A/N Someone please smack me through my monitor. Sorry it took me so long, my muse decided to fly away for the summer and wasn't back until finals. On a hapier note a million thanks to Hasteput for Beationg this crazy story which refuses to get from my mind to paper without about two months worth of kicking and screaming.

I don't own dragon age! trust me if I did then the imporrt flags for Zevran wouldn't have been bugged! *Fuming*

So glad to see you well,

Overcome and completely silent now,

With heaven's help,

You cast your demons out,

And not to pull your halo down,

Around your neck and tug you off your cloud,

But I'm more than just a little curious,

How you're planning to go about,

Making your amends to the dead.

The Noose, by A Perfect Circle.

A guard looked me over as I approached. "If you want to get in to petition the Prince you must leave your weapon here."

I silently handed over Justice with a If-I-get-her-back-damaged-heads-will-roll look and proceeded into the throne room. I stood in the shadow of a pillar and studied the man who orphaned me.

He looked older; he's was his late 50s now. He looked pretty tired as well, although he hid it well. Keeps a smile on his face while dealing with the petitioners, never letting anything past the calm mask he held in place, holding his feelings at arm's length so they wouldn't affect his judgement...

Here I was, looking at the man who sentenced them to die, who hunted them across Thedas, who watched my mother bleed out on the cold hard ground after putting an arrow in her chest, and I felt nothing.

Just cold. The kind of cold that seeps into your bones and turns the breath in your lungs to ice, till you are so cold that you can't feel your pain, your loss, or even your hate. Until it's all you are.

I stayed in the shadow of the pillar and watched for a few hours until his adviser finally announced that petitioning was over until tomorrow. The room began to clear and I made my way to the throne as he got up to leave.

I could hear part of their conversation as I got closer.

"-should be in the Chantry, not listening to petitions. You know that today is-"

"Yes I know what today is Your Highness." His advisor cut in. "I am also well aware of your little tradition of locking yourself in the chantry while you drown yourself in guilt, but you cannot afford that luxury with all of the incoming delegates. We can't have an absent monarch when-"

"May I have a moment of your time Your Highness?" I interjected as I reached the steps to the throne.

His advisor stepped in before he could answer. "Petitioning is over until next week and for anything else you must request an audience," he said coldly looking down his nose at me. "and remove your hood you are in the presence of royalty."

"Samuel." Sebastian said, looking menacingly at his advisor.

"I apologize if I have offended. I only wanted to talk to you, It's been a long time since we last met." I said looking pointedly at Sebastian.

Samuel looked like he wanted to tell the guards to throw me out but Sebastian put up a hand to stop him, studying me intently.

"You do seem familiar, tell me when did we meet?"

"It was years ago your majesty, 19 years if I remember correctly." I tilted my head as if I was in deep thought, "19 years to the day in fact," my eyes flashed to meet his as I spoke.

He blinked, realization flashing across his face. Clearly he remembered. Good, if he hadn't I might have tossed him across the room.

"You're-" He didn't finish, trying to process who stood in front of him as the eyes of his worst enemy stared back at him from under my hood. I was content to wait until he came to terms with my presence, but Samuel wasn't.

"Who are you?" he snapped, clearly disturbed that I was having this effect on the Prince. The guards seemed to share his frame of mind and were moving closer.

"Sienna Hawke." I said lowering my hood, feeling more than a little smug watching him stumble back in shock. I knew what they were seeing, Aria's vivid red hair and Anders' eyes. Aveline always said that I was the spitting image of my mother, there was no doubt who I was now.

Samuel recovered from his shock first.

"Guards! Kill her!"

"Fasta vass!" I growled shifting into a fighting stance, no use trying to avoid a fight when my cover had been blown. Damn them! I didn't want to fight, not like I had any choice in the matter. "Here we go." I growled sizing up the guards. It was six to one, they didn't have a prayer.

"No, don't!" Sebastian yelled but the first guard had already taken a swing at me with the rest closing in.

I ducked under the sword and let loose a Fade Burst, knocking them all back. While they were picking themselves up off the floor I shifted Beyond the Veil, wrapping myself in in the energies of the Fade. I watched them size me up feeling just a bit smug. You'd think that they've never seen a Spirit Warrior before, never mind the fact that they probably hadn't. I bet the closest thing they knew of is Fenris. Judging from their expressions they've heard about what happened to their comrades when he broke out Aria and Anders all those years ago. Not that it mattered, they were given an order to take out a threat and were going to carry it out no matter the cost.

"STOP!" Sebastian moved forward and put himself between me and the guards, much to everyone's surprise.

"But Your Highness!" The horrified look on Samuel's face said it all, he was watching me like I was about to tear Sebastian's heart out.

"I said stop! She came here for a reason and I won't have you driving her away until I know what it is!"

"You killed her mother! What other reason could she have for coming?"

