Chapter 3.
Mike smiled when Rachel and Donna came into the room. Rachel come up to him and kissed him. She then apologized for not coming sooner. He just drew her towards her and held on. He breathed in the faith scent of her shampoo from her hair. She gently hugged him back and they sat there for a while. Donna hugged him as well.
Rachel and Donna had bought something to eat for him as well, but he had to decline and only had a soda. They told Mike all about the case, what they had done.
"So how are you doing Mike?" Donna asked when they had been quiet for a while. Mike swallowed and glanced at Harvey. What should he answer?
"My back's been bothering me." He said to buy time. It wasn't a lie. He just couldn't tell them. Donna looked so happy. Or not at this moment when she looked at him. He saw compassion in her eyes.
"They took you for those test? What was the results?" Rachel asked. Tell her a voice in his head said. He opened his mouth to answer. He swallowed. But the words didn't come. He shook his head a little.
"I haven't seen the results." He said. It wasn't a lie, no one had showed him the papers, just told him about it. He suddenly felt so tired. He wanted to ask Rachel to lay down next to him, but then she would know. And also Harvey and Donna were still there.
"They still haven't found Joe Henderson." Harvey said then. "I called the police earlier. They said that his house is empty, but they had a few leads that they didn't want to discuss with me."
With that the discussion was directed away from Mike's position. He felt grateful towards Harvey for doing that. He couldn't really explain himself why he didn't want to tell them. He knew he would have to soon. It was not like he could hide it. But for now Harvey was enough.
They actually had a nice time after that, and Mike found that he was able to think about something else for some time. That was until he tried to shift on the bed and noticed that he wasn't able to. Harvey saw him pale, as did Donna.
"What's wrong Mike?" She asked.
"It's getting a bit late. Maybe we should let Mike get some rest." Harvey suggested when Mike didn't answered and just looked at her with those wide eyes. He just felt that he needed to do whatever he could for Mike at this point.
"Yes, don't you think that nurse from earlier looked a bit disapproving?" Rachel smiled.
Mike tensed where he was. He didn't want them all to go! He looked at Harvey, he nodded at him.
"The night is still young." Harvey said. "Why don't you two go out and celebrate us wining the case?"
Rachel and Donna looked at each other and smiled. "Mr. Specter has a point." Donna said to Rachel.
"Is that okay with you Mr. Ross?" Rachel asked Mike.
Mike and Harvey exchanged a confused look. "Sure." Mike said hesitantly.
So Rachel kissed him on the cheek and to Harvey's surprise Donna did the same with him. "Thank you Harvey." She whispered and then they left, both laughing.
"What's with them?" Harvey asked staring after them.
Mike smirked. "I don't know, Mr. Specter."
"Oh shut up." Harvey sat down again.
"How are you holding up?" He asked. Mike shrugged, suddenly feeling down and tired.
"Well, it is late." Harvey made to stand up.
"Are you leaving?" Mike said wanting to curse himself when his voice shook. Harvey froze.
"Can't you stay here?" Mike then found himself asking. Suddenly it just got too much for him. He was tired, hurting and scared to be left alone again. He hid his face behind his hand.
"I'll stay." Harvey said quietly then. He put a hand on Mike's shoulder. He kept it there until Mike was ready to remove his hand.
"Do you want to talk?" Harvey asked.
Mike didn't know what to say. "About what?"
"You being paralyzed?"
Mike flinched. Harvey looked at him sadly. Poor kid. Today he had managed to get Donna out of her mess, but Mike, he wasn't sure how to help him.
"They said it's uncommon for people with these kind of spinal cord injuries to recover again." Mike said.
Harvey sighed. Of course it was. Mike had his eyes locked at his legs now. He looked lost and scared. Harvey wanted to say something that would comfort him, but he wasn't sure on what that would be.
"But it happens?" He carefully asked.
"She said it was permanent." Mike shrugged. They were quiet for some time. Then Mike spoke again.
