust.
Chat sighed and rubbed his temples. Now he was the one stuck with Chloe. In Chat Noir form. He knew Chloe wasn't a big fan of his alter-ego and spent all her love on his other self and Ladybug (who always unwillingly rescued Chloe Akuma after Akuma).
"So how are you going to get us out of this mess?!" the blonde snapped irritably. "I need to get back to Adrien! Not with you as a stinking horse!"
Then again...he thought optimistically, it would be better for Chloe to be irritated at him rather than gooey-eyed and lovesick when he was Adrien.
Thick, sticky lipstick on his cheeks.
Excessive perfume.
Shrilly voice (well, that hasn't changed).
He shivered at the memories and cleared his throat.
"Alright, first of all, can you get rid of all...that...uhm, catnip?" he asked cautiously. He realized he could've used his baton to get down (in the Cinderella chapter), but he wasn't going to risk the darn catnip.
She looked down. And then up.
Adrien covered his ears.
An ungodly shriek. "Are you serious?!" she spat. "Paris's hero falls flat at the sight of catnip?! See, this is why Ladybug is a better hero than you'll ever be!" she snarled but snapped away the catnip with her mouth and spat it aside. She continued to do so, grumbling this and that.
He smiled in amusement, though something popped into his mind. "Oh yeah. Do you know which fairy tale we're in?" he asked.
"What the heck is a fairy tale?" was her intelligent reply.
"N..never mind," he sighed. At least he was at an excellent viewpoint. Chat looked around, his hand hovering over his eyes as he squinted in the distance and stopped at a tall, white...
Tower.
He leaned closer and squinted more, seeing how the walls were covered in rich foliage and swirling vines. There was a single window at the very top, and unmistakably, he saw a blue shimmering head poke out. It slipped back inside, only for something to fly out of the window.
"Marinette," he gasped. "Rapunzel. Of course." He watched as she flung something out the window again. A chair?
"Whadyahay?!" Chloe sputtered through mouthfuls of catnip.
"Chloe!" he said ecstatically, bobbing up and down, "I found Marinette! I know which story we're in! We're-blaadfhsdw!" He was cut off by a paper that flew into his face. Carefully, he peeled it from his mask and read:
WANTED: CHAT NOIR
INFAMOUS THIEF WHO USES OVERRATED CAT PUNS
ALIVE OR DEAD
REWARD: 560,000,000 EUROS
And then:
ALSO WANTED: CHAT NOIR'S STALLION
YELLOW (blonde idk)
DEAD
REWARD: EXOTIC DINNER
"Man," He clicked his tongue in distaste. "this isn't going to be easy." And hid it from the grumbling Chloe.
Marinette absolutely wished she hadn't peeked out the window. She didn't know why. She just did.
Curiosity killed the cat after all.
"RAPUNZEL!" Lê Chiến Kim looked up with a hand on his hip. "THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING! LET DOWN YOUR HAIR!" he shrilled.
"Why are you Mother Gothel?!" she screamed. "Out of all the people-!"
He threw his hands in the air. "What do you mean, Why am I Mother Gothel?! Who else would I be?!"
"I don't know, a guy named Kim?!"
Kim momentarily stopped. "Who's Kim?"
"GO away, you pervert!" Marinette shouted and threw a chair at the squawking Kim. "That's SO GROSS!"
The floundering jock dropped his jaw. "GROSS?! I AM YOUR MOTHER, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE! WHY AREN'T YOU LETTING DOWN YOUR HAIR?!" He barely dodged a table that crashed onto the ground. "I DEMAND YOU TO STOP! LISTEN TO YOUR MOTH-ACK!" A towel landed on his face.
"This...is SO WRONG!" she moaned and covered her face. Now she had two images to erase: Mayor Bourgeoise in pink frilly dresses AND Kim in a black knee-length skirt. Oh god, those hairy legs. She bashed her head against the wall and checked.
Nope. The image was still there.
Marinette bashed her head again before flipping another chair out the window. "GO AWAY, YOU...YOU...YOU PEDOPHILE!" She desperately grabbed the nearest item and tossed it out.
"NO!" Kim cried in horror as a lacy bra fluttered gallantly in the wind. "STOP!"
Marinette stopped. "What?"
"Those Victoria's Secret sales only come once a year!" he squeaked.
"AND WHY IN THE WORLD DO YOU NEED A BRA?!" Marinette chucked a notebook outside before something struck her. "WAIT, WHY DOES VICTORIA'S SECRET EXIST IN THIS WORLD?!" she yelled. "NOTHING IS MAKING SENSE!"
The jock rolled his eyes. "Honey, Victoria's Secret is everywhere. And did you know? The C-"
And promptly blacked out when a pot bonked off his face.
Marinette sank next to the wall and sighed in relief, wiping sweat off her brow.
Then sat some more, thinking...
She didn't...kill him, did she? A hand went to her gaped mouth, and she quickly scampered up and peered over the window.
There was Kim, lying in all the glory and amidst the broken furniture (and next to a dented pot), with his legs sprawled out. The wind flew by, fluttering his skirt upwards and - Marinette covered the unmentionable parts with her hands.