"I want to know where they died." My voice cut the tension in the room as everyone turned to look at me. "I came to see my parent's graves, now could you please stop looking at me like I'm about to go on a killing spree?" I hadn't relaxed my stance or released the energy around me but they no longer looked at me like I was going to attack. A few of the guards backed down looking conflicted, clearly they had heard what happened 19 years ago.

Sebastian waved his men back as I released the Fade energies I was holding around me and straightened up.

"Somehow I knew you would come. Thank you for sparing my men, not many would do the same."

I crossed my arms and schooled my face into a neutral expression. "I didn't come to fight, I came to talk. I didn't want to kill them, but I will defend myself." I said shooting Samuel a look, to which he promptly turned up his nose at.

Sebastian nodded at that and looked around at the guards who were still eyeing me apprehensively. "Perhaps we should continue this conversation in private." he said gesturing towards a door that led off into the palace.

Samuel looked like he wanted to protest but one look from Sebastian stopped him.

"I'm surprised that you would let me anywhere near you without your guards, are you so sure that I won't try to kill you?" I asked once we were alone in the hallway.

"If you only wanted me dead I don't think we would be having this conversation. Besides I have a feeling that I could put the entire royal guard between us and it would make no difference, I don't want my men throwing their lives away attempting to protect me from you."

Something sparked in the back of my mind. "That's why you separated us from your guards isn't it? You didn't want to risk them if I attacked you."

He glanced at me then looked away not able to meet my eyes for very long. "Your fighting stance was almost identical to the one Fenris used when we were in Kirkwall and you also have the same evasion tactics. If he trained you then my men wouldn't stand a chance, so I won't ask them to."

I closed my eyes briefly and suppressed a groan. He was making this too easy. This isn't supposed to be easy. Spirits help me I just wanted something I could justify hitting.

By then we had reached his study. I walked over to the balcony and leaned on the railing, trying to keep myself steady. I watched the people move about their lives as the moon shone down on them, blissfully unaware of the threat to their ruler.

"Once you know the location of their graves will you kill me?"

I turned to look at him over my shoulder. He was leaning against his desk and glanced away when I turned to look at him, unable to look me in the eye.

I turned back to the cityscape. "I haven't decided yet."

I heard papers shuffle behind me as he moved things on his desk "I wouldn't blame you if you were, I would expect no less after what I did to you."

I closed my eyes and clenched the railing with both hands, every muscle in my body drawn taut as a bow. As if I needed a reminder about who stood just a few feet away, It took everything I had to keep the tremor out of my voice. "That's not... I didn't..." I took a deep breath desperately willing the words to be true.

"I didn't come here for revenge." I opened my eyes and pushed away from the ledge.

"Sounds like I'm trying to convince myself doesn't it, but I won't kill someone out of vengeance. I've lost too much to it. I refuse lose myself as well." Years of pain and grief began to resonate through my voice.

"Not after they died for me."

He glanced up at me, I managed to catch a flash of emotion in his eyes before he looked away again.

"How much do you know?"

"I know that you put an arrow through Aria's lung and watched her bleed out as she gave her life for me. I know that you stood by while your chief zealot murdered Anders and I know that you did nothing when he tried to kill me!" My voice had risen to the point where I was almost shouting. I took a breath trying to steady myself. I had never felt so out of control before. Back in the throne room the constant threat of attack had kept me focused and calm. Now there was nothing left to distract me, nothing left to control my rage. I didn't like it.

He bowed his head. "I did." I jerked back in surprise not expecting a complete lack of resistance, my rage temporarily derailed. He wasn't even attempting to defend himself, just accepting my contempt and anger with complete resignation.

Just like...

He merely knelt on the floor before the raised throne his eyes fixed upon some point on the tiles. Resigning himself to whatever fate his former companion chose for him.

NO! I forced myself out of the memory.

I have to stay focused. I thought. Just stay focused.

He sighed, oblivious to my latest flash-back, and looked me in the eyes out of his own volition for the first time. Regret shone clearly in his eyes. "What I did to you has stayed with me since that night. I expect no mercy from you. I gave them none."

"To Void with the platitudes!" I hissed, my rage stirring again. I was so damn sick of this self-deprecation routine. "You were my mother's friend, how could you murder her?!"

His eyes went wide as he gripped the desk to steady himself. After only a second his eyes refocused on me. I shifted back a half step as his gaze became more intense than before, unsure what had caused his reaction.

"You would have no way of knowing, but those are the same words I said to Lady Harimann when I confronted her back in Kirkwall." he chuckled humorlessly, leaning more heavily on the desk than he had before, as if his realization had stolen his strength. "And now they are said to me."

I frowned, the name was vaguely familiar. One of the noble families of Kirkwall, they were mentioned in Varric's book a few times. Apparently Aria killed Lady Harriman because she ...

I sucked in a shocked breath, Oh.

"She sent the Flint Company after your family." I breathed, mentally kicking myself for not making the connection sooner. "You lost your family, just like I did."

He nodded. "I didn't just lose them, I lost myself as well. I had the Flint Company decimated only to discover that they were only a pawn in a much larger plot. After the confrontation with Lady Harimann I swore I would never let myself become that person again."