"You were right." He said.
"I usually am." Harvey tried to joke. "In what?"
"He ended me." Mike whispered.
"Hey, don't say that. He didn't end you. You are still here Mike. You will be okay."
Mike still didn't look up, he shook his head a little.
"I'm a cripple now Harvey. I won't be able to do anything anymore. I'm useless now." He let out a deep breath. Harvey clenched his teeth.
"No." he said firmly. "Look at me." He waited until Mike's tired eyes met his.
"I don't want to hear you ever say that. You are not useless Mike. You are not. You were the one that figured out how to win the case."
"Yeah, right."
"Yes it was, without your injury idea we wouldn't have gotten anywhere. And that was when you were high on drugs. You are brilliant Mike."
"Whatever Harvey."
"No. That's my honest opinion."
"Thanks." He whispered.
"I'm terribly sorry this happened to you, and I will always regret that day, that I didn't do more to prevent it, acted sooner. But Mike you are not useless, this doesn't define you. You can take on anything, this as well. Sure it will suck at times but you'll get through it."
Mike looked at him with sad eyes as if trying to decide if Harvey really meant it.
"I'm proud of you." Harvey said. "You are strong. And I have already told you that I will help you as much as I can to get you through this."
Mike nodded. He felt close to tears. Harvey never said that he was proud of him, he had only done that once and that was just because he chickened out when he was about to fire Mike. But he knew that Harvey meant it. He could see it in the other man's eyes. He smiled a little.
"Thank you." He said. "It means a lot."
Harvey nodded.
"Do you want to get some sleep maybe? You look dead tired."
Mike nodded again. He was tired. But there was something he wanted to ask Harvey. He just didn't know how. He would break down if Harvey said no. He just knew he would. He just wouldn't be able to take being rejected at this point.
"What it is?" Harvey asked. "Mike?" He was a bit worried. The kid looked like he was in pain.
"I know it's…stupid, but…" Mike paused.
"What is stupid?"
"You think…you think you could…" his voice broke and he had to stop. Tears were gathering in his eyes against his will and he felt pathetic.
"Do you want me to stay the night?" Harvey said then. Mike bit his lip as he nodded, looking away from Harvey.
"Of course I will, kid. Of course I can stay here. You are not getting rid of me that easily."
Mike breathed out from relief. "Okay." He said and looked at his boss. He tried to smile but didn't really succeed. It looked more like a grimace.
"It's okay." Harvey said and patted his arm. "You can sleep. I'll be here."
Mike trusted him. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. He still heard Harvey being there. It was comforting. He was asleep a few minutes later.
Harvey felt himself relax a little. He swore to himself. He really wanted to hurt that damn Henderson for doing this to Mike. Tomorrow he would call the police again and see if they had caught him yet. That man had destroyed Mike's life. And for what? Mike had just been the messenger.
But he couldn't focus on that now. What he needed to focus on now was Mike. Mike needed him now and would mostly likely need him more than ever. He probably wouldn't ask for it, but Harvey intended to be there for him.
Mike had yet to come to terms with his new situation. Harvey had seen how he flinched every time the word paralyzed came up. He must be so scared. Harvey knew he would be. There would be so much Mike wouldn't be able to do now, so many places he couldn't go to anymore. Did the office building have a ramp up to its entrance? He wasn't sure. And Mike wouldn't be able to ride that stupid bike anymore. He knew Mike loved that. He watched Mike's sleeping features, looked at his legs. He didn't know why he did it, but he leaned forward and tapped Mike's leg. No reaction. He did it again, harder. Mike slept on and Harvey's heart clenched. Damn it!
It was close to midnight and Harvey felt tired. He should try to get some sleep himself. He didn't look forward to sleeping on this hospital chair. He managed to fall sleep after an hour or so.