She waited grimly.
Until Kim spastically twitched, snorted, and let out an ungodly snore. ("..So hard...teenagers...god dang hair," she heard him mumble.)
Marinette sucked in a breath and flopped onto the ground, relieved.
"So..." Chat began. "I guess we're in a pretty cat-astroph-"
"Neigh," Chloe said crossly.
They were surrounded by a gang of thieves.
"Chat Noir." One particularly nasty-looking bandit (leader?) pushed past the crowd and smirked at the wide-eyed hero and quivering yellow/blonde horse. "You and your overused cat puns need to be on a hold. Forever." Mountainous cheers supported him.
Adrien gaped. "Hey, they're not that bad."
"SILENCE!" he bellowed and the bandits behind him whooped and hollered. He shot them a glare, and they immediately quieted, murmuring among themselves. He cleared his throat and continued, "Your puns are the source of bad luck. Unimaginable bad luck, Chat. Everytime we hear too many of your puns, we become extremely fatigued. Some of us fall very...very sick. And...and..." He seemed to shed a tear as hands comfortingly patted his back. "I will never forget Howard," he murmured with solemn eyes.
"Howard," the rest mumbled solemnly.
"Who the heck's Howard?" Chloe quietly hissed. "Did you kill him?"
"What? No. I don't even know who he is," Chat hissed back.
"However, it is not only your terrible puns and Howard's revenge we're here for," the bandit (leader?) continued and pulled out a crinkled Wanted poster. "We're also here to collect your bounty."
They smiled wickedly when Adrien paled.
But no, it wasn't from fear of the bandits.
It was fear of the female horse besides him.
Oh lord, the blond thought as he nervously covered his ears.
As he expected, Chloe opened her mouth and let out a scream rivaling a banshee, shuddering the mountains and splitting the sky apart. "HIS CAPTURE REWARD IS 560,000,000 EUROS WHILE MINES IS DINNER?!" Chloe shrieked and snarled at the wide-eyed bandits. "YOU WANTED TO EAT ME?! FOR DINNER?! I WILL CALL MY DADDY AND HAVE YOU ALL EXPELLED FROM PARIS!" she roared.
They stared at the pissed-off horse.
And then their jaws crashed into the ground.
"A-A-A TALKING HORSE?!" the bandit (leader?) squeaked in a girly voice.
"The horse can talk?!"
"M-my eardrums! They're still ringing!"
"A CURSED VOICE!"
"ABSOLUTE WITCHCRAFT!"
"What's Paris?"
"Shut up Philip!"
"RUN!" one finally shrieked.
The bandits turned tail and quickly scattered, screaming death upon the world and disappearing into the night while an awkward silence blanketed the two.
"Well...uhm..." Chat said, not knowing how to continue. "Eh...g-good-"
"Don't," she snarled and angrily stomped into the grass as Chat followed in silence.
To Chat's pleasant surprise, however, they ended up near to the tower in the matter of minutes ("Plot convenience," he muttered). While Chloe kept grumbling in the back, he slithered by the shadows, waiting as he peeped up from a bush and...
"Woah," he gaped. "Did a tornado pass by?"
Before him were scattered, broken furniture that lay like desolute ruins. Chairs. Tables. Paint Buckets. Brushes. Undergarments. Cups...
"Ooooh! Is that an animal cracker?" he happily hopped out and picked it up.
"Indeed it is," a voice cackled from the darkness. "Chat Noir. You have fallen into my trap."
Chat raised his baton in a defensive stance. "Who's there? Show yourself!"
"No." After minutes of standing in cricketing silence, the voice snapped, "Alright fine." And stepped out into the glowing moonlight.
"Kim! You..." Adrien gasped and looked at Kim's comically-large red bumps on his head. "...What happened?" ("Also what are you wearing?" he grimaced at Kim's disturbingly short skirt)
Kim irritably stomped his feet. "I'm. Not. Kim!" He pointed up at that tower. "My daughter's been calling me that and chucking furniture at my head for the past hour!" He pulled out a knife and waved it threateningly at Chat. "I suppose you're the reason why she's like that! All rebellious and disobedient and thinking her -!"
"Oh, are you her Father?"
"I'M HER MOTHER!" Kim shrieked and charged forward. "I WILL HAVE YOUR BOUNTY AND YOUR HEAD, CHAT NOIR!"
It took Adrien a few seconds to realize and accept that Kim (oh god, that skirt) was Mother Gothel. He barely dodged the thrusted knife, feeling a sting on his cheek, and flipped backwards into a prowl. "Easy there."
Kim charged again, though this time Chat hopped up and stepped on his blubbering face, launching off and landing a solid kick on his back.
"Ap-paw-ling skills, I see," the cat said and quickly shuffled into his pockets. "Dang, I gotta write that down for later..."
The jock ran again with a vicious strike. Chat jumped again, but Kim grabbed and yanked his belt, causing the feline to smash into the ground. "A bit overconfident, huh?" he snarled and readied his knife at the recovering male.
