"It's the butterfly effect, Finn." Kurt interpreted the silence as an inability to understand, and decided to keep on talking. "It basically means that if you do something as insignificant as stepping on a butterfly, everything changes. If Rachel had stayed, it could have been you in that bed, or an old woman, or a small child. Don't beat yourself up about it when it was out of your hands anyway."
They'd shared a smile as they dressed Mr Schuester's Christmas tree, and in the back of her eyes, Rachel had felt the sting of failure, yet at the same time, as Finn looked to the decoration in his hands, she knew she had to have faith for brighter things.
She was proud of herself, actually. She'd offered to sing Finn a song, and their version of Last Christmas was superior to the original, and she'd tried to kiss him, and every single time, she proved to him that she wasn't going to give up on their relationship, even if he was reluctant for now.
But she wasn't a push over. He'd hurt her too, and she was willing to remind him of that fact if he decided to ignore it. Could she handle the constant rejection if he wasn't interested? She wasn't sure. She was used to getting what she wanted, whether it was a pink cell phone, new sweater, or Finn Hudson, and yes, it was extremely difficult to be knocked back when she was trying so hard, and it was extremely difficult to enjoy the holidays without him (regardless of her faith). Christmas was going to be painfully lonely, but she knew she could handle it.
She was a big girl after all.
Glee!
Kurt lingered in the doorway of Rachel's room. They were friends to an extent, but her bedroom still creeped him out. However, she looked at him with a smile and a hopefulness that melted away his disgust, so with a deep breath, he stepped inside, relieved when he didn't die from the terrible colour choices that she'd made. He glanced around, silently noting the photos of Finn on walls and dressers and well, everywhere. He didn't mention it, but sat down on her bed with her, cringing at the flowery sheets (one day he definitely had to help her redecorate).
"Well, this is certainly new," he said with a smirk, remembering that the last time he'd been there was Rachel's 'makeover'.
Rachel nodded, toying with the hem of her skirt. "I know, but I want to make it clear Kurt..." She looked up and smiled warmly as she placed on hand on his shoulder. "I like being your friend."
"Yes... friends." Kurt hid the apprehension from his voice since he was determined to make some kind of effort (if Mercedes could see him now...). "So, is there a point to your invitation? Maybe you want some help restyling your room? Because really Rachel, have you seen it?"
Rachel mentally shook off Kurt's insult (jealousy, clearly) because she had things she needed to talk about, and she was hoping he could help.
"It's Finn. I'm positive that every member of the glee club will have informed you about our break up, and I just want to set the record clear."
Kurt cleared his throat awkwardly. "I may have heard about it, yes, but isn't it true that you made out with Puckerman while you were dating my step-brother?" Kurt's face took on an expression of disdain that made Rachel shrink and squirm.
"Yes, it's true," she admitted softly. "I know that I shouldn't have done it, but Finn treated me so badly and I've tried to set things right, I have, yet when we sung Last Christmas together, he wasn't even affected! That's one of the most romantic Christmas songs of all time, and he didn't even care!"
Kurt refrained from telling her what he really thought, because when it came down to loyalties, he was on (slightly) better terms with Finn, even without the fact that they were now part of the same family.
"Rachel," he said softly, and as proof of his new found kindness, he pressed his hand to her shoulder (if only briefly), "stop being such a drama queen."
Rachel looked mortified. "Kurt, this is serious! I'm willing to do anything to prove that I still care for him, but he just doesn't seem to be responding to any of it!"
"I know," he said shortly. He checked his watch, silently calculating something in his head before looking back at her, his face blank. "You hurt him, a lot, but you already know that. You're not perfect, and neither is he." Rachel's face crumpled. "But Finn's an idiot, and he'll soon come round I'm sure."
Rachel stopped herself from telling Kurt that no, Finn wasn't an idiot at all; if anything, she was the idiot, because she'd done this to herself, and she deserved every bit of misery that came from her reckless actions. "What do you think I need to do?" she asked quietly, chewing on her lip.
Kurt looked towards the door in thought. "You need to back off. Let him cope with being lonely, and when he realises that he's ready to forgive you, he'll forgive you."
Rachel smiled hopefully. "I hope so; thank you Kurt. I don't know how I could ever repay you for actually caring about my mental state."
Kurt smirked and pulled a sketch book from his messenger bag. "I know exactly how you can repay me; let's start off with colour schemes. For your walls, I'm thinking gold."
Glee!
Rachel set up her tripod and video camera, ready to catch up on her lack of MySpace videos. If Kurt thought she needed to 'back off' then she would do so, even if it was already killing her.
She liked Kurt, to an extent. Yes, it was amazing that he was willing to be in her company when he used to be so annoyed by her before, but now and again he'd say something in jest that she wasn't quite sure was a joke, and it was a small reminder that their friendship was new and raw and uncharted.