-SUITS-
At first Harvey didn't know what had woken him up and for a moment he was confused on where he was. He remembered as soon as he laid his eyes on Mike. The kid was sitting up, hunched forward and was breathing heavily. He had folded himself down with his head hanging over his legs and Harvey couldn't see his face.
"Mike? What is it? Talk to me." He asked and got up from the chair and leaned over Mike.
Mike just kept breathing and Harvey thought about getting someone in there. "Hurts." Mike slurred then and Harvey drew a hand through his hair in frustration.
"Okay, where does it hurt?"
"My back." Mike mumbled and didn't move. Harvey pressed the call button. Just a minute later a nurse was there and did something, Harvey didn't see what it was, but Mike was helped to lay down again by her and soon after they were alone again. Mike had his eyes closed but he couldn't have fallen asleep that fast.
"What's happening?" The kid asked then.
For a moment Harvey didn't know what to answer. What did he mean?
"You were in pain." He said. Mike opened his eyes and looked at him as he nodded.
"I can't move my legs." He said.
"I know." Harvey said.
"I can't move them. I can't walk. I can't do anything." He said heartbrokenly. His lip were trembling and his eyes were shiny.
Harvey felt useless. What should he say? Should he be supportive and tell Mike that, no that wasn't true he would be able to do anything he wanted. Or should he just let Mike be sad and allow him to grieve what he had lost.
"I'm so sorry about that." He said.
Mike looked at him. He was still in pain. He had been dreaming when he woke up from the pain. He had been back in that alley with Joe except this time Joe wouldn't stop hitting him. He had screamed at Mike to run if he wanted to live, but Mike hadn't been able to. In the dream he had started to crawl forward away from Joe, dragging his useless legs behind him.
He felt scared now. He was sad and frustrated. He wanted help. He wanted comfort. He couldn't ask for it from Harvey. He just couldn't even though he wanted to. He couldn't stop the tears this time. He decided to not care. So what if Harvey saw him break down. He was already weak. He was already pathetic. He quietly sobbed and felt tears run down his cheeks all the while Harvey just sat there rigidly next to his bed. He wanted to go home. He wished that he was home with Rachel.
"What am I supposed to do now?" He said. "I won't be able to do anything anymore." He had just gotten a horrible thought.
"Oh Mike." Harvey whispered.
"I mean…" He said. "Harvey… our building doesn't even have an elevator! I…I can't get home."
He couldn't stop his voice from breaking. He hadn't even thought that earlier. How could he not have thought about that! But it was true. He wouldn't be able to get up into his own apartment! He wanted to break down just over that.
"Calm down. We'll figure something out." Harvey said.
"How!" Mike yelled. "Are you going to carry me upstairs every day, or what?"
"Mike…"
"I can't go home. I can't go home. Where am I going to go?" More tears rose in his eyes. They ran along his face and dropped down on his shirt. He didn't bother wiping them away. He didn't care. He didn't know what to do other than to sit there and cry. He was basically homeless now.
"You can stay with me until we figure something out. I have two elevators." Harvey said.
Mike couldn't help but let out a laugh. "Right." He said.
"I'm serious." Harvey said. He had gotten up and were standing close to Mike's bed. He put a hand on Mike's shoulder and held on to him. It caused Mike to cry harder. He couldn't help it.
Harvey noticed it as well and he held on a bit harder. He felt this strange feeling inside him. Like he picked up on Mike's pain and it hurt him as well. The whole situation was so awful and Harvey felt helpless. But it didn't take long until Mike started to lean against him and Harvey then brought up both of his arms around Mike's body. He pulled Mike close to him and Mike let himself lean against the older man. He cried in earnest then. It felt good to be held like that. He felt comforted by Harvey, for the first time ever since he had found out he felt some kind of comfort. He flung an arm up and grabbed Harvey's suit jacket and held on to it. If he had to he would do everything he could now to stop Harvey from stepping away from him. He just needed this. Harvey was stroking his back, carefully avoiding where he had been injured. It was soothing.