"Oh. My. God. What the heck are you wearing, Kim?"
Chat sighed. Kim froze and turned around, seeing a yellow/blonde horse who looked pissed and disgusted. However, at that moment, the wind decided to lift Kim's skirt and flash his family jewels to the particularly stunned horse.
"I-I think I'm going to barf," Chloe bluntly stated, turning green.
Kim dropped his jaw. "D-did that horse j-just talk?" he stammered.
Chat took the chance to quickly kick upwards into Kim's parts (a girly shriek) and flip him off the ground. "Thanks Chloe!" he yelled.
All he heard were retching noises.
"Ooooooh!" Kim grunted and stumbled upwards. "Y-you...gah," he bunched over with a hiss. "I...will END YOU!" Kim fumbled painfully until he decided to just roll onto the ground and pull a string. Before Chat could comprehend, a rope twirled itself around his ankle and yanked him up.
He dangled. He tried reaching up. And sighed. "Well...that was un-fur-tunate," Chat finished lamely.
"G-give me a minute...I-I will...e-end you!" Kim gasped painfully as he continued clutching onto his unmentionables. Chloe continued vomiting.
"Take your time."
A few minutes passed as Kim stumbled upward, looking disoriented and still pained. "A-a-anyways, you s-shall PAY FOR TH-THAT!" he shouted and unsheathed his knife once more. He wobbled unsteadily towards the lamenting cat.
"Chloe," Chat said. "Help-"
"BLAASDFAHWDFAWDL," she barfed.
"Okay, never mind."
"I WILL TAKE YOUR HEAD AND BECOME FILTHY RICH!" Kim weakly cackled and raised his sword. "MWHAHAHAHHAHAHA! SAY YOUR PRAYERS, CHAT NOIR!"
"Please wear pants."
"BLLAAAARRGHHHHH!" Chloe agreed.
"DIE!" Kim shrieked, offended.
Chat closed his eyes, waiting for the strike.
Chloe barfed more.
GONG!
Chat peeked open one eye. Then the other.
Kim was knocked out cold. A dented pot rolled next to him, heavily abused and extremely sad-looking.
"Geez! He got up again!" A voice huffed and spat, "Pervert!"
Chat gasped happily. "Princess!" he cried while dangling. "You have saved my life! I am indebted to you forever!" (and muttered, "Please help me.")
Marinette sighed as she placed a blanket over Kim's revealed...parts. "This chapter is seriously disturbing because of this guy." She latched onto the tree and pulled out a sharp glass shard, swiping Chat's ankle noose and freeing him. "There you go."
He twisted around and landed on his feet. "I am embarrassed that happened to me. Thank you," he chuckled.
She giggled lightly. "No problem, Kitty."
He smiled wholeheartedly and...
Wait. His smile faltered.
Kitty?
He blinked but decided to take interest in Marinette's awkwardly-chopped short hair. "Did you...?"
"Yeah, I kept tripping because of it," she snorted and pointed at the tower with long dangling blue hair. "It really was a useful rope."
"BLAAAARHAFDW," Chloe interrupted as they both turned to the still vomiting horse.
"Is that..." Marinette observed the color of the horse. "...Chloe?"
"Who else?" Chloe managed to snap before spotting an unconscious Kim and letting out another rainbow of barf.
They both snorted, as an ethereal white light began glowing and surrounding the forest.
"Well, that's...that. It kinda sucks that I wasn't with you guys a lot," Marinette sighed and glared at the twitching Kim. "Just with Mother Gothel." She turned back to Chat with a warm smile. "Thanks for coming to my rescue, Prince Kitty."
He looked at her.
Kitty.
There it was again.
So many people have called him Kitty before...but the way she said it...just the tone by itself...he saw a flicker of red and black in his vision.
He stepped forward. And again, his arm reaching out for her hand.
But...it was impossible.
No, it couldn't.
This was Marinette. His clumsy, shy classmate.
Not. Not her...
She rescued herself and saved your life, a voice sang.
"Lady..." he murmured softly. "My La-"
And the light finally consumed the room, erasing everything and teleporting the three into the next story.
A/N: Uhm, has anyone had the issue of their story not updating on FFN? o-o Sorry for reupdating, but that's not working as well.
Kinda not sure about this chapter. It's shorter than Cinderella, and I felt like I had too much fun with it. I really tried toning it down at the rushed ending haha
Updated List: Cinderella (x), Tangled (x), Sleeping Beauty, Snow-White and Rose-Red, Mulan, Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Snow White, Beauty and the Beast, Princess and the Pea, Hercules, Swan Princess, Brave, Rumpelstiltskin, Puss in Boots (LOL interesting), Twelve Dancing Princesses (oh, don't worry Radiant Celestial Aura, I'll make enough female characters xD), and Snow Queen :) Italicized Titles are the new ones added~
What I can tell you is that I'm leaning toward Beauty and the Beast being the finale :D I said a lot, but thank you for your support! And as always, leave a review if you want for any mistakes I've made/suggestions for improvement, or simply more fairy tales :D