Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or Angel or any of their associate characters. They belong, unfortunately, to Joss and ME. I'm just using them for my imagination and entertainment purposes.

Author's Note: Flashbacks are in italics.

Sacrifice

Sacrifices.

We all have to make them. Some small, some big. Some, we can't get back.

I made a choice today. I made a sacrifice today. This sacrifice, I don't regret. It wasn't like other times, because I made the decision. Too many times before, pain went hand-in-hand with the sacrifices. Now, I can change that. No more loss of loved ones, no more heartache and grief or sorrow for me to endure. This is me saving the world…

"I sacrificed Angel to save the world." I told Giles.

I did. I did what was right but it didn't make the pain go away. This time, I don't have to face that pain because I won't have to lose him again. I'm glad, though, that he is not here. Not because I don't love him…because I truly do. But because I don't have to look into his eyes and find the pain there of watching me jump off the tower.

I should have written him a letter. If I knew that I was going to go out like this, I should have prepared by writing him a letter. There are just so many things that I want to say to him. It's too late now, but I wonder if he knows.

I want to tell him that I still love him. No matter how far apart we are, he is a part of me, a part that I cannot forget. I tried so many different ways to make him go away but nothing helped. They only made matters worse. Even seeing him in LA, five minutes or with Faith, hello to the pain. I keep telling myself that we are friends, two old friends who care about each other. But one thing I realised, Spike was right.

I had to tell him that day, "We're not friends. We never were." He stared at me. The eyes that penetrated mine entire being. I had to tear my eyes away from his, because I knew that I wouldn't be able to do what I had to do if I don't soon.

"There must still be a way that we can see each other."

"There is." I took a deep breath, and said something I thought I would never have to say, "Tell me that you don't love me."

I wasn't lying. What we have, what we want, there is probably not going to be a solution to it. We try to be friends, but the connection that we have, it is not "friendly", it is something so much more. I thought that killing him, tearing away, moving on, getting involved with someone else, would make me forget about him. How wrong I was. All the memories, all the emotions, it is like my life flashing before me again.

The noises seemed to be quietening. The speed seemed to be faster. I didn't need to open my eyes, because I knew where I was going. All of my thoughts seemed to be fading. Those of my mother, my sister, my friends and my life in general. Each flashback becomes a shade of grey. I felt close, close to the end. Close to the peace. To that sunrise that I saw over the horizon.

I remembered the words I told Dawn. "I love you. I will always love you. But this is the work that I have to do. Tell Giles…tell Giles I figured it out. And, and I'm okay. And give my love to my friends. You have to take care of them now. You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. Dawn, the hardest thing in this world…is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me."

I think I can see the light. It is so close. I can see my friends, my family…my love. If I had one more chance, I would tell him: I am sorry. I have to make the sacrifice. I hope you understand why I am doing this. I hope you forgive me for not telling you. I think you will already know the reason why…the real reason. Keep on going. Keep on living. For the world. For me.

Then, suddenly, the light flashed brightly and consumed all of me.

I had made that one thought just before I knew I hit the ground.

I love you, Angel. Not even death can change that.