"It'll be okay. I'll help you. You are not alone" Harvey was saying. Mike did his best to believe him.
Harvey didn't know for how long he stood there with Mike in his arms. He had never done this before. But he knew that he helped Mike somehow by doing it.
It was awful at first. He thought that Mike never would stop, that he would make himself sick from crying that hard. His whole body shook violently with each sob and Harvey held on hard to him to not lose his grip on the kid. He kind wanted to cry himself. It hurt inside him as he listened to Mike and felt him shake against him. He just held on to the younger man and waited. Mike needed this. Harvey could feel how Mike's grip on h remained tight.
Eventually Mike stopped crying. He was leaning heavily against Harvey and his breathing had slowed down a little. But Harvey still didn't move, not as long as Mike still held on to him. After a while though Mike's grip on him lessened and his arm fell down. Harvey guessed that he must be sleeping, but he didn't dare to move for another twenty minutes. He just stood there and held his associate, his friend, against him. He realized that he needed it as well.
Eventually when he was ready, he slowly and carefully leaned Mike back against the bed. He pulled the blanket higher over him and found himself stroking Mike's hair a little. Oh, how he wished that this never had happened to Mike. He wished that he had been able to protect him. That they had gone to see Joe together.
Harvey didn't sleep that much the rest of the night. He didn't want Mike to wake up and feel alone. However the kid slept through the night.
Mike was subdued the next day when he woke up. A nurse was there for a while and they were told that Mike had a doctor's appointment set for later that afternoon. After the nurse left they sat in silence. Mike wouldn't look at Harvey. That was until Harvey felt a bit annoyed.
"Are you doing okay?" He asked.
Mike nodded and took a deep breath. "Sorry about last night." He said.
"Look at me." Harvey waited. "You have nothing to be sorry about. You held out longer than I expected."
"What do you mean?" Mike said. Also a bit annoyed.
"I thought you would break down sooner. I know I would have." He said kindly.
Mike swallowed. "It wasn't the first time." He said quietly.
"Oh." Harvey cursed internally. Of course it wasn't, Mike had been alone for two days with the knowledge of being paralyzed. "Sorry again for not being here."
"You had other things to take care of. It's okay. You are here now. And you were here last night." he felt how he started to blush.
"Still. I regret it." Harvey said. "I could have taken the time."
Mike really didn't want to talk about this anymore. He clenched his teeth, but stopped when his jaw hurt. "Okay. Thanks. Good to know."
But Harvey didn't want to let it go apparently. "You must have thought that we didn't give a shit about you."
Mike looked at him and swallowed. He didn't know what to say. So he said nothing, until Harvey continued.
"I'm so sorry if you felt that way. It's not true."
"I know that Harvey." Mike needed to get him to stop. "I feel better now."
Harvey seemed to get it. He smiled a little. "That's good. Your doctor were here earlier by the way, but you were sleeping so sweetly so she didn't want to wake you up."
Mike rolled his eyes and choose to ignore that comment. He didn't feel like talking so much more after that. His doctor arrived and Harvey got to ask questions. It was hard to hear it all again. He mostly stayed silent and listened. They took him for and other MRI to check something more closely. He got to sleep some as well.
Rachel arrived around lunch, Mike had another smoothie.
"I'm sorry I wasn't here sooner." She smiled and carefully kissed him. "Hi Harvey."
"Hi Rachel. Did you have a good night?"
"Eh…sure." She blushed a bit.
"I'm heading out for lunch then." Harvey said. "I'll give you two some time to talk. I'll come back later Mike."
"Yes, sure. Thanks." Mike said absentmindedly. He knew what Harvey wanted him to do. He was going to do it too.
Rachel looked after Harvey for a moment.
"Did he stay the night with you?" She asked.
"Eh… yeah he did."
"Why did he do that?" She was starting to look worried now.
Mike swallowed. He was nervous. "Because I asked him to." He said.