Her cell phone began to sing Don't Go Breaking My Heart (she wanted to punish herself, and her ringtone was a reminder of her infidelity, though she wasn't likely to forget it). "Hello?"
"Rachel, it's Kurt. I need help choosing a Christmas tree, and a certain brother of mine is otherwise engaged. Would you do me the honour of aiding a friend?"
Rachel smiled to herself because she wasn't used to people (other than Finn) needing her help. "Of course; when did you want me to meet you?"
"The Christmas tree farm in two hours. See you soon Miss Berry, and wear lots of layers."
Glee!
Rachel paced up and down the street, her arms wrapped around herself to stay warm. In hindsight, she wasn't sure why she'd agreed to this. Not only was it cold, but being surrounded by festive cheer... it didn't make it any easier to try and think unrelated Finn Hudson thoughts.
No, she was helping a friend, and she had to be strong, even if the smell of the trees made her want to roll into a ball and cry her heart out.
A truck pulled up along the street, and as soon as she saw it, Rachel knew whose truck that was, because she'd admired the driver too many times to count. Kurt emerged from the passenger seat, and then there was Finn, looking tall and excited and utterly beautiful as he breathed in the scent of the night air.
She hurried forward, keeping her head down and her gaze away from Finn, and when she was close enough to speak, she cleared her throat. "K-Kurt?"
She couldn't believe that Kurt had set her up like this!
Actually, of course she could. It had been too much to believe that he was actually interested in being her friend; now he was just trying to sabotage her sanity, because this was the opposite of backing off.
She risked a glance in Finn's direction, because she needed to know if he was in the dark like she was; his furrowed brow spoke for itself.
"Rachel?" She opened and closed her mouth a few times, but defaulted to looking at Kurt for an answer. She thought about yelling at him, but was beaten to it by Finn. "Kurt, what the hell is this?"
Rachel glared at Kurt, trying to relay her sense of betrayal and pain and anger in one intense stare, but he didn't seem affected (she'd have to work on that). "Oh give it a rest Finn," Kurt sighed, rolling his eyes. "Rachel's my friend, and I wanted her to be here, okay? Don't be so egotistical to think that it was some clever ploy to lure the two of you together."
Rachel was too busy thinking about the connotations of the word 'friend' to notice that Kurt had left her alone with Finn. When she did realise, she felt a blush rise on her cheeks because he was looking at her, and not just in a fleeting glance; he was looking at her properly (did he like her hat? Maybe her scarf was too festive even for him?). When she saw him open his mouth, probably to insult her outfit or tell her how horrible she was, she decided to interrupt him, because no, she wasn't going to take his criticisms anymore. She'd admitted her mistake, she'd tried to make amends, and if Finn wasn't going to accept that then fine; she wasn't going to let him make her feel worse.
"This is going to be so much fun," she said as sarcastically as possible. "I can't believe Kurt made us do this; let's just get it over with." Yes, she'd nailed her cruel delivery, which only proved how brilliant of an actress she was since she wanted to apologise instantly for being so cold.
She looked to Finn, but he was avoiding her gaze, probably because she'd been unnecessarily sharp with him.
"Will you give Kurt my keys? I'm gonna leave you to it." He didn't wait for a reply, but dropped his keys into the snow before walking away, and Rachel found herself wanting to tell him to stop, because she loved him, because she needed him, because she missed him.
Kurt sighed behind her. "Well done Rachel; let's just choose this goddamn tree."
Glee!
Rachel dragged her feet along the ground with annoyance; how hard could it be to choose a tree? When she suggested any to Kurt, he brushed her off, though he seemed just as bored as she did.
"What did you say to Finn exactly? We could have used his expertise, even if it pains me to admit that." Kurt ran his hand along one of the trees then pulled a face, clearly unimpressed by the selection.
Rachel managed a small shrug. "Nothing, not really."
Kurt didn't hide his annoyance from his face, and when his cell phone began to buzz in his pocket, he was more than grateful for the distraction. "Hello, this is Kurt speaking," he said with a smile in Rachel's direction, who was looking particularly guilty. "Carole, I can't hear- Are you crying? Carole!" Rachel caught her breath as Kurt's smile disappeared. "What... Finn? O-okay, I'll be there as soon as I can."
Rachel felt her knees tremble because there was physically no way that it could be good news, especially since Kurt looked like he'd seen a ghost. "Kurt, what is it?" she managed to squeak.
Kurt shook his head in disbelief, and somehow, though his mouth was dry and his voice was hoarse, he managed to whisper four words that shattered Rachel's heart. "Finn's just been shot."
A/N: A few people made very educated guesses about what was going to happen (some of you were really close!), but I haven't finished yet! :) There are two more chapters to come, and I'll upload those as soon as I'm able. Thanks for the amazing feedback!