Renewed cold fury shot through me with enough strength to leave me breathless. Any sympathy I had for him evaporated with this new information as my nails dug into the leather that covered my palms. When I next spoke it felt like ice had formed on my breath.

"You didn't just take my parents from me! You tore all those families asunder! And even after you swore to never to be that ruthless and cruel again you turned on your friends not even a decade later!"

He bowed his head, taking a deep breath before he met my eyes again. "I can't change the what I have done, but I can take you to their graves. The guards have a shift change in about five hours, we can leave for then without anyone knowing that we've left the palace."

I crossed my arms and gave him a cold look. "Or know that I'm with you." With absolutely nothing to stop me.

He straightened up, looking emotionally worn from our conversation. "I'd rather leave without Samuel knowing, and I don't want a repeat of your first encounter. I doubt he will be as accommodating if he knew our current plans."

"Unaccommodating? Try outright hostile." I commented dryly recalling his earlier reaction to me. "I understand not wanting to risk your men, but why in Thedas would you offer to escort someone who wants you dead out to the middle of nowhere?" I dug my nails into my arms to prevent myself from doing something violent and possibly lethal in response to his offer. "If this is a trap I will kill you."

He didn't seem surprised or taken back by my renewed hostility. If anything he just seemed saddened by my accusation, that bastard.

"What do you have to lose?"

I stepped away from the balcony, striding towards him until we stood less than a foot from each other and looked him dead in the eye.

"Nothing you haven't already taken from me." I replied coldly, watching with satisfaction as he flinched, regret and pain showing clearly in his expression once again. I knew I was rubbing salt in the wound but I couldn't bring myself to care. He deserved every last bit of my hate, and he knew it.

I broke the silence first, "If we're to leave unnoticed then you have someplace for me to hide until then?" I asked. Possible trap or not I wasn't about to pass up this opportunity.

He glanced around his study, then towards the door. "You can remain here, the servants have returned to their quarters by now. You won't be disturbed."

I stepped back and paced the length of the room, studying it. Even if he went back on his word it would be a little difficult for his guards to follow me over the balcony in one piece. "Fine, see you in five hours." I said dismissively.

'I just needed five minutes to get my emotions back under control' I thought desperately 'just five min-'

"May I ask you a question first?" he asked as I jerked to a halt mid step.

'Vishante kaffar! Does he have a death wish?' I ground my teeth, trying to keep a civil tone with my parent's killer. "Yes?"

"What do you know about your father?"

Something in me snapped, he dared to ask me that. Yes Anders had done something terrible when he destroyed the Chantry but so had Sebastian when he killed Aria. I spun around and was across the room in under a second giving him no time to react as I grabbed the front of his armor and slammed him into the wall.

His eyes had gone wide when I grabbed him, but now he watched me guardedly. Like I was a wild animal waiting for the slightest bit of fear or weakness to strike, and maybe I was. I was far from caring. If he wanted my opinion of my father than that's exactly what he'll get.

"My father fought his demons, fought for control until Justice was too much for him and then he did everything he could to protect my mother from the blowback." I hissed.

"You never once tried to fight the monster that Lady Harimann raised within you."

He reacted as if I had struck him. It might have been petty but I couldn't help the surge of satisfaction that shot through me at his pain.

"I know what he did. I know how many people died in the Battle of Kirkwall, the massacre he started. I know many died in the Mage-Templar war, but I have always loved him. He had the strength to give his newborn daughter to his oldest rival and never left my mother's side, even if it meant he had to leave me. He died so I could be free, so we could all be free. He fought for a world where children like me could grow up without being taken from their mothers. To be able to live as a family and not as 'property of the Chantry'. To live free."

I stepped back and shoved him towards the door. He didn't even stumble, just took a couple steps back.

"And I'm proud to be his daughter."

He didn't respond, just studied me as I fought the impulse to strangle him. I finally got sick of the staring contest and turned away, pacing back towards the balcony. I would've thought he left if not for the absence of the sound of a closing door. When he next spoke it was barely more than a whisper.

"And the world shook before her..."

I jolted in shock, spinning to face him only to find an empty door.

What? I thought wildly, trying to make sense of my whirling thoughts.

What in the Void did he mean by that? That I'm just like my mother? That I'm a threat?

I glanced at the night sky, absently taking in the moon's position. I'd probably only gotten six hour sleep in the last two days. "Five hour till guard rotation." I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck, exhaustion setting in. "Might as well meditate."

I finished checking the room and moved to a small alcove out of sight of the door and sat cross legged. Closing my eyes I pulled energy from across The Veil to me, gathering it into an orb of light blue energy that hung suspended over my lap. I slipped into meditation, allowing the energy to restore my stamina while staying aware of my surroundings. Sleeping was too dangerous right now, allowing myself to drift back in the archives was reckless. The Fade is far more dangerous to me than to Mages.

If I sleep, I may never wake up again.