"Mike, why did you ask him to? Is something wrong?"
"Well, yes. Actually something is wrong Rachel." He reached for her hand with his left. She took it and held it hard in hers. She waited for him to continue. He hesitated.
"Mike?"
"Yeah. Look Rachel, I should have told you earlier but I don't know. I guess I didn't want to worry you or take your attention away from the case. And last night you were all so happy because you won so I…"
"Mike calm down." She said and stroke his cheek a bit. "Whatever it is, just tell me."
He swallowed hard and nodded.
"Rachel, you know that he hit my back with a crowbar, right?"
She twisted a bit and nodded.
"Well, that hit damaged my spinal cord. Badly. I'm…I'm paralyzed Rachel, from the waist down. I can't move my legs." He looked her in the eyes and saw when the realization of his words set in. She removed herself from him and put both of her hands over her mouth.
"Oh my god, Mike. Oh my god." She took his hand again and her eyes started to fill up with tears.
"Rachel…"
"They told us before we got to see you, that it might be bad. But then no one mentioned it after that so I just thought that you were fine. Oh my god Mike." Her voice shook, and tears were running down her face.
"I'm so sorry. Is it permanent or is there a chance…?" She asked.
"Most likely permanent."
"Oh no. When did you find out?"
He didn't want to tell her that. He hated seeing her cry and knowing he was the cause of it.
"A while after you left to help Harvey."
Her eyes widened. "So you knew yesterday when I was here and you didn't say anything?"
He nodded.
"Mike! Why didn't you tell me? Why the hell didn't you tell me? We were joking around while you were laying in bed, paralyzed. You told me to go out with Donna and celebrate?"
He didn't know what to answer. "Sorry." He whispered. "I'm sorry Rachel."
"No, why didn't you even call? You should have called me as soon as you found out. I would have… Why didn't you?"
Mike just shook his head and she removed her hand from his.
"Oh god, oh god, oh god." She whispered, more to herself than to him. Then she stood up and he jerked a bit. She didn't notice.
"I'm sorry Mike. I just need a little time to process this." She started to back towards the exit. She was still crying.
"No, come on Rachel. Don't go! You can't…." He called after her, but she was already out of the door. He stared after her with wide eyes. She left. She had left him! He tried to calm his breathing and stared down at his legs. They were suddenly blurry. He blinked and they were clearer again. He wiped his face and then sank down on his bed and looked away, anywhere was good as long as he didn't had to see his legs.
He tried to come up with a reason as to why she had left him. Why would she do that, when he needed her more than ever? He let his tears flow freely. He couldn't remember the last time he had cried this much. But at this point he didn't care. He felt heartbroken and abandoned. He wanted to scream for her to come back, to not leave him. She had no right to leave like that. Sure he didn't tell her, but she never asked. She didn't call him, she didn't come to see him when he had needed her to. She had known that he was hurt, but still she practically ignored him. And when he told her, she had practically accused him. Why couldn't she just think of what he was feeling? He felt so helpless as he looked at his legs and then the door. He couldn't get there.
His heart jumped in his chest when the door suddenly opened, but it was Harvey.
"Mike? Mike, what's wrong?!" Harvey rushed to his side upon seeing him. "What is it? Are you in pain? Do you need help?" he continued when Mike didn't answer straight away.
Mike shook his head. Harvey's heart was beating hard in his chest with worry as he gripped Mike's shoulder. He was surprised when he came back from a quick lunch just to find Mike crying again. What was it? And where were Rachel?
"She left." Mike chocked out then and Harvey closed his eyes for a few seconds. This was bad.
"Why did she leave Mike?" He asked.
"I told her about… you know. And that I found out before yesterday and then she just left. Why did she do that?"
"I don't know kid."
"I asked her not to."
"I'm sorry. Do you want me to go and find her?"
Mike seemed to consider this for a moment but then shook his head. He was starting to calm down.
"She said she needed time to process."
Harvey nodded and sat down. Mike busied himself with discreetly wiping his face with an edge of his blanket. He then leaned back on the pillow with a sigh. He didn't meet Harvey's eyes.
They were quiet for a couple minutes. Mike felt embarrassed over displaying his emotions like that. He was glad that he older man was there but at the same time he didn't feel done with his breakdown. He was able to keep the emotions at bay but feared that anything could trigger him and he would lose the grip he currently had over himself.
Harvey fervently tried to figure out something to say. He wasn't good at this. Every single thing he thought about saying now seemed inappropriate in some way. Work didn't seem to matter and that was mostly what he and Mike spoke about. Insulting the kid in some way or quoting movies didn't seem like a good idea either. So he was silent. It had been sort of easier when Mike had been so upset that what Harvey said didn't really matter, but now Mike just laid there staring at nothing and Harvey wasn't sure if Mike wanted him to treat him normally or not.
He also couldn't believe what Rachel just had done to Mike. Left him like that. That must have hurt the kid immensely. Mike had just been through something incredibly traumatic that had changed his life drastically and Rachel's first reaction had been to flee. He was sure that she would be feeling really bad about it but it still angered Harvey.
"So, they still haven't caught Joe?" Mike said eventually.
"No, not that I know of."
Mike nodded and felt a knot in his stomach.
"They will though." Harvey added. He watched how Mike swallowed, and suddenly he somehow felt responsible for Joe still being out there. Damn. Then Mike spoke again and Harvey felt even worse.
"What if he comes after me again? What am I going to do then?"
"Hey, he is not going to do that." Harvey said and wished Mike would look at him.
"But if he does it's going to be even easier than it was the first time."
Harvey didn't like the way Mike spoke, his tone were neutral in a way like he didn't really care. It wasn't like the Mike he knew.
"Mike. Listen to me. It won't happen."
"I didn't fight back at all you know." Mike said with something defiant in his voice. Harvey wasn't sure on what he was doing.
"As I understand it you didn't have much time for that."
"Well, you weren't there were you?"
"What are you trying to do here Mike?"
"I'm not trying anything! I'm stating facts."
"Well, you should stop doing that. It's stupid."
Mike angrily turned his head away from Harvey, because that he was all he could do. He still fought with his emotions. He had tried to distract himself by trying to provoke Harvey. He wanted to get mad instead of feeling sad but Harvey wouldn't let him. But apparently he was stupid now.
A part of him wanted Harvey to leave so that he could let it all out but the other much larger part knew that he wouldn't be able to take it if Harvey left now too. Rachel was enough. He didn't want to think about that anymore. He concentrated on thinking about nothing. That would be so much better if he could do that. He heard Harvey sigh next to him and immediately felt his eyes burn.
"By the way Mike. Donna called me, she will be here any minute."
Mike froze.
"What?!"
"Yeah."
Mike's mind went into double speed and he felt his heart starting to beat faster as well. No! It was his first reaction. No, she couldn't come here. Not now when he was feeling like this. What if she did like Rachel? What she would leave too if he told her? He didn't want her to know too. He couldn't deal with this. He briefly thought about the voicemail.
"No." He said.
"What do you mean no?" Harvey said.
"I don't want to see her. I don't want her to come."
"Why the hell not Mike?"
Harvey didn't understand Mike's reaction at all. He was confused and maybe didn't handle it all that well. Mike stiffened on the bed.
"I just don't want to." The younger man's voice shook.
'"Well, she is already on her way here Mike."
"But…"
"Mike, come on. It's fine. It's just Donna."
Mike clenched his teeth hard together and didn't answer. Harvey wasn't listening to him at all. At least he didn't care what he was saying. But he shouldn't be surprised. Harvey always picked Donna over him. That was just the way it was. It was Harvey and Donna and him and Rachel. Except Rachel still hadn't come back. Shit! He did not want to think about that now.
Luckily the door opened and a nurse stepped inside and distracted his thoughts for a couple of minutes. She was there to check the areas on his back where he had been hit, so she had him sit up and lean forward. Harvey had to help him sit up.
He heard how Harvey drew a deep breath when the nurse removed the bandage from his back.
"It looks worse than it is." The nurse said.
"Yeah, but still!" Harvey exclaimed.
"What?" Mike couldn't help but ask.
"It looks awful. It's all black and blue." Harvey informed him. "Like actually black."
"What?"
"It's not that bad. It's healing nicely. I'm going to put on some cream." The nurse interrupted.
Mike groaned when she started poking at it. He couldn't stop from jerking forward either when she touched an especially sore spot.
"Hey." Harvey mumbled and held on to him. A couple of painful minutes followed and Mike spent them hunched forward with tightly closed eyes.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door and Mike jerked up to look. It was Donna.
"Oh hi." She said, smiling. "Am I interrupting?" She asked.
"Yes!" Mike exclaimed immediately, drowning out the nurse who might said something not along the same lines as him. He sat up straighter pushing both the nurse and Harvey away. "Yes." He got out again. Donna was still in the doorway seemingly a bit confused. He looked up at the nurse for support and got it.
"We'll be finished in a few minutes." She said turned towards Donna.
Mike was panicking. He couldn't explain it himself. He shouldn't feel like this but he was and had trouble stopping it. He sat up and his whole body was tense, well not his legs. He was breathing fast and his eyes burnt again.
"I don't want her to come in here. I don't. I don't." He turned to Harvey now, ignoring the nurse.
"Mike, don't be stupid. It's just Donna."
"I'm not stupid. I just can't…" He swallowed and tried to catch his breath.
"Are you okay? Do you want to continue?" The nurse interrupted. Mike just pushed her away. He gripped the blanket hard in his fist just to hold on to something. He pressed his broken arm against his chest.
"Mike? What's going on?" Harvey asked.
Mike just shook his head, but stopped when his jaw hurt.
"If I just put your bandages back…?" The nurse again.
Mike wanted to scream, but instead leaned forward again and let her do what she wanted. It took a long minute. She then started to walk towards the door.
"Shall I tell your friend to wait outside until you are ready for her?" she asked.
"Yes." Mike said at the same time as Harvey said "No, it's fine."
She looked between them. "I'll tell her to wait." She decided.
Harvey turned to Mike as soon as the door closed. He felt a bit worried. Mike looked like he was panicking. He was pale, his breathing quick and he was staring towards the door. Harvey honestly had a hard time following with all the turns.
"What's wrong Mike?" He carefully asked and placed himself in Mike's line of vision.
"Don't you understand that I don't want her to come in here? I don't want her to know. I don't want her to leave me too." Mike was shaking now and the words just fell out of his mouth. "I just can't. I can't. I can't." He starting rocking back and forth.
Harvey sat down close to Mike's bed. He reached forward and took a hold of Mike's arm. But Mike ripped it out of his grip, but at least he looked at Harvey now. There were tears in his eyes.
"Mike."
"Of course you are taking her side! You don't even care what I think."
"I'm not taking sides here."
"Yes you do! I don't want her here but you do."
"Mike, its Donna we are talking about here. She will support you. And she deserves to know what you are going through."
Mike didn't answer right away. He knew that Harvey wasn't going to give in. Donna was coming no matter what he said apparently. There was just one thing.
"What if…what if she leaves too?" Mike whispered.
Mike looked into his eyes and Harvey felt himself go tense. He had never seem Mike like this before. He looked broken and scared.
"She won't Mike."
"You don't know that." Mike looked away now. He stared down at his legs, breathing deeply. "Please." It was so quiet that Harvey almost didn't hear it.
"I know this is tough Mike. I know it is. And I'm sorry about that. But it's going to be better. It's still new. As soon as you get adjusted…"
"I don't want to adjust!"
"Fine, but you will have to. Don't you?" Harvey said gently.
Mike's lips trembled, he didn't answer. He closed his eyes and kept them closed as he tried, what Harvey guessed, to calm himself down. Harvey startled when he suddenly laid down. He had his head turned up high and he looked up at the ceiling. He opened his mouth as if to say something but closed it again.
"Do I have to tell her?" he asked.
"No, Mike." Harvey said slowly. "You don't have to tell her anything. But don't you think it's better if you do?"
Mike turned his head away from Harvey, hiding his face from him. Harvey waited in silence. Mike shook and Harvey knew that he was soundlessly crying. A minute or two passed like that. Then Mike wiped his face with his hand.
"You'll stay right?" He asked shakily. When Harvey didn't answer right away Mike's head whipped around to face him. Tears were still visible. "You will?" His voice small, like a child's. His hand reached out and gripped Harvey's arm.
"Of course Mike."
"Okay." He whispered but didn't let go of Harvey's arm. Harvey made the decision to just wait until Mike felt ready. He did a minute later and Harvey walked over to let Donna inside the room. She looked questioningly at Harvey but he didn't say anything.
Mike's eyes followed Donna as she stepped inside. He thought that she looked worried but she smiled when she saw him.
"Is everything okay Mike?" She asked and walked over to him. He didn't know what to say so he slowly shook his head. He felt so tired and emotional. He didn't want to deal with this. He was scared too. He was so afraid that she would do what Rachel had done. He wished he could go to sleep.
"What's wrong?" Donna sat down on the chair Harvey had been on. His boss was standing by the edge of his bed. He meet Harvey's eyes and the older man nodded encouragingly. Mike took a deep breath. He was just going to do it.
"That hit I took to my back…it damaged some nerves, my spinal cord… ehm…Donna, I can't…I can't walk anymore."
He looked into her eyes waiting for her reaction. Her expression started to change when the realization of his words hit her. She gasped and put her hands over her mouth.
"Oh god Mike! Are you saying that you are paralyzed?"
Mike nodded. "From the waist down."
"Oh no. I'm so sorry!"
Mike nodded a little again. Tears rose in his eyes again. What was going on with him? Somehow they didn't stop when Donna softly wiped them away from his cheek with her hand. She shushed him and told him again that she was sorry. She was still here.
"I'm so sorry this happened." Donna whispered. "Did you know all along?"
Mike tensed. Why did she have to ask that? Should he lie? It would be easier. But he nodded.
"I'm sorry." He whispered. "I'm…I'm sorry."
"No, no I am sorry Mike. I'm so sorry. You were alone before because of me. I'm sorry about that."
Mike just stared at her. She was apologizing to him? He didn't understand why. He was so tired. He nodded a little and tried to smile.
Donna smiled back and stroked his cheek again. It felt nice.
"Where is Rachel?" Donna asked then as she looked around the room. Harvey shook his head but it was too late. Mike wanted to flee. He didn't want to think about that.
"She left." He said. He was going to lose it again. Harvey was just standing there looking sadly at him and Donna looked surprised. He didn't want them to see him. Not like this. He felt so pathetic. He tried to turn on his side. It didn't work! He had forgotten again. How could he do that? Without the help of his legs he wasn't able to get on to his side, to hide himself from Donna's and Harvey's looks. That made everything so much worse. He felt like he couldn't do it anymore. Everything sucked!
He fell back down on to his back with a moan. He opted for turning his head as much as he could and threw an arm over his face. He cried again, trying not to make sounds. He felt Donna's hand on his shoulder. She stroked his arm, over and over. It didn't really help. At least not at first. He just felt so awful. Embarrassed, pathetic and weak. Why couldn't he control himself? He stayed still like that, trying to just stop, but apparently he couldn't do that either. Eventually he cried himself to sleep, still with his head turned away from them.
-SUITS-